[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM
**Twizzlers**
Today is going to be a crappy day, I already know that when the shrill beeping sound of my alarm clock wakes me up way too early for my personal liking. It's still dark outside and I rub my tired eyes for a moment, wondering if I should just skip school today. Mom and Dad are gone, so who's there to care?
Emmett makes some noise downstairs in the kitchen and I wonder if he'll manage to burn down the house while attempting to prepare breakfast. My stomach growls and I really feel like eating but I want to be strong for once in my life. I want to fit into that goddamn dress and most of all, whether that is a good reason or not I want to impress Bella. She's so beautiful and although she's definitely out of my league, firstly because she's too pretty for me and secondly because I'm so not gay, I still want to impress her with my rapid weight loss.
I walk down the stairs and the scent of burned bacon reaches my nose making me wrinkle it in disgust.
"Are you trying to cook?" I ask him, taking a look at the disgusting mess that keeps sticking to the pan.
"Morning to you, I don't understand how Mom manages to do this shit. The eggs are still raw and the bacon is burned."
I open the window to let a bit fresh air in before I sit down on the table and try to suppress the urge to make myself a peanut butter sandwich. After a few minutes I give up and pull the jar out of the cupboard. I make one for me and two for Emmett who stuffs them down with a glass of milk straight out of the carton. Wonder if he knows we have glasses?
"Will you cook something for Dinner? I would eat at Rose's house but her mother doesn't seem to like me very much."
I shake my head and his face turns into a frown.
"Are you still dieting, because it doesn't look like it," he stats, pointing at the half-finished sandwich between my fingers.
"Mind your own business and if Rose's mother can't stand you that's completely understandable because you are stupid and mean."
I throw the rest of my sandwich in the trash and turn around to leave the room. If I cry in front of him it will be awkward.
"Alice? You're not mad at me now. Are you?"
"Leave me alone!"
I make it to my room and close the door behind me with a loud bang. Then I sit down on the edge of my bed and hug my teddy, soaking it with the tears that keep falling down my cheeks no matter how hard I try to fight them back.
"Alice, look I'm sorry."
"Just because I won't cook for you? You can order Pizza if you want to. Mom left some money here for that."
The bed squeaks when he sits down next to me.
"I don't want you to be sad because of something I said."
"I'm used to people making fun of me for being fat."
"I don't make fun of you. I just like to tease you a bit. We always used to do that to each other when we were little. Have you forgotten?"
"Maybe,"
He wraps his arm around me and pulls a package of Twizzlers out, handing me one stripe in a theatrical gesture. I take it and enjoy how the fruity flavor fills my mouth. They are supposed to be low fat and that almost makes them a healthy snack, doesn't it?
"I'm going to have a little party here tonight."
"Emmett, I know how your little parties turn out. This is not a good idea."
"Oh Alice, try to relax a bit. It's going to be fun."
How much fun it is I have to figure out a few hours later. The problem with this so called parties is that Emmett knows way too many people and he has trouble telling any of those shitheads no, when it comes to these events. Someone managed to buy beer and other shit with a faked ID and now half of my brother's teammates are boozing in our living room.
It's awful and I'm so going to make my brother clean up the mess in case one of them blows. That reminds me of the fact that I haven't seen him in a good while. I walk up the stairs to his room and knock on the door.
No one answers but a few awkward moments later he opens the door.
"What do you want?"
"I want you to tell your stupid friends to leave. They are turning our house into a dumpster."
"Oh Belly-Ali, try to relax a bit. Have fun. Drink a beer."
"I don't want to drink."
"Then stay in your room and be a party pooper as usually."
"I fucking hate you!"
"Fine, if it makes you happy. Do you have condoms?"
"What for should I need them?" My voice shrills in my ears and the stupid chuckle that escapes his mouth a split second later makes me want to punch him straight into his guts. I know that I would hurt myself doing so and hitting people is not an option anyway.
"I'll go and see if Dad has some," he mutters, leaving me standing in the doorframe like some sort of idiot.
"Hi Ali," Rosalie greets me, fumbling around to close the buttons on her blouse. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are a bit glassy.
"How's it going?" I ask her, taking a step inside the terrible mess that is Emmett's room. If I ever have a boyfriend and his room should look anything close to this I'll break up with him.
"Pretty fine and you?"
"I'm nervous, like really nervous. This is not how I expected my first…, oh there he comes again."
Emmett looks white like chalk and his lips are trembling. I wonder if he's going to be sick now. Stupid alcohol, I don't understand what kind of kick that gives people.
"You have to leave."
"Yeah, sure, it's not like I want to watch."
"Not you. Her."
"What? Why?"
"Call your cousin to pick you up if you can't drive yourself but you have to leave."
"Emmett, I don't understand why."
"Because we have to break up….You and I are over. Got it! Now, pack your shit together and leave!"
"Emmett, please, don't do that. You said you loved me."
"To get into your pants, that's all."
"I hate you Cullen! I hope you rot somewhere in hell!" She starts sobbing and I put my arm around her, pulling her out of Emmett's room.
I know he's lying. He cares for her and now he's behaving like some sort of asshole. I don't understand why.
"He's so mean. I hate him! What have I done wrong?"
I don't know what to answer her and so I just hold her, sitting on the first step until a few minutes later the doorbell goes and I stand up to open the door for Bella, who instantly pulls the crying girl against her chest.
"It's okay, sweetie."
"He said he loves me. He said we'd be together forever. He…he…said…he loves me."
"Oh sweetie, they always say that. Now, let me get you home. Did you have a bag with you?"
"It's still in his room. I don't want to go back there."
"I'll get it for you." I whisper softy.
Inside his room Emmett is hovering on the edge of the bed, holding a half empty bottle of wine between his hands. His eyes look lifeless.
"Is she still here?"
"She has a name. Why did you break up with her anyway? I know you like her."
"You don't understand. I…I just can't. Tell her I'm sorry."
"Tell her yourself, when you are sober again." I snarl at him, picking up her handbag from the ground.
Bella helps me to get everyone out of the house within minutes and afterwards she helps me to clean up the Living room and the kitchen while Rosalie sits on the couch and cries. I feel bad for her. My brother is such a dick.
"Thanks," I mumble when she hands me the last two empty bottles.
"I feel like kicking your brother where it really hurts. Rosie is such a mess."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't have to be. It's not your fault. Have you finished that list I asked you to do?"
I nod my head and pull the sheet of paper out of my jeans pocket. Why in heaven's name have I carried that around with me all the time?
She reads through it and now and then her lips curl into the attempt of a smile.
"It's a long list."
"I know."
"I like the part with the kissing. That's cute somehow."
"It's embarrassing."
"No, it's not. So, tomorrow is Saturday and I'd like to start your sport program then. We'll take it easy. Don't worry."
XXXX
I hate sports, I hate sports, I hate sports, did I mention that I hate sports? I repeat that phrase over and over in my head while I try to ignore the aching pain in my left side. My knees are hurting too and I feel the sweat pearls pouring down my face. I bet it is red like a ripe tomato now. I fucking hate this sports crap so very much.
"That's enough." My drill instructor announces cheerfully and I fall back against a tree behind me, panting hectically.
A moment later she transforms magically into nice Bella again and sits down next to me, handing me a bottle of water that I empty thirstily.
"It's going to get easier with time. You should have seen me before I started to work out regularly."
"Are you trying to tell me that you were fat?"
"I don't like that word too much. It's so judging."
"Fat is still fat even if you find a nicer description for it." I mumble, rubbing the sweat from my forehead.
"I'm not so sure about that. Well, to kill your curiosity. I wasn't much overweight but I was terribly unfit and clumsy. Then I wanted to get in shape for my wedding and that's basically the story of how I and fitness got together, a love to last eternity. Too bad, I can't say that about my marriage."
"Can I ask you why you broke up with each other?"
"Can I ask you why you eat too much?"
"I don't know. There isn't a reason."
"But you eat candy when you are unhappy and that's not a very smart thing to do."
"I know."
"Look, I've reread your list and there are two things on it that I don't grasp."
"Huh?"
"Firstly, I don't like it that you mention with no word something like being healthier and that should actually be your main goal apart from all the others like fitting into some certain dress and that kind of stuff. Your health needs to be on a higher priority in your life. When you put something in your mouth I want you not to wonder how many calories-smellories are inside of that but if the food you are going to eat will do anything good for your body."
"You mean like vitamins and shit?"
"Sort of, we can discuss your meal plan when we come back to your house but I suggest you take a hot shower before we do that. Your muscles will be sore enough though, I'm afraid we can't do too much about that."
"I'll be okay."
"Secondly, I feel like we have to work quite a bit on your self-esteem. I mean, how can you not think yourself pretty?"
"I'm not pretty."
"Oh, but you are…you have beautiful hair and a sweet face and those huge brown eyes. I think you're gorgeous and it'll be my goal to make you see it as well."