AN: Somehow I always end up making these chapters longer than I want to. Thanks for the reviews, I plan to have more things happening in the next chapter, but yay bonding!
Miles stood in the shower for longer than he probably should have, enjoying the warm water more than he had thought possible. It had been one of many things he'd missed, but it wasn't all that hard for him to get used to cold or room temperature water. It was just that he'd forgotten how great it felt for the warmth to work out tense muscles, what it felt like rolling down his head and his back. How it felt to actually be clean, his hair getting a thorough wash with shampoo for the first time in a couple of months.
On his list of things to worry about and things to scavenge, soap and shampoo had been frivolities that he'd abandoned quickly.
Miles stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel to dry off, pausing to glance at himself in the mirror for the first time in a long time. He ghosted his fingers down along what ribs he could see with a frown. He'd always been skinny and knew that by giving the kids most of his own food to keep them healthy he'd been losing even more weight, but he'd not realized just how much. He'd never really noticed just how perfectly the phrase 'skin and bones' was beginning to describe him. It had actually shocked him somewhat to learn that he was now underweight, and after Millie's freak out all he'd bothered to have for dinner was a roll or two. He'd not needed introduced to Ratchet's holoform; he could feel the Medic's glare on him from half way across the room.
Outside of just needing a few good meals in him, there were the bruises and scrapes, sometimes even scars, he'd earned from all his time out scavenging. Some weren't all infected related, though. The fading bruise on his upper arm was from slipping and falling into the edge of a table, and the angry green and purple bruise across his chest had been from when a dog was chasing him and he'd opted to go in the sewers for safety, only to slip and slam his chest off the pavement before he could get his feet to make purchase on the rungs of the ladder.
The teen had never been particularly worried about self-appearance, or how others thought he'd looked, but he couldn't let Millie or Nick see him like this, at least not yet. They'd just feel horrible over it.
By the time Miles finally left the bathroom he did so somewhat reluctantly, first dressing in the plain clothes that some faceless soldier had given him. As a rule of thumb the teen always locked or barricaded the door to wherever he and his kids were staying for the night, but the bathroom itself stayed unlocked and un-barricaded in case either Nick or Millie needed him. But he wasn't all that surprised, when he left the bathroom, to see an additional member to his room that hadn't been there before, standing next to the bed. Bumblebee just nodded at him, standing in a relaxed post as if he'd been a hovering guard over his kids while he'd been in the shower. Miles wasn't sure how to feel about that, so he just glanced around the room one time to see if anything needed attended to.
The room itself was a nice, simple one. A queen bed because Miles, Millie, and Nick would just be sharing it. A simple desk and wooden chair with a lamp, a TV stand with a TV and DVD/VCR player on it, an armchair in front of the TV, and then the bathroom. The teen had been amazed to find that the Autobot base had working electricity and hot water, even more amazed that the TV worked. There were no channels being broadcasted, but a DVD or VHS tape could be popped in and they could enjoy that.
He'd left the kids watching some nature documentary, and now he flicked the TV off and put the DVD back in its' case since both of them were asleep. The teen nodded at Bumblebee, scrubbing at his head with a towel as he wandered over next to the Scout's holoform and peered down at the children. Millie and Nick had bathed together, like they always did now, and afterwards Miles had given Nick's hair a quick trim before evening out Millie's, shortening her bangs once more, and braiding her hair. As it was still a bit wet, when she woke up and he took the braid out there'd be some curls for her to enjoy, and he knew she would fully well.
"They seem comfortable," Bumblebee commented, and Miles snorted.
Comfortable was putting it lightly. Despite Millie's earlier breakdown, the girl was sleeping peacefully next to her best friend. The teen knew by the end of the night one of them would be hugging the other like they were a teddy bear, and generally it was Millie doing it to Nick. The teen never felt happier than when he was looking at his kids sleeping soundly, with full bellies, clean bills of health from the robo-docs, and knowing for once that they might just be safe.
"So, back there…" Miles tossed the towel into the corner with the rest of the dirty things. The kids didn't have any clothes just yet, but Sarah was kind enough to quickly whip something together for them, and neither minded wearing a large t-shirt to bed. "Was that you trying to defend me or a bit of late teenage rebellion?"
"A bit of both, to be honest." Bumblebee admitted with some embarrassment, the Scout grabbing the sheet that was at the end of the bed and covering Millie and Nick with it.
"Oh, good, I would have had to kick your ass otherwise." Miles commented lightly, watching the Scout's interactions with his kids.
"Speaking of kicking," Bumblebee said the last word rather pointedly, glancing at Miles now. "How's your foot? Shouldn't you be in that cast?"
Miles rolled his eyes, walking over to the lone armchair in the room and plopping down in it. Ratchet had personally looked over him, and the Autobot Medic had given him both a cast, a brace if he wanted more maneuverability, and a crutch to use to help balance himself. He'd also been given half a bottle of vicoden. The teen hadn't said it to his face, but he hardly planned to use any of it, and definitely not the pain pills. He couldn't afford to be loopy.
"It itches and I don't like dragging my foot everywhere. Cast or no it'll heal on its' own, I'll just use the crutch and not put too much pressure on it."
"Is that your way of saying you're going to be stupid and I'm going to find you doing something you probably shouldn't be tomorrow?"
"Alright, it's kind of creepy that you've got me pegged already." Miles laughed softly, "But, to something more important, have things changed a lot here since you were last here?"
"You could say that," Bumblebee sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall. So far, Miles had to admit that Bumblebee's holoform was the only one that truly looked and acted human to him. All the other holoforms he'd seen so far kept messing up somehow, or just seemed odd. "The biggest point is that while my Prime always mentioned wanting to make the base a city, it only had about four large hangars back then. Now not only is it a city but it's a fortress as well."
"Kind of intimidating, I'd say."
"I'd have to agree," Bumblebee grinned briefly, "And there's a lot more humans here, Cybertronians as well. Before it was just Ironhide, Optimus, Ratchet, and myself at the most. Now, from who I've personally seen, there's First Aid, Wheeljack, a neutral, and more. The world outside the walls fell to shambles but the world inside seems to be expanding quite well."
"Hmm…" The teen knew that, logically, he should feel as if he were safe here. He also knew he was like an abused mutt left on the streets to fend for himself and suddenly taken into the warmth of a home. He was bound to snap, or think he found something to snap at; after all he'd already done so at the Captain. Miles knew how this could end for him and the kids, for everyone inside the base potentially, but he was tired of looking for endings. He wanted a beginning.
"Miles, if you don't like it here, I'd leave with you. Between you and me, Millie and Nick could stay safe."
Miles smiled gently at the Scout, wondering how much of what he was saying was his need to have another Charge to replace Sam. "I'm giving it a trial run. Can't do shit with my foot broken, out there."
"You won't do anything too strenuous, then?"
"Do you seriously think I can with a bad foot?" Miles rolled his eyes, but the Scout just gave him a look of disbelief.
Bumblebee returned to his humans' room when he woke up from recharge, not feeling bad about thinking of them like that. He was almost sure Miles probably thought of him as 'his Autobot', because the teen certainly wasn't considering anyone besides the kids as his. Even in recharge he'd not been all that far away, just parked safely at the end of the complex so he wouldn't block anyone's coming and going into the barracks/apartments. Instead of just putting his holoform in the room with them this time he decided to knock, it wouldn't do to startle one of the two kids.
The Scout knocked, not all that surprised by the fact that a bleary eyed Millie opened the door. By now he was well accustomed to a human way of thinking, and even if he hadn't been, the sight of her in an oversized t-shirt and sleep ruffled hair was an adorable one. The little girl yawned and stepped to the side so he could enter, and he glanced around the room in mild confusion. And then mild anger.
In the end, he couldn't decide if he was truly surprised Miles wasn't there or surprised that he hadn't figured the teen would disappear to do something sooner. The Scout looked to Nick who was still sitting on the bed, and the boy just stared back, before glancing at Millie. Bumblebee did the same.
"Brother left at some point last night and we heard 'im talkin'," Millie explained, climbing back into the bed with Nick. "He popped back in and said 'e was goin' scavengin' with some of the soldiers."
Bumblebee stared at the two on the bed for a moment, deciding between anger and mild amusement. The teen had told him that they'd been making their way back to Tranquility as a sort of final hoorah to the past; he just hadn't expected Miles to continue on the way so quickly. He was also going to have to talk with Will, because how in the world was it that easy for a civilian to leave base with scavenging soldiers?
Miles entered his room, slipping off his backpack and throwing it on the bed. He turned to lock the door out of reflex and nearly ran smack dab into Bumblebee's holoform, arms crossed and finger tapping against one of them. The teen was seriously considering having words with the Scout at some point because holy shit, talk about a near heart attack. By now he'd trained himself not to holler or jump when scared just because of the circumstances he was usually in, but that didn't stop his heart from leaping into his throat.
"So what happened to not doing anything strenuous?"
The teen honestly considered saying that it hadn't nearly killed him to go scavenging with the soldiers. It really hadn't been all that bad, considering that most of the infected in Tranquility had long since been wiped out. It had been more emotionally taxing than anything. The last bit of home he'd had left there was in the Witwicky household, boxes of photographs and videos they'd left behind to get later.
Later had never come, of course. The house itself had been rank with the smell of decay and while at first Miles had worried maybe Judy or Ron had been trapped in the house to rot, he'd found Mojo's little body. He'd forgotten about the Witwicky dog before that, and had ignored thoughts about his own beloved Mastiff, but he'd felt bad for the little Chihuahua. Before the break out it'd been adored, pampered, and well fed. Afterwards it had starved all on its' own.
Seeing the little dog's body had reminded him of the fact that just before he'd left the house to go search out Nick, thinking that maybe his sister was with her friend, he'd locked the doggy door so one of the disturbed people outside couldn't make their way in. He'd locked his poor Mason in the house and had never gone back. How many other pets had suffered the same fate? Abandoned, hungry, and then dead.
Miles had sworn to himself that he was never getting another pet after seeing Mojo, but he'd gone to the Witwicky house for a reason, and he'd gotten what he'd wanted out of the box. A photo album, some VHS tapes and DVDs. The teen could have explained that to the irate Autobot in front of him, but instead he took out the one picture he'd found worthy of giving to Bumblebee, handing it over to the Scout.
Miles had actually forgotten its' existence entirely until he'd found it in Sam's room when he'd raided his friends drawers for some clothes. It had been stuck on top, a sentimentality that he'd never expected from the brown haired boy. It had been taken about a week after Mission City. Sam's and his relationship had been rocky for a while by then, what with the teen's crazed obsession with becoming popular, getting the car, getting the girl, and then afterwards hiding the secret about the Autobots, but that had been a good day. Miles could at least remember that much. One of the last good days he'd had.
The picture was of him and Sam sitting on top of the hood of a shiny Camaro, an arm around each other and matching grins, while Ron and Miles' father stood to the right and copied their pose, and Judy and Miles' mother did the same to the left. Half the humans in the picture had been in the know about the Scout then, and half hadn't, but the Scout had been great at playing a non-sentient car from what the teen could remember.
Bumblebee stared at the picture with a sad expression, but said nothing.
"One day." Miles said, deciding to keep the door unlocked for now. "One day for mourning the past, Bumblebee. That's it, because after that I'm putting my foot down. So you can either sit here with me and watch some of these videos or you can fuck off somewhere. Your choice."
Bumblebee looked at the teen finally, "I didn't think you'd be the type to give a day to mourning."
"If you can afford it, if you can handle it, then there's no problem with mourning. But it's not worth missing the dead if it will make you miss life, too. The dead are dead, and you're not, so while it's okay to remember them don't lose yourself in those memories. That's why I'm only giving myself one day. After a bit I'll search out Nick and Millie so they can be here as well, but that can wait."
"So you're offering to mourn with me?" Bumblebee sounded as if he didn't believe that, and Miles was a bit reluctant to offer it in the first place, much less push it through.
One of the last things he needed was someone else to care and worry about in his life, even if that someone was a giant alien robot that could most likely take care of himself. He knew it was best to hold back and try not to get too close too quickly, but that was hard to do. Bumblebee was easy to get along with, to joke with, and the Scout was quickly getting just as protective over his kids as Miles needed him to be to feel safe. The teen realized that it was probably the Scout looking for someone to cling to, much like Nick had latched on to Millie, but at the moment he didn't care.
"Sam was family to me growing up, and I know he was important to you, so why not?" Miles shot back with a shrug.
Bumblebee was finding mourning to be rather therapeutic. Especially mourning when it was with Miles, because the teen just couldn't seem to take being sad for long. In the end, what was better than having a few laughs and letting go of the past while you were at it? He still had the picture that the teen had given him and he planned to put it in his chest compartment later. His past and what he was coming to think of his future together in one picture.
The Scout wasn't stupid, though. He could tell how reluctant Miles was to get attached, how one moment the teen would be open and welcoming and the next he'd be closed off. He'd tell him that he didn't want another Sam if it'd make a difference, but Bumblebee didn't think Miles would actually believe him. And while it was true he didn't want another Sam because he wanted Sam to forever remain unique, he couldn't stop himself from looking for someone to claim as his, and too much had changed at the base for him to feel comfortable with his own Autobots anymore.
Sam had been an escape, a medium to dealing with growing up in a war, a brother to share stories with. Miles was hope for a dark future, strength and determination where they had no right to belong. Sam had been accepting the past, while Miles went even further and was looking back and realizing the past for what it was and then looking forward and realizing the future for what it could be and the strength to continue on despite that. Sam had been a brother, and while family was important you just couldn't tell them everything or experience everything with them, but Miles was a companion and that provided a whole new set of things the Scout hadn't encountered quite yet.
As much as he hated to admit it, Miles was a lot stronger than Sam ever was. Had his teen survived and they made it to the Autobot base, Sam wouldn't have fought being coddled and kept safe. Sam would have relied on him and the rest of the Autobots, on the soldiers. Miles relied on himself and his own capabilities. Miles took care of himself even with his broken foot, going out with the soldiers when he had no need to, let alone permission to.
So, to him, despite his short amount of time spent with Miles, the two humans were completely different in his optics. Sam had been a reprieve, an enjoyable dream, but Miles was reality, and that was really what he needed, in the end. There were no happy endings for his kind, for the human race, and he had to accept that. Miles was just teaching him how.
While the mourning was sad, in a weird way, it was enjoyable. They were watching a video of Sam's twelfth birthday, and Bumblebee was taking up most of the armchair while Miles sat on the armrest. Mourning was also a bonding experience for them, because Miles was actually letting his walls down and the Scout in without a fight. Bumblebee didn't know if that was because the teen felt he had to so he could help the Scout as well, or because he just wanted the company. He didn't care.
He watched his old Charge fight to blow the candles on his birthday cake out before finally giving up and just picking them out one by one and putting them in his drink, a younger Miles dying silently behind him. Even the person holding the camera was fighting not to laugh by the way they were shaking, making Sam puff up in anger at being laughed at.
"Those fucking candles," Miles muttered, before turning a grin on Bumblebee. "Every single year we bought those magic candles for Sam up until his 12th when he realized there was a trick being played. Longest standing prank in the history of ever, I swear. How he was dense enough to miss out on the fact that he was the only one who couldn't blow 'em out was and is beyond me, but boy was he pissed when he figured it out."
Bumblebee laughed softly, and the Sam on screen finally realized he was being duped and started pitching a fit by tossing some of his birthday cake at the person behind the camera, and then shoving some in Miles' face as well. That, of course, started a full out food fight, which only stopped when Judy and Miles' mom walked in with presents.
The tape ended there, and Miles got up and removed it only to slide the next one, this time a DVD, in. He pressed play and then returned to the armchair, plopping down so he was squeezed in to what little portion Bumblebee didn't take up and his legs crossed over the Scout's lap, letting him stretch out so his foot wasn't touching anything. The Scout just let him; he'd imagined the teen was probably regretting being stubborn now but there was no way he was going to take the vicoden Ratchet had prescribed him. Even he'd known that, and Ratchet would figure it out quickly enough.
Just as the video began to play, the door slammed open and Will stormed in. Had Bumblebee been paying attention he would have seen the Captain coming from a long way's off, but he was focusing on his holoform and not his alt mode, so he was as startled as Miles.
"How the hell did you manage to go out scavenging with my men?" Will demanded, moving in front of the TV.
"My good looks, obviously." Miles replied in a bored tone, but Bumblebee could feel how much the teen was tensing up.
"Now, you look here!" Will gritted his teeth, having to take a visible breath to calm down, before he turned his attention to Bumblebee. "I had at least expected you to keep a better eye on him, Bumblebee. It's dangerous out there."
"I actually had no idea he'd gone," Bumblebee admitted. He didn't point out that it was slagging hard to keep an optic out for an organic who did his own thing. "The leash is, unfortunately, not held by me in this relationship."
"Damn right," Miles smirked.
Will looked as if he wanted to say a few choice things, but thought better of it and just gritted his teeth once more. "Do not do it again without my permission."
"Sure thing," Miles responded easily enough, and Will just scrubbed a hand over his face.
"Oh, and I suggest going to the cafeteria. Ratchet's going to drag you down there if he doesn't see you there soon," Will grumbled, stalking out of the room with what little dignity he had left.
Bumblebee waited until the soldier was long gone before turning an annoyed look on the teen, "You haven't ate yet?"
"I was busy!" Miles protested, "It's stupid to eat while scavenging, and then we were watching these videos."
"I'm going to take Ratchet's side here. I will sit on you and force you to eat if you don't take better care of yourself."
Miles snorted, "Kinky."
Bumblebee barely held back a groan. He didn't know if it was because of Will or if he'd gone a step too far, but Miles was right back to being closed off again. "I'm serious, you need to eat. I realize that you probably just forgot, or thought it just didn't matter, but you need to take better care of yourself!"
"And why do you care?" Miles finally asked, staring at him with a guarded expression. But it was his eyes that worried Bumblebee the most. "I can take care of myself just fine; you know that for a fact. I know you saved my ass, saved Nick and Millie too, and I appreciate that, but you don't have to keep it up anymore. There's nothing left for you to save."
"No? Because whenever Nick and Millie aren't around your eyes remind me of Sam's!" Bumblebee snapped, and Miles was momentarily shocked.
And it was true. One of the things that had bothered Bumblebee the most about the infection in Sam was it took away all the light in his eyes, where he'd once been expressive he now just looked uncaring and dead. Miles' eyes were exactly the same, and the Scout knew that was a dangerous thing. Sam might have been the one to get the infection, to disappear completely, but it was Miles' heart that was infected, and it was infected with despair.
"I think we might have that in common, then." Miles uttered softly, because he knew what Bumblebee meant. What was worse was he wasn't fighting it.
"I don't get it," Bumblebee ignored Miles' comment, "You have the kids, and you even said they were your reason for living, so why?"
"Because of fear, because reality sucks." Miles leaned his head against Bumblebee's shoulder, sounding tired. The extra contact shocked the Scout, an opening and a weakness he hadn't expected the teen to show. "Every single day I thought I was going to day. Every single day I worried that they were going to die. I worried that there'd be a serious illness, that one of us would become infected. There wouldn't be enough food, they'd suffer malnutrition, we'd run into bad people, the water would have something bad in it. There was just so much to worry about, I never actually thought…"
"Thought what?" Bumblebee urged softly, encouraging the teen.
"That we'd make it this far. To a safe place." Miles' voice was bitter, "Now I'm just afraid that this city is gilded."
"Yeah..." The Scout agreed, "That's what I'm afraid of, too."
The Scout hadn't denied Miles' accusation because a part of him knew that was true. His Spark was much the same way, infected with terrible emotions, and it had been getting that way for a while. Sam and the earth-wide infection had just been the catalyst. What if the teen never stopped being afraid, or what if his fears become founded? But Bumblebee knew that what if's were a dangerous thing. They were either loaded with hope or had none, there was never an in between, and all Miles had anymore were the hopeless what if's. The Scout just had to try to fix that, then, and maybe by fixing Miles' what if's he could fix his own too. And one of the first steps was giving the teen someone to share his fear with, all he had to do was tell himself it wasn't just because he wanted that very thing himself.