So much thank you for the many reviews i got! i love you guys soooo so much and keep up the reviews they motivate me :)
I totally forgot to mention the name of the Story i was looking for. For the people who wanted to know it was called ''Convincing the World He Didn't Exist''
Also there was someone who said that it didn't seem right that Tony went out with the team to drink as an 18 year old, because he was underaged to drink. I never said that he went out to drink alcohol... right? i didn't, did it? You can go out and just buy a coke or is that just my imagination? )
(Warning: No beta! sorry for any typo's or grammar mistakes!)
Well that was it. i won't hold you up any longer! Enjoy your reading!
Tony's alarm made once again that annoying sound to make him wake up. It was Monday morning and he had been back in his own apartment since Saturday afternoon. The morning after Tony and Gibbs had talked, it was like nothing had happened at all. Gibbs was his old grumpy self and they never spoke about it again. Tony as always didn't bring it up. ''It must have cost Gibbs a lot to talk like he did Friday night'' He told himself.
It made sense. One night Gibbs talks, other day he is more silent and grumpier then he normally is. Compromises it nicely. Still he wished that Gibbs had said something more, he mainly listened, which was a progress it self for the impatient Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
After coming out of bed, silently whining that it was still too early, he went into the bathroom and took a quick shower. Once done, He walked back into his back room, towel around the waist. He opened the closet and on the door hung the dress shirt and suit he had hung there the night before.
Finished with that he walked into his kitchen and poured the already hot coffee in a mug. ''Always great to have a coffee maker with a timer'' He mused. He sat down his coffee and opened the fridge, grabbed the milk then went and grabbed a bowl and cornflakes. Making his breakfast, he grabbed a spoon, dumb it in his bowl with food and picked it up, followed with his coffee with his other hand.
He walked into the living room and begin to eat his breakfast. After he was finished he put the plate in the sink and the mug on the counter and went off to go to work.
...
As always, when Tony walked into the bullpen he was the latest, but not too late.
''Good morning, Ziva, Probie'' He grinned, cheerfully and sat down on his chair.
Tony frowned as he let his backpack, that hung on the typical 'one-shoulder-DiNozzo-way', slide from his shoulder and onto the floor. Ziva and McGee were both on McGee desk, talking somewhat too quietly. Gibbs was nowhere to be seen, Coffee run.
At the moment that he wanted to say something about being ignored by his coworkers, Ziva turned her chair and rolled to him. ''Hi Tony'' She smiled a mischievous smile. Tony raised his eyebrows at her. ''You sound happy this morning'' She added.
''Well it's a beautiful morning and I did get most sleep then I did in months, so yeah I'm happy'' He tried to ignore the staring of McGee.
''Guess your date spent the weekend with you'' Ziva continued.
''My plans Friday night went a little different than I had planned'' He replied, trying not to sound annoyed, the cheerfully sound however was completely gone.
''Why, Tony?'' McGee spoke up. ''Didn't she live up to your expectations?''
Tony jaw clenched and his fists underneath his desk did too. ''Better then I thought'' True. He had thought that Gibbs would kill him, instead of that it was a really nice talk, finally got a MOAS off his chest.
McGee and Ziva both opened their mouths to speak again when Gibbs came around the corner into the bullpen. ''If you guys have nothing better to do then to terrorize DiNozzo with his personal life I will find something for you'' He said not stopping and walking to his desk.
''No, Gibbs'' Ziva said, her eyes narrowing at Tony for a moment then walking back to her desk.
''Working, Boss'' McGee said lowering his gaze to the cold case file on his desk.
Tony looked at Ziva and McGee, who both shot him a glare and went back to work, then he looked over at Gibbs and met his glare, which had softened somewhat. He gave a small smile, as a silent thank you and got a nod in return and began on his day.
A couple of hours later, as Tony was reading the so many file, his eyes went wide. ''Boss?'' He asked. ''I think you want to see this'' Gibbs looked up, Tony was looking at him. ''Think I just found our misplaced puzzle piece in this case''
Gibbs narrowed his eyes as he stood up and walked over to Tony. He and Ziva and McGee listened as he explained his theory of the case and what they had missed. ''Good you and Ziva, go down to Abby and explain what you have found, make her do some other tests to the evidence''
''On it, boss'' Tony said and grabbed the file. Ziva was on her feet too and walked to the elevator.
Once in the elevator Tony just looked at his reflection in the door. Ziva frowned at his distant behavior.
''Are you angry, Tony?'' She asked.
''Nope'' Tony said simply not looked away from himself.
Before Ziva could say something else, the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Tony stepped out and was as usual confronted with the loud sound Abby called music, but what him and Ziva surprised more was Abby who was air drumming with chopsticks on the rhythm of the music. They looked at each other with grins.
''Abby!'' They called out at once.
Abby spun around, the chopsticks still in mid air. ''Oh hey guys! Do you like the new song of 'Newly Deads'? It's cool, huh?''
''Sure Abbs'' Tony said calmly.
Abby turned back around, clicked some keys and the music stopped. ''So, to what do I honor this visit?''
''It's possible that Tony here made a break in a cold case, if you can do some tests for us'' Ziva said.
''Sure, what do you got?'' she clapped her hands together and rubbed them.
Tony and Ziva explained what they had, Ziva went down to evidence to her the evidence box from the case. Once back she gave the stuff to Abby, who begin to run some tests.
Abby spun around once again and moved her eyes up and down over Tony ''Ziva can you leave me and Tony alone'' Abby asked, not taking her eyes of Tony.
Ziva frowned, but nodded and walked away. Tony narrowed his eyes at Abby already knowing deep down what she was looking for. ''What?''
''I don't see a hickey'' She narrowed her eyes.
Tony sighed, but asked ''How would I get an hickey?''
''Oh Tony-boy I would have thought you would know how you get an hickey'' Abby chuckled. ''So, is it on an other part of your body?'' she wiggled her eyebrows and was already reaching out for his suit jacket.
''Stop!'' Tony protested and grabbed her wrists.
''What is it Tony? Afraid that I discover your dirty little secrets?'' Abby teased.
''No!'' Tony exclaimed annoyed, taking a step back. ''I didn't get a hickey this weekend! I didn't have a date, I didn't kiss someone, I didn't have sex and I didn't. Get. A. hickey. Or other kinds of things'' He last words were almost yelling. He didn't do that, and especially not to Abby, but it just sort of came out, because apparently no one believes him to his words.
Neither of them heard the ding of the elevator, nor did they see Gibbs stopping in the opening. Hearing Tony's words, he stepped away, just out of sight and listened how this was going to unfold.
He looked Abby in the eyes and saw that she was shocked by his outburst. ''Tony...''
''No!'' Tony cut her off, already knowing what she wanted to say.
''No yourself!'' Abby snapped. ''You are the one that never goes out anymore with us. I know that we had long weeks and almost no time, but every time I ask you say no''
''Because you only ask for the Fridays!'' He thought. ''I told you that I have standard plans'' Tony repeated.
''More important then us?'' Abby asked, putting her hands on her hips.
''More important?'' Okay he was done with this! ''Don't you talk to me about important. I didn't go where I go until 2 months before Gibbs came back! If you all wanted to go out with me so much, how come you all went out together with each other and never once asked me to come with you when Gibbs was away! You didn't want me then, than why the hell do you want me now, Abbs?''
Gibbs raised his eyebrows in surprise. He knew that it was a long time ago that Tony had gone out and that the rest was happy to have him back. And he knew that Tony had a hard time, but had totally missed this. And he kicked as well head-slapped himself for it.
''You weren't yourself back then'' Abby huffed.
''That's not true!'' Tony denied.
''Yes it is!'' Abby retorted. ''You were all like, bringing me Caf-pows! every day, you slapped McGee and Ziva on the back of their heads, you constantly had coffee in your hand, you were grumpy, all serious, you looked tired, you were trying to be Gibbs!''
'' 1) you always ask Gibbs to go too, regards if the man says no and 2) I wasn't trying to be Gibbs!'' Tony's voices dropped to a dangerous low tone. ''How the hell did they end up having this conversation?'' He thought.
Keeping his voice low, everything how he had felt came out at once. ''I simply used his methods, because you wanted him not me, and I understand that, but he wasn't here and he gave me his team! But I wasn't good enough! McGee and Ziva consistently came in late, went home when I was away, before I said they could go, they didn't do what I told them, they didn't take my methods seriously! And you? you were only crying and I understand how you felt, I missed him just as much! but everyone was looking out for each other, comforting them! And me? I ended up staying here after midnight, doing their reports over as well mine and my Supervisory and Senior Field Agent duties. And I ended up comforting myself, while you all went out! And that's when I went some place I knew the ones their would listen to me, that's where I still go!'' He finished. ''Call Gibbs if you have anything'' He turned and stormed out of the lab.
He didn't even see the shocked face or the tears in her eyes. He finally he had his outburst. He didn't mean it to happen in front of Abby, but the girl could be so... He didn't even know. All he knew is that the way she didn't believe him at his words, reminded him at the ways he felt like when Gibbs wasn't around, that triggered this. And that answered his question to himself, why it was that he went so much to their graves.
His was blown out of his thoughts as he ran into to something... someone. He looked up and met with Gibbs blue eyes. ''heh Shit!'' His mind said, but to his surprise Gibbs just stepped aside and let him pass, so he did. Ignoring the elevator he went upstairs using the stairs.
Gibbs took a deep breath as Tony's words repeated themselves in his mind. He didn't know that Tony had felt that way, he didn't know that the team and Abby treated him like that. When he came back, it was like nothing had ever happened, aside from his conversation with Ducky of course. He knew that he had hurt his friend like that. He knew that he had hurt Abby. But he didn't know that he had that Tony missed him just as much nor did he know that was the reason that Tony was so glad that he was back. After his conversation and discovery Friday night he thought that was the main reason. Apparently he was way wrong.
He left the team in Tony's care for a reason, he trusted Tony and he trusted his ability to run the team, why hadn't Ziva or McGee trusted him that way? Was It really that bad for Tony? Was he left with all their work and his own? How did he completely missed that?
The sound of Abby's soft sobs reached his ears and brought Gibbs back to the present. He walked into the lab found Abby sitting on her chair, her head in her hands, so he was nor surprised that when she looked up, the make up was all over her face and the palm of her hands. She ran over to Gibbs and hugged him tightly. ''How could we have missed that Gibbs? I didn't know that we did that'' She cried, knowing that he at least had heard some of it. ''He was so angry''
''He didn't mean it to say it the way we did'' Gibbs told her.
''But he did and he has every right for it'' she sobbed.
''So he was right?'' Gibbs pulled back and looked at her.
''I don't know. I mean we, weren't pleased that you were gone... but you already knew that. But Tony was just his usual self when you were in the hospital and McGee and Ziva didn't like that and then he turned all Gibbs and we didn't like that either''
''So you didn't like it that he was his self trying to keep this team together and then when he tried to do it like I did it, because you missed me, you still didn't like it'' Gibbs stated.
Abby nodded. ''But I don't know how Ziva and McGee treated him, I wasn't up much, they never talked about how they acted just how Tony acted, when we went out''
''And the going out thing?'' Gibbs asked sternly, demanding an answer.
''I don't know... he was so absent all of the sudden and it only worsened... We thought he didn't want to go out with us'' Abby excused.
Gibbs rubbed a hand over his face as he thought back about something that Tony had said.
..Flashback..
''You really never got that feeling back?'' Gibbs asked.
''A mother No... A sister maybe, Abby? but that's on and off. One day more than the other...'' Tony replied.
..End Flashback..
''You made a mistake'' Abby nodded. ''And by the outburst... I don't think it's going to get better by just an excuse'' Gibbs said and again Abby nodded in understanding. ''Did you have something or do I have time to go and talk to him?''
''Got time'' Abby said quietly.
Gibbs nodded, gave her a kiss on her cheek and sat the forgotten Caf-Pow on her desk. Abby grabbed it and took a long sip as she unhappily watched Gibbs walk away.
…
''You think Tony acts different today?'' Ziva asked, looking over at McGee
''He did before the weekend'' McGee pointed out.
''Yeah but normally he can have our jokes'' Ziva said. ''Now he could not''
''Whatever it is, he will get over it'' McGee shrugged.
He hadn't even finished his sentence went Tony came around the corner with a stern pass and walked over to his desk. McGee and Ziva exchanged a glanced and watched as Tony roughly opened his drawer, took out his I.D. and gun and slammed it closed again. He grabbed his jacket and said, ''Going for coffee, you need anything, call Gibbs'' He stormed out again.
''Maybe... not as fast as I first thought'' McGee said after a while with wide eyes. He looked at Ziva, who was still staring after Tony.
It wasn't long after that, when Gibbs came back storming into bullpen. ''Campfire, Now!'' He ordered.
McGee and Ziva glanced back to each other eyes wide, but didn't dare to hesitate and rolled their chairs to the center of the bullpen. Gibbs stood before them.
''I want to know, why you two thought Tony wasn't good enough to lead this team'' His voice degerous.
''What?'' Ziva frowned.
''Did I stutter or is the question too difficult, agent David?''
''No, but why?'' Ziva asked. The glare he shot her made her back off. ''You are talking about the time you were not here?'' Silence. ''He was simply not himself''
''What about you McGee?'' Gibbs asked.
''I... uhm... we.. didn't...'' He stammered.
''Is that what is bothering Tony?'' Ziva asked, more able to form a sentence.
''What is bothering Tony is that he feels like you don't trust his word, which reminded him of the time when he was team leader, where apparently you didn't trust him on his words and demands either'' Gibbs yelled, making several other look up. ''he just yelled at Abby for it''
''He yelled at Abby?'' McGee asked shocked.
''Wasn't pretty'' Gibbs stated.
''I'm sure it was not'' Ziva said.
''Not the point now. I want to know, what it was that made you think you had the right to treat your team leader like that'' Gibbs demanded.
''Tony simply wasn't himself and later he tried to be you'' Ziva explained.
''So you didn't agree with Tony's way of leading a team, but if he used my methods why didn't you still not listen, because I never hear you complain, you question them, but you still do as I tell you, why not Tony?'' Gibbs asked.
McGee and Ziva both hadn't an answer for it. ''You know what. Why don't you two think about that, while I go find Tony and talk to him'' He said and walked away.
…
As Gibbs walked outside, he stopped and looked around. At first he didn't see Tony, but then he spotted his back. Tony was sitting on a bench looking out over the water. He watched him as he walked over to the stand where the coffee wasn't that awful and bought one. He looked away to says his order and then gave the girl a thank you and a bill.
He took a sip as he carefully approached Tony and said nothing as he sat down next to him. It was silent for a couple of minutes before Tony spoke up.
''I can't believe I yelled at Abby'' He said quietly. Holding his own coffee with both hands, letting the warmth calming him.
''She'll get over it'' Gibbs replied to it.
''You heard everything I said?'' Tony asked, already knowing the answer.
''Came down shortly before the complete blow''
''That day that it became too much... I didn't even know where I was going, I just ended up there, looking at her photo, thinking 'What would she say?'. She gave me advise before about going into law enforcement, maybe she could do it again? Despite that she couldn't really talk back'' Tony explained turning his head to look at Gibbs for the first time.
''Did that a lot of times, thinking about what she would say'' Gibbs admitted.
''Most people would go to their mother or her grave or other family members. Or call family for advise, but not me'' Tony said. ''Even if my mother laid here in D.C. I still think I would have ended up at Shannon's grave. My mom was great and I loved her, when she wasn't drinking, but she never gave much advise and Shannon was the only one I ever believed... before I came to work here''
''She was always good at that'' Gibbs said, a smile appearing. ''After I calmed down about their deaths. I felt so lost. Every time I got stuck on something I would go to her. She always knew what to do, calming me first of course... but I didn't and have that anymore. I didn't have that calming source to put me in place anymore'' Tony had a tiny smile. And Gibbs was a little confused. ''What?''
''She was the serious and calm one in your relationship?'' Tony asked. ''Makes me remember that she said that I reminded her of her husband''
''She said the same to me'' Gibbs smirked.
''I didn't know you had a sense of humor'' Tony flashed a grin and wasn't surprised by the head slap, that only widened his grin.
''Yeah well, their deaths sort of knocked it out of me'' Gibbs said. ''But I don't need to, cause now I have you to play the clown''
''Yeah'' Tony looked back to the water. ''That changed when you went away''
''I didn't know that it was that bad'' Gibbs said. ''Why didn't you tell me?''
''After you came back, they did everything what you said, even if you ordered something that made us frowned'' Tony narrowed his eyes at the water, angry. ''They trust you on your word, but my words it was like they fell on deaf ears. Wouldn't come in on time, left without telling me or me telling them they could go. But when you came back they did everythinh you told them to, just like that. So something I did wrong right? Why else would they just ignore me?''
''You didn't do anything wrong'' Gibbs said sternly, but still Tony didn't look at him.
''Clearly I did'' Tony said.
''Hey! Look look at me'' Gibbs ordered. It took a moment but then Tony turned and met his eyes. ''I trusted you to lead the team. Hell I would say it again anytime I'm not able to lead the team. I have many reasons why I gave it to you and not to another. One of them is because if I would not be a Supervisory Field Agent, but just Senior Field Agent, I would just work under you and no one else''
''You're giving me way too much complements in less then a week'' Tony chuckled sadly.
''Only telling you the truth when you need it'' Gibbs said.
''but why wouldn't they trust me?'' Tony asked. ''I just don't understand what I did wrong''
''I asked them, but they couldn't answer me either. Gave them the assignment to think about it'' Gibbs explained.
''Was Abby sad when I left'' Tony asked. Looking at Gibbs he got his answer. ''She cried didn't she? God! I can't believe I made Abby cry!'' He head-slapped himself to Gibbs' short amusement.
''You didn't mean to let it come out in front of her, but it needed to come out sometime and knowing Abby she was again making assumptions'' Gibbs elaborated.
''Yeah she did'' Tony nodded.
''Still the girlfriend thing, I suspect? Something about a hickey?'' Gibbs asked.
''She wanted to know where it was placed, because she couldn't see it. She wouldn't listen and I just snapped, because I don't...'' Tony trailed off.
''Like to talk about it... them'' Gibbs finished.
''Exactly. I don't like to talk about my past and even though it was just two weeks... they're part of it. A pretty big part, without them I wouldn't be here... I wouldn't be who I am now''
Gibbs knew how he felt. ''Without them I wouldn't be here either'' he said. ''Did you know why I joined?''
Tony shook his head. ''I figured it was just because NCIS was of the Navy and you were a Marine, would make sense to join''
''You know that Shannon and Kelly were in Witness Protection?'' Tony nodded. ''But you don't know why''
Tony shook his head. ''Thought If you wanted me to know, you would tell me when you had to or even when you were ready''
''Shannon witnessed a murder at Camp-Pendleton where I would be stationed if I wasn't in Desert Storm, she identified him as a drug dealer called Pedro Hernandez. They were on their way to the save house when Hernandez shot the driver and Kelly and Shannon died in the crash''
Tony knew that last part and nodded.
''I joined when I came back. wanted to know who was investigating the murder. Together we investigated, but the case is still open'' Gibbs said.
Tony frowned. ''But you know the murderer, how can it still be open?''
''Apparently... Pedro Hernandez what murdered. Sniper shot to the head. Right between the eyes. They couldn't find the killer and no one is looking for him'' Gibbs shrugged.
''I got a pretty good idea'' Tony smirked.
''Gonna tell on me?'' Gibbs raised an eyebrows.
''Not for 10 million dollars. I would've have done the same thing if it was my family''
''Good to know'' Gibbs said. ''What do you want to do about the issue?'' He asked changing the subject back to original.
''You are the leader so we don't have a problem''
''DiNozzo, if I'm somehow are not able to lead, I will give it to you again. No matter what they think or say''
''Can't be ending up good when they don't trust me to lead''
''then we talk to them. Solve the issue'' Gibbs said.
''You know, I always said that I hated it when your nice, because it's not you. Knowing what I know now and now that we talk... I can only think that you are being who you were in the past and that it comes out once in a while'' Tony chuckled.
Gibbs tapped the back of Tony's head lightly. ''Keep being around and you will see more'' Why he didn't know, but ever since he knew Tony knew about Shannon and Kelly he felt more and more comfortable to just be himself. And that's when he also realized that he had just as big a mask as Tony has many times. ''Drink up your coffee and come back in. meanwhile Abby maybe have something and McGee and Ziva have thought about their assignment''
''Gotcha boss'' Tony said and turned his gaze back to the water. Gibbs stood up and started to walked back, when he heard so softly. ''Thanks Gibbs'' without replying, he kept walking.
So an Issue here! I tell you that the next chapter will be the last one, but I'm think about a sequel... What do you think? Please leave a review about that and just about what you think about the chapter itself! Motivate me, remember!?makes me smile and when i smile... i seem to write better haha!
See ya soon!
-x- Leonie