A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I know some (one review) was getting antsy on pace of my writing. But I would like to point out, that this is fiction. Again thanks for all the love good or bad.

Disclaimer: All the regular stuff, I don't own a thing, yadda yadda...

Chapter 9

Derek walked briskly towards the board; he had a day off the day before which he spent fishing and trying to regain his perspective in life. Today, he felt somewhat energized and refreshed to work.

He tried to push the voice in his head aside that one of the reasons of his rejuvenation was that he did not see Rose the day before having had to pull a back to back shift. He knew that one of these days he had to sort out the mess that was him and Rose.

He had to admit that even during the S&M and Addison-gate part of his relationship with Meredtih never did he felt relief when he does not need to see her; instead he craved for even just a glimpse.

Now, he was trying to act unperturbed when Rose was near him, all clingy and flustered all over him; when all he wanted to do was run as far away as he can go. And he was still officially in a relationship with her.

As he neared the board he saw the chief there with a very familiar looking redhead – well now she is slightly more brunette.

"Addison?"

Addison looked behind Richard to smile at her ex-husband. "Hello Derek."

Richard was too happy to have these world-class surgeons under his hospital, "Ah Shep, Addison's here to operate on the two uteri patient. And I am trying to convince her to stay. I expect you and Mark to convince her too."

Derek and Addison laughed at that, they both knew, that Mark and Derek cannot convince Addison to do something that she does not want to be convinced to do.

"Well Addison, you know your way around. Find Bailey to get which resident and interns you want. Then I will leave you to it." With that Richard went on his way.

Derek smiled at Addison, "So...How's L.A.?"

Addison smiled back, "Great, great. I am working with great people, and of course Sam and Naomi, who are on and off again."

They both moved toward the nurse's station, "So are you seeing someone?"

Addison laughed at that, "No not really. There is someone I am attracted to, yeah, but it's too soon to go with it." Looking back at him, already knowing the answer but she still feigned ignorance, "How about you? How is Meredith?"

She saw the downcast that befell Derek's face at the mention of Meredith, "No," he sighed, "Meredith left more than 4 months ago, I don't know where she is."

"Have you tried looking for her? Have you asked Yang? Stevens? O'Malley? Even Karev?"

Derek scoffed, "Yeah and they will tell after all that Meredith and I have been through."

Addison looked pointedly at him, and arched one eyebrow, "So you are telling me that you haven't looked for her, did not even care where she had gone? You did not care to look for her after all you have been through?"

Derek hung his head, he knew Mark was hinting on this the other night, but was too much of a friend to let on. Addison on the other hand, was a friend too, but her personality was not to stand by as her friends make mistakes.

"It was too much drama, Addison, I couldn't handle it. I wanted things she was not ready to give me."

Addison looked at him pointedly, "Yeah and drama wasn't there when you left her for your wife. Derek that woman had been through so much in her life. People are always leaving her. No one ever goes and looks for her when she leaves, "she said softly. "No one has ever fought for her. And with you letting things are, you are just like everyone else in her life. You were expecting her to change her perspective on people in her life, do you think by not going after her is proving you are different?"

With a huff, Addison walked away from a very thoughtful Derek.

Derek was thinking while walking. He went inside an on-call room. Locked it and laid down on the bed. He knew he was alone. Alone with his thoughts on what Addison said to him. He was alone with his memories of Meredith, of his life.

He knew he was wrong in just leaving Meredith, without giving her a chance. He was getting impatient. He knew his impatience was out of place. He just came out of an 11 year marriage and already he wanted another marriage to follow that one.

In fact, he should know how she feels; his trust was destroyed by his wife and best friend. In one night he lost his entire life like he knew it. Everything was destroyed, broken, lost. He did not know where to turn to, he ran away.

You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And you everything you had got destroyed
But you were just a boy

He was hurt, like she was hurt all her life. Like Addison said, she was being left behind all her life, she couldn't trust anyone, and she only had herself.

He remembered her tear-stained eyes when she was telling him to pick her, love her at the scrub room, when he was choosing between her and his wife. He chose his wife, which was wrong, he let her down then. He saw her again in his mind when he told her that he was leaving for to be with the better man, to Finn, when unknowingly she had already picked him.

She couldn't help but give him the chance again and again, but in all those times, he let her down. After all those letdowns, he expected her to still believe in him and trust him.

Flashes of Meredith came to his mind, and the many times that he let her down. The many times that he became selfish. The many times that she had tried to open herself up to her, but still he wanted more, he wanted her to depend on her. He wanted her to depend on him, when all she had known in her life is that she only has herself to depend on.

The more he thought of the way he had treated Meredith, the more longing he feels, only to be disheartened, she left more than 4 months ago. She has a new life now; one that he knew was less drama, with new friends, colleagues, a hospital that did not know her life story.

He knew she was continuing her residency in another top hospital in the country. He knew he can find her in his own efforts, but the question was does she want to be found by him? Has she moved on? Shouldn't he leave her alone with all the hurt that he cause her?

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

Song: If I Were a Boy – Beyonce (love this song!!)