Chapter 21
The Commander's mood is even worse than mine. I'm informed the moment I get back that if I'm still breathing, I'm to report to his office immediately regardless of injuries.
I make my way there and find him, unsurprisingly, in Zartan's company. Zartan is sporting several bandages and bruises, revealing Snake Eyes did not do quite as badly against him as I had thought.
"You wanted to see me," I say to the Commander.
"Zartan tells me you attacked him," the Commander hisses. "Why?"
I roll my eyes at him.
"Do you really think he would have had the chance to report it if I had attacked him? What I actually did was prevent him from killing Snake Eyes by holding him at bay. I warned you I would not let anyone kill my brother, so why do we even need to have this conversation?"
"You saved Snake Eyes' life? Where is he now?"
"I would assume back at the Pit. I could not capture him."
"How did you manage to lose a fight to him when I tired him out, punched him at least a dozen times and slashed up his leg before you stopped me?" Zartan asks, sniggering.
He quickly becomes serious again under the glare I give him.
"I want to know as well," the Commander hisses.
I feel like hissing right back, but I suppose the question IS legitimate, considering I've just basically allowed the most dangerous member of GI Joe to escape when Zartan almost had him neutralized.
"When we started fighting, I had a vision of fighting him before, at a time where he would have been trying to kill me because he and some other people, my clan, I think, thought I was a traitor. I don't think it's actually a real memory, and I don't…" I stop talking, noticing Zartan's practically having a heart attack.
"What's wrong with YOU?" I ask.
He doesn't answer, instead glaring at the Commander.
"Zartan, leave us," the Commander says. He sounds furious.
Zartan doesn't get asked twice. He scarpers out of the room without another word, and runs more than he walks down the hallway, towards the nearest exit.
"What…"
"Those events never happened. I'm sure you realize that," the Commander interrupts me.
"I don't think so either, but I have no idea why I had that vision. Maybe it's a deformed version of something that did happen?"
"Nobody from your clan was ever stupid enough to believe you a traitor. I suppose you may have fought Snake Eyes before you were captured, and that is what was used to create this memory, but the details aren't important. This vision was planted by the Order, that much is obvious."
I feel the blood drain from my face at the thought of what he's implying even before he continues with the specifics.
"They are trying to feed you bits and pieces of fictional memory in the hopes you'll believe those fragments are real and come to think WE are the ones manipulating you. They've done this before, when they couldn't actually capture the person they were trying to brainwash. Zartan has seen it happen and obviously, the thought of your fighting for the Order and against us does not agree with him. Or with you, it seems."
Indeed it doesn't; I'm having a hard time not completely panicking.
"They can do that?" I ask. It's a stupid question – he's just told me so, and I've just experienced it; yet I can't help asking.
"Yes," he says. "As long as you're aware of it, you should be able to discern your own true memories from the ones they'll try to implant, but you need to stay on your guard. It's human nature to be tempted by new knowledge and revelations, and they will use that. They will not shy away from trying to convince you of the most outrageous lies. They will send memories that completely contradict what little you do remember, with the express intention to make you question your own sanity. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do to stop them from trying. I'll be happy to answer any question you may have, at any time, but you WILL have to stay vigilant if you don't want to fall for their tricks. I'm afraid I'll also have to ask Doctor Mindbender to test you regularly, to ensure our own safety."
"You said you rescued me. You said I'd been lucky," I say accusingly. "You wanted my gratitude, so you neglected to mention the fact I was still not safe at all, is that it?"
His heart rate accelerates and he exhales sharply. I don't need to see his face to guess he's furious.
"Are you saying that the mere act of breaking into one of the Order's most secured facilities, losing many good men in the process I might add, and hauling your dead weight out of there deserves no gratitude?" he hisses. "Do you realize Mindbender spent days without sleep trying to fix the damage the Order did? I suppose that doesn't count because he wasn't successful enough for your liking? You'd still be in the coma induced by the Order if not for his efforts!"
He's pretty much screaming by the time he stops for breath. I feel like shouting right back that I didn't ask for any of that, that I've just found out the Order is still right in the middle of brainwashing me, and that I've already repaid him for whatever he's done for me. However, I feel even more like seeing a doctor to get my wounds tended to than I feel like venting or winning a pointless argument.
"I AM grateful," I say instead, keeping my tone as calm as I can. "This is just a rather nasty surprise. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need medical attention."
He huffs a few more time but finally dismisses me with a nod.
It takes almost two months for my arms to fully heal and for the doctor to clear me for action. By the end of it, I'm just about driven mad with impatience. I've learned to decipher American Sign Language, but that only used up a month. For the other four weeks, I've been basically doing nothing but physiotherapy and I'm absolutely fed up with it.
In other words, I'm in no mood for this first 'test' which the Commander demanded Mindbender give me before I'm allowed out of the fortress again.
I sit down in his office grumpily but I keep my facial expression as neutral as I can. Mindbender's not the one who decided these tests - or the restrictions on my whereabouts - were necessary.
He chuckles at me and I scowl at him, all good intentions not to project my current mood on him evaporated. He ignores the scowl.
"Impatient for some action again, are we?" he asks.
"It seems like if the Order HAD managed to convince me Cobra was actually the enemy and they the heroes, the fortress would be the LAST place the Commander would want me to be."
"Hmm. He knows you are discerning enough not to fall for their lies overnight. Keeping you here is the best way to make sure they don't succeed at making you doubt everything you know or at actually capturing you by taking advantage of any confusion. If he or I ever come to think you are likely to turn against us, we will have to adjust."
I don't need to ask him what he means by that – like I've just remarked, I'd be far too dangerous to be allowed to wander around if the Order ever succeeded in brainwashing me.
"You'd know?" I ask instead.
He chuckles again.
"You would have a hard time hiding it from me. Now, did you get any more false recollections, since the one during your fight with Snake Eyes?"
"Yes."
His heart accelerates, and he suddenly becomes more serious.
"How many?"
"That scene has extended, and there are two more. They don't confuse me, they're obviously lies."
"Can you describe them?"
I cock my head. What does HE care what the Order comes up with to try and manipulate me?
"We are always documenting their methods in our efforts to become better at countering them. Any detail you can share could turn out to be a key element in learning how to undo flips or prevent what they're trying to do to you now," he says, guessing at my unvoiced question.
He couldn't possibly have given me a better reason to relate every detail to him – I need Cobra to be able to undo the flip my brother has suffered, and I need all the help I can get to stop the Order from filling my head with lies.
"The extended one is just more of Snake Eyes fighting me," I relate. "He's trying very hard to kill me and I'm having a hard time preventing him from succeeding. All the while, I know he's doing that because he thinks I've murdered my own uncle, and I know the rest of my clan thinks the same thing, and I know I'm innocent, and…"
I stop. Despite the fact the emotions I'm describing aren't REALLY mine, I still find myself hesitant to lay them out.
"In the scene, I'm… that is, the me from the scene, the fake one… he… he can't believe Snake Eyes would actually be so set on killing him."
I clear my throat and quickly change the subject.
"I'm wearing a Cobra uniform, the same one I wear now, but I'm not happy to be working for Cobra because they are the terrorist organization the Order constantly makes them out to be and I'm only with them because I think it's the only way I'll find out who really killed my uncle."
"How does the fight end?"
"Another Joe knocks me out. Judging by how the fight is going, the Order is making it very clear that I am to feel that other Joe saved my life by doing that."
"How do you feel about this scene?"
I pause, taken aback by the question.
"Why do you need to know that?"
"I'm trying to assess whether these false memories are affecting you."
"They're not."
"Good. Then you won't mind telling me how this first scene makes you feel."
"It makes me feel angry at the Order," I say, frowning. It's a useless answer since I'm always angry at the Order, but I'm hoping he'll take the hint and leave well enough alone.
He doesn't.
"Are we talking general anger at what they're trying to do to you, or is this particular scenario upsetting you further?"
I glare at him but he doesn't budge.
"Fine. You want me to say it, I will," I growl. "Even though it's not real, the thought of my brother trying so hard and almost succeeding to murder me is extremely disturbing. Happy?"
He nods.
"I think the Order has opted to present you with a dystopia. They must think you are more likely to believe unhappy memories than happy ones. I would tend to agree, so I must again recommend that you be on your guard."
"I am," I snarl.
"I'm glad to hear it. You've mentioned there were two more false recalls. Please describe them."
I sigh. The false memories are not fooling me, but they're not exactly pleasant, even with the knowledge that they are fake. On top of that, they didn't just pop in once and then disappeared again, they're constantly creeping back in my head when I least expect it. I spend most of my time trying to keep them away.
"The second one I had was set years ago, in the War. I'm in the jungle with Snake Eyes, and he can talk. He doesn't much, but he can. We're running towards a helicopter with some other guy. I get to it first, and Snake Eyes gets shot before making it there. I run back to him and get him to the helicopter; the shooters are still there, so I have to dodge some bullets, but I'm not hurt. It matches what he believes happened."
"What Snake Eyes believes? How do you know what he believes?"
"He gave me a letter the last time we met, saying I was the one who was brainwashed, and telling me the same stories the Order is trying to feed me. The letter mentioned my clan thought me a murderer, and also that I had saved his life in the war."
"Hmm. Well it does make perfect sense for them to match the lies they're telling the two of you. This way, Snake Eyes can help ensnare you."
He sounds like he's trying to be upset but can't quite manage it.
"You find this fascinating, don't you?" I ask him, barely containing the urge to strangle him. "What they're doing to me, what they did to him, you want to know about it much more than you want to undo it."
"You misunderstand. I want to know about it BECAUSE I want to undo it. You may not realize it, but you're a golden opportunity for studying how the Order accomplishes their flips. Especially now that they are using the same lies on you and Snake Eyes… If anything, I'm just a bit worried that they are leading us on."
Again, he's basically telling me that my full cooperation may make the difference between success and failure in saving my brother. I briefly wonder whether he's just manipulating me to get more information out of me but dismiss the thought. Even if he is, he's still my brother's best chance at finding his true self again, and if there is any possibility that I can give him helpful information, it'd be incredibly selfish of me not to, no matter how unpleasant sharing that information is.
"I'm sorry," I make myself say. "I… don't like actually calling up those false memories. I'd much rather they go away."
"It's quite alright. Your reaction to the Order's fictions is important information as well. How do you feel about the second scene you've described?"
"I have no idea," I answer honestly. "It's the least unpleasant of the three, but it makes the other two worse. If those things really had happened, I would have saved his life only for him to later believe I'm a murderer and try to execute me. It's also the one where my feelings for him - well, not mine, you know what I mean - are at their strongest, I guess because the fake me is afraid for his life… like I said, it just makes the other two scenes more disturbing. At the same time, it's all fiction, so why should I care?"
"You say 'your' feelings for him were at the strongest. Exactly what kind of feeling are we talking about? I must insist that you be honest."
"The memory makes him out to be a very dear friend," I answer honestly. "I've wondered too whether they'd try to make me believe we were in love, but they haven't. Not yet, anyway. I think they realize they'd have a hard time making me believe that."
"Why is that?"
I answer with a look.
"With your memory gone, are you sure you know what your sexual orientation is?" he asks.
I snort at him. How in the world wouldn't I know which gender I'm attracted to? I'm surrounded by hundreds of men and maybe a dozen females – if I was capable of MAKING myself be attracted to men, I would.
"I'm sure," I reply with a chuckle.
"All right. Let's move on to the last memory they are trying to implant."
I instantly lose my smile and my eyes drift down off his.
"It's longer," I state in the vain hope that will make him decide he doesn't want to hear it.
"You did say these scenes were not affecting you?"
I scowl at him.
"I've since admitted that I do find them disturbing," I remind him. "I meant to say they would not affect my performance."
"I understand that they must be unpleasant. Just the same, need I explain again that any little thing you tell me could turn out to be vitally important in un-flipping Snake Eyes?"
"No," I sigh. "This one starts with the fake me failing to catch the arrow that kills his uncle – the uncle the rest of my clan would believe he has killed. The fake me takes off after whoever shot the arrow but doesn't catch him or identify him – he takes off in a SHH."
"One of ours?" the Doctor asks.
I nod.
"The fake me gets close enough that he should have been able to identify him by sound, but he can't. In the memory, he blames it on his ears being injured. Once the killer is gone, he runs back to his uncle, but he's too late, his uncle is already dead, and he hears his other uncle tell Snake Eyes that he, the fake me, is the murderer and that he must be killed or brought to him. He, the uncle, sounds like he just intends to kill him, the fake me, right away if that's what happens. The fake me runs away. He feels extremely guilty about allowing the murder and he's determined to avenge his uncle."
"So in the memory, you're driven by revenge? That's very close to reality," he remarks.
I nod.
"The scene usually skips after that, and the me from the memory wakes up in a refuge to find a note from Snake Eyes, saying he found him asleep but didn't kill him to pay off his debt… from saving his life in the war, I think."
"In the memory, how do you react?"
"Badly." I refuse to elaborate. Thankfully, he doesn't insist.
"And how do you feel about it in reality?"
"I wish it didn't feel like a memory. All the emotions feel real too, so even though I know it's all a fabrication, it's…" I almost say disturbing again, but honesty prevails this time. "It's upsetting. I don't understand the Order's strategy. Why would I believe those lies? Why would I want these things to have happened for real?"
"It's human nature to second guess and it's your nature to expect the worst. I would hypothesize that the Order hopes you'll eventually think they wouldn't send you those horrible memories precisely because of the reasons you just gave; that this will lead you to believe they are indeed not sending them and that they are real; that the relatively less painful reality you know now is the fabrication, one Cobra would be responsible for."
"That's…" I don't finish. I'm terrified, but I'm not about to admit it.
"Is that all you can tell me about these false memories?"
"Yes."
"Very well. We'll get rid of them, now."
My eyes widen.
"You… you can make them go away? I thought… the Commander said he could not prevent them!"
"We can't prevent the Order from sending them, but we can get rid of them if they become too upsetting. It's going to be painful, I'm afraid, but as much as you try to deny it even to yourself, they are affecting you emotionally. We need to get rid of them before they get an even greater grip on you."
I nod eagerly. I don't care how painful it's going to be if it means never living through those lies again.
Author's Notes
SHH: Silent Helicopter and Hovercraft. It was the name of the stolen prototype and the Commander decided to keep it, which is why it's not snake related. It has nothing to do with my acronym making abilities. :P
Kind of heavy on dialogue and light on action, I know. Sorry about that, but I trust this explains how some memories resurfacing won't really be a problem for Cobra. Maybe you even picked up some additional insight on Storm Shadow, too…
Between that and the fact Storm Shadow actually remembers some things only to happily get his brainwash redone, I hope you're not TOO upset with me. Especially since I also have to tell you there will not be an update next week. It's becoming harder to update weekly, and with the shopping and housework for the Holidays, I need a bit more time. I expect to update bi-weekly until the New Year.
Bonus for this chapter: The third of three scenes set shortly after the Hard Master's death, this time focusing on Snake Eyes. I usually prefer to keep him as mysterious as the story allows, but for a bonus, I can break my own rule…
Next time: Storm Shadow has to make a very difficult decision.