STORIES

THREE

The two men were sitting on a bench overlooking the Seine. It was nearly sunrise. Off to their left, the sky was luminescent purplish, washed of stars. To the right, a few bright stars and planets still shone, striving against the light of the coming day, succumbing one by one as the minutes went by.

Springtime in Paris at 5:00 a.m. is not a particularly warm time. Both men were wrapped up in their long coats; hands plunged deep into their pockets. The clothing insufficient in itself to keep away the chill, The Doctor and Captain Jack Harkness were sitting very close together, sharing body heat, their upper arms and thighs lightly touching.

For the longest time there was a comfortable silence between them. The only sounds those of a sleepily stirring city and the bird population, which was starting to waken to a new day. Oh, and the rhythmic, almost synchronized sound of the two men's breathing.

Each was lost in his own thoughts, each probably secretly wondering, if you really pressed him, what the other was thinking about. Neither man was particularly anxious to break the spell. When it did happen, when someone finally spoke out loud, it was The Doctor.

"So, Jack?"

There was a soft rustling of wool as Jack roused himself and shifted his body. "Yes, Doctor?"

"Have you had enough of Paris?"

"Never, Doctor."

"Ah!"

"Are you asking me if I'm ready to leave?"

The Doctor nodded. "That's pretty much what I thought I was asking you."

Jack pulled his hands out of his pockets, crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged. "I guess I might be. I admit I'm kind of all museum-ed out."

Again The Doctor nodded, but this time there was only silence in response.

"So," said Jack after a long pause, "where to next?"

The Doctor turned his head and looked at Jack almost dreamily. "Hmm?"

"Where do you want to go next?" Jack asked a bit more forthrightly, perhaps even a tad petulantly.

"Funny," brown eyes met blue and held them. "I was going to ask you the same thing."

Jack smiled and resisted an urge to roll his eyes. "You know, Doctor, I'm wondering if we need to work on our social contract, or at the very least if you need to give me some secret sign when you're jerking my chain."

The Doctor smiled in return. "Social contract? Sounds boring, Jack. And what fun would secret signs be? I think our relationship is fine just the way it is, don't you?" A raised eyebrow accentuated the question.

Jack shook his head, "I'm not complaining."

"I know," said The Doctor, suddenly turning serious. "But are you lonely, Jack?"

The Captain hadn't anticipated the question and involuntarily flinched. He looked away for a moment and then looked back at his precious Time Lord, confusion and even more complicated feelings playing across his face. "I'm not sure how to answer that."

"Jack, you don't have to hold back on me. You don't have to be afraid to talk to me."

"I don't! I'm not!"

"Are you lonely, Jack?"

"I have all that I want, Doctor."

"Yes, but do you have all that you need?"

Jack's eyes flashed. "Where is this conversation going?"

The Doctor softened both his countenance and his voice. "Jack… what went on between you and John before Wil showed up… Why did you feel you had to hide it from me?"

As Jack moved to disagree, The Doctor waved him off. "You'll recall I have very good hearing. Not that I really needed it considering the noise the two of you made."

Captain Jack Harkness shivered, but not from the cold. "Oh God," he breathed. "None of us was thinking straight at the time. But I know that's not an excuse, and that what John said is true – the devices implanted in our brains couldn't make us do stuff we didn't want to do, or feel stuff we didn't want to feel…"

"Jack, you don't have to hide things from me. I don't want you to hide things from me."

"It cuts both ways, you know?" Jack's voice was husky, low, emotional.

"Yes, I know it does. But it has to start somewhere, begin somehow, doesn't it? So, Jack, tell me, I'm asking you," The Doctors voice was whisper soft, almost inaudible. "How are you?"

Jack tried to blink back the tears but was unsuccessful. "I miss John. I miss Wil. Hell, I even miss Ianto." He smiled thinly. "And I love you, Doctor, and I want you, and I don't think I'm ever going to stop loving you or wanting you."

The Doctor smiled gently in return. "From where I sit, being loved and wanted by Captain Jack Harkness isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's not bad at all. I love you too, Jack. And if there was anyone in this universe that I'd want, if I could want someone, it would be you."

Jack closed his eyes in pain and shook his head. The Doctor impulsively reached for the Captain's arm and wrapped his fingers around it. "But I don't have that ability inside of me. I haven't had it for a long, long time, Jack. And no… this isn't one of those pathetic 'it's not you, it's me' conversations. There are times when I wish it was different, when I wish I was different, but I won't lie to you Jack: there are big chunks of me missing. Maybe some day, whether it's this life or some future one, I'll find them again. Who knows? Maybe you'll help me find them just like you've helped me find the ability to openly and without any apprehension say 'I love you'. Whenever I do find those missing pieces, Jack, I hope you're there with me. But in the meantime I need to tell you – I need you to believe that I won't be disapproving. I won't be jealous. I won't be resentful. And I won't hold you back. I want you to have both what you want and what you need.

"Although I do reserve the right to make the occasional snide remark…"

As Jack looked again into The Doctor's eyes he saw tears that matched his own. "You know," the Captain said, "I think I just realized something."

"And what's that?"

"I think it might be harder to be you than it is to be me."

"Oh no, I believe you've definitely won that particular competition."

"You think?"

"Yep, pretty much."

Jack pursed his lips and nodded. But he said nothing.

"So, Jack?"

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Where do you want to go next?"

"I want to go home, Doctor."

Confusion played briefly across the Time Lord's visage as he withdrew his hand. "What? Earth? But…"

"No Doctor, not Earth. I mean my real home – the Boeshane Peninsula – back before it was invaded. Before it was destroyed. I want to go home."

"Oh God," sighed The Doctor. "Not again."