Chapter 32

A piercing pain in my chest wakes me up.

I'm alive.

I'm all too familiar with what happens next. I try to jump out of bed, expecting either my body to be paralyzed or solidly tied up. It's the latter this time: I can move but restraints prevent me from doing much more than jerking about a bit. They're too tight and well tied for me to slip free even if I were to dislocate my hands, and when I try to apply more strength to break free, the pain in my chest explodes in reaction.

I finally register the sounds around me when I stop struggling. I can only detect one more person: Snake Eyes, asleep. His presence here nearly sends me into a panic.

This can't be happening. I thought it was over and instead, not only did Cobra manage to recover me from the field and keep me alive, they've captured my brother, too?

They must have picked me up and somehow blackmailed him, forced him to surrender if he wanted me to live, and the idiot did it. Either that, or he was stupid enough to cry over my body and they got him from behind. He's just as deaf as anybody else, he probably wouldn't know until he was hit that he was under attack, especially if he was distracted by misplaced grief. Maybe he was shot? For all I know, he could be in critical condition and although he merely sounds asleep, he could be on the brink of death – all because of me.

I open my eyes to look around, frantically looking for a way to get us both out of here.

My eyes widen when they see him: he IS asleep, on a chair. He's perfectly fine, or at least it looks like he is, and he's just snoozing away. I sweep the rest of the room and my eyes widen further. This is not Mindbender's lab; it's a clinic, decorated with an American flag and GI Joe's logo.

By all appearances, I'm in custody of the Joes, not Cobra. This would be exceptionally good news if I believed it at all. I try to break from my restraints again, and again, the pain in my chest stops me. It feels like not one but two blades are still imbedded in there, and were just lit on fire. I cry out in pain before I can stop myself.

The noise wakes Snake Eyes and he quickly puts a hand on my shoulder. I'm not sure how he can be so calm… I refuse to believe he'd be fooled by the set-up Cobra put us in.

"I can barely move. Look, you can laugh at me later, but in the meantime, untie me, would you? We need to get out of here. You shouldn't have waited for me to wake up… for crying out loud, even if you couldn't stand to leave me here, I'm not THAT heavy. What were you THINKING? If…"

I have to stop, I'm completely out of breath. Snake Eyes signs at me to try and stay calm, and sits back down without undoing my restraints.

I glare at him.

"GO!" I snarl. "They can't have us both! If you can't move me…"

He gets back up and puts both hands on my shoulders briefly before signing at me to calm down again. Obviously, he's not going anywhere until we've talked. I can only hope we'll be left alone for a while still, long enough for us to have whatever little chat he thinks we need. I can't figure out why he's not restrained, but I'm starting to think my first guess was right: he's staying because he's been told I'd be killed otherwise… or maybe Cobra is holding someone else, too.

"They have Scarlett?" I ask.

He cocks his head briefly before he shakes it and signs that I have a collapsed lung and that I really should try to rest, not talk too much and stay calm.

"You need to finish me off," I say, suddenly realizing the solution to our current problem. If I'm gone, Cobra will still only have one of us even if he does get captured, and if he's not trying to save me, he'll have a much easier time escaping.

He shakes his head vigorously and signs that I'm safe and that we're in the Pit.

I blink at him, disbelieving.

He notices my scepticism, clicks his tongue irritably and signs to ask why I think he's not tied up and we're not being guarded if we're prisoners. I roll my eyes.

"You're smarter than this," I growl. "It's a trick. Cobra's got this thing in my head, they always know whether I'm dead or alive and they know it each time I start to get my memories back. This happens all the time. I don't know how they…" I stop, out of breath once again, before I can comment further on how they've even kept me alive.

He digs something out of his pocket and shows it to me: a tiny little flat piece of metal with an elaborate pattern on it. He puts it back in his pocket, and signs that this was the only chip in my head and that it's been removed.

"Cobra would know that too, and I'm guessing the chip would react if someone tried to remove it," I counter. "We don't have time for this, Brother! We need to get out of here!"

He shakes his head again and signs that I was dead when they removed it and that it was powered down because it was only powered by the electrical currents in my brains.

I blink at him again. "I was dead?"

He nods.

"So you DID kill me."

He stiffens and signs irritably that he didn't, and that the chip just kicked in while I was in surgery and that I'm very lucky they knew about it and were ready to remove it as soon as I went into cardiac arrest. He then asks how my head feels, prompting me to notice it's hurting almost as much as my chest.

His story raises a few questions, but none of them is more urgent than figuring out whether he's right about our current location.

"It's lousy," I reply, more to make it clear I wasn't ignoring him than anything else. "Do you swear to me that you have proof positive that this is the Pit, not a disguised room in Cobra's base? No, wait, you don't. You were…" I have to stop to catch my breath again. "You were asleep. Go check."

He sighs, but gets up and goes to look through the window in the door. He punches a code on the door, which answers with a cheery beep, and comes back to the side of my bed. He nods and signs at me that if I don't calm down and rest, he'll knock me out again.

So, unless I'm hallucinating all of this, this really is the Pit. As soon as the thought forms that this could all be an illusion, I can't shake it. After all, other than my surroundings, everything is the same as usual, down to my being completely immobilized. I can't understand why I would be if this was all real: if I really were with the Joes, guarded by Snake Eyes and badly injured, there would be no need for me to be tied down like this.

"Can you untie me?" I ask the person who, up until now, I was certain was my brother.

He signs an apology and shakes his head.

"Why?" I demand.

He signs that I need to stay put because of my injury. I scowl at him. I don't think he realizes his refusal is undoing all the careful recreation they've done, down to my brother's life signs, and confirming my doubts.

"That's ridiculous. I'm perfectly capable of not moving even if I'm not completely immobilized. Besides, I'm also capable of hurting myself, right now. If you really are my brother, just untie me."

He signs his apology again, takes out a notepad and starts writing.

This is not an illusion, even if I can't untie you. I'm me, this is the Pit. You once drank a tall glass of real milk in basic training because Smith had switched the soy milk. He bet he could defeat you in a one-on-one fight that day and even though you were literally green when you fought him, he lost the bet.

I frown at the note. I wouldn't go as far as saying I'd forgotten about that, but it's certainly not a memory that surfaces a lot. I swallow. I know I've never related this particular episode to Mindbender, or anybody else in Cobra for that matter. It's not that I wouldn't want people to know about it, it's just that it's completely insignificant. I'd have been just as likely to tell someone about a random training session. I just really don't think of being sick or of winning an easy fight as memorable.

"I have no idea how you know about this," I admit. "But I still think this is a trick. Untie me."

He hesitates and after a moment, signs to request a promise I won't move for at least an hour until the medic gets here to check on me.

"Unless there's a threat."

He sags a bit in exasperation, starts signing that HE's there, but he finally gives in under the glare I give him. He signs to request the promise again, this time adding in my restrictive clause.

"You have my word."

He bends over and my heart practically jumps out of my chest when he presses one button and all the restraints tying me down retract into the bed.

Cobra would NEVER take this chance, promise or not - they don't exactly believe in promises anyway. This really isn't a trick. I'm with GI Joe, Cobra thinks I'm dead, and the chip is gone.

"I'm free...?" I breathe.

He stiffens and signs that technically, I'm a prisoner, but that yes, I AM free of Cobra.

I chuckle, but stop abruptly and my eyes widen. "Billy. Where is he? Is he okay? Cobra had him. Did you find him? What happened to him?

Snake Eyes cocks his head and emits a voiceless chuckle. I frown at him. I can't see what's amusing at all. He signs that I'm very cute as a mother hen and that Billy is in hiding, but safe and sound, and that he made it here when he escaped, or rather, he made it to a recruitment office in New York and managed to convince them to contact GI Joe on his behalf.

I groan. So, my apprentice is somewhere, and as far as someone who doesn't know where that is knows, he's fine. I suppose it IS better than finding out he was recaptured by Cobra at some point and simply kept away from me.

"Did he give you my note?" I ask.

He nods. He signs to add that Billy was also the one who told them what they needed to know about the chip Cobra had in my head and who told them about Springfield.

"I figured he did, but I don't understand… if you knew about Springfield for months, what took you so long to move in? Or were you just trying to make sure the whole thing wasn't a setup? Couldn't you have figured out he was telling the truth with satellite shots or a couple of recon missions?"

He stiffens again, obviously made uncomfortable by the question, and signs that Billy only told them about Springfield when he escaped, and that it had indeed only taken a few days to confirm he was telling the truth about the Cobra controlled town.

"Didn't he tell the Soft Master and you where the base was when he told you who he was and what he was doing with me?"

He shakes his head, hesitates, then shrugs. He signs to say Billy may have mentioned the name of the town to the Soft Master, before he joined them. He adds that at the time, his mind was rather far from finding that out and that he thought he was taking Billy to the Pit anyway.

I scowl at him at that. "So you didn't even make it to the Pit. You were with him when he lost his eye and his leg."

He nods. His head stays down and he signs that they were ambushed. He at least does not apologize, making it clear that he did everything he could to keep Billy safe and is not guilty of his injuries.

"There were troops surrounding me… what happened? Did they recognize you?"

He nods and this time, does sign that he's sorry. I wave it off.

"You didn't know about the troops, and I'm guessing the Soft Master told you to get there as quickly as you could, so it's no surprise you didn't have an elaborate disguise. I'm guessing you threw on that hat and trench coat I've seen you in before?"

He nods and signs that he tried to put distance between Billy and himself so my apprentice wouldn't get caught in the crossfire, but that the Cobra troops had interpreted his actions to mean he was intent on protecting the kid and that, therefore, it was a good idea to try and blow him up. He adds that Billy managed to avoid three of the four missiles directed at him but that the fourth one took out his leg and sent fragments of pavement into his face, one of which embedded itself into his eye.

"He went into shock and you managed to get him back to the Pit, but he was in a coma until Cobra kidnapped him from whatever hospital you had him in," I finish for him. I really don't need to hear the details of his belated heroic rescue.

He nods, uselessly since I didn't really need confirmation. Now that I'm reassured about Billy, where I am and my situation hits me again. Much like last time I thought I was free of Cobra, when the Soft Master talked me out of my conditioning and literally knocked some sense into me, my mind is running circles and I don't know what to say or, for that matter, what to think.

Snake Eyes just sits back and lets me think, something I'm not sure I'm grateful for. From the realization that I don't need to work for Cobra ever again, my thoughts slip to my time there, and this time, I'm not trying to think my way out of an unsolvable problem and so, I can't conjure up any motivation to snap out of the reminiscences.

Scenes from my time with Cobra start replaying in my head, with frightening realism even by my standards when it comes to memories. It's like my brains are compensating for the fact I'm not feeling all that bad about what I've been doing while I was pretty much brain dead by reminding me about what I did back when I had most or all of my wits intact.

The United Nations… unlike when it was happening, I smell the blood on myself, I feel each droplet that touches me. I notice every man that falls under my blade, I hear their last cries and I hear their hearts stop. So many of them … dozens of soldiers, dozens of former brothers in arms, and I was out to murder as many of them as I possibly could.

I see the outside of a science lab next. My eyes are closed and I'm seeing the scene perfectly, so I open them and try to concentrate on something in the room, to no avail.

Five rookies are shooting at me, then two of them are dead and the remaining three all have missing fingers from my slicing their guns out of their hands with shurikens. One of them passes out, another wets himself, and I don't even care. I kill all three of them and despite the fact they weren't a threat to me at all and that even then, I KNEW they hadn't killed anyone from my family, the only thing I feel is regret at the fact I couldn't kill MORE.

"I thought they were evil," I mutter, trying to reason with myself and chase the visions away. "I really thought they deserved it."

I hear Snake Eyes jump and he snaps his fingers in front of my eyes. With some effort, I focus on him. He tries and fails to hide a sigh of relief and signs that Doc is going to check on me soon, very obviously just to make conversation. Knowing how much of an effort that represents for him brings to mind that the GI Joe doctors probably patched up my chest, my lung, and performed brain surgery to remove my chip… it certainly seems like a lot of trouble for an enemy.

I'm not even sure how many members of GI Joe I've killed. I kept count while I thought they were the Order's puppets, so I know I killed 23 during that time, but I never did before then, and I didn't make any effort to remember how many I killed afterwards. My guess would be a grand total between 40 and 50, not counting any soldier from any other unit, American or otherwise. My mind, quite unnecessarily, veers into flashbacks as if to confirm my guess.

I relive battles that occurred in the past few months, this time actually knowing what it is I'm doing, and witness myself killing a total of 11 members of GI Joe. I go back through battles with Snake Eyes and, for the first time, notice that although he never tried to kill me, he was consistently trying his best to maim me. Even without being able to think, my instincts and my muscle memory were enough to help me escape injury most of the time. On the flip side, I can't remember actually landing a single hit on him – obviously, I landed 11 lethal hits on others. I clench my teeth and remind myself it was only my body doing these things – my mind was completely disconnected at the time.

The Science Lab plays itself out again next; those five - and the three inside, for that matter - were rookies on a training exercise. My fists clench and I repeat to myself a few times that I really, honestly thought for sure that they deserved it at the time.

Scenes from my first eight years with Cobra invade my thoughts next, and this time, I can't deny I did everything out of my own free will, with no deception involved. With a lot more clarity than I'd like, I see every commando that stumbled into what their instruments claimed were empty rooms, and I relive the deaths of most of them. For a very scary second, I can't even think why I killed them, and when I do remember that it was to earn the name of my uncle's killer, I can hardly believe it was the only reason. The fact that I found out in the end that the Commander would not even have honoured our deal makes it all seem completely pointless. I groan, and if not for my promise to stay still, I'd be very tempted to curl up into a ball. I always used to push back to later the matter of reclaiming my honour once I left Cobra, and now that I can't push it back anymore, it's clear that I simply can't; I've done far too much.

I start replaying the last few months again next, but this time, I also keep seeing myself willingly rushing back to Mindbender to clear the confusion… in essence, just because I was afraid. I also find myself revisiting the three years I spent thinking I was a force for good even while I was trying to avenge a family I didn't remember – this time complete with all the times I practically begged Mindbender to erase my distressing memories.

There's just too much to make up for, and making excuses for parts of it is not helping. I'm the one who did all those things, and I'm the one who allowed myself to be repeatedly brainwashed into Cobra's puppet. I can't undo it all; I can't clear my name; I can't regain my honour. I have no idea what to do. Part of me feels it'd be a lot easier if GI Joe had just killed me; the same part of me, no doubt, that always opted to be brainwashed again rather than be confused or have to live with painful memories.

"Why did they save me?" I ask Snake Eyes, more to force my thoughts to focus on the present than out of real curiosity. "Your medical staff, I mean. You put a sword through one of my lungs and you said my chip put me into cardiac arrest… it can't have been all that easy to keep me alive."

He signs that from GI Joe's point of view, I'm potentially an extremely precious informant.

I frown, thinking. Even though there's no way for me to make up for everything I did with Cobra, I do owe Snake Eyes and GI Joe my life and my freedom, and I may at least be able to repay THAT debt. I'm not at all sure, however, that I know anything of use - unless Cobra is still in Springfield. And seeing the Commander was ready to go and just lost his counter-card to GI Joe's ninja, I doubt he'd stick around in a known location for long.

"I don't think the Commander is still in Springfield, or any higher-ups for that matter."

He signs that they are indeed gone, and that he couldn't even find them when he stormed the fortress after entrusting me to the care of Doc and someone else called Lifeline. After a brief pause, he adds that Hawk is counting on me to tell him where the new base is.

My eyes widen a bit. He correctly interprets my reaction and sighs, signing his guess that I have no idea.

"Let me think," I say.

He signs to ask me whether I'm going to zone out and start muttering to myself again.

I shrug. "Just snap me out of it again if I do."

He nods and sits back down, staring at me. I ignore him to concentrate on remembering any clue I may have seen or heard in the past few days, while under Mindbender's control. I don't get much of a chance to do so, however: within a few minutes, I hear two sets of steps coming this way, one of which I recognize as belonging to none other than my once self-proclaimed best friend in the whole world, General Hawk.

"General Hawk is headed this way with someone else," I whisper to Snake Eyes. "Do you want to put the restraints back on me?"

He hurriedly checks that I'm properly lined up and, pushing a button, causes the restraints to reappear and wrap themselves around me. I smirk, enjoying the fact that we're working together, even if it's just at keeping him out of trouble.

Snake Eyes springs to attention moments later as Hawk walks in with Doc.

"At ease," Hawk says automatically.

"How is he?" Doc asks Snake Eyes, ignoring me.

Snake Eyes finger signs the letters P, T, S and D.

I roll my eyes. He thinks I have post traumatic shock disorder? What kind of fragile soul does he think I am?

"I do NOT."

Doc spares me a glance before turning back to Snake Eyes. "And physically?" he asks.

Snake Eyes shrugs and signs to suggest he ask me. Doc hesitates and Hawk, apparently taking pity on him, walks to me.

"By all accounts, you should be dead, son," he says.

"I know. Your team has my gratitude."

He nods. "I'm told you had a rib in your back nearly sliced in half, a different one in your chest cut about a third of the way through, a good sized hole through your lung…"

"He had a tension pneumothorax and hemothorax," Doc interrupts, obviously more comfortable detailing my injuries than actually talking to me. "Not to mention the sucking chest wound and the hole in his back. He wouldn't have survived long enough for Lifeline to get to him if he hadn't gone into that… what did you call it again, Snake Eyes?"

My eyes widen again – I went into the Phoenix Trance? I didn't even mean to, which means I would have pulled it off out of sheer reflex. If that's the case, I do think it gives me bragging rights for life. I turn to Snake Eyes, who answers both Doc's question and mine by signing that I used a technique called the Trance of the Sleeping Phoenix.

"Right, thank you," Doc continues. "The chip also sent him into cardiac arrest and sent his blood pressure soaring high enough to cause some ruptured veins, including one in the left brain hemisphere." He turns to me, looking much more comfortable after talking shop and establishing without the shadow of a doubt that I'd be dead if not for his and Lifeline's skills, and their willingness to apply them to me. "So, there's not much point asking you how you're doing. I would like you to tell me what hurts the most, however."

"My chest. Both where the sword was and more to the side," I answer. "I'm guessing the chest tube is still in? I keep running out of breath, too."

He nods and uncovers me, checking on said chest tube. He proceeds to examine the stitches on my chest and once he's satisfied with their condition, points a pen light in my eyes.

"And your head?" he asks.

"It's fine." I sigh, already getting fed up with the poking and prodding. I wish they'd leave me alone and let me think; at this rate, the Commander will have moved on again by the time I figure out where he is now. Snake Eyes clicks his tongue and both Doc and Hawk turn to him, obviously accustomed to the signal.

He signs that my head was hurting earlier, and reminds them that on another level, I'm not doing that great mentally. I roll my eyes at him: he's got some nerves calling ME a mother hen.

"I'm FINE," I protest. "I can handle flashbacks."

"Doc, go get Psyche-Out," Hawk orders. "We need to at least make sure we can trust whatever information Storm Shadow gives us."

Doc nods and heads out.

It's hours before I'm finally left alone with my brother again, who has apparently been assigned full-time guard duty. Between Doc examining me over and over again and Hawk and the Joe's shrink drilling me on seemingly random pieces of trivia about Cobra and everything else about my life, presumably to establish I'm neither lying nor delusional, I feel more than ever like Doc didn't actually do me any favour.

Just the same, I AM alive, which means I have a chance to at least repay GI Joe for freeing me and at the same time hurt Cobra. I intend to fully exploit the opportunity, especially since I already promised Hawk that I would do my best when Psyche-Out finally declared me fit to answer questions and Hawk asked me to give them Cobra's new location and any information I could remember on it.

I close my eyes to think, only for Snake Eyes to snap his fingers. I shoot him an annoyed look and he huffs before signing that he was going to offer to undo the restraints again, but that considering my attitude, he's reconsidering.

The nice thing about having students is that they usually end up teaching you a few things too. I treat Snake Eyes to the puppy dog look that Billy used on me countless times and that I only ever resisted through sheer will power.

Snake Eyes turns his head away and crosses his arms, as if to ward off an attack. He does, however, retract the restraints again. I sit up cautiously and stretch my limbs, sighing in contentment. Snake Eyes signs that he's very glad HE didn't have to resist Billy's version of that look for months and that he's rather impressed I managed to keep up discipline.

"You should have seen the enhanced version. He used to look like a mix between a puppy dog and a little kid watching a puppy dog getting horribly killed."

He signs that he did see it, and that he shall forever remain convinced that one single dose did more to convince Hawk to try and capture me alive than all of his own arguments. He adds to remark it's not a very dignified weapon, but that there's no arguing with the results.

My chuckle turns into a wince. Snake Eyes cocks his head and I wave him off, irritated beyond reason; I hate being looked after like some fragile little doll.

"I'm fine, laughing just doesn't feel that great right now. For crying out loud, will you stop worrying? I'm FINE. Now let me think if you want me to figure out where the new fortress is."

He nods, but asks me if I'm feeling okay about it all. I scowl at him.

"I've made a complete mess of everything, and I've spent the best years of my life serving Cobra and dragging my name and my honour through the mud, and I still haven't managed to avenge my uncle, and I got my OTHER uncle killed, and I haven't avenged HIM yet, either! How do you THINK I feel? The Hard Master has been waiting for about twelve years for me to just do this one simple thing for him… it's a good thing he's used to being disappointed in me." I trail off for a second before starting again before he can interrupt me with more stupid questions. "Now if you don't mind, I'd rather focus on repaying your team for my freedom right now; it's not like going after Zartan or Scrap Iron would accomplish much at the moment, and besides, at least now you also know who to kill."

He sighs and signs that he hopes he's not making things worse by telling me this, seemingly referring to something he's about to tell me. I roll my eyes at him – I already told him I needed some time to think, why did he choose now, of all times, to be needlessly chatty?

"I really don't think being melodramatic and building up suspense is a good use of my time right now, Brother."

He tenses and explains that he doesn't think the Hard Master is disappointed in me for not avenging him, going as far as reminding me my uncle never believed in vengeance. He even adds that he's sure his spirit is at peace now that the rest of my family knows I wasn't the murderer and that his last words were to ask the Soft Master to forgive me for whatever I'd end up doing to clear my name and avenge him, which he sees as a clear sign that his sensei was not angry with me, quite the opposite.

He's making way too much sense for my liking: if he's right, everything I've done would have been for nothing even if it had gone according to plan. On the other hand, I can't deny that it is tempting to believe I haven't been failing my uncle for all these years. I don't know what to think… I don't even know what I WANT to believe anymore.

I shake my head to chase the train of thoughts. I need to focus on the task at hand; I can't allow myself to get distracted by conjectures on just how unredeemable I am. I look away from Snake Eyes, calling back the memories of my last few weeks with Cobra, looking for documents that I may have caught a glance of and for overheard pieces of conversation… anything that could help me guess where the Commander's new fortress may be.

The next few days and nights go by much the same way, with the only difference being that I see less of General Hawk and Psyche-Out and can spend more time just thinking. Snake Eyes is replaced on occasion for a few hours, typically by a group of four or five soldiers who spend the whole time with their weapons pointed straight at me.

My chest tube is taken out on the third day, and I'm allowed out of my restraints every now and then to eat and use the bathroom, under heavy guard.

The clues to Cobra's new location emerge slowly, but by the fourth morning after my chest tube was removed, I know where we will find the new fortress.

Author's Notes:

Sorry, not much action compared to the last chapter – or rather, there was a good bit of medical action, but Storm Shadow slept through it all so you missed it. On the other hand, for all of you who wanted to see more Snake Eyes, I think that's the most of him I've ever had in a single chapter. I do hope you enjoyed – writing dialogue for a non-talkative mute is always a wee bit challenging.

Speaking of Snake Eyes, I see him as having the social skills of a pet rock most of the time. He means well, but he's not very good at knowing what to do or say to make people feel comfortable around him, or better when they're down. It's a safe bet that most people wouldn't have chosen tell Storm Shadow it was all pointless anyway right after Tommy complained about having sacrificed his honour for years and still not having accomplished what he set out to do, but Snake Eyes thought Tommy needed to know his uncle was probably perfectly happy with him. It's highly debatable whether he was right or not.

The bonus for this chapter is another basic training story: someone gets the idea that it'd be hilarious and, if handled correctly, profitable to swap Tommy's soy milk for regular milk… that would be the incident Snake Eyes tried to use to convince Tommy of his identify earlier in this chapter.

Next time: where IS Cobra's new base? A hint: it is NOT a pyramid with a big ol' Cobra stuck on top of it. Another hint: it's still canon, in a way.