Author's note: so a few people have commented that Kimimaro is sixteen and Anko is WAY older than him in canon (in this AU, they're the same age). I've decided to address this. Sort of, lol :)

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"You have the telomeres of a sixteen year-old," Shizune said. She switched off the microscope and wheeled toward them, pulling her clipboard onto her lap. "There are only two explanations for this: one, that Kimimaro has extraordinary regenerative abilities, which makes sense given that every time he uses his ability, he essentially wounds himself from the inside. If this is the case, then that's good news for you - we know that the cursed seal is the source of his affliction.

The second explanation," Shizune said, and her mouth quirked a little, "is that Kimimaro-san is truly sixteen."

Anko's eyes widened.

"Fuck."

xXx

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Kimimaro was reading when Anko burst through the door.

"How old are you?" she asked. And because this wasn't the first time Anko's shouted at him without properly greeting him first, Kimimaro was only slightly confused but didn't hesitate when he answered, "I do not know," followed by, "We never marked the anniversary of my birth."

"Well you're not sixteen, right?" Anko said. "Right?"

"Do not be ridiculous," Kimimaro said. He flowed to his full height, the fabric of his long shirt rustling slightly with the movement.

"Well how old do you think you are?" Anko said. "Oi. I'm talking to you."

Kimimaro ignored her.

"Please say at least eighteen," Anko said. Kimimaro's eyes narrowed.

xXx

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He was training in the courtyard when the whole situation took an unexpected development.

The jounin usually kept a respectful distance from him, while the chuunin were positively terrified. It vaguely reminded him of the Sound: the unspoken acknowledgement of his physical superiority. It made him feel welcome, so to speak. So there Kimimaro was, training while the chuunin around him quivered and shook, when Anko came barreling down.

"Oi!" Anko said. "Kimi-chan!"

Kimimaro nearly fell over.

"Kimi-chan?" Kimimaro said. Anko grinned.

"Yeah," Anko said. "And from now on you can call me senpai as well."

"I will do no such thing," Kimimaro said.

The other chuunin seemed torn between cowering and laughing. Kimimaro shot them a look; they cowered behind Anko.

xXx

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A few days passed, and the whole mess of the situation seemed to have resolved itself. Anko popped pieces of candy and licked her fingers, never once referring to him as that ridiculous nickname, nor bringing up the sticky situation of his true age. For that, Kimimaro was glad.

"Well of course you just age slower," Anko said. She rolled a piece of dango under her tongue.

Kimimaro was silently thankful.

xXx

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"Oh. Oh, oh, shit-"

She was close. He could feel her hands grip against his back, the muscles of her stomach and thighs tensing toward release. He hauled her up and thrust harder, burying his face into her neck.

"Oh, fuck, Kimi-chan!"

"Wha-"

But she came and he felt himself spill inside her.

xXx

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She was sitting on the bed, laughing her ass off. Kimimaro glared.

"You cannot call me that," Kimimaro said.

"Why?" Anko said.

"We are the same age," Kimimaro said.

"You don't know that," Anko said. "If I'm robbing the cradle I might as well enjoy it." She was laughing so hard she was wheezing. Kimimaro bristled.

"Well then if I am not, then flaunting it is hardly appropriate," Kimimaro said.

"Whatever," Anko said. She sprawled back on the bed, skin flushed and damp and her breasts heaving with a post-coital blush."You're ruining my afterglow."

"Orochimaru recruited me soon after he left Konoha," Kimimaro said. "You couldn't have been more than twelve when he left."

"Who cares. I'm a fucking cougar. Who gives a shit."

"I must have been about the same age," Kimimaro said. Anko sat up.

"Seriously?" Anko said. Kimimaro frowned at her.

"It is simple mathematics," Kimimaro said. "If you were twelve when he left, and I was about that age when he found me, then it is logical to deduce that we are the same age. Or at the very least, something close to it."

"Huh." Anko leaned back, considering. "So what the hell is this telomere business Shizune keeps talking about?"

"I do not know," Kimimaro said. "Although I am fairly certain," and his mouth quirked, slightly, "I will age better than you will."

"Ass," Anko said, and she cuddled into his shoulder.