Disclaimer: No I don't own Harry Potter.

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Chapter 9.

Sometimes there are simply no words to describe how I feel knowing that there is a little person who is completely dependent on me… on me alone… up until recently that is. It's moments like right now when I'm ready to pull my hair out from it's roots I'm so damn furious, that I wish my life had taken a different path. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter more than life itself. When I look at her all I have are beautiful memories… memories of our life that has been so special. But I'm twenty-eight years old, and sometimes I feel as if I'm fifty!

Pansy Parkinson! Seriously! What the hell Sirius? It's not even that I'm furious with him. I'm only angry with him. I'm furious with myself, for falling straight back into his arms when I came back to London. I can try to pretend as much as l like that I didn't want to, but deep down I know the truth. The simple fact is I've thought about the man every day since I've been gone and damn him for not thinking about me! Instead he was thinking about Parkinson and those ridiculous fake boobs!

I've been sitting at the train station for the entire afternoon and almost half the night. I'm not going anywhere. I simply thought it was the safest place for me - no chance of hexing myself or anyone else in the middle of a thousand or so muggles. However, seeing as how it's well past midnight the crowds are dwindling. I really don't want to go home just yet, but my arms are pretty cold. The wind has quite the bite to it and I didn't exactly plan ahead… therefore I'm still in a hugging tee and summer skirt. Yep it's official… I'm freezing!

Apparating home would mean a hot shower and right now that's exactly what I need. God if only everything could be washed away that easily. Pulling my wand from my waistband (old habits die hard) I take a quick peek around to make sure all eyes are looking elsewhere. In a turn and flash I'm gone and outside my building. Walking up the stairs my hand catches on the banister and a shard of wood goes right into my palm. "Shit!" My hand begins to bleed more than a little and I'm reminded how much rent I'm paying… too much!

My wards take me another minute and I'm so bloody focused on my hand that I miss the purple glow before my last spell is cast. As soon as I open the door the purple makes sense. Somehow he's managed to crack my security… He's sitting on my sofa, head in his hands. At my intake of breath he jumps up.

"Go home Sirius." My voice is flat. I really really don't want to do this right now. What I want is a shower.

"Hermione you've been missing for half the night! Where the bloody hell have you been?" His voice is rough and his five o'clock shadow is back. "Do you know how worried I was? Where's Lyra?"

"She's safe with Martha. I'm having a shower. When I get out you'll be gone and I can go to bed."

"HERMIONE! Look at me damn it! We need to talk about this." His anger is palpable but mine is worse.

I can feel my hands start to shake. "No we really don't." I'm still walking down the hall.

I will not turn around. I will not turn around. "Oh no you don't. You're running again-" I turn around.

"I CAN'T RUN SIRIUS! SHE'S SEEN YOU NOW HASN'T SHE!" I scream into his face. "She knows you and now I can never leave!" His face is shocked but his eyes are glowing furiously. "Up until hours ago it would have been the last thing on earth I wanted, but you had sex with Pansy Parkinson Sirius… you made love to that woman and you knew how I felt about her… how she's treated me even after the war!"

"I didn't make love to her! I fucked her! There's a fucking difference!" He's shaking and he's backed me up to my bedroom door.

"Well that's fucking news to me!" I push at his chest as hard as I can and he stumbles backwards. My hand sends pain up my arm and I'm reminded of my cut "Shit!" Taking my chance I turn from him intending to slam the door right in his face. With any luck it'll break that gorgeous nose. But he's too quick for me. Before I know it he's picked me up and has me pinned against my bedroom wall, his hips holding me up with one hand gripping my ass cheek and the other braced against the wall beside me.

"Put me down you BASTARD!"

"Not until we talk! You're going to hear me out Mi whether you want to or not!" My chest is heaving and I know that my skirt has ridden all the way up my thighs. Damn him! I refuse to speak to him. "Yes I screwed her. Yes it was more than once. Yes I regret it now. But NO I did not do it to hurt you… and as soon as I found out you were back I put a stop to it… even before I knew about Lyra." While his face is pleading mine is like stone. He leans into my lips and I turn my head to the side. This is Sirius Black I'm talking about though. It's not like a little cheek is going to deter him. "Mione…" I can feel his wandless magic in my palm and my hand flashes hot and the cut seals.

His breath is hot on my neck as he kissed down to my collarbone, hoisting me further up the wall. He grips my bum just that little bit tighter and it's all I need for my head to fall back. "Talk to me Mi." He growls.

"Get off me." I whisper, wrapping my legs around his waist. He takes it as the affirmative that it is and tries to kiss me. Again I dodge his lips.

"Just let me kiss you for Merlin's sake!" His hands are making short work of my skirt and his pants and all I can do is stare at him, at this man that I love more than pretty much anyone other than my daughter. We made a baby together for goodness sake!

I pull his face towards mine and stare right into his eyes. "I hate you for the way you make me feel about you!" Tears are running down my cheeks before I know it and then we're as close as two people can get and I can't feel anything but him. I wrap my arms around him pulling him closer.

Breathing hard he rests his forehead against my own. "No you don't sweetheart."

I start sobbing and kissing him at the same time, so obviously I can't breathe. "Why do you do this to me? Why?"

"Mi, you're my world. You are now and you were then. Why do you have to doubt me like this."

It takes me a minute to answer. I can feel myself shuddering against him and although we're finished he's still holding onto me. "Because I don't know how to trust you Sirius. I don't know how to trust you with my heart." He doesn't say anything, as he hugs me tighter against him and walks us to the bed. Well there goes the hot shower… not that I need warming up now.

"I love you and I'm not leaving." He pulls the covers up with a flick of his wand and I'm enveloped in his warmth once more. "… and you know I'm trying to trust you too, so would it kill you to give me a break here." His voice is muffled against my shoulder.

My anger has abated and right now exhaustion has taken precedence in my body. "Alright Sirius… I'm giving you a break." Forget Parkinson Hermione. He's here with you, not her!

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

Light is shining through my blinds and I'm suddenly very aware of how late it must be. Sirius walks through the bedroom door with two mugs in his hands. "Martha still has Lyra you know. She'll be ready to start pulling teeth soon" I say taking a mug from him. I can feel the blush start to work its way up my chest as I remember just how I'd been woken up this morning. He's still wearing just those boxer briefs. If I don't get going soon Lyra might end up living at Martha's.

"Stop stressing." He says kissing me on the mouth softly before taking a sip of his coffee.

"Sirius our daughter is mischievous beyond belief! Martha loves her dearly but I pretty much left her there crying and in a fit, so it's my guess that if we don't get over there soon, there'll be hell to pay!" I talk a gulp of my own coffee but only get half down my throat. The rest comes spraying out of my mouth when I hear Sirius' next words.

"Lucky I sent Harry round to the Yank's house then isn't it?"

"You What?"

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

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