And now, something different.
"Booster, are you crazy?" Ted demanded as he stared at his companion from across the lunch table they sat at, eyes widening in simple, plain shock as his fork, speared with most-certainly indigestible food, dangled before his parted lips now ajar with shock.
There were many things Ted Kord, due to being the Blue Beetle, and then a superhero, had to put up with now and then, including the occasional super-villain, arch-nemesis, bank robbery, a few good licks now and then, and then, unfortunately, the recurring, awesome, obfuscating stupidity of best friends.
"Come on, Teddy, just think about it. You have to admit it's a good idea, don't'cha?" Booster demanded, he who had much more of an appetite than the one that Ted found himself no longer in possession of, as he scarfed down the disgusting freeze-dried food that apparently considered (according to Booster) all the rage in the twenty-fifth century.
"It certainly does have its plausibility to it, Mr. Kord," Skeets chirped in and he made a whirl around Ted's head, making him feel the slightest case of vertigo that dissipated as he returned to hovering by his best friend's shoulder, "And it would indeed create a surge in popularity and respect for him."
"For what? Martyrdom?" Ted exclaimed, eyes wide with irritation and mingling panic behind his transparent yellow goggles as he ogled upon Booster and Skeets, who were seemingly unperturbed by his dramatic increase in concern.
"Well, that could be another angle to it, I suppose. But the idea of 'forbidden love' sounds more attractive, doesn't it?" Booster grinned his jovial, roguish grin, or at least, what he assumed one would look like.
Ted found his temples in desperate need of being rubbed and he quickly satisfied that need, closing his eyes in utter incredulity.
"Booster, there's a difference, a big difference between suicide and popularity." He groaned.
"And who says I'm crossing it? You're just not thinking in the big picture right now! Besides, the idea of homoerotic ideas and homosexuality is such a franchise to be exploited in this century; by my time it's already common knowledge that it's anyone's choice to go either way, but here…"
Booster rubbed his hands together and smiled for want of a dramatic pause. "…here it's still budding. Still new. And that—" at that moment he jabbed a finger in Ted's face, as Ted retreated his head in favor of keeping his nose "—is simply a business opportunity I cannot let get away."
"Yeah, yeah, okay, okay!" Ted replied, holding up his hands in self-defense, wondering why he had the worst taste in friends, "I get that. All right."
He paused, trying to word his thoughts properly short of calling his best friend a dumbass.
"But…why Batman, Booster, of all people?"
"Let's think about it like this," Booster said, shifting his arms to hold up his hands as if he were forming a picture frame, his obnoxiously bright uniform flashing underneath the glare of the mess hall lights, as Skeets zoomed around the back of Booster's head to get another angle of the imaginary shot and Ted prepared himself for a lecture he did not want to hear, "I'm the innocent angel. The incorruptible, naïve darling that brings light wherever he goes, see?"
"Oh, sure," Ted replied, sarcasm dripping in his voice that went over Booster's head, "definitely."
"And Batman," Booster said, reforming his hands so that they formed contorted shapes that were obviously meant to symbolize two different people, "Batman is the Dark Knight, the incubus come from hell to corrupt. The destroyer, the menace, the evil darkness."
He looked to Ted for confirmation. "Right?"
"Uh-huh."
"Well, it's a total polar opposite thing, y'see? It's the angel and the demon, the two forces that can never be united, the joining of two halves of a whole, the whole yin-and-yang, 'forbidden love' romance; that kind of romantic thing." Booster said, and at this he lowered his hands to look at Ted, an almost crazed light in his eye from reciting his master plan.
"Like Twilight?" Ted set a wary eye upon his friend.
"I, for one, am surprised you know what Twilight is, but yes, I suppose, like Twilight." Booster said with the impetuous audacity he so usually wore about himself and a smug, sanctimonious smirk on his face as he crossed his arms triumphantly and looked upon his companion.
"Well, considering most people of sound mind hate Twilight, I'm not sure if that would work out so great," Ted said as he shifted in his seat, but Booster was not one to be felled in his plan and replied quickly, "Well, what makes it different is the whole drama to it, Teddy. The fact that two men—superheroes, yes—would be engaged in passionate, forbidden love, isn't just what drives the media wild but also makes the best example. It would be preaching to everyone everywhere, 'It's okay to be gay, the superheroes are doing it, you can too!" kind of mindset; and that's the stuff that gets you big; the whole role-model, teacher, leadership act."
"Also, when they catch wind that it's all a lie and when Batman's going to kill you, how much of a pretentious, farcical dick you are." Ted replied, cupping his cheek in his hand.
"Well, who says I'd be a liar?" Booster replied, looking rather miffed as his arms folded once more and the slightest expression of offense appeared on his face.
A light bulb went off in Ted's brain.
"Oh—Oh God, Booster, I had no idea you were—" Ted stammered out an apology that tumbled out of his mouth, realizing just how much goddamn sense everything made now.
"Well, yes, I did say it's no big matter in the twenty-fifth century, I guess I just forgot to tell you. Besides, I didn't think you would mind." Booster replied, and uncrossed and crossed his ankles below the top of the table, inspecting his food rather pointedly while Ted fought the urge to clench his legs together and try to think of his happy place.
"No, it's not—" Ted muttered, putting his head in his palm for a brief moment, resigning himself to the tender mercies of fate, "—ugh. I've known you too long to mind about anything you do now, and I'm okay with it."
Ignoring the return of Booster's smirk, he continued.
"But why couldn't you go for any I don't know, less…terrifying people? Not all examples have to be so…BDSM." He struggled for words and instantly his mouth felt filthy as he said it. He would have to wash out his mouth later.
"Are you implying I try it with someone like you, then?" Booster quirked up an eyebrow and Ted felt the need to choke on air as Skeets veered over to him, lights flashing, and apparently concerned for his rapidly declining welfare.
"No. No. That's not what I was suggesting. But someone less like Batman, maybe, would be a good start." Ted replied, clearing his throat and regaining his composure.
"Hmm," he replied, drumming his fingers on his chin, "That might be nice. But…nah. It's too blasé. No action, no flavor to it; people want to see the dark, sadistic relationships, not some gooey, lovey-dovey happy matrimonial life routine."
"You should be a romance novelist" is what Ted muttered to his food as he unwillingly forked a bite into his mouth and chewed.
"I was considering that." Booster retorted and Skeets added in helpfully "He was planning to before he became a superhero", as the two of them turned to look to the door, which was closed and not showing any sign of opening and reanimating back to life.
"But now, I just need to run the idea by Bats and see what he thinks. A-List, here I come!" he was practically squealing with excitement for impending doom.
"Can I write that on your epitaph?" Ted muttered again, looking up at his stupid, stupid, stupid friend with half-lidded eyes, although the comment went unheard, as, surprises of surprises, the door slid open and revealed the man that Ted pitied and feared the most at that moment, and the man that was probably, most certainly going to kill Booster, as the titular hero entered the room and watched with what seemed to be mild disgust and irritation as said man rose from his seat with a squeak and went to go talk to him.
"Oh, Batman, mind if I have a word with you?"
It had been a long, tiring day, and Bruce was at his wits end. There had been a murder down in Gotham, a bank robbery on the West End, and the Joker had broken out of Arkham precisely at noon when everyone was out to lunch.
And he had a splitting headache.
Today had not been a good day, and now he sincerely hoped that maybe duty on the Tower would be a load off his back, compared to the previous dealings of the day, a break from the madness of Gotham.
That was, of course, the last thought on his mind before he entered the mess hall, to go get something to eat, and saw the last person he wanted to see at the moment rise from his seat in that obnoxiously noxious yellow and blue uniform of his and start towards him in a manner that could be considered just a bit overly-friendly.
"Oh, Batman, mind if I have a word with you?" those words slunk past Booster Gold's lips, like poison, like a honey trap, a predator waiting to strike, words that were tainted with some evil that he could not fathom at the moment—and certainly didn't want to.
Without allowing a word to be uttered, Bruce turned on his heel and exited out of the room without a second glance and was deaf to Booster's cries to return and quickly took a chute to another mess hall a few floors away from whatever hideous plans for stardom that idiot had in his head now.
There were no possible words to articulate how desperately he wanted a drink right then.
I know this one's not really Batman deducing stuff more like him being exasperated at how stupid his fellow teammates are, but I figured this idea was too good to pass up.
And to any Twilight fans reading this, I apologize. But you have seriously got to be of unsound mind and body to read those books. Good day.