Chapter 12 Rumble In The Kitchen.
Sam turned quickly towards the door nearest to them, as the three closest Jaffa immediately saw her and bundled into the kitchen.
Teal'c stood and put himself between their assailants and the other members of SG-1, all except Carter who leaped from the table towards a large pantry area, disappearing inside.
Vala tried to stand, only to have her belt buckle finally give out – it pinged apart as her trousers slipped down past her hips. She caught the hem under her boot, staggered and knocked into Teal'c, who had just successfully punched one of the enemy right in the face. His arm twitched momentarily, enough to make the next Jaffa's staff weapon go off at a wonky angle.
Mitchell, on his way to the other end of the kitchen with Lt Redwell, was hit by a ricochet from the aforementioned weapon – his poor backside was severely impeded by several large, wooden splinters entering it at great speed.
"Jeez!" he yelled, falling, grabbing at his rear end and dragging off the table cloth on the central table as he fell.
"Oh, poor Cameron!" Vala said, concerned, as Teal'c unceremoniously shoved her backwards into the chimney recess.
"Redwell!" yelled Sam, and hurled some kind of potato-like vegetable at the young lieutenant, who promptly threw it at the Jaffa nearest to him, knocking the man on the nose. Disorientated, the Jaffa dropped his open staff weapon, which Redwell picked up and fired off wildly, taking out the next warrior at point blank range.
The potato-concussed Jaffa, shaking his head, pulled a Zat gun and aimed for the back of Teal' and the SGC-s' larger alien operative stumbled, dropping the staff weapon which the ricochet-inducing Jaffa had lost – quick as a wink Vala picked it up and whacked another warrior smartly over the head with it.
Redwell was also on his backside on the floor – the excitement of firing the staff weapon had sent him shooting backwards across the kitchen.
The Jaffa with the Zat gun turned and aimed it at the young man, only to be foiled by Sam and another well-aimed vegetable missile. He turned but the colonel had ducked back into the pantry – she'd given Simon the time to shake the staff weapon, realise he couldn't open it, so use it instead to knock the other man's feet out from under him.
Vala came crawling out from underneath the table wielding a large frying pan, which she used to quickly despatch Redwell's attacker into the land of Nod. His Zat gun skittered away across the floor.
"Thanks!" Redwell gasped.
"No problem, darling," she grinned, then ducked as the two Jaffa at the far doorway fired towards them.
"Fire in the hole!" Sam suddenly shouted, as a large china bottle came sailing out of the kitchen towards the antagonists who were heading towards Vala and Redwell.
"What's tha…" began the lieutenant, before being dragged further under the table by Vala – just as a wonderful home-made vinegar and baking powder bomb exploded all over the two Jaffa. They were immediately distracted - in the confusion Vala leaped at them with the frying pan, dispatching one with a hefty wallop while Redwell used the dropped Zat'nik'tel to take out the other one.
Vala smiled widely, holding up a hand. "High five!".
Redwell grinned and obliged.
Teal'c who'd managed to stay upright after the Zat shot hit him was in a fist fight with one of his attackers. The other Jaffa was busy shooting out the pantry windows where Sam was hiding.
"Frying pan!" Redwell said.
Vala handed it to him, the young soldier hurled it at the trigger happy chap who was by now advancing towards the pantry.
Another home-made bomb came flying out of the broken window, which exploded nicely all up the legs and torso of their attacker. He only looked down for a second, but that was long enough for Mitchell, still lying in some considerable amount of pain on the floor, to shoot through one of the ropes on a wooden drying rack, suspended from the ceiling. It came crashing down and knocked out the unsuspecting Jaffa from behind.
Sam, grabbing the frying pan which lay discarded on the floor, came up behind the last remaining assailant, who was still busy with Teal'c. She paused, chose her moment, then brought the large piece of cookware smartly down on his head. He dropped to the floor in front of her.
They became aware of sounds of scuffles and gunfire elsewhere in the building.
Sam smiled, looking smug.
"You didn't think that I came on my own, did you?" she asked them. "I brought the cavalry with me too!"
Panting, they all looked around at each other, grinning.
"Did we do it? asked Redwell, looking rather dazed.
"We did,"Sam nodded, "and I suggest that we make good on that fact by getting the heck out of here!"
She put out her hand to help Mitchell up.
He grimaced and staggered. He really was in a substantial amount of pain, his BDU's were soaked with blood at the back.
"We need to get you up to the Hammond's infirmary," Sam told him, ruefully.
He nodded, but still managed a smile. "Some fight though, eh?"
Vala rolled her eyes. "How would you know? You couldn't see it from down there!" but she came across and patted his arm sympathetically. "Poor Cameron – at least we don't have Carolyn with us this time! Some other poor doctor gets to check out your six instead."
He groaned, just as Daniel pushed himself up from where he'd been peacefully slumbering throughout the entire fight.
"Ugh – my head!" he moaned. "Er – what just happened?"
Vala crouched next to him and gave him a smacking big kiss on the lips.
"You slept through a fight that was nearly as much fun as the one which we had on the Prometheus, darling," she told him, pinching his cheek.
"Really?" he looked around at the devastation in the kitchen, impressed. "Did we win?"
"Oh yeah!" Sam smiled as she spoke into her radio. "Marks, this is Carter. Six to bring aboard."
"Roger that," said the young Major, as the kitchen disappeared around them.
It was early evening on the same day. The George Hammond had withdrawn from their original co-ordinates, so that the teams could de-brief and any injuries could be attended to.
Mitchell and Vala had both been sent to the infirmary – the poor colonel was having to lie on his front after having had some serious attention paid to his poor backside. The doctor in charge had behaved very professionally while removing any splinters and performing the suturing – it's a shame that the same couldn't be said of his team mates, who all sniggered conspicuously every time they looked at him.
The ex-space pirate's injuries were far less severe – one of the larger wounds on her side had partially opened up again – several paper stitches and a large dressing appeared to have done the trick.
Daniel came in as she was swigging down a dose of painkillers. He pulled a sombre face as he approached.
"I'm so sorry…" he began, but she interrupted.
"Oh, shush Daniel! It was an accident. Really. When people love each other and they apologise then it's forgotten. Now ssshhhh!" She put her finger to her lips, yanked him in close and wrapped her arms around his waist, looking up into his beautiful blue eyes.
He resisted the urge to squeeze her as tightly as possible and kiss the living daylights out of her – he didn't want to break her again, she was too precious. Instead he planted a chaste, if somewhat extended, kiss on her beautiful mouth. He could feel her smiling against him.
"Now go away," she told him. "Because I'm tired and I ache and my head hurts and I want to go to sleep. On my own. Just this time. But I still love you very, very, very much."
"I know you do." He cupped her cheek with his hand, kissed her again and went to leave, passing Mitchell on the way out, who was out cold.
Daniel smiled a guilty smile – well, anyone getting shot in the backside was kind of amusing. Even if it was one of your best friends.
He went to find Sam, who was in the cafeteria, and they sat together looking out of the window at the stars.
"I wonder if we ever did this on the Odyssey?" he said.
She raised her eyebrows and took a sip of her hot coffee. "Must have done – we were there for long enough."
"So, what went down in the rest of the de-brief?" asked Daniel.
"Interesting that you should ask," Sam replied. "well, most of the Jaffa from the old Healing House fought to the death. They're a stubborn people."
She shook her head, thinking of another stubborn but lovable Jaffa that they both knew well. "Those that were left surrendered. There's only a dozen or so of them. They're being taken to Dakara – I guess that's the best place for them. Their own kind can sort them out, or imprison them or – I don't know! It's hard enough trying to work out my own command, let alone worry about someone else's."
She took another sip of her coffee.
"The man who came out to see you was very apologetic afterwards – he's some kind of minister – and they seem keen to help us and rid themselves of the Alliance. We've checked out the twin planet too – no sign of the Alliance there at all, we can't take anything for granted though. I've left small squads of airmen down there on both planets, but to be honest we're going to have to bring over a whole lot more if we want to keep the bad guys from getting a foot hold back in here again."
Daniel rose his eyebrows in concern. "Will we need to come back?"
Sam shrugged. "Not sure. But if the crystals are on the planet next to this, we're certainly going to need to get back in this area at some point in the future. Especially if we want to have control over who can use them. And we don't want to run the risk of having to endure a fire-fight with the Alliance every time that we roll up in this neck of the woods!"
"So we're heading back to earth now?" Daniel queried.
Sam shook her head. "No. We'll finish what we came here to do first. Teal'c and Lt Redwell are going back to the SGC through the Stargate to fill Landry in on what's been happening here, and hopefully bring back a squad from Earth to maintain a permanent presence here. I suppose that we'll know more when we've been to the other planet as well."
"Mmmm," Daniel took a long draft from his own coffee mug, "Well, I don't suppose we'll be visiting it for a day or so, not with Mitchell's butt being in the condition that it is!"
Sam giggled, then looked around guiltily. "Poor Cam – first the giant guinea pig and now this!"
"Like Vala said," grinned Daniel, "it's just as well that Carolyn's not with us this time!"
TBC...
It has long been my wish to write a story with a 'Comedy Frying Pan Incident' in it. I hope that you liked my efforts! And if anyone was born to wield a comedy frying pan, it's Vala!