(Ch 2 pt 4)
After school at the hill
"Sooo... What are your fears?" Brittany asked me, while doing our Biology homework. "Um.. Too many to name. What about you?" I said just drawing an eye
on the side of my homework." I try not to have any fears." She replied looking up at me. "How is that possible?" how is it possible to have no fears. I'd love to
be free of fears. "Well.. Fear is like a wall. If you can't get thru the wall of fear how do you expect to have fun?" she said talking with her hands. That re-played
in my head over and over. If you can't get past the wall of fear, how do you expect to have fun. No fear. "Hey.. Can I ask you something?" "Ask away" I said
making eyelashes on the eye. "You never wear bright or short clothes... And you sang a really depressing song... Are you ok?" she asked. She cared. But I
couldn't. I couldn't tell her. I didn't want her to look at me in disgust because of my dad or scared to hug me because of my bruises... Or the pity she might give
me. I don't want it. "Oh Yea I'm fine, I feel like a skank or whore in short clothes and I feel like the song is suitable for my voice, that's all." I came up with a
quick 'white' lie. "Oh..Ok," she smiled. "Sooooo where are we gonna go on our date? I'm excited for it," she squealed cutely and searched thru 3 leaf clovers
looking for a 4 leaf clover. I giggled "Wherever you want..." I replied. I don't wanna get my hopes up for anything. Nothing in my life can be happy. I'm waiting
for everything to crumble. I'm scared. I don't want her to know who I am. But I don't wanna lie to her. I don't want her to be with me because she knows my
dad hurts me. There's something broken inside me and I want to fix it. I don't want to keep breaking inside. I want to grow into something good, happy and
beautiful. I want to be proud of my body. I don't want to hide it. I want to smile a real smile. I took one deep swallow. If you can't get past the wall of fear,
how do you expect to have fun. No. Fear.
(Ch 2 pt 5)
"Bye!" I smiled at Brittany walking inside. "How many times have I told you to come straight freaking home after school!?" My dad yelled as I walked in the
room. "U-um..." I got scared. He stood and started walking towards me. My mom stood in the kitchen. Watching. Not helping. Watching. I panicked. "Ple-please
don't hurt me..." I tried to hold my strength. I'm so weak. "You mean like this?" he grabbed my arm and swung me into the wall. The stone call wall. A wall. Like
fear. "And this?" He kicked me in the stomach. I groaned in pain. "Enough!" my mom yelled from the kitchen. "What?! She deserves it!". No Fear. I sniffled and
held my stomach. "Stay on the ground," he kicked me one last time. "No..." I coughed and wiped the slight blood on my mouth. "Excuse me?" he said. My mind
thought one thing well my mouth said another. "No...nothing," I just laid on the ground. Scared to move. Making a bruise on my stomach. I don't want this life. I
don't need this life. Some kids love their parents. Some parents love their kids. Some kids love themselves. Some kids hate their parents. Then there's me. Who
loves one person. Brittany.
(Ch 2 pt 6)
"Up!" my dad said tapping me with his foot. I slowly stood up and looked at him. We stared at each other for a second before he pinned me to the wall. It just
kept replaying in my head. No fear. No fear. No fear. No. Fear. He kissed my neck, myself powerless from his grip to me against the wall. "Why don't we take
the upstairs?" He said letting my left arm go so he can roam HIS hands around MY body. "No." I closed my eyes and pictured a happy place. "What did I say
about saying no?" he said. Alcohol. Lingering from his breath. "You said never to say it. But you know the law says? No hitting your kids and no having sex with
minors. You are doing both. I can get you arrested with one phone call" I replied. My voice was soft and slow, but cracking along with my strength. "Oh well we
got ourselves a smarty" he replied with an evil chuckle. He grabbed my pony tail quickly and pulled me aside from the wall. "You won't do anything. And if you
do, I swear you'll never see the light of day. Understand?" He said tightening his grip on my ponytail. I started crying...again "Good. Now go upstairs whore
don't come down." He pushed me towards the stairs. I ran upstairs and locked my door. I sat for a second. I lifted my shirt to see a medium sized purple bruise
on the left side of my stomach. I looked in my mirror and saw my reddish brown cheeks stained with tears. I hate crying. One tear shows a million weaknesses.
(Ch 2 pt 7)
"You need to go to your sex Ed classes. You suck!" my dad said walking out. "YOU SUCK" I scoffed at him. I'm almost 18. Adult. To be free and get out of this
hell hole. Clank. Clank. There was a knocking on my window. "What the hell..." I got up and saw Brittany. Like Romeo and Juliet. I covered myself up with a
blanket. "What are you doing?" I whispered. "Come down... Hurry.." She said waving her hand. "Ok," I smiled and threw on some clothes and climbed down my
wall outside my window. "What are you doing?" I asked walking towards her. "I'll tell you at the hill," she grabbed my hand and started running. I tried to hold
back squealing in pain. Every step hurt. We climbed up the hill and she sat down and I sat down. "Now can you please tell me what are we doing? I'm not even
sure I'm allowed to be here..". "I saw." My heart dropped. She's never gonna look at me the same. She's never gonna want me. "S-saw what?..." I looked
away. I didn't want her to look at me. I'm disgusting. "What you dad did..." She replied. I felt the tears making their way thru my eyes and I just broke. I
bawled. "Shhh.. Shh don't cry..," she pulled me into a tight hug. No one's ever done this. She just held me. Made me feel safe, made me feel cared for, made
me feel...loved.