(Ch 2 pt 8)
"Shh...It's ok..You are ok.." She kissed my head. "I..I t-thought you went..H-home..." I stuttered wiping my tears, sitting up. "As soon as you said bye I heard
yelling. I looked back and saw..." I had to let her go. I had to push her away. I couldn't let her know. I couldn't. Just like everything else. I can't. "You should've
gone. You should've left." I replied. Hardened my heart. I couldn't let anyone in, just for them to leave me. "I wasn't just gonna leave you...". "You should've!" I
looked away. Never looked at her. "Why? You were being hurt!" she asked confused. "It's none of your freaking business! None!" I stood up. "Santana... I was
just trying to help," she looked down. "Stop trying. I'm helpless." I started walking down the hill. "Santana! San!" she chased me. "what!?" I stopped walking. I
didn't look at her. Didn't turn around. She came behind and turned me to her. "Stop... I'm not gonna hurt you... Look at me." she lifted my head up. "I'm not
gonna hurt-..." We made eye contact. Her eyes were a beautiful blue. "I'll never.. Hurt you" as soon as she finished...
(Ch 2 pt 9)
Her soft lips met with mine. So soft. We kissed and I loved it. I kissed back, until she pulled away. It was awkward silent for a moment "Day 3 and we're
already kissing, by day 7 we're gonna be raising baby unicorns," she said moving her eyes with every word. I giggled. "Kiss me again..." I said looking at her
with my eyes squinted just a tiny bit. "Gladly" she leaned in a kissed me again. I've never felt this.. At least one that means something. I pulled back. "...thank
you.." I said and we hugged tightly. 11:00 pm. In the middle of the street. "Why don't you come back to my house." Brittany said locking our pinkies. "But.. My
dad if he-" she interrupted "Your dad will never lay a hand on you," she said. We started walking. I don't get things. All I hear in my head are screams. All my
mouth says..is nothing. I need to learn to speak. I need to learn to be honest. I need to learn to be free. "You know... When it's just me and you, you are
happy, and smiling. And funny, hilarious even." She said swinging our hands back and forth. "I'm actually a really big diva. I have an attitude... I'm just scared
to use it sometimes," I said with a shoulder shrug. "Well then be her... And of you are ever scared just say 'Fishy fishy why are -" "you so squishy?" I finished
for her. "How did you know..?" She said pulling her head back in confusion. "Britt! We used to say that as kids! You're remembering!"
(Ch 2 pt 10)
Next morning
"Hey wake up.." I heard a soft gentle voice say, I felt a chin lay on my shoulder. I would recognize that voice a million miles away. "What time is it Britt?..." I
rotated my body around to face her. "It's almost 1pm..." She said. My head shot up "School! I'm gonna be late! And I'm not gonna graduate!" "San, San...It's
Saturday," she said holding me back a little. "...I don't even know what day it is..." I laid back down. She looked at me concerned. "What...?" I said looking
down. "As soon as your face touched my pillow you fell asleep. Like you haven't slept in a good bed for days and-and uh.. In your dreams you were just
screaming for help..." She looked so sad. "I'm sorry... Did I keep you up all night?" I asked twiddling with my thumbs "No.. I just wanted to make sure you were
ok...," she said standing up and throwing on some house clothes. "Britt... Before I met you... I never felt loved.. I never felt cared for... Until you came and
showed me. Thank you." I said sitting up. She walked over to me, looked me dead in the eyes. "You are welcome." She smiled and kissed my head. I don't
know what to do. I know she doesn't want me to go home... But I'm being called to it..as if I'm on leash and it's choking me because I've gone too far. I
watched Brittany cleaning up her room. Well thinking about my dad, grades, my mother, she had a bunch of clothes around her floor. Her room was so nice.
Unicorns everywhere. "Britt...come lay down with me..." I said looking at her. She glanced her head over her shoulder. "But I'm cleaning my room.." She said
with a pout in her lip. "Please.." I begged. I liked the feeling of being held. The feeling of being safe. The feeling of feeling loved. "Ok fine. But only cause you're
cute." she smiled and dropped the clothes in her hands and came and laid back in bed with me. I snuggled up into her and she just smiled. We laid for who
knows how long. But one thing was for certain, she is my hope.
(Ch 2 pt 11)
Monday
I skipped gym again, Britt will probably be upset but I'll make for it with a kiss. I went to my place the hill, as always. I just needed time to think. I've convinced
Britt to keep my secret of neglect, abuse and my ripped-away childhood. Glee Club starts later, sing sing, la la la. Brittany's convinced me I can sing. I don't
know where to go with my life. Or even what to do with it. I want to be able to smile without the voices reminding me it's fake. I wanna be able to sleep
without reminiscing the first times. The first time my dad forced me into sex. 13. The first time my dad slapped or hit me when I was 9, and with a belt. I've held
so much anger, pain and sadness inside of me. I don't want to erupt. My feelings are lava, I'm a volcano. Surprisingly, I'm having so many issues with trusting
Brittany. I'm so scared of losing her. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I've had nightmares of my father coming and dragging me away from her. I want to
punch things all the time. Brittany is so innocent I don't want to let all this out on her. This world is so screwed up. Society doesn't. You don't. I'm so broken.
Broken. My thoughts grew bigger every year. Like clouds covering the floor to where you can't see your shadow. Clouds are thoughts, shadow is hope of
happiness. I see everything within metaphors. But there is sunlight, her name is Brittany.
(Ch 2 pt 12)
I waited for Brittany at her locker. I knew she was gonna be upset, but we usually just kiss and boom, no longer upset. "Santana Marie Lopez!" She came
storming to me. I sighed "Yes?" "You left me alone in gym class!" She put her hands on her lip and pouted cutely. "I know babe. I'm sorry." I frowned. "You
know how to apologize," she grinned a little. I leaned in and pecked her lips quickly. She smiled a bit and a smirk grew on her face. "What?..." I tilted my head
to the side. "You're grounded from cuddling time. "God. Here we go again. I told her every time she calls herself stupid, she's grounded for 1 hour of my sweet
lady kisses. Now we do this back and forth. At first I was only allowed to do it to her, but then she said it to me. Now it's constant. "Noooooooooooooo
cuddling is fun." I whined a bit. "You broke your promise about not skipping gym anymore," she looked down. I sighed and moved her head up so we were
looking eye to eye, her beautiful blue eyes. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again, I promise this time. Ok?" I looked at her. I hate making her sad because all she does
is make me happy. "Ok... But still no cuddling for 3 hours when we get home," she said. "No no you're the best cuddle buddie," I whined. "And I'm in charge," I
smirked a bit. "Ughh fine. We can cuddle later," she said putting her books in her locker. "Yay!" I squealed and had a voice creak. She giggled at it. I smiled. Her
giggle, her voice, her eyes, her kisses, her nose, her mouth, her laugh, her cuddles. Her. I love her.