--Through heaven and hell--
A/N - OHMYGOD! You guys are so awesome! I am so sorry I didn't get to update sooner like I planned to when I read all of the great reviews I got! You guys are so freaking great, so, I'm going to try and update more often, yay! Whoo! Oh and thanks for all of the great suggestions guys, I appreciate it!
--
Chapter Three - The silver lining
--Bellas pov--
It had been a month since Dr. Gerandy had informed me that I was going to have a baby, which means I'm two months pregnant now. I rested my hands on my stomach, stroking the small baby bump that had started to form. It was barely noticeable, but it was definitely there. It was my constant reminder of what would happen in only seven more months, and it always brought a smile to my lips. The thought of me having a child was difficult at first, and I was struggling with the fact that it was Edwards baby... and he was gone. Yet this baby was exactly what I had been wishing for, proof that he existed, and if his child wasn't proof enough I didn't know what was. Once I had come to terms with my pregnancy I found myself enjoying it thoroughly. I smiled softly as I thought of the many things to come in the next couple of months. I wondered idly what time it was, and I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was about time for me to make dinner for Charlie and me.
I stood to my feet and strolled into the kitchen, surprised to see Charlie standing there. He was searching through the fridge, a small frown on his lips, he seemed slightly confused and maybe even frustrated. "Uhm, Dad. What are you looking for?" He glanced at me and chuckled, I had a hand on my hip and the other one was hanging at my side. "Bells, I was going to make dinner, so you wouldn't have to." I shook my head slowly and walked towards him, taking the package of chicken breasts from him and placing them back in the fridge, "Dad, that's all right. I don't mind cooking, I enjoy it really." He sighed, "I just feel bad, I mean, what's going to happen in a couple of months when you cant cook, or rather you don't want to, and then we end up eating pizza for months because I cant cook anything?" I giggled. "Well, how about this, I'll teach you how to cook." He smiled, "Thanks Bells." I nodded, "No problem Dad. Now I'm going to start you off easy, we'll make spaghetti!" He nodded and sat down at the counter. The next hour or so I spent with Charlie, teaching him how to cook the pasta and how to make the sauce.
When it was ready I dished it into two bowls and handed him his, and then took mine and sat down at our small kitchen table. I nibbled on the pasta, smiling at how good it was. "Great job Bells, this is really good!" I smiled, "Thanks." We ate in a comfortable silence, and when we were done Charlie took my bowl and started washing the dishes, mumbling something about how he could at least do that. I giggled and kissed his cheek, "Dad, I'm actually really tired. I'm going to go to bed, all right?" He nodded and shooed me away. I walked slowly up the stairs, and down the hall into my bedroom. I gathered my toiletries bag and entered the small bathroom.
I turned the water on in the shower and quickly stripped my clothes and got in, relishing in the feeling of the warm water slowly relaxing my tense muscles. I washed my hair and the scent of my strawberry shampoo filled the room, and I smiled softly at the familiar scent. As soon as the hot water ran out I got out of the shower, toweling off, before slipping on my cotton pajamas. When I was dressed I turned to the mirror and brushed my teeth thoroughly, making sure that I covered every surface before rinsing out my mouth. I blow-dried my hair so that it was perfectly straight before brushing it for a minute. Soon I ran out of things to do in the bathroom so I walked back down the hall and into my bedroom. I set my toiletries bag down on my dresser before sitting myself on the edge of my bed. When Edward had left, I had packed most of my things away, all of my books and Cd's were now in a box at the back of my closet. It had just hurt too much when I thought of him, so I got rid of anything that reminded me of him.
It really wasn't successful though, I really couldn't get rid of my room, let alone the small town of Forks Washington. I realized that everything little thing reminded me of him, from my clothes to the rain to my shampoo. It was impossible to not be reminded of him, and sometimes it hurt. I did try my best to pack everything away though, I had even bought all new clothes, and Alice would have been pleased that my new wardrobe was a bit more stylish. I was even considering redecorating my room, but I couldn't part with my memories permanently, everything that I had gotten rid of was neatly packed away, stored either under my bed or in the back of my small closet.
I layed back in my bed, wondering just how extreme would I have to go to actually get rid of the pain in my chest. I had two options, I could find Edward, or I could kill myself. I laughed at myself for even considering suicide, I had to think of my baby now, and I just couldn't leave my child without either of their parents. Although I really couldn't find Edward either, he had disappeared without even a hint as to where he went. So I suppose I would just have to suck it up and deal with the pain. I closed my eyes slowly, praying that I wouldn't have a nightmare tonight, but of course luck wasn't on my side. I drifted of to sleep and then I was graced with the best dream that quickly turned into my worst nightmare yet.
I sat in the living room with Edward right beside me. He held my hand and traced circles into the back of my palm, the rest of the Cullen's were sitting around the room talking and laughing. I looked across the room and into a mirror on the wall, studying my appearance.
I had gold eyes; deep mysterious gold eyes that somehow expressed everything about me yet contained their mystery. My hair was glossier and it brushed against my hips, and I had baby bangs that looked perfect with my heart shaped face. From what I could see of my figure, it was a perfect hourglass with all the right gentle curves. All in all, I was beautiful, but most of all… I was a vampire.
I glanced around the room to see that there were other people in the room beside myself and the Cullen's, I never did get a good look at their faces but I saw that they all had gold eyes… except for one of them. This one had deep emerald eyes and she looked exactly like Edward and I. It was surreal actually, looking at her… seeing how utterly beautiful she was. She talked and laughed and smiled with the rest of us, completely at ease in a room full of vampires. In fact, she even held hands with a vampire. A couple with a human girl and a vampire boy… so much alike Edward and me when I was human. It was unsettling to watch them, almost as if I was waiting for the girl's heart to break, or if I was watching a story I already knew the ending to unfold.
Eventually the girl stood from her spot, kissing her significant other softly before retreating up the stairs. No one particularly noticed that the girl had left, or they just hadn't made it obvious that they knew the girl was missing from the room. The only one who acted differently from before her disappearance was the boy she had held hands with and kissed. He gazed longingly towards the staircase and his hand clenched tightly in his lap.
A few agonizingly long moments passed before a shrill scream pierced the carefree atmosphere in the room. Everyone tensed in his or her seats while Edward and I jumped up and darted for the stairs. The boy that obviously loved the emerald eyed girl dashed in front of us, tearing up the stairs and down the hallway to the second door on the right. I followed quickly behind him, and when I entered the room I froze. The boy had a dark cloaked figure pinned to the floor, slowly ripping it to shreds, while an identical cloaked figure had the emerald eyed girl in his arms and was dragging her out of the window and into the night. I snarled, the sound was positively deadly, and then I pounced. Right before I reached the cloaked figure I was struck to the ground by an agonizing pain, I couldn't move and I couldn't breathe. I lay there crippled on the floor, hoping that the girl had escaped, though I highly doubted it. A pair of marble arms wrapped around me and the pain immediately cut off, and an eerie silence filled the room. I sobbed loud; heartbreaking sobs, crying that 'she' was gone.
I woke up to find my pillow was stained with tears that I had been crying while I slept. I wiped underneath my eyes and caught a few stray tears before slowly sitting up, trying not to make myself sick. I held a hand to my forehead and glanced at the clock, it read 7:00 a.m. and a faded light barely leaked in through my bedroom window. I sighed and stood shakily to my feet, so far the day had a pretty bad start and I wasn't particularly looking forward to throwing my guts up… again. It had become a routine though and I expected it, I was going to have morning sickness until the end of my third month, but according to me the third month couldn't come quick enough.
As soon as I was standing the usual nausea swept over me, almost making me heave right then and there, and as usual I was darting across the hall and into the bathroom. I sank to the bathroom floor, letting my stomach heave repeatedly until it had stopped for a moment. I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes, waiting to see if there would be a second wave of nausea today. After a few short minutes of keeping everything in my stomach I tried to stand, only to heave into the ceramic bowl of the toilet once again. The splattering sound made me even sicker and I found myself vomiting repeatedly for several minutes. This was pure agony. I finally seemed to get over my morning sickness after a long while, and I managed to stand up and make my way downstairs to the kitchen.
Charlie was standing at the counter, pouring me a small cup of apple juice before handing it to me with an apologetic smile. I smiled weakly back before sipping carefully at the juice, making sure not to overwhelm my stomach and to send me to the bathroom again. I sighed when I finished my cup, smiling happily at the flavor that lingered on my tongue. Recently I had fallen in love with apple juice, the sweet cold sensation of it always soothed my stomach and calmed my morning nerves, but the funny thing is that I used to hate it. I went to pour myself another glass but Charlie beat me to it, I smiled softly towards him, not quite used to being taken care of instead of taking care of other people. I sipped at my second cup of juice gratefully, thankful that my father was being so reasonable about my pregnancy.
He was being so patient with my mood swings, my morning sickness, and he always offered help when I was struggling to decide something about the baby. Like when I realized that I only had about seven months to pick out the perfect name for my baby, and I didn't even know the gender yet. I completely freaked out, even though I knew I had time, I thought I was supposed to be prepared for this… that somehow I was already supposed to have the name picked out. Charlie stayed with me for hours, calming me down and helping me sort through hundreds of baby names. Eventually I came to my senses and set the baby name book down and went and took a nap.
I will willingly admit that I am a very stressed pregnant woman, and I was struggling to deal with everything that other pregnant women dealt with their spouses beside them. I held back the tears that always came when I thought of this. It was ridiculous to cry over something I couldn't prevent, but I still missed Edward so much it physically hurt me. I shook my head slowly and set the juice glass down and walked to the living room and up the stairs. I made my way to my room, closing the door behind me before walking into my closet and sitting on the floor next to a black box that held everything, well almost everything, that reminded me of the Cullen's.
Then I let the tears fall, my arms folded on the top of the box, my head resting on my arms. I shook with the intensity of my sobs, and I let the sorrow and grief take me over for a while. The ever-present hole in my chest made its presence known, ripping open and leaving the edges ragged and throbbing with pain that was as constant as my heart beat. I knew that the hole in my chest wasn't actually there, and if I had enough strength to move I would find myself to be in one piece, but at the moment the pain was crippling me and leaving me breathless so I let it have its way. I clutched my chest, hoping to at least keep myself from falling apart as I rocked back and forth with my cries of grief and pain. I don't know how long exactly my crying spree lasted, but when I finally dragged myself from the closet it was dark outside. I sighed and sank into my bed, not caring about anything else except for the fact that my crying jag had left me exhausted.
I stared at the ceiling, trying to find something positive about my situation, and I found myself thinking about my baby. I rested my hands on my stomach, deciding that this was the best thing that could happen to me. I loved my baby so much, and I had only known it for one short month. I guess you could call it my silver lining, yeah of course I was heartbroken that Edward and his family were gone… that my baby would never know how great and wonderful they were, but he had given me this baby and that was all that mattered. I couldn't change the past but I could look to the future.
As my eyes closed and I drifted off to sleep I thought of my baby, my personal silver lining, and I hoped that it would be enough to keep me breathing. To keep me alive. My beautiful baby was the reason I lived, and I would do my best to do just that… to live.
All right, this chapter was slow and whatnot and I know that. But the next few chapters are just setting up the actual plot, so please hang in there and keep reading! Besides that black box is really important. Really… really important. Stay tuned!
-Kara Marie Hale