I wake up alone. I don't have to get out of bed to know that I'm alone in the condo too. Part of me, a big part, isn't surprised that Cat is gone. I think back over last evening and don't know where it all went wrong. I went to the diner to talk to Cat and figured, with the weather, that we could talk as I drove her home. The change of plans to my place was unexpected but that drive was dangerous.

I think it went wrong when, after I apologized, Cat simply answered "ok." I got mad or maybe frustrated is more apt.

In the kitchen, the minute her hands touched my chest, I was lost and had to have her. I've never been like that before. It was a challenge to remember to be good to Cat too. All I wanted was to take and there were definitely moments when I was only focused on my own pleasure; but, then a little voice would remind me to bring Cat along rather than using her as a means to an end.

I'm not entirely comfortable with one thought that went through my head; I wanted to punish Cat for what happened. It's completely illogical and mean but it's how I felt and probably why I kept her emotionally at arm's length. Maybe it's a good thing that Cat left. I would probably be begging her to forgive me this morning. What the fuck am I doing?

I scrub my hands over my face and wonder where it all went wrong again and probably not for the last time.

Ok, I need to simply think things through. I screwed up. Duper helped me see where I screwed up and, as I think about it more, Cat probably thought I knew more about kids than I really do because Dupe and Flower were helping me. I also realized that if I want a life, and my time off with the concussion told me I need more balance, than I need to make time for more than hockey. So I come to this huge realization and go to the diner to talk to Cat. Then the evening unfolded as it did. Since Cat left, and I don't blame her given how I acted, she must think that this was a mistake. Or does she? I want this to work. I want to see if Cat and I will fall in love. We're already half way there; at least I am. Maybe we date without involving Lizzy this time like Cat originally wanted. Then we'll know if we should take the next step. Flower was right when he said that you go from date one to date twelve with a single mom. Maybe we need to have a few of those in between dates. Ug, I'm going back to sleep. I'll figure this out later.

I have barely slept. The cab took me home but it took a long time. Thankfully the roads were better but still bad and with lots of snow. I slept on the sofa since Miss Sally was in my bed and woke to Lizzy jumping on me very, very early.

As promised, I am making blueberry pancakes for the three of us. As we eat, I can tell that Miss Sally wants to ask me about Sid but I'm glad she doesn't. She knows not to in front of Lizzy who is currently scarfing up pancakes and telling me about what she's going to do at her swim lessons. We clean up after breakfast and I let Lizzy go watch cartoons after she's cleared her dishes.

"Now that the munchkin is gone, tell me what happened with Sid" Miss Sally says.

"There's not much to tell" I reply. "Nothing has changed. We both want different things and have very different lifestyles. If it was just about me then I could make a lot of compromises for him; but, it's not just about me and I have to think of Lizzy first."

Miss Sally sighs. "Ok missy. You know I love that little girl like my own but you need to make sure that you find happiness too. Lizzy will learn from you what happiness is about."

She gives me a lot to think about and it weighs heavy on my heart. After everything is cleaned up and Miss Sally goes back to her apartment, I settle on the sofa beside Lizzy to watch cartoons. She climbs up onto my lap and I cuddle her in. I anticipated a lot of the worries I would have about my daughter; but, I never anticipated juggling her happiness and mine as separate things. I always simply thought that if she was happy than I would be too. That's partially, mostly, true. I think of what Miss Sally said about Lizzy learning about personal happiness from me and isn't that part of teaching my daughter?

"Mommy?"

I look down at Lizzy and she's frowning. "Yes baby."

"You look sad" she says and looks sad at that thought herself.

First, I feel pride because my daughter just watched Sesame Street where they were talking about emotions. Lizzy saw that and applied it to me; such a smart little girl. It also demonstrates what Miss Sally said and Lizzy is picking up that I'm not happy.

I don't want to lie to Lizzy so I answer "I'm tired baby."

"But you look sad. Do you have a boo boo?"

Oh God, can I say 'yes, in my heart?'

"No, I don't have a boo boo. I would love a hug from my Lizzy."

Lizzy smiles and hugs me tight. These precious moments with my little girl in my arms makes everything better. She smiles again and settles back again to watch Burt and Ernie.

My phone buzzes and I see that it's Sid. Wow.

I keep rolling everything over in my head again and again until I think I'll go crazy. Finally, I simply grab my phone.

'You ok?' I text Cat.

There's nothing for a few minutes.

'Yeah' she texts back.

'You left'

'Yeah'

'Why'

'Sid, it's over, right?'

Her text gives me an immediate feeling of dread. She still thinks it's over. I guess I didn't do anything to make her think otherwise. Wait! She's asking me not telling me; maybe she's not so sure. How do I answer her?

'What if I don't want it to be over?' I press send and hold my breath.

'You don't?'

Time to man-up Crosby.

'No, I don't Cat. I think we could really have something and want to find out'

It's all out there now. Cat has to decide if this is worth it to her too.

'What's changed?' She asks.

'I don't understand' I reply.

'Essentially you said that you don't have time for us. What's changed?'

'I have Cat. I get it now. We need to figure out how to make it work.'

She doesn't respond. There's nothing from her for what feels like an eternity. I'm about to text again when she finally replies.

'Ok'

'Ok what?' I ask.

'Ok let's try'

I'm stunned and then concerned. 'Ok' isn't exactly a thrilling response. I wonder if I'm pushing her into this; although, the one thing that Cat isn't is a pushover.

'Can we talk today?' I ask her.

'Ok, Lizzy has swim lessons at 1pm. Can you meet me then at the Centre?'

Fuck, today is a game day. I have practice and video, my nap and then the game. I guess this is one of the times when I have to make it work.

'Perfect, I'll be there'

'I'll meet you out front'

'Ok, bye'

'Bye Sid'

Now I need to figure out how the day is going to work; time to get out of bed. Grabbing my phone, I go into the living room and grab my weekly schedule file. No media today so that works. I'll need to make sure that I leave Consol thirty minutes before I meet Cat. Shit, the video session might run into that time. Maybe I can talk Reirden into doing some vid before practice.

I quickly text Kunitz and Dupuis to ask if they can be there thirty minutes early. Next is Reirden. It takes a few minutes but I hear back from everyone and we can do it. Ok, I just might be able to make this work. Now, to get my ass to the rink.

Lizzy must sense my stress. I've been uneasy and unsure since my texting with Sid. Lizzy has been demanding and needy since then; she always picks up on my mood. I really need to calm down or else I'll make Lizzy and me crazy.

"Are you going to tread water today?" I ask Lizzy as we take the bus to the Centre.

"No" she answers with a pout. Great, 'Moody-Lizzy,' my favourite of her personae.

"Sarah's going to be there today" I tell her trying to lighten her mood.

This does the trick because she smiles and says "Sarah yay!"

Thank God. I would hate to drop a miserable child on the swim instructors even if Sarah is her favourite. We arrive soon after and it's a short walk into the Centre and the pool.

Lizzy loves her swim lessons and is jumping up and down as I try to get her into her suit. At least she's smiling and happy so I work with her jumping and wiggling. Finally she's dressed and I get her out on the pool deck. I take my phone and head back out. I let the pool manager know that I'll be out front if they need me and then head out to meet Sid. I feel the butterflies flapping in my stomach. How weird to be so nervous when we've decided to get back together.

With a deep breath, I head out the front door and look around the parking lot for Sid's truck. It takes me a few moments and I almost fear he isn't showing again when I see him. Sid drives up the front door so that I can easily climb in. I turn to him once inside but I'm not sure what to do. Do I kiss him? Hug? Nothing?

We stare at each other for a moment. He is gorgeous as always. I can smell his cologne and know he's just come from practice.

"Hi" he says.

I smile and reply "hi."

Sid begins to drive away so I tell him "we need to stay here Sid. Lizzy is in the pool."

"Yeah, I'm just going to pull to the end of the lot so we have privacy."

"Oh, ok" I reply.

I wait while Sid pulls into a vacant area and parks the car. We sit there now, both simply looking out the front window.

"Sid"

"Cat"

We say at the same time and then laugh. Some of the tension between us disappears now.

I turn to Sid and say "I'm sorry that I just left last night."

He turns to me and replies "I didn't exactly give you a reason to stay."

"I'm still sorry."

"Cat, last night didn't accomplish anything that I wanted."

"Nothing" I say with a raised eyebrow.

"Ok, we accomplished one thing, several times actually." We both chuckle. "Cat, I wanted to talk when I picked you up. When we did talk at dinner you seemed, I don't know, odd I guess when I apologized."

Yeah, that's something I figured he would want to discuss.

"The situation was odd Sid. I didn't know why you came to the diner. I didn't know how to feel. I only know" I pause here. Do I go all in? What else do I have to lose? "I only know that it hurts Sid. I miss you and that hurts."

I look away as I say this because I feel cowardly. What if he doesn't feel the same?

Sid takes my hand. "I feel the same way Cat. I miss you, I miss both of you, and it hurts."

I look back at him and his eyes are sad but hopeful too. Maybe.

"Sid, there's one thing that needs to change" I tell him.

"I know and I'm trying. Today, for example, I moved a video session so that I could come see you. That won't always be possible but I have to try."

Oops, that's not what I meant. "Sid, you said that you have changed so I trust you that you're trying to find a balance."

He smiles but then it quickly disappears. "What did you mean has to change if that's not it?"

"I don't want to involve Lizzy at this point. She is too attached to you Sid, she loves you, and I need to know that we can and want to make this work before we involve her." There. It's out.

"I'm not going to say that I like it because I miss her too; but, it does make sense Cat and I agree that it's a good idea."

He kisses my hand and, as simple as that, we're back on track.

"You can do better than that" I say and lean in.

Sid takes my lips with his. It is a perfect kiss and a great way to end our 'break up.'

We part and Sid says "I play tonight and then we leave directly for Boston. We'll come home after that game. Let me look at my schedule the next day and we'll get together, ok?"

"Sounds good. I'm working until 4pm that day."

Sid leans in for one more kiss then he drives me back to the front of the Centre.

"I'll text you later" he asks.

"I'd like that" I reply.

I look around and no one is in viewing range so I kiss him again and quickly jump out of the car. As I rush up the stairs, there is an extra spring in my step.

There are a lot of strange looks being sent my way in the locker room. I'm getting into my equipment before the game, as usual, so I don't know what's going on. Finally I can't take it anymore so I turn to Duper.

"What's up?" I ask him. He just smiles. "Seriously Dupe, what's going on?"

"Do you realize that you're whistling?" He asks back.

"What?"

"You're whistling Sid. Have been since you got to the rink. What to tell me what's going on?"

Oh, now I understand the looks.

"Cat and I got back together" I whisper.

"That's great Sid!"

"Quiet Dupe. I still don't want the world to know. In fact, we're going to keep it from Lizzy for now too."

I look him in the eye now. It didn't occur to me earlier but I should have asked Duper's opinion. He's always been dead on about this relationship.

"That's a good idea Sid. See how you work out, fit together before bringing the kid back in. It'll be better for her but I think it's better for you and Cat too."

"What do you mean?"

"Sid, there's less pressure without the kid. You both have lots of responsibility but you are still young. Have some fun. Get to know each other better. Hole up in your apartment for an afternoon and play scrabble." He wiggles his eyebrows now in a typical cheesy Duper way.

"What are you ladies gossiping about?" Neal asks as he walks to his stall.

"How sick your hair is" Duper says without missing a beat.

They go back and forth with the insults and I retreat into my own thoughts again. I really need to get my head back into game mode and get Cat out of my head. To help, I go back to the change room and take out my phone. One last chat then I can focus.

'I'll get a point for you tonight' I text Cat. That's the first time that I've done that, made a hockey commitment to a girl. I usually keep those things completely separate; my personal and professional lives.

'It better be a goal and not an assist' she texts back.

I chuckle and reply 'I'll do my best'

After putting my phone back in my locker, I head back out to finish my game preparation.

That night I didn't get a goal; I got two. There was additional excitement with each one than simply scoring a goal. I scored each one for her. After the game, before we take off for Boston, I text Cat.

'So ...'

'So what?' She sends back.

'I didn't just get one goal, I got two'

'Oh, did you'

'You weren't watching?' I feel disappointed that she wasn't watching.

'Of course I was!'

Now I feel foolish. Of course she was watching.

'And?' I ask.

'Why didn't you go for the HT?'

First, it's awesome that she knows a hat trick is called an HT. Kinda hot too. Of course that means that I'm getting chirped, via text, by my girlfriend. Wow, by my girlfriend.

'Well?' She asks again.

'Next time' I tell her.

'Ok, safe flight'

'Thanks'

I put my phone away.

"You might as well be whistling" Duper yells from across the plane. I ignore him and buckle up. I know there's a huge grin on my face and I can't help it; don't want to help it if I'm honest.

"You guys are back together?" Flower asks me in a low voice.

I look around and no one is listening to us.

"Yeah, today" I reply.

"That's great Sid. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks. We've decided to have some of those dates that we missed between meeting and doing family type stuff. You know?"

"Does that mean that you're not involving her daughter?"

I nod. "We've decided to keep Lizzy out of it for now. I know I totally underestimated how attached she got."

"That's probably a good thing for now Sid."

I nod and we settle back for the flight. The attendant brings around our dinners and we all eat like we haven't seen a meal in years. It's always like this after a game. If you weigh us before and after a game you would find we've lost five to ten pounds; all water weight. We put it back on right away of course.

After eating, I lean back and think about getting some sleep. My mind won't let me. I look at Flower and he's still awake too.

"How's Stella?" I ask him.

"She's smiling now" he says and pulls out his phone. "Take a look at these."

He shows me pictures of Stella and Vero.

"They are beautiful Flower. I guess she is smiling, huh?"

"V said it was gas but look at her. That's a real smile; non? There's no gas." He says which makes me laugh.

We look at the rest of the pictures, of which there are many, and we soon land.

On the way to the hotel, I text Cat again.

'You awake?' I ask.

'Yeah, barely. Where are you?'

'On our way to the hotel'

'That's a really late night'

'Which is why we nap'

'Yeah, I'll never buy into grown men having naps'

'Ok'

'Don't pout' she texts.

'I'm not'

'Yes you are. If I was there I'd bite that pouty lip'

'You would huh?'

'Oh yeah and I wouldn't stop there'

This is taking an interesting turn.

'Where else would you go?' I ask.

'Mmm, I'm having happy thoughts now' she texts.

'You are crazy!'

'Lol' she texts back. 'What, no sexting?'

'You're really crazy' I tell her.

Looking out the window, I see that we're pulling up to the hotel. For the first time, I want to be home more than I want to play hockey.