"Oh my God" I say for maybe the hundredth time. Sid is in the other room calling his parents to tell them about me and Lizzy. Some of my old insecurities came up when Sid said that his parents didn't know we were in a relationship. Was he trying to hide me? Was he ashamed of us? I put those thoughts out of my head and remember Sid telling me loves me. He wouldn't, couldn't do that if he was ashamed of us.
"Ok" Sid says as he comes into the living room. He's holding his computer and says "c'mon."
I follow him into the dining room and watch him turn on his computer.
"I want you to meet them" he tells me. "We're going to Skype."
Oh my God! Again these words run through my consciousness. I'm meeting his parents via Skype!
"Sid, really, now?"
He looks at me. "You don't want to meet them?"
How can I say no to that?
"Of course I want to meet them. It's a lot to take in, you know? Especially after I hear that you have a secret child" I reply trying for some levity. Thankfully it works.
"Funny Cat. Seriously though, they really want to meet you. I've told them how great you are and I really want you guys to meet; even if it is only through Skype."
He looks so cute and eager. I guess I was crazy to be worried. He seems really excited for me to meet his parents. I watch as he logs on and then connects with them.
"Hi mom, hi dad. Can you see me?"
"Hi sweetie, yes we can see you" his mom says.
"Good" he takes my hand and pulls me down beside him. "This is Cat."
As he says it, he looks at me and smiles. That gooey look comes into his eyes. For a second I forget that we're on Skype with his parents; but, I remember quickly.
"Hi Mrs. Crosby" I say and try a smile.
"Hi dear, please call me Trina. It's so nice to meet you."
She seems very kind and genuine. I can tell where Sid gets his sweetness and kindness from.
"It's great to meet you Trina. I'm sorry that it's like this and over Skype."
"Dear, it's not your fault. Unfortunately Sidney gets recognized a lot. Really, don't worry about it. Besides, it's my son who didn't tell us about you. He must be ashamed of us."
"Moooommmm" Sid says.
"Enough Sidney" she answers. "Cat, Sidney says you have a daughter?"
"Yes, Lizzy, she's three years old."
"Awe, I love that age. They're still babies but have their own personality too."
"Oh she certainly has her own personality."
"Lizzy" Sid calls out.
"Sidwee" she shouts and runs into the dining room.
Sid scoops her up as she runs by.
"This is Lizzy" Sid tells his mom. "Lizzy, this is my mom."
"Your mommy?" Lizzy asks.
"Yes" Sid replies. "She's my mommy."
"Hi" Lizzy says to Trina.
"Hi Lizzy" Trina says. "I hear that you're three years old."
"Yeppers" Lizzy says. She turns and looks at Sid. "Dora!"
"Ok Lizzy, go watch Dora." Sid tells her and sends her off to the living room.
"She's adorable Cat."
"Thanks."
"Troy, come here and meet Cat" she yells behind her.
A man walks into the room and sits beside Trina.
"Dad" Sid says. "This is Cat."
"Hi Cat. It's nice to meet you."
"Hi Mr. Crosby. It's nice to meet you too."
"Cat, please call me Troy."
"Sure Troy. Are you going to be visiting soon? Sid says that you come down to visit during the season."
Troy looks at Trina and then she says "I think we're going to come down really soon."
I hear the unsaid 'now' at the end of her sentence meaning now that she knows about me and Lizzy they want to come and visit very soon.
We talk more about Lizzy and then what Sid was like when he was young. Sid is really all we have in common right now so it makes sense that we would talk about him. Trina and I share the cute and funny things that toddlers do. Sid was skating at Lizzy's age and had just as much fun.
We talk a little more and then say goodbye with plans to chat again.
After Sid disconnects us, he turns to me and asks "that wasn't too painful, right?"
"Sid, your parents are wonderful. It's not the way I would want to meet them but it was great to talk to them."
I try to get up but Sid pulls me back down and onto his lap.
"I'm glad this happened. It was going to sometime Cat so it happened sooner than later. We can still control the message."
"What do you mean?"
"Pat can answer the press questions about a secret child. 'No' will be the answer of course then we can figure out if we want to be seen together in public."
It all sounds so calculating. I guess this is what Sid means about how complicated his life can be. To think that we need to consider how we make our relationship public. That we even need to make it public is weird all by itself.
"Where have you gone?" Sid asks me.
"It's surreal Sid. We're talking about how people I don't even know and will never meet will find out we're in love. It's very strange."
Sid chuckles and says "yeah, it is. Remember, I've never done this either. We're both in uncharted waters. What's important to you in this whole thing?"
I hadn't thought of this in that way before.
"Lizzy's safety and happiness is always first and most important." I tell him.
"Definitely and I made that clear to Pat too."
"Next, I guess, is some kind of privacy. I wouldn't want our entire life on display for the world. There needs to be some kind of boundaries that we can draw" I say hopeful. If boundaries aren't possible, of any kind, then I need to spill everything out to Sid now so he doesn't learn things from the press. Maybe I should tell him anyway. Ug, I need to figure out how to do it before I just blurt everything out.
"Ok, we can control what happens when we're all together; where we go the three of us. I don't know what's going to happen though."
"Ok, worst case scenario Sid."
"Worst case is that they go to the diner and follow you around."
Oh God, I hadn't thought about that. What if they come to the diner? I don't want that kind of stuff to affect the diner's business. That isn't fair to Tessa.
"What can we do so that doesn't happen?" I ask Sid.
He must see that I'm stressed because he takes my hand and kisses it.
"We'll figure it out Cat. You and Lizzy will be off limits and the Pens and Pat will make that absolutely clear to everyone. If they ever want to get access to anyone in the Pens organization again then they'll listen."
He does manage to comfort me. I know that he always has mine and Lizzy's safety and happiness at the top of his mind. This time isn't different.
"Ok, thank you."
"I love you Cat. I love Lizzy. We'll figure this out."
"I love you too."
Sid looks concerned and I know he's worried about me dealing with this; if I'm honest with myself, so am I. Maybe I should just lay everything out to him. Ok, here I go.
"Sid, can we"
There's a huge crash from the living room and Lizzy screams. Sid and I go running in and find Lizzy on the floor screaming. The glass topped side table is in shards all over the floor.
"Stop!" I tell Sid pointing to the ground. He's in bare feet but I have socks on. I softly step over the glass trying to avoid any particularly sharp looking pieces. I pick up a screaming Lizzy and hand her to Sid before following them. Sid heads down the hall and I follow him to the bathroom. There's a gash on Lizzy's head that is bleeding a lot.
"Ok princess. Let me see" he says over Lizzy's screams.
While Sid looks over her body, I move her curls to see the cut on the back of her head. It looks deep but is small and there are a lot of small glass shards.
Sid looks at me and I mouth 'stitches' to him. He nods, pauses and then tilts up Lizzy's chin.
"You're ok princes" he tells her as he wipes her tears. She starts to hiccup as you do when you've been crying hard.
"You stay here with mommy for a few minutes and I'm going to make a phone call" Sid says and passes Lizzy to me.
He doesn't say anymore as he leaves the room. I do the only thing I can and try to comfort my girl. She looks so pitiful so I gather her close being careful of her cut. A few moments later, Sid comes back with Lizzy's boots and coat.
"Ok" he says very calm. How can the man be so calm when I'm a mess inside?
"Let's get this on my princess" he says as he starts putting on Lizzy jacket and then her boots.
I notice that he already has his jacket and shoes on so, when he has Lizzy, I rush to dress myself. We're in Sid's truck and driving off before I remember that I don't know where we're going. I don't want Lizzy to get upset if Sid says hospital so I don't ask. I'm in the back seat with her and she'll hear him. We drive a familiar way until we're at Consol. Rather than his usual spot, Sid drives into the shipping and receiving area where a man that I've never seen is waiting for us. I unbuckle myself and then Lizzy while Sid shakes hands with the man. He's back at the car to help us out.
"Cat, this is Dr. Chris Haner. He's our main doctor here" Sid tells me.
"I guess if anyone knows about stitches, you do huh?" I say.
Chris chuckles. "Yeah I do." Then he turns to Lizzy. "Hi there Lizzy. Sid tells me that you're a princess that banged her head. My name is Chris. Would you like to come in out of this cold?"
Lizzy doesn't respond but buries her face in my neck. I give an apologetic look to the doctor and he smiles.
"It's ok. I have a kids myself" he tells me.
We walk down a few corridors and then down a hall that I've never been in before. I know why when I see the room set up like an emergency room. This is the medical area.
Lizzy is clinging to me for her life and whimpering a bit too. My heart is breaking. I feel Sid run his hand through my hair and over my neck before he hugs me to him. I feel centred by that small gesture.
Chris turns on the lights and then to us.
"Why don't you sit with Lizzy on the table?" He asks.
I sit down and Chris adjusts the light so that he can see her cut better. Thankfully it's on the back of her head so I can keep Lizzy in my arms. As if I have a choice with her clinging to me so hard.
"It looks deep but isn't very big. Maybe three or four stitches are all she needs. I am concerned about the glass and we'll need to clean it first. What happened?" Chris asks.
Sid replies "I don't know for sure. It looks like whatever she was doing, she fell backwards into the end table and must have hit her head as she fell."
"Dancing" I hear Lizzy muffle into my neck.
Sid didn't quite hear her.
"She was dancing she says" I tell him.
"Oh, dancing" he says.
"Lizzy" Chris begins. "I need to give your hair a wash. Mommy can still hold you but we'll need to take off your jacket, ok?"
Lizzy still doesn't look up but I hear a muffled "k."
Sid helps me take off her jacket and then she clings back to me again. Chris comes over with a needle.
"This will numb it. Hold her where she is" he says.
Chris gently touches Lizzy's head and she flinches slightly. He puts the tip of the needle to the edge of the cut and slowly pushes in. Lizzy doesn't even flinch this time. This guy is really good. He repeats this a few times then pulls away to dispose of the needle.
"We'll give that a few minutes to work. I'll be back" Chris says and heads out.
"How's my princess doing?" Sid sits beside me and runs his hand up and down Lizzy's back.
She sniffs then turns her head to look at him. Sid softly runs a finger down her cheek then taps the tip of her nose. Lizzy giggles as he intended. He's so good with her.
"How are you?" He asks me.
I simply lean my head on his shoulder and sigh. Sid kisses my temple and I feel so much better. So this is what it's like to have support, to have a father for Lizzy, and be able to depend on someone.
"Sidwee" Lizzy says softly.
"Yes princess, I'm here" he replies.
She lifts an arm and pulls him closer to us. Look like she's not willing to let go of me but wants to hug Sid too.
"Ok" Chris says as he comes back in the door. "Let's see how you're doing."
Lizzy puts her face back into my neck. With his gloved hand, Chris pushes down around the cut. Lizzy doesn't move.
"Looks like its frozen. I would usually have her lie down but why don't we go over to the basin. You can hold her and I'll pour the saline to get the glass washed away. I may have to pick through some of it too."
We move over and, thankfully, Lizzy cooperates. When the wound is clean, we move back to the table and Chris dries the area then puts in the stitches. I can't watch so I shut my eyes.
"Ok, all done. Wish I had a lollipop for her. You did so well Lizzy."
For the first time, Lizzy looks up and gives him a smile.
"Lizzy, say thank you to Chris" I remind her.
"Tank you" she whispers.
"You are very welcome" he replies.
"Thank you so much doctor. We really appreciate it" I tell him.
"Yay Chris, thank you" Sid says and shakes his hand.
Chris gives us instructions about taking care of the cut and when to come back to have the stitches removed. I'm surprised that we're coming back here but it's nice that he's going to keep taking care of us.
Back at the truck, we drive away from Consol.
Sid asks "do you want to go home?"
I know what he's asking; do I want to go to my apartment or back with Sid to his.
"Let's go back to your place" I reply and Sid smiles.
When we arrive, Sid carries Lizzy upstairs and then into the bedroom. We take off her jacket and boots and Lizzy's asleep before I pull the covers over her.
Back in the living room, we clean up the mess and Sid takes the shards to the garbage. That finished, we both pass out onto the sofa.
"I think I lost a few years off my life today" Sid says.
"But you were so calm" I reply.
"Because I'm good in a crisis not because I felt calm. Seriously, I'm no longer twenty-five years old, I'm thirty-five, even forty after the blood and crying."
I take Sid's hand and kiss it. "You were great Sid. Thank you so much for calling the doctor too. It was much easier to deal with not going to the hospital. I've managed through a lot of bumps and scrapes but never stitches."
"You did great too. I'm glad Chris was available. He was at UPMC around the corner."
"He wasn't at Consol? We could have gone to the hospital Sid."
He's quiet for a moment then says "it was easier to meet at the rink."
Then I get it. "No one would see us at the rink" I say.
"You get that it's not because I'm embarrassed or don't want people to know right? The cat is almost completely out of the bag but we can hold it off a little more."
"No pun intended right?"
Sid doesn't get it so I say "cat, bag, I'm Cat. Get it?"
Now he chuckles. "Oh, yeah. Anyway, it's going to get out and get crazy. I'd love to put that off as long as possible."
"I get it Sid and I agree completely."
That's what I'm concerned about; how crazy it's going to get.
"Are you worried about it Cat?"
"Some, sure, but I love you and we'll figure it out."
I look up at Sid and he leans down to kiss me. This is what it could be like if we were together all the time; although, Sid has to travel and then there's games and practices. Shit, practices. I push Sid away.
"You have practice!" I tell him.
"It's optional" he says.
"Yeah, but you always go even if you don't skate."
"Well, I'm not going in today."
"Sid, Lizzy's going to sleep for at least an hour, probably two. You could go in and be back for lunch."
"I could but I don't want to" Sid replies and pulls me over until I'm sitting sideways on his lap.
"This is where I want to be, where I need to be Cat. It would be different if it wasn't optional; but, it is so I'm not going."
The importance of what Sid is saying isn't lost on me. This is the first time he's chosen something over hockey; and he's chosen us.
"I love you Sidney."
He smiles and kisses me.
"Good because I love you too."
He kisses me softly. It's one of those kisses that you sink into and feel down to your toes.
I lean my head on Sid's shoulder and enjoy the quiet moment. It's nice to pause after a hectic and stressful morning. Maybe I should take the moment and talk to Sid more.
"Sid" I start and don't know where to go next. Maybe I should ask Sid what he wants to know.
"Yes" he replies while I'm still thinking.
"Is there anything you want to ask me?"
"About what?" He asks.
"About anything Sid. I really want to open up more so, I guess, is there anything that you want to ask me?"
Sid is quiet for a few moments. Maybe I shouldn't have done it this way; the longer he's quiet, the more I worry. I know it's coming. He's going to ask me about Lizzy's father. If we're going to have a future then we need to talk about it. Oh boy.