Volte-Face

So I'm a week late. Heh.

Thank you…
Xment2bursX- ...Do you have two personalities on this website?
Aime Atem Itsumo- They have competitions for that? I wish I could see... Oh, and your wish is my command. (waves wand) I CHOOSE YOU, ROY HARPER!
DiamondOasis
Sugar-Hype-Queen- Control? Where?!
Messenger of Light- (feels special)

The quote for this chapter is a proverb, and as such it can interpreted two ways. One is the interpretation saying "People who have knowledge are more dangerous than people who are oblivious." The second interpretation, which is the way I'm meaning it to be taken, is "If you only know a little bit about a situation, things can get construed and misinterpreted to the point of being dangerous." So, um, please use the second interpretation. (grin)

Now, about the chapter… it's late, like I said—sorry about that—but I was having too much fun tweaking dialogue and such. Roy has some great lines…

Please enjoy.

"A little knowledge is a dangerous thing."
—Proverb

In any other, non-dignity-threatening situation, Roy would've fled the moment he walked into Raven's room and got a stack of gay porn shoved in his face.

"…the fuck is this?"

"What?" Beast Boy asked innocently, peering over the top of the stack. "Don't you read GAY LA LA!? I was flipping through a few issues for you, just to see what kind of things might be taking place over in your bedroom—or do you do it in Aqualad's?—and I found out exactly what kind of lubrication you should use, what the typical gay 'missionary position' is, what defines a dominant man from a—"

Roy shoved him through the door, quickly glancing down either ends of the hall before following. Raven trailed behind him, closing the door and switching on the lights.

The changeling continued, dumping the magazines on Raven's bed as the trio roamed farther back. "And did you know research shows that men who sleep with other—"

"Shut the fuck up." Mask narrowed in irritation, Roy clenched his fists, barely able to restrain himself from crossing the room and beating him senseless. "You want to talk to me? Fine. But start pulling out pictures of naked guys and I'll fucking punch you 'til you die."

Beast Boy smirked, waving around a Christmas-themed issue. "What's it like, seeing rainbows and wearing pink?"

If not for the hand Raven put on his shoulder then, Speedy would've been halfway through caving in Beast Boy's face. "Calm down," she murmured, rolling her eyes. "He's stupid."

"Just let me kick his ass," he growled. "Just this once, a little violence won't—"

A cackle came from the green-skinned teen. "I thought you were after Aqua's ass, not mine!"

"That's it—!" He surged forward, teeth gritted into a near-insane grin, hands groping for the wiry, breakable neck.

There was no warning; one moment, both boys were moving toward each other, and the next moment they were pinned against opposite walls by pulsing black tendrils. The dark energy came from Raven's palms, extensions of her real arms. She glared between the two, gaze pitch and smoldering.

"You will talk," she said slowly, "like civilized humans. Understood?"

Beast Boy writhed against the thick strand holding him there, but nodded regardless. Speedy, who was relaxed in his prison, simply crossed his arms.

The tendrils tightened around both boys. "Spee—"

"So long as he doesn't mock me for being gay—because I'm not—I'll behave."

Breath uneven with anger, Raven shot a look at both of them before releasing her grip. "I'm here to mediate," she said, "but I don't think that should be necessary. Beast Boy, put your questionable magazines away. Speedy, keep your—"

"Even Hot 'n' Homo?" He threw down the Christmas issue and picked up another, whose cover was plagued by pink and blue designs and a harem of inappropriately-dressed men.

"Yes. Even Hot 'n' Homo."

Beast Boy frowned, but after a moment he turned to Roy and grinned, holding out the periodical. "You want a look?"

Expression of faux happiness, Speedy bit his lip, speaking with as much cheery derision as possible. "Hot 'n' Homo? Oh, boy, would I ever!" He yanked the magazine from Beast Boy and threw it into the wall, face red in fury. "You fucking lunatic, where the hell did you even abscond with—"

"So you're really not gay?" The changeling shrugged, crossed his arms and sank onto the bed with a sigh. "I didn't think you were. You're too… Speedy to be gay."

The seriousness of his tone startled Roy into silence for a moment. It took concentration to make his mouth work, and when it did nothing intelligible came out. "I'm 'too Speedy'?"

He shrugged again. "You know, 'Speedy.' Macho, a smooth-talker, gets a lot of action… from girls. So what's all this about you liking Aqualad?"

"It's… I don't know." Roy shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and then grunted as something hit the back of his knees. His legs buckled and he fell back into the armchair Raven had hit him with. "Thanks," he mumbled over his shoulder to her, and then looked toward Beast Boy again. "You heard me talk about it before, didn't you?"

"Ah, but just a minute ago, you said you weren't gay." Beast Boy tipped his head to one side. "So how does that work? If Aqualad is a boy and you like him…?"

"I don't like him."

"Oh?" He smiled. "If you love him, then—"

"That's not what I meant!" Roy said quickly, flushing a slight red. "I meant I'm not into him at all! I'm just confusing friendship for something else—that has to be it!" He took a breath, thinking. "I haven't had a friend who's male in years, so I'm just not used to being close to a guy. I'm taking it too far."

"What about Robin?" Raven wondered from where she stood a few feet back. "If no one else, he's—"

"I don't live with Robin," Roy interrupted. "And we really aren't that good of comrades. We're… too similar, I think."

Beast Boy's mouth curled into a smirk. "I think you're just rationalizing. If you're so comfortable with that theory… let's tell Aqualad!" He dug for his communicator, flipping it open with a flourish. "Shall I?"

Roy's intake of breath was sharp in his lungs; his fingers dug subconsciously into the armrest of the chair. "No," he hissed, fighting his irrational mind for control. "Don't do that. Please."

The teen paused, finger on the call button, and suddenly rose from the bed as he clicked the device shut. "Well," he murmured, taking long strides down one side of the room. "I think you're unsure of yourself."

"Intuitive," Raven mumbled quietly.

"If!" Beast Boy said loudly, spinning on his toes to face the archer. "If Aqualad was female… would you be okay with what you're feeling now?"

"What are you, my therapist?"

"Just answer the—"

"Yes?" Roy pursed his lips. "Yes, I would probably not care as much if he was a girl, I think."

Beast Boy leaned forward, hands clasped behind his back. "With the feelings you have now? As in, you would be fine with dating him—her? You're sure?"

"I… yes?" He quirked a brow, setting his mask awry on his face. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It means you're in denial," he chuckled, glancing at Raven for support.

She nodded to him. "He means, if you would date an Aqualass, you want to date Aqualad—but you just don't want to because he's male."

"So I'm gay."

"S'what I think," Beast Boy answered.

Roy shook his head, fervent. "No, I'm not. I'm not into your collages of guys, I don't prefer male strippers and no, I have never read up on lubrication. I. Am not. Gay."

"But you admitted it; you ­are into Aqualad. Maybe men are your type."

The redhead frowned.

"No…" Raven let out a breath, amusing herself with the frayed hem of her cloak. "I don't think he's into men."

"Thank you!" Speedy laughed, saluting her with a nod.

"But—"

"I think he's just into Aqualad. It's not rare for a person to… Hold on." She cocked her ear toward the door. "What's that noise?"

It sounded like a storm of elephants were rushing through the hallway, stomping and scraping the walls and yelling oaths at the top of their lungs. The three Titans stood and went closer to the door, about to open it themselves when a furious kick rammed it clear off its track.

"Rob—"

The Boy Wonder clawed at Roy's shirt, one hand grabbing him by his jacket's lapels, the other sending him sprawling with a practiced punch to the jaw.

Roy hit the ground before he could throw out an arm to stop his fall. He swore incoherently, spikes of pain shooting up into his head, blood in his mouth and patches of white in front of his eyes. "Fuck," he mumbled, the first comprehensible syllable to leave him.

"Robin!" both Western Titans shouted, grabbing for their leader before he could get another hold on their visitor.

"Robin, calm down!" Raven felt the rage inundating his clarity and shivered. "Stop—stop struggling!"

Roy gagged as blood reached the back of his throat; he could taste the salty, metallic fluid, but the ache on the left side of his face still controlled too much of his mind for him to spit it out. He could barely see, and yet he could hear the battle and know that whatever he had done had made Robin uncontrollably furious.

The leader yanked away from both Titans, jaw clenched, eyes narrowed to a vicious blue. "Where are the tests?" he snarled, directing the question at Raven.

"Robin, what tests?"

"The… the tests! The results!" He pointed at Speedy in accusation. "Does he have them? Did you show him yet?"

Roy clambered to his feet, holding the pounding side of his face. "What results?" he managed to mumble.

"'What results,' he says! Ha!" Robin spun on Raven once more. "Your pregnancy test, that's 'what results'!"

A moment of silence passed through the room as three slack-jawed expressions slowly turned into varying degrees of humor and annoyance.

Raven was the first to break the awkward moment. "My what?"

"You're pregnant, and he"—Robin pointed at Roy again—"is the father!"

Beast Boy broke into hysterical laughter; Speedy cracked a grin. Raven, on the other hand, simply gaped, letting her mouth fall open in shock.

"I… I am not…!"

"Robin," Beast Boy said evenly, and glancing sideways at the archer. "There's no way Speedy here could get Raven… pregnant." He paused until another round of giggles subsided. "See, Speedy's… well… not into that kind of thing."

"What do you mean?" Robin demanded.

"He's just…" The changeling shuffled back toward the bed, leaning over it to retrieve something. Picking it up, he trotted back to Robin, extending the periodical with an enormous smirk. "He'd be more into this."

Robin took the magazine, staring for a moment at the cover before his entire face went blank. He turned the thing around to show Roy—on the front of it, the words GAY LA LA! were wedged unceremoniously between the legs of three guys, methodically placed to hide their groins.

The look on the team leader's face was a mix of unpleasant shock and disgust. "You're… gay?"

If any of you have the chance to go see the new Harry Potter movie, you should, mostly to hear the hysterical lines. Snape's "I am going… to penetrate… your minnnd." quote made me laugh, and… well, let's have this next question revolve around the other cool line.

Question: Who does Sirius punch right after he growls, "Keep your hands off my godson!" (Hint: I don't believe he actually punches anyone in the book, so if you haven't seen the movie you can just take a guess.)

Ah, but if you're setting the deadline, please pick a date. "As fast as humanly possible," though good in theory, gives me too much leeway to procrastinate… (giggle)

Oh. Right. NOTICE: I am going to be on vacation from July 16th to July 30th. I'm going all around Europe—Paris, Nice, Verona, Venice, Vienna and Salzburg, to be specific—but since I'll be spending a ton of time on busses and trains and whatnot, I will be thinking, writing, et cetera. I may have the next few chapters outlined by the time I get back, or written and drafted… you know the drill.

I talk too much. Review, my darlings!