Too Much of a Good Thing

oOoOo

"You may not tell Elsa of anything we just discussed," I warned as we walked up the stairs.

"Au contraire, Princess, it is her body, I shall tell her," The Doctor replied smugly.

I gritted my teeth. I can handle this myself, without some arrogant and pompous Doctor to help me. "No, you may not. You, uh, are forbidden to enter her room, and you...may not enter the Castle without my permission."

The Doctor glared and me, and I glared right back. He wasn't going to do anything. This was a family matter. Matters of hearts that he has no access to.

"Don't you think it's weird, though?" The Doctor interrupted.

"What's weird?" I asked out loud.

"Normal sisters don't ignore their siblings for most of their lives."

oOoOo

I pushed open the door to her room, and the icy coldness of the room was even more noticeable than before. Elsa was still asleep, if that's what you could call it. Everything about this room was abnormal, from the icy temperature to my sister, who could actually sleep in a room so cold. Deciding that some warm air would be good for this room, and Elsa, I opened the window and let the sunlight stream in.

I can't really remember the first time I played with snow. I know I played with Elsa, and had fun, but I had no idea what we did. Which is funny, because that's the same for every other time I had ever played with Elsa, in the snow. I know we did it; I remember having so much fun, and admiration for my sister, but I have no idea what we did.

Perhaps she was really, really good at building a snowman.

The warm sunlight reminded me of Hans. He did say he was from the Southern Isles, and just from the name, I already envisioned a tropical string of islands that had warm beaches and blue skies all year round.

Speaking of Hans, what's going to happen to the marriage? Are we going to get married at all? He did propose to me, but I don't see a ring either. I first learned about marriage from my Mom. She told me that it was when two people who loved each other very much decide to spend the rest of their life together. That was the simply description when I was 4. But now, I'm 18, and I've read plenty of books where marriages don't work out; either the husband was lying and marrying for money, or the woman leaves with the firstborn child. Either way, I've learned now that there is fake True Love.

So hypothetically speaking, how does one get true True Love?

"Anna? What are you doing here?" Elsa's voice asked, muffled.

"Elsa! You're awake, I mean, that's obvious, of course you know you're awake, I meant, like, you're..are you feeling fine?" I stumbled around as the words flowed across my head. Can I just say that my mouth isn't fast enough to process my brain?

I swear I saw the corners of Elsa's mouth move up, but when I blinked and looked again, her mouth was a straight line again. Figures. I'm hallucinating now.

"I'm fine, thank you," She replied politely.

I stare at her for a long, long time. She's dying.

Somehow, my mind can't wrap itself around those words.

What did death mean to her? If I told her she was dying, I doubt she'll cry in fear of the unknown.

Seriously, what will she do?

I look at her eyes, and I see fear. I look at her hands, and I see secrecy. I look at her hair, and I see forced perfection.

What do I see when I look at her heart?

The Doctor had said her heart was frozen; a medical anomaly. She needs a new heart; and the safest heart to give her was mine.

So whose heart do I get?

After I few minutes, I realize that I'm still staring at Elsa, and she was staring back, with arched eyebrows. "OH! I'm so sorry, I was just, you know, wondering if your heart, was...cold?" I stuttered profusely.

"Sorry, what?" Elsa asked in confusion.

"Yeah, that's what I thought, because, you know, I was wondering, can hearts be cold? And then I thought, you know, why not? I mean, they're living too, so I was just...asking…" I said, and if last time I was hallucinating, this time, I definitely wasn't. Elsa smiled.

oOoOo

Elsa was so cold.

It's amazing, really. Because the cold never bothered her before, but now, as she stared at Anna, who seemed to be the epitome of warmness and optimism, she felt dismal in comparison.

Anna began to stutter around, bouncing from one sentence to another, and Elsa felt her spirits being lifted. But she was still, oh, so cold.

"Anna, is it alright if you can ask Gerda to fetch me a blanket?" Elsa asked weakly.

"What? Oh! Of course. Hang on. Be right back." Anna hopped off the side of her bed and strolled out the door.

Elsa turned around and hugged the blankets around her, with one thought on her mind.

Was she dying?

oOoOo

I was in shock.

I realized this while talking to Elsa. I felt so, so, good, being able to make her smile. In my mind, Elsa was one step on higher on becoming the sister I love so much. The sister that I would do anything for.

But would I give up my heart for that sister?

And that's when it all came crashing down. There's no point in making Elsa like me, I realized, as I slid down the staircase. She's going to die if I don't give her my heart, and I'm going to die if I do give her my heart. Either way, we're both going to die.

Such is the world.

A few days after the first time Elsa shut me out, I went crying to my Dad, who hugged me and comforted me.

"Daddy," I sobbed, clutching his chest. "What did I do? Why's Elsa not talking to me?"

My mom had said "Because she loves you, Honey," which closed the conversation, and still left me confused, but my Dad just told me she was busy.

I didn't buy it. "Why's she busy, Daddy? She wasn't so busy three days ago!" I screamed.

"Anna! Your sister is going to be Queen someday, and she needs to start studying!" My dad scolded, and I cried even more.

So I sat there, in his lap, sobbing, while he attempted to do paperwork.

"Do you think, when we're old, Daddy, Elsa will stop being busy?" I asked timidly.

"Of course," He replied softly. "And then you can spend the rest of your life together, in happiness, and after life goes, you can spend the rest of eternity as sisters."

"What happens when life goes?" I asked.

"A new journey begins," He answered, and went back to reading his financial report.

oOoOo

After I fetched a blanket for Elsa, I decided, well, I forced her to get out of bed and go outside for a walk, and enjoy the sunshine; something that she vehemently disagreed to do.

"I don't care," I said stubbornly, crossing my arms. "You're coming."

"No, I am not," Elsa grunted. "Go away."

I refused to let that get to me. In fact, that even brightened up my day. I read in books that real sisters argued all the time, which made me slightly excited at the fact that Elsa could really become family, and not just biologically.

"Haha nice try," I snorted. A coy smile danced on my face. "Besides, you wouldn't want to ignore your poor sister even more, would you?"

She sort of fell silent after that, and didn't even complain when I made her wear her crown. She was really, really distant. But it wasn't the sort of distance you would get from someone who wanted to avoid you. It was the sort of distance you get from a scared little girl you meet on the streets, separated from her parents.

My own answer to the Doctor's question, "Do you love your sister?" rolled around in my mind. Part of me blames her; blames her for my loneliness, blames her for ignoring me, and blames her for being so perfect and poised and...Queen-like.

We're as different as day, and night, and even though it will never be, I still content myself with fantasies of what any day would be like with Elsa as my real, loving sister; things I planned on doing the next few days.

We would eat chocolate. Eat lots, and lots, and lots of chocolate.

We will go to the Southern Isles for a vacation.

We will talk about my engagement after the visit, when she can no longer complain I just met him.

And we will finally build a snowman. That will have to wait until winter, though.

And I try not to think about...our predicament. We're going to have a blast. That's all that matters!

"Elsa," I started, as I forcibly lead her out of the door with a determined smile on my face, "we are going to be sisters."

oOoOo

Sisters?

Oh, believe me, Anna, I want to be sisters. But can't you see that I'm dangerous? That I'm a curse, bad omen, and if you don't believe me, I will bet you all the money in the world that I will be the cause of your death.

I really, really want to stop right there. Stop in the middle of that holiday, and say a loud, clear, firm "no".

But I can't.

I just can't.

Why? For a variety of reasons. That determined look on Anna's face (did she really want to get to know me that much?), my own treacherous heart for wanting to be closer with my beloved sister, and we just so happened to coincidentally pass a painting of my parents, who wanted nothing more for me to control my powers so I could continue being a sister who didn't ignore her and role model to Anna.

"Come on Elsa," Anna taunted as we reached the staircase. "You know you want to slide down that handle...look at it, all shiny, glossy, slippery…"

I really didn't want to go. For some reason, I've been feeling really...weird since the coronation. I feel really cold. Really vulnerable. And really...still. When I lie still in my bed, I can't feel or hear my heart beat.

I think I'm getting old.

Which is funny, really, because my mom and dad always exaggerated being old when I was a kid, but I gradually figured out that it was for comical purposes. Maybe it wasn't.

I shrug it off. Death didn't scare me as much as it scared other people. Maybe it's because I don't have much to lose when I do...leave.

But, now I have a conflict with myself. If I am dying, shouldn't I get to know Anna, the only family member left, not to mention she's my sister? But if I get close to her, I might hurt her again, and we will both die.

"I think I'll just walk, Anna," I said quickly, and tried to ignore the rejected look on her face.

oOoOo

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. My mouth talks on it's own; and my brain fully supports it. My conscience, however, is telling me to keep quiet and let Elsa be.

Be what?

Be the terrible sister that ignored me for most of my life?

Or the dying young Queen?

"Elsa, we are going to be sisters."

That wasn't so much of a promise to her; that was a promise to me. I, Anna, will become Elsa's sister.

"Y'know, Elsa," I started, as we walked into the courtyard, "Maybe now that you're Queen, the gates can, well, you know, open?" I asked hopefully.

"Open?" Elsa repeated incredulously. "What for?"

"Uh, to..go outside?" I asked lamely.

Elsa gave me a cleverly hidden look of exasperation and walked up to the gates. "I'll think about it," she promised.

oOoOo

I want these gates to be closed. They've always been like that. It's the thing that kept me going. The thing that reminded me that everything that happened in the castle, stayed in the castle.

But things have changed now. I'm the Queen. With duties. I can't just stay in there, holed and locked up.

Which brings me another problem; what of my power?

Ice hasn't come to me as easily now as it did before the...party.

"Anna," I started, my voice measured and steady, "What happened to me after I passed out at the party?"

Her expression horrified me.

oOoOo

"Only for today."

The summer breeze tickled at my clothes; and as lights poured through the gates, bathing the castle in a warm, golden glow, I felt like I was being injected with liquid happiness.

I actually can't believe Elsa would listen to my crazy demand. It must have been my face. I will remember to use that same expression another time.

Although there wasn't as much people today as there was the other day, it was still so new to me and Elsa.

"Isn't it great?" I squealed as I skipped along the handle of the bridge. Heights never bothered me. It's something that I just loved, and my love for it grew when I hit that epiphanic moment in childhood where I realize just how large this world is and how inconsequential I am. Looking down at just a small piece of land from far away lets me slip into a small illusion of grandeur and largeness.

I guess the same idea didn't apply for Elsa, because I saw fear slip across her face. "Anna, get down from there," She ordered, pursing her lips and crossing her arms.

"Come on, Elsa, we only have one day. Are you going to spend that one day acting exactly the way you do in the castle, or are you going to use it to run through the grassy meadows and feeling the blood rush through your veins?"

I realized my mistake too late, as I only then just remembered Elsa's little...problem. But she doesn't need to know that.

If there's something I really hate, it's conscience. It's that insane devil that can drive humans to the brink of destruction. It's that wicked monster that can make the proudest of men shameful. Conscience never bothered me much anymore; after all, in the palace, there wasn't much that could be regretted for. There wasn't anybody to offend or events to mess up.

But things have changed. I still blame myself for Elsa's predicament. Her heart stopped, and she's still living, and I don't know how, but I'm going to find out.

Now, that little bugger called Conscience is infecting my mind; criticizing and insulting me: not telling Elsa of her illness, for doing whatever I did that made her stop talking to me, and most of all, not being someone she can rely on.

I guess my little speech worked, because Elsa smiled, like, a true smile, and then she laughed.

A true laugh.

"You're right," She admitted, "But are you going to stay there staring into the fjord, or are you going to come with me to the marketplace? I'm afraid I'm craving a bit of chocolate…"

oOoOo

To be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing; getting close to Anna? Stupid! But I can't help it. I'm human too; and humans are greedy, selfish, and immoral creatures. And right now, I really, really, really want to have fun in town with my sister.

Can I even call her that? Can I call Anna "my sister"? We have zero shared memories due to Grand Pappie saving my sister's life. I don't even know what she likes! I don't know if she likes reading, if she prefers Math or Science, or even who her friends are.

When Anna was just born, I remember my Mom and Dad took us to see a fortuneteller. It was a terrible waste of time, I guess, because all she told us was that Anna was going to be one of the most remarkable people we will all ever meet.

I mean, we already knew that.

When Anna was born, she cried just take her first breath, but calmed down almost immediately, and smiled.

And so, for a moment, I let my humanity take over, and I laughed.

oOoOo

The first thought that I had was that there was so much life. It reminds me of music. Everybody is clicking together, and even though they may have different beats, they all work together to create a beautiful masterpiece. The babble never stopped; and it pulsed like a giant heart.

What struck me the most was how warm it is. The sun seemed to soak in and warm your entire body; almost like a blanket of heat, forever protecting you.

"Queen Elsa!"

"My Lady!"

"Princess Anna!"

Shouts echoed around the town square, and everybody stopped to look at us, and it saddened me to think that even though everything works together, the melodies will always be more noticeable than the harmonies; after all if everything was equal, it would just be indiscernible noise.

"Daddy", I asked, "Why am I a princess?"

"Because you were born as one, Honey," He answered warmly, as he hoisted me up into the air.

"Yeah, but why me? Why not that girl over there?" I asked curiously, pointing to a girl in the courtyard who was currently eating an apple.

"Because you were born as a princess and she wasn't." My Dad answered matter-of-factly.

"That's not fair!" I complained, scrunching up my nose. "I think everybody should be a princess. What do you think, Daddy?" I asked.

"Oh, Honey, life's never going to be fair. Better learn this lesson earlier than later."

"Ooh! Look at the people, Elsa!" Anna squealed. "Isn't it wonderful?"

"It's quite marvelous," I agreed, smiling at her.

She smiled back.

A cry interrupted all the life though. I looked around, startled. There was a boy, who was standing in the house behind me. He looks around 5 years old, and was possibly having the worst time of his life.

And then I noticed the two men carrying a small metal box.

A coffin.

Judging by the size, it was a child who died.

"Oh no," Anna gasped beside me. She ran to the boy, while I stayed firmly glued in my spot; my brain suddenly went haywire.

What do I do? Do I go to comfort the boy? I have no idea how to do that. Do I keep on walking? I'll seem heartless.

Shaking, I walk towards the boy. Anna seemed to have the whole thing covered; hugging him and comforting him while he cried on her shoulder.

oOoOo

Albert.

That was the boy's name. His parents died a year ago. And his sister died this morning.

And there it is again. Conscience. I regret all my past mental complaints about my childhood. Elsa may be a wood block emotion-wise, but at least she's alive. And besides, wood can be carved.

This boy has nobody.

I don't know why I went and comforted him. Maybe it was because of the tiny coffin that broke my heart, or the way he knelt on the doorstep, crying as if there was no tomorrow.

Or, maybe because I saw a tiny bit of myself in him.

I'm a marshmallow. I'm soft and fluffy both on the outside and on the inside, and if you put me over a fire, I melt down.

Elsa's my fire. The concept of family loss and death just breaks me down. Albert was just like me: alone, and without an ounce of freedom.

"You know," I said, as I squeezed his shoulder, "we're alike, you and I."

I was vaguely aware of Elsa's half-hearted steps towards Albert and me, but chose to ignore them.

Albert was completely out of it, though. He rocked back and forth in my arms, unable to make much noise, let alone speak. His tear ducts were dried up, and his body racked with dry sobs.

"Some people who meant a lot to me left too," I continued quietly, "but sometimes, you know, when I look in the night sky, I can see the shapes of their heads, faintly outlined by the stars, but when I blink, they're gone, and even though it only lasts for a second, I felt really good, you know, about being cared."

He stopped moving so much, and still sniffled occasionally, but he lifted his head for the first time and looked at me with blue eyes. "Stars are just balls of fire," He murmured, his voice muffled.

"Fire is life," I exclaimed, lifting him up. "Do you see the sun over there, Albert? That's a giant ball of fire, and without it, we would freeze to death. Fire, Albert, is warmth; the opposite of ice."

Elsa stiffened beside me.

"Anna, I think it's best if w-" She started, glancing around uncomfortably.

"You go on without me," I assured her, silencing her with a glare and tilting my head towards Albert. "I'll catch up."

"No, no, I'll stay," Elsa said quickly.

Albert seemed to calm down a bit, and the crowd gradually dispersed around us, and everybody fell back into habit, shopping, dusting the windows, and talking.

"Did you see them often?" He asked quietly.

"Always," I reply.

oOoOo

Fire, Albert, is warmth; the opposite of ice.

I stiffened, suddenly. Does she know my secret? The one I worked so hard and sacrificed my entire life to keep?

And what was with that whole speech about stars outlining profiles of our dead parents? Was she saying that to comfort Albert, or get to me? I strongly suspect the latter.

I know it seems useless, petty, and stupid, but I can't help but feel a little bit jealous of Albert. Anna's eyes seemed to be filled with love, compassion when she looks at him, and every time she looks at me, her eyes are filled with pity, respect, and confusion.

But, of course it's my fault. It's all my fault that I'm jealous right now, it's my fault that I'm so awkward with human interaction, and it's my fault that my sister doesn't even look to me as a sister.

"Elsa, come on! We're going to the dock!" Anna exclaimed gleefully as she hoisted Albert onto her shoulder, shaking me out of my thoughts. "Albert says he wants to show me something!"

oOoOo

Albert was by far the sweetest person I have ever met, which doesn't mean much, I guess, since I haven't met many humans (other than Hans) in my life. He was incredibly shy, but his eyes were filled with wisdom beyond his years. He has seen too much, and experienced too much sadness for any seven year old.

"You never showed me your sister," Albert said quietly as we walked down the crowded street, Elsa beside me.

"Oh! Um, Elsa, this is Albert, Albert, this is Elsa!" I fumbled for my words. "Elsa's my sister, but you already know that, you smart boy."

Elsa smiled nervously and reached down to shake Albert's hand, which he tentatively took.

"You're so cold," Albert murmured to the ground.

I froze. So I wasn't the only one who thought Elsa's body temperature was extremely weird. I don't know if that's a good, or bad thing, though. What was it the Doctor said? Her heart stopped?

Hang on.

I haven't thought about it carefully yet. The past few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me, and I it's only now that I think about Elsa's problem.

The body needs blood.

And if the heart doesn't work, nothing's pumping the oxygenated blood.

How exactly is Elsa still alive?

Albert's soft voice jolted me out of my thoughts. "Like ice."

What?

"When I went to wake up my sister today, she was like ice." He looked up to my eyes. "Like Queen Elsa."

My vision blurred. What was he saying? I turned around to look for Elsa.

She was gone.

oOoOo

Something's wrong with me; I know for sure now. I'm not usually cold to touch, and even though I can't feel it right now, Albert wasn't the first person today to ask why I was so cold.

A million thoughts are swimming through my head as I push through the crowd, trying to run back to the castle. I can hear Anna calling my name a few metres back, but I ignore her.

I knew this would happen; just when my relationship with Anna seems like it can work, something messes up. And by "something", I mean "me". If I am dying of old age, which seems improbable but given my condition, could be possible, than being close to Anna will only hurt her in the end.

I fought back tears as I ran into the courtyard, gasping for breath.

"My Lady! Are you alright?" Gerda asked, rushing forward to help me balance.

My vision is unclear now; the ground was rocking back and forth. "Get me the Doc…"

oOoOo

"Elsa! Come back!" I yelled, squeezing through the large crowd, holding Albert's hand. "Elsa wait up!"

I stopped after a while; Albert was only 7 and there was no way we were going to catch up to her. She was already in the gates, and looked like she wanted no business to do with us.

Back to normal, then, it seems.

"Can we go back to the dock?" Albert asked shyly. "I still want to show you the thing."

My heart melts, and I push Elsa out of my head. "Sure, Al. Let's go check it out."

oOoOo

Albert lead me to an open, grassy meadow. It was far enough from Arendelle to be peaceful, but close enough so that he could make trips here and back without spending too much time walking.

"You know," I said as I lay on the grass, staring up at the blue sky, watching the clouds go by, "It's okay to be sad."

"You don't understand," Albert replied, "Liesl and I were so close. And one day she just…left. I don't even know why. Is it my fault? You know, that Death took her?"

"I do understand," I said quietly. "I completely understand."

Albert looked unconvinced.

I leaned on my arm and faced him on the grass. "That's exactly how it was with Elsa, except, you know, Death didn't…take her?"

I really didn't know of a way to put it mildly.

"Do you believe in love?" Albert asked. "True love?"

"Yes," I admitted, smiling. "You?"

"No," He answered. "Because there's no such thing as fake love."

Albert stayed quiet for a long time, before he spoke again.

"Do you ever just think; why can't I be someone else? Why am I me? Why do I have to suffer?"

"Oh Albert," I cry as I take him in my arms. "Constantly."

And so we sat there, and cried, for the whole world to hear.

oOoOo

"Elsa?"

I've been waiting outside of her study for thirty minutes now, and nobody has answered the door; plus, it was knocked so I couldn't exactly go in. I did hear paper shuffling, though, so I know she's in there.

"Elsa open this door this instant!" I yell, pounding on the door. "I'm not 5 anymore; I'm not going to ask you to build a snowman with me. Just open the door!"

oOoOo

I will not answer. I can't let her in.

I'm so sorry, Anna.

I haven't made the appointment with the Doctor yet, but I know it's going to be bad. The fainting in the courtyard was enough to prove that, and if I'm going to leave, Anna needs to be read to take care of the kingdom, and not an emotional mess.

"Elsa, open the door!" Anna yelled. "Elsa, just let me be your sister!"

You don't want to be my sister, Anna, I thought, as tears streamed down my face. My nails dug into the wood, and my hand was numb.

"Is this how it's going to be?" Anna sobbed. "Me on one side of the door, screaming, crying, and kicking, and then you, on the other side, staying silent?"

I bury my head in my arms, my whole body shaking with sobs.

"Oh, but I forgot, it's always been like that!" Anna continued, her voice cracking. "Do you know how many times I cried over you?"

She cried over me?

"Do you know how many times I wanted to kill myself?"

She wanted to kill herself?

"I don't even have a single human friend my generation!"

She doesn't go to school?

"I buried our parents alone, Elsa!" Anna screamed.

Anna…

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Note: I know Anna's reaction was like, really, really, really late, but I wrote it like that for a reason. She's been through a lot of stuff; experiencing first love, meeting real life people, talking to her sister, and Anna's not exactly the most focused person in the movie. So, yeah, she just actually thought about it.