The past four days have been crazy. First, Miss Sally slipped on the ice and broke her leg in two places and her hip. They took her to the county hospital but Sid had her transferred to UPMC and had the Pen's orthopedist look at her. She will need round the clock care after she's released. She originally wanted home care and, of course, I told her that I'd take care of her; but, the doctors said that her apartment wouldn't work. She'll be in a wheelchair and will need an accessible place to live. Sid found a rehabilitation centre where they'll be able to care for her and she'll have the best of everything thanks to him. The doctors have also said that at Miss Sally's age she'll most likely always need care and never be able to move back into her apartment. Both Sid and I told her that she'll live with us but she refused. She said that we don't need an old woman around even though Sid feels, as I do, that she's family. In the house that Sid is building us, he would make a full suite for her but she still refused. He stopped trying to convince her but said that she is going to the best nursing home there is and wouldn't let her argue. He asked the nurses which one is the best and we checked it out. The rooms are like a five star hotel. In the dining room, they eat from real china and the food is cooked by a well-known chef. It's the only one like this in Pittsburgh and, thankfully, they recognized Sid when we went in to check it out. We reserved a space for Miss Sally in case she needs it. The doctors say they're almost positive that she will but I'm trying to be positive that she'll heal to her old self.
Miss Sally has been in pain but she perks up when I bring Lizzy to visit her and when she sees the ring that Sid gave me. I can't take my eyes off of it myself. Every time I catch a glimpse of it, I'm surprised to see it there and I remember that we're getting married and are making a life together. I understand when people say that they have to pinch themselves to believe it's true. Six months ago I couldn't have dreamed this kind of life for Lizzy and me. I'm so happy that Lizzy has a wonderful daddy now. I'm equally thrilled to love and be loved by Sidney. I couldn't find a better man and today I'm watching him play the game he loves.
It's Sid's first game back and I'm more anxious and nervous than he is. I even brought Lizzy to the game so that she could see her Sidwee, oops her daddy, play. We're sitting with Mario and Nathalie in their box and Lizzy has been on Mario's lap the entire time before the game. She's becoming quite the little flirt.
The horn sounds and I watch the Islanders come out for the warm up. A cheer goes up when the Pens hit the ice and it gets huge when Sid comes out. Without realizing it, I rush to my feet and cheer for him myself. The playoffs create a crazy energy in the building and having Sid back has amped that up. There are more people here than I've ever seen for warm ups. I watch Sid go through his warm up routine and smile. He's focused, for sure, but I can tell that he's so happy to be back. The chin guard annoys him but if he has to wear it to play then he'll wear it. Playing is always the only goal and if the guard is how he needs to do it then it's what he'll do.
"Daddy!" I hear Lizzy shout behind me.
When I turn, she's bouncing up and down on Mario's lap. He's holding her so that she doesn't fall down and he's laughing hard. Mario is really taken with Lizzy and, when I asked Nathalie if I should take Lizzy from him, she said that he loves it and to leave her.
The guys leave the ice after warm ups and I walk back up to sit beside Mario. Lizzy stays on his lap and intently watches the Zamboni. She loves the Zamboni.
"I didn't get a chance to say this earlier Cat; congratulations on the engagement. I'm really happy for you and Sid. And Lizzy too of course."
The smile now on my face is never far since Sid asked me to marry him.
"Thank you Mario. I'm a very lucky girl."
"You are" he replies. "And Sid is a very lucky man too. I think you are a wonderful girl Cat and you've changed Sid. For the better of course."
He's so serious and incredibly sincere that I find my eyes getting wet and I'm feeling very emotional. I know how much Mario means to Sid and to have his blessing is, well, I can't put it into words even for myself. It's really good.
"Thank you Mario. It means a lot."
Mario pats my arm and then returns his attention to Lizzy. We talk more with Lizzy interrupting a few times to ask Mario questions. Before we know it, the game begins and it is a fast pace. Sid doesn't start but he takes the second shift and the crowd goes crazy. It is an electric moment.
The game continues at the fast pace and Sid ends up with two assists. He's clearly back and in great form although he'll probably say that he's rusty.
Lizzy fell asleep halfway through the third period and Mario carries her down to the locker room. The press is in with the guys so I go to the lounge to wait for Sid with Lizzy. She stays asleep when Mario transfers her to my arms and I settle in to wait.
Some of the guys stop by and congratulate me on the engagement. Again, I can't stop smiling and feeling incredibly happy.
"Are my girls ready?" Sid asks behind me.
He leans down and kisses my neck.
"We are although one of your girls couldn't stay awake for the whole game. Congratulations by the way; a win and two points."
"Thanks babe. Let me take her and we can go home."
Sid lifts Lizzy from me and we head to his car.
"Daddy?" Lizzy says softly.
"Yes, princess."
"Did we win?"
Sid chuckles and replies "yes princess, we won."
Lizzy yawns, leans back on Sid's shoulder and falls back asleep.
"You played so well Sid" I tell him as we drive home. "The entire crowd cheered every time you had the puck."
"Thanks babe."
"I called Miss Sally before the game and she loves the rehab centre you found. Thank you so much for helping."
"Cat, please stop thanking me. She's essentially Lizzy's grandmother. Of course we're going to take care of her."
"I agree but I'm still grateful Sid."
"Fine, you're welcome" he says.
Sid takes my hand and rubs his thumb over my ring. I love when he does that and feel my hand warm in his.
Sid carries Lizzy up to the apartment and we put our little girl to bed. She only partially wakes but then drifts right off again when she's under the covers. In our bedroom, Sid and I both get ready for bed.
"Do you want to come to New York?" Sid asks me.
"What do you mean?"
Sid pops his head out of the closet.
"Are you coming to New York? It's the playoffs so I thought that you might want to come."
"Oh, I hadn't thought about it. I just assumed that we couldn't or wouldn't."
"You don't have to come Cat."
Oh oh, Sid sounds ticked off now.
"That's not what I meant. I'm just surprised that we could go with you."
We both get into bed and I turn to Sid.
"Sid, I really would like to go. Actually, I'd love to go if we can."
Sid stares at me for a moment.
"Ok, sorry, I misunderstood" he says. "You can definitely come. We'll need to get you a separate room and you won't be able to fly with us. You do need to know that it won't be like when we're at home. I won't be able to be with you guys all the time."
"You want me to bring Lizzy too?" Now I am really surprised.
"Cat" he starts but pauses. "Cat, I'm torn. I really want you both there but if it isn't good for you and Lizzy then I wouldn't want you to come. Does that make any sense?"
I lean in and kiss him.
"Yes, it makes sense. We will definitely go. I want to be there and see you play. Besides, when Lizzy's in school we won't be able to travel like that to away games."
Sid smiles. "Thank you. I'll get all of the arrangements made for you both."
"Sid, there's a lot of pressure on you guys this year, isn't there."
"Yeah, but there's always a lot of pressure on during the playoffs."
"But I read that with all of the trading Ray did, it makes the Pens the team to beat. You have new guys who were their team's captains and high profile."
"Yeah, it adds to the pressure and expectations are definitely and incredibly high."
"I worry about that Sid. I mean, this isn't the first time that you have experienced stress and pressure but how do you keep focused with that kind of pressure on you."
Sid pulls me into his arms as he lies back on the bed.
"Before today, I spent time with psychologists learning how to focus and block out all of that stuff. Today, right now, I have the most beautiful, loving and incredible woman in my arms. How could I possibly need more than this to focus on what's important?"
I smile against his chest. He's being perfect again but I'm not buying it.
"Sid, I want to make sure that you know two things. First, I know that we are the most important part of your life. I know that you love us. So please never doubt that we understand how important we are to you. Second, it's ok if hockey moves to the top occasionally. I get it Sid, really, I understand. I won't feel unloved or hurt if you need to focus on hockey right now. Ok?"
I look up at Sid and he's frowning.
"Sid, I'm serious. I may not have understood when we started dating but spending time with Vero and Carole-Lyn has helped me get it. We'll always be figuring out the balance but we can do it."
Sid kisses me and says "How did I get so lucky?"
"We're lucky too you know."
I cuddle into his arms and fall off to sleep.
We won the series with the Islanders and are now onto Ottawa. I've been playing ok but nowhere near where I'd want to be in the playoffs if I had a choice. The doctors say that I can reduce the size of the chin guard which will make face offs easier. I can't wait to get rid of the fucking thing all together.
We have a few days before the Ottawa series begins and it's nice to have some down time. We're practicing and watching film but what we really need is rest. At the end of the season, most guys have lots of aches, bumps and bruises. I'm still trying to get my timing back and legs in shape so I'm spending more time on the ice. We're practicing at Consol today so Lizzy is going to skate with me. Duper has Lola here too. The girls have become great friends and wanted to skate together. Carole-Lyn and Cat are getting the girls ready while Duper and I strip off our upper pads to have easier movement.
"Daddy!" I hear Lizzy shout and a thrill goes through me as it does every time she calls me daddy.
"It never goes away" Dupe says beside me. I guess I look quizzically at him because he continues "when your little girl calls you 'daddy.' That feeling never goes away."
I smile at him. I finally understand the look on his face when he's with his kids.
"Papa" Lola calls to him.
We skate over to the boards to get our girls. As we get them onto the ice, Addsy comes down the hall with Reese.
"Great minds" he says when he sees us and we all laugh.
"Who's tat?" Lizzy asks and points at Reese.
We do the introductions and Reese says "you're pretty" to Lizzy.
Before Lizzy can reply, I pull her farther onto the ice and give Craig a look that makes him laugh.
"They start young" Addsy says to me.
"You just make sure he 'starts young' with Duper's daughter." I hear Cat and Carole-Lyn laugh at me.
We focus on our kids and skating. Lizzy has become a natural. She started gliding the last time we were on the ice. It's not full strides but she doesn't try to walk on the ice anymore.
After about twenty minutes, Lizzy says "fast daddy, fast." I know what she wants so I pick her up and skate around the rink fast. Lizzy giggles and holds onto my neck. I go even faster and Lizzy squeals with her giggles. Of course Addsy and Duper have to do the same and it becomes a race until Cat and Carole-Lyn are yelling at us.
We all stop at the bench but Lizzy doesn't want to get down.
"Daddy, no! Wanna skate, wanna skate!" She cries out and starts squirming in my arms. It takes only a few seconds for it to become a full blown meltdown.
Cat walks over and I start to hand Lizzy to her. That's when I remember that I'm a dad now and can't have Cat be the only disciplinarian. So I take a deep breath, sit Lizzy on top of the boards and try to remember what Cat has said in this situation before.
"Lizzy, stop crying and use your words." I say in a stern tone. Lizzy cries louder. "Lizzy" I say a little louder. "Stop crying and use your words."
She stops suddenly at my tone but her bottom lip stays out. She hiccups and looks like she's about to start crying again. I tilt my head and try to lift my brow as I've seen Cat do before.
"Daddy" she whines. "Wanna skate daddy."
"I know baby but it's time to leave. We did skate and we will again, ok?" I tell her and wait.
"But I wanna skate" she says softer now.
"We will again princess. Right now we need to go home and have lunch."
She pauses and tilts her head like I've seen Cat do many times when she's deciding something.
"Ok daddy" she says, still a little whiny.
The crisis has been averted I guess. I reach over the boards and hand Lizzy to Cat then pick up my gear.
"Well done Sid" Duper tells me as we walk to the locker room. "You managed to talk down a three year old. That's harder than facing Chara."
I chuckle. "It's harder than facing the entire Bruins."
We strip off and hang up our gear. The kids and our girls go into the lounge while we shower. When we're done, we meet them and all walk out together. Lola and Lizzy are talking constantly about Dora the Explorer.
We part in the parking lot and go our separate ways.
Lizzy has fallen asleep from all of the activity so I decide to bring up the last thing that Cat and I need to discuss before we can finalize our future. I take a deep breath first.
"Cat, um, I'd like to talk about the diner."
"Ok, what about it?"
"I know that you've taken some time off but, maybe, it may be time for you to actually quit. You don't have to work and this will give you more time to be with Lizzy. You can do whatever you want Cat. Do you want to volunteer? Go to school? Whatever you want Cat."
I finally stop and wait for her to say something, anything. I hope that she's ok with this and isn't mad at my suggestion. She's so independent and I don't want her to think that she should be otherwise.
"Are you done?" She asks.
"Yeah" I respond.
"Good. Sid, I quit when we got back from Nova Scotia. I couldn't leave Tess hanging anymore and knew that I wanted to be with you. Our life wouldn't let me have a regular job and I was only working at the diner so that I could take care of Lizzy."
"Oh" I say surprised. "I thought it would be a hard decision and here you've already quit."
"Should I have talked to you first?" she asks.
We're still figuring out this relationship stuff and trying to be so careful with each other. I guess it will get easier. At least we're talking about things.
"I don't think so" I tell her. "We did sort of talk about it when we talked about the summer although not explicitly."
"Are we getting any better at this" Cat asks me voicing my earlier internal question to myself.
"Yeah, we are. At least we're talking now, right?"
Cat chuckles. "That's exactly what I was thinking. I would like to talk about doing something for myself. Maybe it's school. I never thought it was a possibility so I've never really thought about it too much. Maybe I can get a job that I really like and want to do."
"Cat, why work at all? You can stay home and be with Lizzy. When we have more kids then you'll be at home with them too."
"What do you mean?" She asks.
"Well, you've worked so hard the past years working and caring for Lizzy. Why don't you take it easy and do what you want? I have enough money that you have the freedom to simply spend time with Lizzy and me?"
"I can take it easy and be at home with Lizzy?" She asks me.
"Yeah babe. Really, you don't need to do anything."
Finally, we're communicating well and planning for the future together. I'm so glad that I'm able to provide this for Cat and Lizzy.
"I'm supposed to stay home and do nothing."
The tone in her voice gets my attention. It's not good. It's really not good.
"That's not what I meant Cat. You don't have to stay home and do nothing. I just thought that, after working so hard the last few years, you might want to stop working. You can be with Lizzy without worrying about anything else. Why not?" I know that I'm babbling but it's the only thing that I can do. "Cat, really, you can take it easy now. I have enough money that there's nothing you have to do or worry about."
Stopped at a red light, I look over at Cat and am left thinking that maybe talking wasn't the best thing for me to do.