"Suspended in Air"
Inspired by Ellen Hopkins; author of Crank
Chapter 1:
To this day I can still remember everything about that day; the crystal clear clarity of it all. It's funny how it is so easy to recall the things we rather forget and those few moments in life that we would like to reminisce about takes a little more effort to recollect. You have to dig around some, move through all the muck that gets trapped in your head and dust off the shelves just to find a decent memory that doesn't get your stomach all twisted up inside.
It was a hot afternoon in January. A Sunday. In the distance I saw a family bearing away a stretcher, the sounds of their wails like the mournful cries of the wood pigeons that roosted in our attic. I pushed through the entrance of the hospital—the forbidden place. The wards were crowded. People tightly packed together; a blur of empty faces. I had just walked into the hospital when I came upon my father.
His eyes were red, and his face bristled with a beard of several days' growth. He stared at me and there was no welcome in his eyes.
"I want to see Momma," I said, using the name I had called her when I was younger.
"I am afraid you are too late, Natsuki. Your dear mother has just passed away. It's a sad day for us." Father was not an affectionate man. I never held it against him. I think that when he was a child, there had been no one to teach him affection. But he surprised me by putting an arm around me and holding me tightly. After a moment he drew away.
Father had shaved his beard and wore his black suit. He took my hand and drew me to him. His hand felt hot in mine, and he wiped beads of sweat from his forehead. The pastor began to read the burial service. His voice strong and full of apathy, "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help."
Father was unsteady on his feet, and I reached out to support him. I bit my lip to keep from crying, imagining that Mother was watching us and would be proud of me.
As the pastor closed his Bible, the coffin was lowered into the ground. And I couldn't help but wonder if everyone in the churchyard could hear my heart breaking.
At last I was left to myself. I sat on the porch, looking out at the city in the distance. It was dusk by the time my Father joined me. He sat next to me and I seized a hold of his hand but he pulled away. His face was pale as he looked down at me as if he would take me in his arms but he resisted the temptation. Without another word, he stood to his full height and walked off the porch. I watched as he slowly disappeared down the street.
I wasn't aware that it would be the last I would ever see of him. I like to imagine that if I did, I wouldn't have sat there as he walked out of my life; leaving me waiting. Always waiting for his return.
From then on, I swerved off the high road, hard left to nowhere, recklessly and indifferent to those around me. I steadily picked up speed; no limits, just a high velocity rush to madness.
I'm perfectly aware that the chapters are relatively short in length, but I like it better this way. Besides, I've been really busy lately with school and I'm still getting worked up about Finals and all. *Sigh* I swear, school should just burn in hell already.
-BlueIV