Chapter 6 : New Year's Resolutions
* MONICA *
It's 4 AM and everyone has left the party. My friends are helping me to clean the apartment and Ross starts talking about New Year's resolutions. Phoebe wants to pilot a commercial jet, Joey wants to learn to play guitar. It's Chandler's turn to talk : "This year, ummmm... I want to find a girlfriend." I freeze and a glass slips off my hand, falling on the floor. I stutter : "T-Tha-That-That's no-nothing..."
Joey laughs : "Oops, someone drank too much !" Chandler seems more concerned : "You're okay Mon ?" I kneel on the floor and answer, still disturbed : "Y-Yeah... That's... Don't worry, I-I-I'll clean..."
Rachel promises to try to gossip less and thank God nobody asks me what my resolution for 1999 is. I act like I'm too busy to be in the conversation, with the cleaning and all. Because all I can think of is our kiss at midnight. Actually, I can't wait to go to bed : not to sleep, but to have more time alone to relive it. I'm so deep in my thoughts that I don't even see that everybody left. Everybody... except Chandler. I turn around from the sink and ask, surprised : "Where is everybody ?" Chandler smiles : "You said them goodbye and good night ! Phoebe and Ross are back home. Joey is sleeping at our apartment and Rachel is in her bedroom. Mon, you have to stop cleaning, it's 5 AM and I'm not sure you know what you are doing anymore..."
I take off my gloves and sigh : "You're right, I'm exhausted..." I let myself down on the couch and whisper : "Actually... I've been exausted for a while... I think I think too much..." Chandler sits next to me and put a hand on one of my knees : "Why ? What's the matter ? What's making you so exhausted ?" I look into his blue eyes. They look concerned. He's so cute when he worries about me like that. I want to kiss him again. Our little hide and seek game has lasted enough. I'm too tired to play and I decide to be honest : "You. You're driving me crazy."
He seems genuinely stunned : "Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-WHAT ?" His mouth is half open and his eyes are looking for mine, he's clearly trying to understand. "Ever since..." I start, "Ever since London I... I can't stop thinking about you. I tried, I really tried, I tried hard, to get over you." He doesn't say a thing, he doesn't react. His eyes widen... Maybe I'm making a mistake by telling him this ? "To get over ME ? ME ? OVER ME ?" he almost yell. "Sssshhhhh ! Rachel ! She could hear you ! Come with me !" I say, taking his hand and going in the hall. We sit on the step between our apartments. He shakes his head : "I-I-I had no idea... I mean... I knew that you liked me but... I didn't EVER imagine that I... that I... that I was... that you were..."
"Well, I... I almost went after you the day that... the day that we returned from London." Oh My God what am I doing ? Why am I telling him that ? Maybe Joey was right earlier, I drank too much... All I see in his eyes is confusion : "Wh-Wh-Wh-Why ?"
I think I'm freaking him out. But it's too late, I can't go backwards anymore now. I shrug my shoulders : "I don't really know... You were cute and..." He quickly finds a way to break the tension : "Oh, so I WAS cute ! Past ! Interesting..." I smile sadly at him : sadly because I would love to have a serious conversation with him but it seems it's impossible. He's always avoiding it. Like now. "Chandler, be frank : why did you say earlier that you wanted a girlfriend ? Was it to tease me again ? Just for fun ? Or was it serious ? And if it was, did you think of me as the potential girlfriend ? Or did you think of someone else, less neurotic ? I need an answer..." I didn't realize it, but my voice has become high-pitched and I'm now up, moving my arms in every direction. I continue, as tears come to my eyes : "Because I need either closure or knowing if anything is possible between us. Do you just fool around with me ? Am I only a toy ? Do you think it's funny to make me blush, flirting with me, sending me messages that only I can understand ? Or is there more ? Please, Chandler..."
* CHANDLER *
Oh My God. What is she saying ? Does she really think I'm capable of doing that ? Of hurting her on purpose ? My mind is going to explode. She revealed waaaaaaaaay too many things. I'm driving her crazy ? WHAT ? I've never drove any girl crazy ! She tried to get over me ? Again : WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT ? I always thought that I was the one who had the feelings, that I was the one who had to hide it, that I was the one who would be rejected at one point. She's there, standing in front of me almost in tears and I must look like a total idiot. Firstly, because I don't understand a thing she said : she's serious ? She feel all these things ? We're January 1st, right ? Not April 1st ?! Secondly because I'm the responsible of her distress. Oh God, God, God... I have absolutely no idea of what I have to say.
I finally swallow, shake my head and start : "Mon, I-I-I... I never, never, NEVER, NEVER, wanted to hurt you or..." She's now crying, in silence. I know I don't have any words to make her feel better for now, because I'm too shaken up myself, so I get up and take her in my arms. She buries her head in my chest and holds me tightly. At first I hold her too, then – when I feel she has stopped crying – I start playing a little bit with her hair and whisper : "You're my favourite, Mon... My favourite woman... Of all the women in the world, none could... none could hold a candle to you." She's not moving, so I continue : "What I'm trying to say... What I mean is... I was serious. Yes, I was playing with you, right. But only because I didn't know how to make you understand how... how..." I sigh and admit : "... how big my crush on you is."
She slowly pulls away from me, but she still have her arms around my waist and asks, not smiling at all : "A big crush ? How big, then ?" I lean my head over hers, take her face between my hands and I whisper : "Big like this" before closing my eyes and locking my lips with hers. I'm kissing her, now. It feels so great. Greater than the midnight kiss, because we don't have to hide. Greater than the night in London because we're not even horny. We're just... in love ? Oooohhhhhhhhhh... I don't want to think about it now. It's a passionnate kiss and this time I break it. She still have her eyes closed, her mouth a little bit open. She's so beautiful, I want to kiss her again... but first, I need to be sure of one thing : "Do you now understand how I feel ?" She smiles, opens her eyes and they shine like stars : "Oh yeah..." I tilt me head : "Still... Let's be sure !" She giggles as I'm leaning over to kiss her again.
I'm so happy, I don't want to stop kissing her. But we have to, because we hear some noise. Rachel opens the door, clearly not quite woken up. "Wh... What are you two doing in the hall ?" she asks, with one of her eyes closed. "Um, uuuuuuuummmmmmm, um..." is all that Mon can say. I'm helping her : "Well, I took out the trash but... you know Monica, right ?! Apparently I made a big mistake and I don't even understand what it is so..." Rachel stops me with her right hand : "Too much information after only 2 hours of sleep !" She closes the door and we guess she's getting back to bed. Monica and I laugh. Her blue eyes sparkle as she's looking me and says : "Good imagination, Bing..."
I shrug my shoulders : "Meh...See, there's ONE good thing about me..." "Oh no, no... not just one..." she smiles before kissing me.
"Mon... I have to ask..." I'm back being serious and I see that she's kind of worried, or confused. "What are we ? You and me ?" She looks deeply into my eyes and answers : "Well... You wanted a girlfriend... Right ? Your New Year's resolution ?" I nod a few times and she continues : "Then I guess it could be one of the fastest successfull New Year's resolution..." I smile widely : "Great... I like that !" and kiss her again quickly before she adds : "BUT ! In exchange... you have to be my boyfriend..." I pretend to think : "Oh Mon, I'm not sure about that, you know..." She kicks my arm with her fist and I yell : "Oww !" We then both laugh stupidly and I say : "Of course Mon... I'd be honoured to be your boyfriend."
I don't think it's the end of the story... I want them to hide a little bit from the others. What do you think ? :)