A/N: I just wanted to give you guys some background information before we get to the first chapter:

1. Rachel and Finn never got together.
2. Beth never happened.
3. Quinn and Finn did date but broke up.
4. This story is not set within the show. It's an AU. They are all juniors though in case you were wondering.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I just borrowed the characters for my own amusement.

(RPOV)

I was lying on my side in bed, and I could feel strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I could tell that my bed mate was still sleeping. I could feel their deep even breaths hitting the back of my neck as they nuzzled their face in my hair. I knew this had to be a dream, because no one would ever hold me like this in reality. They all hate me. I was so peaceful and content, that I had no desire to wake up. I just snuggled farther into the sleeping person's arms, and she tightened her hold on me. I had a hunch as to who was holding me, but I didn't want to turn around for fear of disturbing the good feeling of the dream. I just wanted to stay like this forever. I sighed knowing I would be waking up soon since I could already feel the dream slipping away and my body beginning to regain consciousness.

Beep. Beep. Beep. I reached over to smack my alarm clock to shut it up before getting up and heading to my en suite to begin my not so new morning routine. Instead of wasting my time and energy on my elliptical, I mark my body with scars. I grabbed my razorblade and lifted it to the skin of my left forearm. I hate myself for needing to do this, and sometimes I wish I had never made the first cut, but it's the only thing that makes me feel alive. I can watch myself bleed and know that even though everything is falling apart, that I'm falling apart I can still feel. I still have control over something, when it feels like my whole life is spiraling out of control. Thoughts are whirling around my head and it's like my head is going to burst from the pressure.

I'm disgusting. A red slash appears. I don't stop to watch the blood bubble to the surface.

I'm a freak. Another slash.

I'm annoying. Cut. I'm loud. Cut. I dress weird. Cut. I stop there just to watch the red liquid run from my body, the pressure in my head lessening. I know I should be disgusted by what I did but what are five more scars to the many that already litter my arms and legs?

I check the time only to find that I have just under thirty minutes to get ready and get to school unless I want to be late. I hurriedly clean up after myself before throwing on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. When I got downstairs I snatched my keys and my bag up, looking around the cold empty house. I sighed as I locked the door behind me and then got in my car.

I parked in the student lot and started on my way to my first period. However, as soon as I had walked into the school I was hit with a slushie. I barely felt the cold stinging slap of the icy beverage. The laughter surrounding me didn't even register. I didn't even lift my head to see who had thrown it at me. It doesn't matter and I don't care. I just kept walking to my locker to grab my emergency slushie kit, and put my books away. Then I went to the nearest bathroom and checked all the stalls to make sure I was alone before locking the door behind me so I could get started on the process I know so well.

I had just slipped my new sweatshirt on when someone began banging on the door.

"Berry open the fucking door. I have to pee." Of course it just has to be Santana. You know I think there is a higher power that loves to make my life hell.

I walked to the door and unlocked it before pulling it open to see Santana standing there with a scowl on her face. As soon as she saw the door was open she barreled in and went straight to a stall to relive herself while I made my escape. I really didn't feel like going to class but I knew people would notice if Rachel "Perfect Attendance" Berry skipped class. I really didn't want my teachers to get suspicious and try to call my dads. Suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck prickled with the sensation of being watched, but when I glanced around to see if I could find the source, no one was looking my way. I shrugged and just kept walking to my class, but the feeling didn't dissipate until I walked into the classroom.

At the end of class I had no idea what we had learned. When the bell rang I was up and out the door, which was a bad idea. I was once again greeted by the ice cold slap of a slushie. I sighed as I grabbed another change of clothes and went to the bathroom, not noticing that I forgot to lock the door behind me. My bandage was soaked through with slushie and I knew I needed to change it if I didn't want to take a chance of my cuts getting infected.

I had just finished rebandaging my arm and was in the process of pulling another hoodie on when the door swung open. Please don't be Santana again. I caught sight of the red, black, and white uniform, and I felt like banging my head against the wall. I let my eyes travel from the uniform to the girl who was wearing it, and when I caught the hazel eyes of the blonde cheerleader standing there I wanted to scream. Do you see what I mean about that higher power liking to make my life hell? Why did it have to be Quinn fucking Fabray? Why? Her eyes were glued to the stark white bandage, so I quickly finished pulling the jacket over my head before gathering my things to head off to my next class. However, as I tried to push past her, since she was standing in front of the door, the head Cheerio reached out and grasped the wrist of my uninjured arm stopping me. I forcefully yanked my arm away from her grasp as we stared at each other. She finally broke the silence.

"What happened to your arm Berry?" Ha! As if she cares. She's only asking because she wants more ammunition to torture me with. I tell her what really happened, she tells Santana, and then the whole school knows. They would all laugh and make fun of the pathetic girl who cuts herself just to feel something other than humiliation and loneliness. I just continue to stare at her, making no effort to answer and hoping she would just let it drop. Of course I'm not that lucky.

"Well?" She snapped as something unreadable flashed in her eyes. It almost looked like concern until I remembered she hates me, so why would she be concerned about me? I realized though that she would not let me leave until I gave her an answer, so that's what I did.

"I fell the other day and scraped my arm pretty badly. Now if you'll excuse me I have a class to get to." I waited hoping she would accept the lie and just let me go. She stared at me as if searching for something before finally moving out of my way. I rushed out, missing the way hazel eyes watched me and the frown directed at my back.

I actually made it more than one period before getting slushied for the third time today. It didn't happen until lunch as I was heading to the auditorium. After being slushied I made a detour to my locker to get yet another change of clothes. I would have to refill my kit with more outfits since this was the last one. I once again found myself in an empty bathroom, making sure to lock the door this time, and as I stared at my reflection I broke down. I just couldn't hold in the tears anymore. I peeled my cold sticky hoodie and shirt from my body and let them drop to the floor before doing the same with my bandage that was once again soaked with slushie. I grabbed the plastic baggie from inside my backpack and slid down the wall to bury my face in my knees as I cried.

I cried for the slushies. I cried for the names. I cried for the friends I wish I had. I cried for the empty house I go home to everyday. I cried for what I'm about to do. I cried for all the scars on my body. I cried for the mess my life is. I cried for the self hatred. I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. When my tears finally ran dry I extracted the razorblade from the baggie I had taken out. The pressure was building in my head again and I knew of only one way to release it. I pressed the blade into my skin over and over until I knew I had to stop. As I watched the blood I observed what I had etched into my own skin.

FREAK. The word practically screamed at me from my skin. I quickly cleaned up and put everything back in my bag before rewrapping my bandage and getting changed into the dry clothes from my locker.

I thought about skipping the rest of the day and just going back to the house but then I remembered glee met after school today. Missing that would just create a whole big mess I didn't need or want. I sighed as I resigned myself to staying at school when all I really wanted was to be alone.

I left the bathroom as the warning bell rang, and headed to my next class. As I was walking down the hall, the same feeling of being watched returned, but just like earlier when I looked I didn't see anyone paying me any attention. I shook my head thinking I was just being paranoid, yet again missing the way concerned hazel eyes watched my every move. As I sat down in class I couldn't help but think that I couldn't wait for this day to be over.

A/N: Well that was the first real chapter. What did you think? Should I continue? You know the drill. Review and let me know

Thanks,

Tink