A/N: Thank you so so much for the reviews I am recieveing, they mean so much to me :D
This chapter only deals with self harming, Steve is not in this chapter which I'm sure you're all relieved about.
Enjoy
Addison awoke to the beeping of her alarm the next morning. She reached out and shut it off, snuggling back down into her covers. Slowly the night before came flooding into her mind and tears stung the back of her eyes, making her feel ill. She felt so violated and exposed. She didn't want to go to school and see him, it just made her feel sick.
She heard footsteps down the hallway before her door opened and her mother walked in. "Addison? You'll be late if you don't get up." She walked into the room, standing at the end of the bed and staring down at her daughter "I don't have time to worry about you going to school or not."
"I'm not going."
"Why not?"
"I don't feel well." Addison lied, well, she did feel sick.
"Fine then." She walked back out the room and shut the door again. Addison sighed and curled tighter into a ball.
Addison waited until she heard the front door close behind her mother before she got out of bed, walking to her chest of drawers. She pulled open the top drawer and picked up the new blade she had acquired, before she sat back on her bed. The cold blade was placed against her skin and she slowly applied pressure, watching as it pierced her skin and the blood ran free down her arm. The blade went deeper this time, more blood running down her arm and dripping to her floor. She removed he blade and placed it on her other arm, repeating what she had just done.
Afterwards she sat and stared at the blood, feeling her head go light and woozy. This wasn't good. She heard their cleaner enter downstairs and she stood up, feeling the room spinning. She pulled her bedroom door open, leaving blood on the handle as it ran down her arms. Addison called out to the cleaner, who almost immediately appeared at the bottom of the stairs, gasping as she saw the blood, rushing towards Addison as she collapsed.
--
She could her voices before she opened her eyes. They weren't voices she recognized, and she heard someone leave the room. Slowly, Addison opened her eyes and looked around groggily. "Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital." The nurse looked at her.
"Oh." She blinked a few times and she looked down at her arms, seeing the bandages. "You stopped the bleeding?" Part of her was disappointed, but she knew she shouldn't show it.
"Yes." The nurse's voice was harsh. "I don't know why though."
"What?" Addison looked at her.
"You did this to yourself. We have people come in here who have been attacked and are bleeding to death, and they don't survive even though they want to, then there's people like you, who want to die, but survive."
Addison felt the tears feel her eyes again. "I should have died." Her voice was quiet.
The nurse opened her mouth ready to reply when the door opened and Joanna walked in. "Addison." She looked at her daughter in the bed. "What have you done to yourself?" Addison didn't reply and looked down. "I was in the middle of a very important meeting when I get a phone call telling me to come to the hospital straight away as my daughter has tried to kill herself. I have better things to be doing then wasting my time with you." The tears made their way down Addison's cheeks. "You obviously don't want to live."
"It would be better if I died."
"But you're alive." Addison nodded. "I should go back to the meeting now that I know you are still alive. How long will she be in here for?" Addison and Joanna turned to the nurse.
''Until we're done.''
"How long will that be?"
''About an hour.''
"Okay." Joanna nodded. "I'll either come back in an hour or get someone to pick you up." She looked at her daughter before she turned and left the room. The nurse started cleaning up, ignoring Addison as she looked down at her arms, wishing that she had died.
''Does it hurt?''
"What?" Addison looked up at the nurse confused.
''The cuts.''
"It hurts when I do it, then they'll be sore to touch after for a while." She shrugged.
''Why?'' The nurse sighed, pausing her cleaning to look up at Addison.
"Why do I do it you mean?"
''Yes.''
Addison shrugged again. "It makes me feel better, makes me feel alive. No one cares about me, so I cut."
''You nearly bled to death.''
"It's not like anyone would miss me."
''Your mother was just here wasn't she?''
"Yes, so?"
''If she didn't care she wouldn't be here.''
"She doesn't care, she's just here because she was told to come, she didn't even want me."
''If you say so.'' She went back to work.
"Then why was she fighting with my dad that she didn't want me to live with her. Neither of them wanted me to live with them."
''Divorces are hard.''
"So is life."
''You have to care about yourself because if you don't no one else will either.''
"There's nobody to care about me, so why should I bother?"
''Why wouldn't you care about yourself?'' Addison shrugged. ''Well?''
"What is there for me?"
''What do you mean?''
"No one else cares about me, so why should I?"
''Because if you don't then who will?''
"No one will ever care about me." Addison looked away as she felt the tears again, it was true, no one would ever care for her.
''And this will help?'' She raised her eyebrows. ''Man up.''
"There's nothing for me to live for."
''Nonsense.''
"It's not." She looked at her arms and her voice became quiet. "You don't know my life."
''You're sixteen.'' Addison shrugged. The nurse took off the bandages to check the bleeding, and Addison looked down at the numerous scars on her arms. ''Yeah, take a good look at it, that's what your arm is going to look like for the rest of your life.''
Addison looked up at her. "You wouldn't understand."
''Right, of course I won't because I'm a forty-two year old board certified nurse and you're a sixteen year old girl who is still in high school.''
"You have no idea what life is like for me, you have no idea what it is like to live my life."
''You people all say the same.''
"Really? Ever thought that maybe we all have hard lives?"
''God life is hard for every sixteen year old, you all think you're so special and so unique, you should be happy you even are alive.''
Addison turned to the nurse with tears in her eyes. "You even know what it's like to get up everyday and know your own parents don't care or even want you? To go to school everyday and have no friends. That the people who you hang around with just use you, especially your boyfriend who only wants one thing!"
''Then talk to your parents, make friends, dump your so called boyfriend!''
"It's not as easy as that!"
''Yes it is.''
"It's not." She shook her head.
''Yes it is, have you even tried?''
"Yes, I've always tried to make friends, it never works, I've tried talking to my parents but they just brush me off, I don't matter to them, like I don't matter to anyone."
''Then try other things.''
"Like what? I've tried saying no."
''No to what?''
"My boyfriend," she whispered. She knew shouldn't say anything, but she couldn't help it. "I said no, and look where it got me." She pointed to the bruise around her eye.
''Get rid of him.''
"I can't."
''Why not?''
"He'd get angry."
''So?''
"He'd do more than give me a black eye."
''Go to the cops.''
"Like they'd do anything." Addison looked down again. "When can I go home?"
''Soon.'' Addison nodded her head. She looked at her arms and felt sick. ''I'll come back once you're cleared.'' She nodded again and felt the bile rise in her throat. She watched the nurse leave, and slowly the tears began to fall as she held her arms out in front of her. It made her feel sick; they were completely scared, she would never be able to show them in public, no one would ever like her. She began to sob harder and curled into a ball.
--
About an hour later, Addison sat in the car with her mother. She let her head rest against the window and gazed out of it, ignoring her mother talking. She was probably telling Addison how stupid she was, something she'd heard a million times before, but she didn't care.
"Addison? Addison are you even listening to me?" Joanna glanced at her daughter. "Addison!"
"What?" She turned to look at her mother.
"I was talking to you."
"Oh, sorry, what were you saying?"
"Oh never mind." Joanna sighed. "You're staying with your father the weekend."
"What?"
"He rang and wants you to spend the weekend at his." Joanna shrugged. "You haven't seen him in a while you should go." Addison just nodded shocked. Her dad actually wanted to see her.