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Warning: see my profile and the first chapter

She didn't look like herself anymore. Her body was distorted and pulled into a shape that was ugly and bloated. She let one hand run down over her abdomen. Maybe if she closed her eyes, she would be able to see herself as she was just months ago. She squeezed her eyes shut and tired to remember the dresses, pants and shorts she had been able to wear that showed off a decent body. It wasn't perfect, but it was better than the mess she was now. Opening her eyes and staring at the dark circles under them didn't help. Nothing had changed; she was still as big as a whale.

When was it going to be over? She felt another pain lance through the mid section to her back. She winced and tried not to cry out. Her mother was very angry with her. If she started screaming in pain, her mother would start lecturing her again.

Tears rolled down her face. No one would ever love her. Raul hadn't loved her. He had lied to her to get her to have sex with him. He was much older, and already engaged to someone else, when he'd seduced her.

More tears fell and another pain radiated through her body. She could not help it. She had to scream.

"Help me… There's something wrong."

Someone stood in the doorway. She couldn't see who it was because the figure was outlined in brilliant light that hurt her eyes.

"Help me…"

She tried to crawl across the floor, but the pain was too much.

"I can't help you Emily. The baby is dead."

"NO! Why are you saying that?"

"There's nothing that can be done. You sealed his fate when you didn't take care of him."

"No! I went to the doctor and he said that -"

"You went because your mother found out and made you go. It was already too late. Our precious baby is dead and it's your fault.

"No!"

The figure steeped into the light. It was Spencer… He looked like a radiant angel as he knelt in front of her. A golden glow surrounded his face and hair as though her were lit from within by fire. His eyes looked into hers and were full of sadness. He reached out to touch her, but his fingers didn't make contact with her skin.

"He's gone Emily.

"No!"

He stood up and backed away from her. "He's gone Emily… He's gone…

"NO! Spencer why are you saying that."

"Our baby is gone Emily… It's your fault."

"NO! Spencer, don't leave me… You have to help me."

"Emily… I'm here Emily."

His voice was strong in her ears. He didn't sound sad anymore. He sounded terrified.

"Spencer?"

"Wake up Emily!"

Who was it that was holding her in their arms? The dream suddenly broke apart like ice in spring thaw. She opened her eyes and he was there, still looking like an angel fallen from heaven.

"Emily… I'm here, wake up!"

Spencer! What was he doing there? She could smell the scent that was unique to him and always made her think of love.

"Spencer?"

"Shh… I'm here Emily. You were dreaming, but it's over now." He stroked her hair back out of her eyes. She could feel how his hand trembled and her heart hurt.

There was a pain in her back again. It felt like it was getting stronger and stronger. "We have to go! " She pulled out of his arms even though he held her tight.

"Emily…"

"We have to go!"

There was something wrong! She could feel it in her heart. No! She couldn't lose this baby. She loved it beyond reason; beyond was known in her head, beyond what could be seen with her eyes. It didn't matter that this child hadn't been conceived in the natural way. Love had brought about this life inside of her. Reid's love had made this happen, even if it wasn't through the physical act of love. She had to save this baby because if she didn't there would be no saving for either her, or Spencer.

"Emily! Stop it, you're scaring me." His voice pushed impatiently into her thoughts.

She'd struggled out of bed and to her feet. Her outfit from that day was strewn over the floor.

"Reid! Help me please."

"Emily… He slid out of the bed and grabbed his white cotton boxers.

"We have to go now. If we don't something really bad is going to happen."

"There's only been eighteen minutes since the last contraction."

"Do you think I care about that?" Emily screamed at him.

Her face was beginning to resemble a lobster after it was boiled.

"Calm down Emily. You had a nightmare and I'm concerned that you blood pressure -"

"Screw my blood pressure! Get your freaking clothes on and drive me to the hospital."

Instead, he pulled her into his arms and held on tight when she tried desperately to wiggle out of his grasp. She beat his arms with her fists. It hurt and he winced, but he held onto her until she broke down and sobbed.

"What's wrong?" He whispered.

"I'm scared… I had this dream and it was terrible. Our baby's going to die."

"No sweetheart. The baby is going to be just fine."

"How do you know? You don't know everything!"

He tried not to feel hurt at her biting words. She was trembling, and his heart was breaking to see how frightened she was. "Okay, we'll go to the hospital right now. It'll be okay."

She sagged against him and almost pushed him to the floor. He staggered but stayed upright. She was silent as he helped her get dressed. She didn't respond to anything he was saying and it was beginning to scare him.

"Emily… Please talk to me honey."

She sniffed and looked up at him with bloodshot and puffy eyes. "I'm scared," She whispered. "I can't let it happen again. I'll die."

His heart went cold in his ribs. "I'm going to call Dr. Kelly. Please just sit there." He pushed her onto the bed. She didn't look at him or acknowledge what he said.

He picked up his slacks and fumbled his phone out of the pocket. He dialed the doctor's number and watched her as he waited for the phone to ring. This was his fault. If the baby died then it was his fault!

---

Garcia had kicked back with a pint of Cookies and Cream Ice Cream. 'Nine Months,' was playing on the television and it was just about to the part where both women are delivering at the same time. She laughed as the fathers fought over the use of a video camera while the bewildered doctor, played by Robin Williams, tried to deal with two screaming women.

Her phone rang and she hissed at the interruption. "What?" She barked into the phone without looking at the caller ID.

"Garcia…" A terrified voice squeaked over the phone.

"Reid!" She sat up straight, knocking the half-empty ice cream container to the carpet next to the couch.

Breathing rushed in and out of the phone as though he'd decided to prank calls her as a heavy breather. "Spencer! What's wrong?"

"Emily's in labor and she's completely freaked out." Garcia relaxed just a little. "Don't panic my gorgeous genius. Did you call her doctor? How far apart are the contractions?"

"I did all that. She thinks there's something wrong with the baby. It's really bad Garcia."

Something in his tone had her walking back to her room for her shoes. "What hospital baby cakes? I'll meet you there."

---

He got her into the car, which wasn't an easy task, as she'd stopped talking to him. She had cried until he thought she was going to be sick. Now, as he hurried into the very early morning, she was quiet. She had had another contraction just minute ago. She was down to seventeen minutes between contractions. It was almost one in the morning.

"Emily!"

She was staring out the window of the car. The doctor had said he would meet them at Georgetown University Hospital. He'd told Reid to bring Emily to the hospital and they'd see what needed to be done when they got there. He'd told Reid not to panic.

"Honey… Um… Please talk to me!" He begged. "You're scaring me!"

He couldn't see her face in the dark when he glanced over at her, but he could feel the stare. Then her head turned back to the black darkness.

The miles flew by the car and it seemed like hours had passed before they arrived at the entrance to the Women's Center at Georgetown University Hospital. "We're here," He said as they parked under one of the bright parking lot lights.

She stayed quiet until he went around to open the door. "I'm sorry Spencer." She whispered as he helped her out of the car.

"It's okay baby."

"No it's not. I'm so scared. I've been so mean to you. You'll stay with me, right."

"Yes, of course I'll stay with you. There's no other place I'd rather be."

He took her into the Women's center and got her checked in while she sat listlessly in a chair next to the nurse on duty. He answered all of their questions. He followed the nurse as she pushed wheelchair carrying the women he loved to her room.

"The doctor will be here very soon." The nurse assured them. "Why don't we get you comfortable?"

The nurse smiled at Reid who stood off to the side while she helped Emily get out of her clothes and into a hospital gown. He felt a bit better at the way Emily submitted to being taken care of by the nurse who was taller then both of them with black hair and bright green eyes.

"Just relax while I get the monitors hooked up for you and the baby. You'll feel better when you see that little heartbeat."

Reid certainly felt better when two heartbeats began tracing across the monitor. Emily groaned after another contraction and he hurried to her side. "See, the baby is okay." He pointed out the heartbeat to her.

"I know… I feel so stupid for panicking. You must hate me."

"No! I don't hate you."

He reached down to hug her and she clung to him as though a hurricane force wind might take him away from her.

"I'm so sorry for freaking out. I don't know what's wrong with me." She sobbed as they both watched the monitor.

"It's okay baby… I know this is hard for you. Everything is going to be different this time. You've had the best doctor and the best care. This hospital is one of the best in the country. It's a teaching hospital, so it has to be good. I'm here with you and I love you so much. I'm not going to go away."

"I know… I just…" She lifted her hands up and let them fall to back to the bed.

"You want this baby this time. That makes a difference."

She jerked away from him as if he'd spit in her face.

"I'm sorry!" He said quickly at the look on her face.

"No…" She whispered. "You know me better than I know myself. I could never say that I didn't want the baby I had as a kid, out loud. I thought it lots of times, but I couldn't say it out loud."

"Because you thought if you did, something bad would happen."

She nodded and reached for a tissue on the small table next to the bed. "Yeah… I just knew after the baby died that it was my fault for not wanting him."

"You know that's not true." He said, stroking her hair and relishing in the silky feel of it.

"I -" She gasped through another contraction. "I know it in my head, but I guess my heart doesn't know."

"I know my heart. It tells me that you're the best person I know. Our baby is going to be so lucky to have you as a mom. That has to mean something."

"It does…. I'm still scared."

"Me too…"

"Really?"

"Oh yeah… I'm terrified that I'm going to faint when its time."

Emily sniffed, laughed and then reached over to smack him on the arm.

"Seriously, I'm terrified that I'm going to mess up big time. I don't know how to be a dad! What if I'm like my dad."

Emily turned a black look on him that he'd only seen aimed at un-subs. "You are not going to be like your dad!" She insisted. "You are going to be the best father in the world because you care, because you're scared and because you're nothing like your father."

"You scare me when you get that tone in your voice." He said with a smile.

"Oh shut up!" She smacked him again. "I think we're a pair of idiots."

"I couldn't agree more." A voice said from behind them.