"Steve?" John pushes himself up off the floor. He wipes the blood off his face with his sleeve. Looking down at his outfit, he only sighs. Who thought wearing ghostbusters pajamas would backfire? (Everyone. There were absolutely hideous)

"Hello there! My name's Steve." Steve holds out his hand. You don't shake it.

"Hello." You grumble.

"RooRoo?" Blue runs up to you. John laughs.

"Hi Blue! Hey, have you seen Sollux grub?" John talks to him like he talks to a human. What does he think he's doing? Of course the dumb dog isn't going to—

"Roo!" Blue walks away from John, jumping and leaving a blue pawprint on a clear screen on the opposite wall. Steve and John gasp.

Oh no. Now you remember why the theme song sounded so familiar. Crabdad used to put troll blue's clues on for you when you were a grub. Since Blue just decided she's going to play the game, this means that they are now going to…. sing.

Why. Why you.

"You wanna play Blue's clues?" Steve asks. John jumps up.

"We do! We do!"

"Well, I'll need your help to find Sollux. Will you help me?" Steve talks to the clear wall. John doesn't seem to notice Steve practically talking to himself, him being too busy jumping up and down like a kid hopped up on sugar.

"You will? Great!" Steve points to the pink living room, running back to the 'thinking chair'. Music starts blaring from somewhere in the ceiling. Looking as pissed-off as possible, you slouch in the corner. John starts dancing in the other corner on screen.

"We gotta find a pawprint, that's the first clue! We put it in our notebook and now what we do?" Throw ourselves off Niagara Falls that's what we do. You think. Your face is as red as it gets, half because of embarrassment and half because of when John dances he wiggles his ass so stupidly it hurts.

"We put it in our notebook cause it's Blue's clues!"

"Blue's clues!" John and Blue cheer. You can't watch this anymore. Where's the Alternian sun when you need it?

"We gotta find another pawprint, that's the second clue. We put it in our notebook, now what do we do?" Random household objects start to gather on the carpet. Oh look, it's the salt and pepper shakers from the cd cover. And their two stupid kids too. Hold on, there are TWO of them? What have these condiments been up to? "Blue's clues! Blue's clues!"

"We've gotta find another pawprint, that's the third clue. We put it in our notebook, well, you know what to do!" No, no you don't. And you don't ever want to know. You'd rather suffocate yourself with a line of paper dolls, losing conscious with your last sight being a group of living kitchen utensils singing and your last breath to be poisoned with the scent of crayons and Playdoh.

"We sit down in our thinking chair and think!"

"Think!" John points to you. You groan.

"John, I am not singing this trash in front of millions of drooling children, let alone you." You sneer.

"Think!" John continues without you, stepping over your legs. Blue looks at you out of the corner of her eye.

"We can use our minds take one step at a time, we can do anything—"

"RooRoo!" Steve, Blue and John all turn towards you, arms outstretched. Burying your head in your hands, you sigh.

"That we want to do." You mutter. Steve wiggles around in some kind of wriggler dance before finally letting the music fade. You unplug your ears.

"Okay, well, first, we have to get my handy dandy notebook!" Steve points to a short red table. "Sidetable has it in her drawers."

"Pff, drawers." John laughs into his hand, spitting all over the place.

"Hey John, I'll get the notebook, and you and Karkat start looking for clues. Remember, when we find a clue, we say—"

"Fuck you for not telling us where the hell Sollux is." You growl. John gasps, shaking his head.

"Close!" Steve beams.

"Close? How was that close? I made an exact point to get as far away as the actu—mumffp!" Steve bumps you out of the way with his arms, knocking you off your feet. Blue giggles, if that's what dogs can do. John shakes his head.

"You shout out 'clue'! Understand?" Steve nods, leaving you and John to stand idly in the center of the living room. You pull John to the side.

"John, we can escape right now. We can split up, find Sollux, and jump right on the appearifier. We'll never have to see that stupid green shirt sopor-for-brains again."

"No way! This seems really fun! Plus, if we're really lucky, we can be on tv!"

"We're already on tv. Besides, even if we weren't, would you really want to be seen on national television in ghostbuster pajamas." You point to John's shirt. It even has his stupid symbol on the shirt pocket.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Still, it's just half an hour, then we can go home. What are you in such a big hurry for anyway? It didn't look like you were having fun with the grubs." John's eyes widen. "Wait, were you?"

"No! Can't a troll just not have to be surrounded by…" You wave your arms, "all this?"

"Hey John and Karkat! Let's go look for the first clue!" Steve waves you over, holding a miniature thinking chair in his hand. Upon closer look, you realize it's actually a notebook, with a huge green crayon stuck to it. Inside are hundreds upon hundreds of used pages from previous games. You flip through the pages, a vague idea of where large objects are located in front of you as you walk into the kitchen. Looking up, a familiar family of table spices greets you.

"Well, isn't it the pervs." You lean one elbow on the counter, face scrunched in disgust.

"Why yes, this is Paprika!" Mr. Salt smiles, standing closer to Paprika. You squint.

"No, I said pervs."

"Paprika, can you say hi to Karkat?"

"Hi!" Paprika grins. You raise your eyebrows.

"Hey Karkat, you think, because we're on a kids show, all our curses will be ignored?" John leans over your shoulder.

"Let's see." You stand up straight, looking up at the ceiling. "Steve, you are a fucktard fuckhead with your head shoved halfway up your shitty ass."

"Thanks!" Steve sounds sincere, much to your liking. John taps your arm.

"You know, hehe, Karkat, I heard that you are an asswipe that can go fuck yourself." John holds back a grin, biting his lip.

"Wow Karkat, that is such a special thing you can do! I wish I could be as talented as you." rocks a spice jar baby thing in her arms, and, you cannot make this up, starts tearing up.

"Oh sweetie, you are just as talented as Karkat! Maybe his talent will help him find a clue!" Mr. Salt hops out of the way, revealing a pawprint on a glass of water. You look at Steve. He's completely distracted doing nothing. You reach out and grab the water, tempted to drink it. Teeth grazing the glass, Steve shakes his head in bewilderment.

"A clue? Where?" Steve asks the wall. He spins around, pointing at the glass in your hand. John stops his continuous cursing to stare at you.

"There! There's the clue!" John grabs the glass out of your hand.

"Hey, that's my water!" You frown.

"You know what these means? We put it in our handy –dandy notebook!" Steve pulls the notebook out of his pocket. He flips to a clean page and holds up his green crayon. "A glass of water." From your point of view, you can't see a single thing he's doing. John's in your same position.

"You think he drew the water?" John mouths from across the table.

"No, he drew me holding an empty glass and breaking over your head. Of course he drew the glass!" You hiss, trying to stay as quiet as possible. John laughs.

"Well, where ever Sollux is, it has to do with water." Steve snaps the notebook shut, turning back to you and John. "Let's go look for more clues in the garden!"

You follow Steve through the Kitchen door and into the backyard. It's a pretty chilly morning, and the dew on the grass sticks to the bottom of your pants. There's flowers scattered around the area as well. It's your average backyard, it even has a sandbox.

"Hi Steve!" In the sandbox, a little red….oh my god what is that.

"Hi Shovel! Hi Pail!" Steve bends down next to the….okay, is he seriously not noticing this? That is a bucket! There is pornographic material on a tv show! What kind of horrifying children's media is this? You can't believe it. To think, adults spend their own time ANIMATING this? Not even trying to blur it out! What's next, Horuss's horse dick being given to Steve for winning the game?

This suddenly got a lot more mentally scarring.