If Only I Could Know His Thoughts
"Please. Just let me put on your shoe." Lacey begged as she had been for over fifteen minutes.
Phoebe stared at Lacey empathic with her plight. Phoebe had learned not to interrupt Lacey at times as this. Lacey didn't like it. Therefore, Phoebe stood back just watching Lacey do what she did best. Take care of him.
"Aaaah..huuuhh..AAAa.." The raven haired three year old began to wail. He pushed his wrist to his forehead as his tongue stuck out of his mouth. "Uhhh..uhhh."
"What do you want, Thomas?" Lacey had named him Thomas because she doubted she'd make it through the pregnancy with him. Thus…doubting Thomas. "Say the word or Mommy won't give it to you."
"Uhh..Uhhh." Thomas pushed his wrist into his forehead. He then began to smack his wrist against his forehead harshly.
"Thomas Daniel Porter!" Lacey grabbed her son's hand. She forced his eyes to look at her. "I will sit you down in the thinking chair. Now say what you want or you don't get. Do you understand?"
"Wa..wa..wa." Thomas smiled. He was proud when words would come from his mouth. "Wat..water."
"Very good." Lacey rustled Thomas's curly black hair. "Mommy is so proud of you."
Phoebe stood waiting with a glass of water ready for Lacey to give her godson. "Here, Lacey."
It made Phoebe proud that Lacey had chosen her over all her friends to be Thomas's god mother. She loved the child like he was her own.
"Thanks, Phoebe." Lacey handed Thomas the glass. "Now let's get that shoe on. Sarita will be here any minute."
"EETA. eeta." Thomas said proudly as he stuck out his foot. "Eeta gggo."
"Yes." Lacey relaxed with a sigh. Lacey's eyes moistened as she pushed the shoe on Thomas's foot. "You look so much like your daddy."
Lacey turned as a tear snuck out of her eye. Her son was a spitting image of her ex boyfriend. However, the boy's mind was hidden deep within the beauty of the child. Lacey was lucky to get even a resemblance of a word from the boy. She worked since he was one trying to get him to articulate what he wanted in some form rather than grunts.
"Guess who's here. Aunt Sarita!" Sarita walked through the kitchen door. She leaned to kiss Thomas's cheek. His stare focused on anything but her eyes. "How's my boy today?"
"Being stubborn as usual." Lacey stood up. "Are you sure I can't go?"
"I'm positive." Sarita patted Lacey's back. "He's so clingy to you, Lacey. If you want him to go to preschool. You have to let go a little. He'll be fine. Don't forget Marie is there."
"Yeah." Lacey laughed. "She'll definitely look out for him."
Marie was Jo's and Rico's four year old daughter. She excelled in pre-school. She was tested high.
"I'll be there too." Sarita held out her hand to Thomas.
"I know. It's just I've never spent a whole day without him." Lacey ran her hand through Thomas's hair again. "Remember pretend today, Thomas. Pretend you're the size of an ant."
Sarita smiled knowing that was Lacey's way of making Thomas not be too loud with his squealing. Thomas would be quiet if he pretended to be an ant.
Sarita loaded Thomas into the car seat in her car. She pulled away watching Lacey in the rearview mirror. She knew Lacey would be crying with Thomas going to his first day of preschool. Sarita turned her attention back to Thomas, who was now playing some type of mathematical game on his handheld computer.
Sarita remembered muddling through college without a clue about what she wanted to do in life. When Lacey told her that Thomas was diagnosed with autism, Sarita knew her calling. She immediately chose a path in autistic studies. Thomas and other children like him would be aided by her. The intelligence that hid deep inside the child would be sought after by her.
She studied his handsome face. The same face that had caressed Danny's seemed to be blessed upon the boy. The boy began to rock back and forth in excitement. Sarita couldn't resist running her fingers through his unruly hair. She loved this child as much as if he was her own.
Sarita pulled up at the school. She inhaled deeply as she glanced at the small boy still mesmerized by his game. "Time to go, kiddo."
"Mama." It was the only word that he never stuttered. "Mama?"
"You're going to try something different today, Thomas. Mommy is going to work. You're going to school." She pushed a curl back that fell into his face.
He didn't seem to notice anything. Not even her. But Sarita knew that autistic children may look distant. However, they were there listening to every word said.
Sarita breathed out anxiously as she walked in to the classroom clasping to Thoma's hand. "Hello, Ms. Dinsmore. This is Thomas Porter."
"Hello." Ms. Dinsmore bent down to shake Thomas's hand.
Thomas stared passed her and rocked on his heels. "Mmmm…Mmmmm." He hummed.
"He's missing his mother." Sarita took Thomas's electronic game.
"Go play with the others, Thomas." Ms. Dinsmore smiled. "He's so cute. He looks just like Danny. Has Lacey ever heard from him? I can't believe the guy skipped out on her when he found out she was pregnant."
Sarita pulled Ms. Dinsmore to the side. "You as well as every one else knows better." It was odd taking up for Danny after making Lacey miserable in high school over him. However, with the years came maturity. Danny didn't even know of Thomas's existence. " Danny went out of the country after his mother died and never
returned. He could be dead for all we know. What we do know is he'd never leave Lacey. Not the way he loved her. But she told him she moved on. She had no clue she was pregnant at the time, Jana."
"I'm sorry. There were so many rumors. Lacey has dedicated her life to that boy. I wish Danny was here to help her through this." Janna regretted her earlier words. "Especially considering how wealthy Danny is."
Everyone had seen Lacey's and Danny's dedication to each other. They dated on and off until their junior year. Then Lacey and Danny realized that no one held a special place in their heart's like each other. They were inseparable throughout the remainder of junior year and partially through the senior year. They had even won Homecoming Queen and King their senior year. However, life hadn't afforded the teens to continue their relationship. Lacey moved away to Seattle her senior year not long after the homecoming. Her mother had been hit by a drunk driver in a head on collision. She was taking Clara to a gymnastic meet. Clara lived through the crash but was left in a wheelchair. Judy had died instantly. Clara and Lacey had to move to Seattle with their father. Lacey was dedicated to taking care of Clara. Danny and Lacey tried the long distance thing at first but soon Karen Desai was diagnosed with cancer. Danny moved to Arizona not long after so Karen and he could be with his grandmother .
Karen died two years after Danny's graduation. Lacey showed up at the funeral. They made love even if they weren't in the relationship at the time. Thomas Daniel Porter was conceived that night. Lacey never told Danny due to circumstances she preferred not to mention. She would raise her son on her own.
"So.. I hear Archie will be coming home for good." Sarita changed the subject.
"Yes. He plans to marry me on his return. How's Scott?" Jana placed some crayons on each of the tables.
"Great. We are celebrating two years together. " Sarita giggled.
Her laughing was interrupted by a small child crying. He lay at the feet of Marie and Thomas.
"Thomas!" Sarita ran up. "What did you do?"
Thomas stood staring into space. Ms. Dinsmore helped the crying child to his feet and wiped his tears on a tissue.
"He didn't do anything,Ms. Sarita." Marie placed her small chubby hands on her waist. "I did."
"Oh. And why did you do that?" Sarita could have sworn this child was Jo's clone.
However, it was attitude only. She looked nothing Jo. But her unique beauty was the beautiful mix of pale skin,blue eyes, and soft chocolate colored hair. Who knew Rico and Jo could create something so beautiful. But her attitude was all Jo Masterson.
"He called Tommy stupid." Marie's lip jutted out and began to quiver holding back tears. "Tommy isn't stupid. He's really smart. And he's my best friend."
"I know, Sweetie." Sarita embraced Marie. "But you don't have to protect Thomas. Okay? He'll make friends. But as long as he has you. He'll be fine."
"Okay." Marie sniffed. "Come on, Tommy. Sit with me. It's almost story time."
"Shew." Sarita sighed. "Here we go."
Thomas just stared ahead rocking. He listened to the book as he bit his lip. "Hmm..hmmm."
"Thomas, the others can't hear if you hum." Jana said sweetly not really sure to handle a child like Thomas.
Thomas continued to rock and hum. Sarita touched Thomas's arm. "Sshhh."
"Let him read." Marie spoke up. "Tommy can read really well. His mommy taught him."
"Oh. Can he now?" Sarita winked at Ms. Dinsmore.
"He can." Marie took a book from the shelf. "Will you read for me, Tommy?"
Thomas looked up with a smile. He took the book. "Once upon a time in the land of Og."
"Are you still worried?" Jo touched Lacey's shoulder.
"I think I'm just missing him. I just wish I knew what he was thinking." Lacey placed a cup of coffee in front of Jo.
"You don't have to serve me coffee." Jo shook her head. "Lacey, I gave you this job as secretary not as my personal go for."
"I know. I just want to stay occupied." Lacey sat down at the desk. "I miss him so much."
"Why do I have a feeling you're no longer talking about our precious Tommy?" Jo touched Lacey's hand.
"I try, Jo. Danny was everything to me. It is hard to find dates considering I'm a single mother to an autistic child. If it wasn't for Thomas." Lacey blinked her eyes trying to compose herself. "I'd not make it. I just feel like I'm muddling through life barely keeping my head above water. Sometimes, I feel guilty for not telling Danny about my pregnancy."
"But you knew he'd stay if you told him." Jo took a sip of her coffee. "Or is that what you wish you'd had done?"
"Of course, I think about it. But you know what happened. What Danny's new girlfriend told me. They were engaged and she was pregnant with his child. I didn't want Danny resenting me or our child. There was so much he had to get away from after his mother's death. Moving out of the country was good for him. I was only old memories. His fiancé was who Danny wanted. I couldn't allow his and my child to grow up with Danny being quilted into staying with us. I wasn't only sacrificing our love for Danny. I was for my own child. I'm not as noble as you think." Lacey blinked twice. "Sometimes, I wish I had still told him of our child. I guess because I'm sure he'd have stayed. Danny didn't love me anymore. He had moved on. Danny was engaged. His life was turning into something great with the job opportunity."
"I knew you were sacrificing for Danny." Jo sat back. "So what did Dr. Klein think about Thomas's going to school?"
"He said that it would be good for him." Lacey leaned on her elbow. "I can't keep him in a bubble. I just don't understand why Thomas is how he is."
Jo rolled her eyes knowing Lacey wanted Thomas with her. "There's not always an explanation of things. Life happens. He's a great kid."
"Yeah. He is." Lacey scrunched up her nose as she smiled revealing her dimples "I just wish Danny could meet him. I guess I didn't expect he'd be gone this long. I miss him more every day. Danny probably doesn't even remember I exist."
Knowing, Danny. Jo thought to herself not wanting Lacey to know her thoughts. He misses you more.
"By the way, I have a friend who needs a date to ..." Jo smiled hoping Lacey would at least consider it.
"No. Don't start." Lacey rolled her eyes. "Just because Thomas is in school, doesn't mean I'm going to start dating."
"His name is Trevor Canton. He is an architect from New York City..." Jo blew out a breath of air. "He's hot..."
"No." Lacey refuted. "That is the end of it."