Dreaming of His Touches
Lacey warily walked into the house. She could hear Thomas's screaming from the driveway. Phoebe stood with her hands on her hips staring at Thomas. He was holding a box of ice cream. His face was a mess as it was covered in chocolate swirls.
"Oh Thomas." Lacey grabbed the box from his hand. "What happened?"
"I told him 'no'. He threw a fit. I still said 'no' until after dinner. You heard him screaming." Phoebe pushed back sweat drenched hair from her forehead.
"So you gave into him?" Lacey asked not showing judgment.
Phoebe was a life saver since the day she moved in with Lacey. After Phoebe's divorce from Cole Farrell due to a teen pregnancy, which tragically ended in miscarriage, Phoebe needed a friend. Lacey was that friend. It was neither Cole or Phoebe at fault in the divorce. They really didn't know each other well enough to marry. They married for a child and it didn't work out. Cole and Phoebe resented each other for that. However, it taught Lacey that marriage based on a pregnancy only caused more problems. She would not do that to Danny and herself.
"NO." Phoebe said defensively. "But he just ...he was screaming... so I let him have his way." Phoebe swallowed. "He was crying for you too."
"Thomas Daniel Porter!" Lacey jerked him up surprising Phoebe that she wasn't going to melt at Thomas crying for her. "First, young man, you are going to shower. Then you are going to sit in the thinking chair for a half hour while I make supper. The last thing you are going to do is tell Aunt Phoebe 'Sorry'."
"It's okay, Lacey." Phoebe started to clean up the mess Thomas made.
"NO." Lacey snapped. She saw the startled look on Phoebe's face at her anger. "I'm sorry. I'm exhausted. But no it's not okay. Thomas knows how to behave. He just is taking advantage of you. He always does you and dad. He is used to both of you spoiling him. So when you finally stood your ground. He got angry." Lacey turned back to Thomas. "That isn't going to work in this house! Is it Thomas?"
Thomas cocked his head sideways staring at the ceiling. He frowned as the fact that he made his mother angry hit him. He rocked on his heels and began to hum.
"Go." Lacey said with a cracking voice.
The day was difficult. She missed her son. She wanted to impress Jo so that Jo didn't think it was a mistake to hire a friend. Lacey also wanted to impress Jo's colleagues with that fact. So Lacey had reorganized files, put data into data base on the computer, and many more tasks that impressed both Jo and her colleagues. However, it was menial labor as far as Lacey was concerned. It didn't matter the job. She was proud that she had a way to take care of her and Thomas. She had been supporting her little family with cleaning homes as well as the money that Clara had left to her due to the insurance claim from her mother and her death. But Thomas's and Clara's care took the majority of the money. Lacey needed more money to make ends meet. Therefore, Phoebe approached Jo with Lacey's predicament. Jo hired Lacey immediately as her secretary. Phoebe worked with her brother on short documentary films. The pay wasn't much but it was a career Phoebe loved. So Lacey let Phoebe move in rent free if Phoebe would help with household chores and care of Thomas. It worked out for both women. Samuel moving in a year later worked out as well. He was retired and added that income to needs such as car expenses and utilities. However, Lacey knew that more money was needed to keep up with expenses that seemed to pile up with having Thomas. She felt her son deserved the best. Therefore, he would get it.
"I'll bath him." Samuel walked into the house. He could see Lacey was ready to cry. "Come on, Tommy."
The boy latched onto Samuel's hand and walked away. Lacey sat at the table. She lay her head down and began to sob.
"Aw. Sweetie." Phoebe walked over to her. As she sat down, she caressed Lacey's back. "Just let it out. You've earned the right to cry."
"I miss him so much." Lacey rolled her head on the soft quilted place mat. "Danny could help. Maybe he could reach Thomas where I can't."
"Honey, you've done miracles with that boy. I've heard him read. I remember it took forever to potty train him. But you had him reading words at two."
"But why can't he say the words to me? He can read on the level of a 7th grader. But he can't tell me he loves me. Or say things he wants." Lacey sniffed as she sat up.
She heard Samuel yelling. "Thomas Daniel Porter! Get back here!"
Thomas ran bare butt to Lacey. He encircled her in his small arms. He nuzzled in her neck with a grunt. Then he let go. Still his eyes never focused on his mother. But his arms remained around her neck. He then walked back to Samuel. Samuel shook his head as he escorted Thomas back to the bath tub.
"Seems like he tells you he loves you without words." Phoebe stood up. "I'll make your favorite tonight."
Lacey smiled as she wiped away tears. Her baby loved his mommy. Words weren't necessary in Thomas's life when it came to expressing his love for her. But Lacey wanted more for her son. She wanted him to be able to look at a friend and say words in a conversation. She wanted him to have everything all mothers wanted for their children. Most of all, she wanted Thomas to say 'hello' when he finally met his father. Yes. Lacey thought of that day often. She wasn't sure it would ever come but she did dream of the day that Thomas met Danny.
Lacey watched in exhaustion as the family ate the dinner. It was great that Phoebe had made Lacey's favorite. But working and caring for Thomas was taking a toll on Lacey. She smiled as Thomas got up to walk around the table.
"Sit down, Thomas." She said lowly. Her voice sounded with defeat. "Eat dinner."
It was this way every night. Thomas would circle the table two or three times between bites. Sometimes, he'd steal food off other's plates. Lacey was adamant about that not happening. However, she did see Samuel sneak him pieces of dessert when he thought Lacey wasn't looking. Lacey allowed this little indiscretion as it made Thomas giggle. He loved being in with Grandpa pulling one over on Mommy. She was strict with the boy. But some things even a Mommy could overlook to see a smile on that gorgeous face.
"Lacey, why don't you allow us to clean up." Phoebe noticed Lacey's dark circles under her eyes. The girl was exhausted and it showed.
"I'll clean him up." Lacey stood to get Thomas.
"No. Grandpa promised Tommy I'd clean him up." Samuel rubbed Thomas's hair. "Then he's going to read to me."
Samuel had moved in with Lacey after his life partner, Mitch, left him for a younger man. Mitch took his money and his dignity when he left. Samuel threw himself into Lacey and her son after that. They were a strange support system with Lacey, Phoebe, and Samuel as their own little family along with Thomas.
"Please." Lacey giggled. "Only sports this time. The last time you had Thomas read you the paper, he quoted weather charts for a week."
"Deal." Samuel picked Thomas up and placed him on his shoulders.
"Now, you go get a nice long shower and a good night's sleep." Phoebe touched Lacey's shoulder. "I don't want to see you again until morning."
"Thanks, Phoebe." Lacey walked slowly upstairs. She knew that Thomas had weaseled out of his punishment. She was too tired to make sure that he faced it this night.
"Sometimes…" Samuel sighed. "I wish she'd think of herself once in a while. She needs to live a life without all this."
"I know." Phoebe agreed. "I love Thomas. He's great. But I love her too. Lacey makes everything about him. She needs a little me time."
"I think I have her talked into a blind date with that Trevor guy that Jo keeps raving about." Samuel watched as Thomas walked around the table again picking up a piece of broccoli as he went.
"Oh. Yeah. He works with Rico at the university. Right?" Phoebe scraped the dishes into the garbage disposal.
"Yes. I hope they click. Lacey needs to forget Danny ever existed." Samuel picked Thomas up in his arm. "She needs a life without thinking of the what ifs with Danny Desai."
Lacey heard their words as she stood up at the top of the stairs. She closed her eyes as she made her way down the hall. She started the shower and stepped in to the hot spray.
"I'll never give up on you." Lacey whispered as she pushed her face under the water. "My heart won't let me. I wish it would. Oh how I wish it would."
"That's good." Danny whispered as he opened the door to the shower.
"Hi." Lacey smiled with a blush. "I knew you'd be here."
"I'm always here." Danny ran his fingers across Lacey's cheek.
"You look bigger." Lacey touched Danny's well defined chest.
Danny glanced down. "Really. I thought I was about the same. You are lonely. Aren't you?"
"Danny." Lacey slapped at Danny's wet chest. "You know what I mean, naughty boy."
"Naughty. Huh?" Danny grabbed Lacey around the waist. His lips crashed down on hers as his tongue begged for access to her mouth. He pulled back. "I'll show you naughty."
"Please do." Lacey giggled as Danny picked her up to push her against the tile wall.
His body soon was joined with hers. They made love like always. Both enjoying every inch of skin with light feathery touches.
"I've missed you, Lace." Danny whispered.
"I've missed you too, Danny." Lacey whispered back.
Lacey opened her eyes to the pounding on the bathroom door. She blinked as tears mingled with the water of the shower.
"Lacey, Sweetie." Phoebe's voice echoed from behind the door. "Tommy is ready for bed. He insists Mommy put him to sleep."
Lacey turned off the shower. "Okay. Tell him I'll be there in a second. To go ahead and lie down."
Lacey heard Phoebe scurry away. Lacey dried quickly. She placed one of Danny's old Green Grove High Soccer jerseys on before making her way to Thomas's bedroom. Lacey crawled in behind Thomas. She brushed back his hair with her hands. Phoebe and Samuel stood at the door for a few seconds enjoying watching the small boy relax at the most gentle touch from his mother.
"Mommy's baby. Mommy's boy. Mommy's angel. Mommy's joy." Lacey sung lowly in Thomas's ear. He closed his eyes at his mother's made up song. "I'm your mommy. I'm your girl. Oh but Thomas…you are my world."