Chapter Nine
Is the Impossible Really Possible?
Max Voiceover-
I dropped Cale off in the nursery around 4:30. I didn't want anyone to see me, I can't really explain why. I headed back upstairs to change out of the jeans I'd slept in and grab a sleeve of the Ring Dings I'd scored while shopping with OC the other day, one box for me and one for Joshua and I tried to ignored the lingering feelings of guilt from not sharing with our whole city, but it's not like that was really possible.
I hate these feelings of guilt that always seemed to accompany me, I don't know why I feel them, I mean I'm staying with them instead of traipsing across this continent to find that prick who put this virus in me in the first place.
Ugh I hate thinking of the virus; it's been what kept me up at nights for over a week, ever since we raised Joshua's flag. Last night with Cale tucked into my body I slept for four hours, making up for all the sleep I've been missing I guess. I thought of something this morning as I awoke with him still in my arms, it's not just that I don't want Logan to miss this. I don't want to miss it. I think all the visions I had in my head for me and Logan, they made me want more…
More what I'm still a little confused by, I mean a kid? Could I ever actually handle a kid? I mean Cale's pretty cool, Brittany got there too and the fact that Jace named her baby after me, probably the most amazing thing ever. But me a parent?
Then again provided I can somehow manage to take out White and avoid the authorities, I still have a lot of time to think about it.
I wonder if I could fall in love with someone besides Logan.
I can't imagine loving anyone with the intensity I love him, but I wonder if I'm mature enough now that I could stop pushing men away when they try to get close. I wonder if I could find a man that I wouldn't hate spending the rest of my life with…
It seems like such an impossible goal, after all I'd never even known what love actually was until I met Logan and now I'm trying to find someone to replace this once in a lifetime kinda love?
It happens though doesn't it?
Someone to make me just happy enough so I wouldn't miss Logan for the rest of my days?