War of Wills
Thomas had turned four a day ago. His birthday party ended up not a good idea. He hid from all the kids in his room. Lacey had requested Danny not to be extravagant with Thomas. So he bought him a new batman toy and nothing else. He was trying to do as Lacey wanted. Lacey glanced over the large back yard of her home. The wind kissed the silky threads of grass growing too tall. They all looked like they were dancing carefree to the Earth's whispers. Lacey wanted so bad to dance carefree again. How long had it been since she felt free from life's troubles? Too long to remember.
Thomas sat on the porch steps watching the same display. Lacey wondered if his thoughts were similar. Was his life filled with problems? Was her four year old carefree? Or troubled? Thomas giggled. No reason that Lacey could figure out. But something in Thomas's mind was making him happy. A brilliant smile caressed his face. The same smile that once had Danny's features mesmerizing her. Had Danny smiled since he came home? He had smirked. But where was that Desai smile?
Danny walked out the door. He stared in the same direction as his family. "Phoebe and your dad went to town. They said that there is a bingo game at the church. I didn't know they played bingo."
"Clara introduced Dad to the game. She met a few patients that loved it on one of her stays at the hospital." Lacey pushed her toes against the porch causing the porch swing to sway.
"Was she in pain at the end?" Danny didn't look at Lacey. Nor did he look at Thomas. He stared over the grassy field.
"I'm not sure. Clara hid it. She was trying to be strong for us. I was having such a hard time carrying Thomas. He was a big baby. The first two months, I had to stay in bed." Lacey sighed. "That is when Clara told Dad to get Phoebe for me. She moved in here while Dad and Clara lived in their house. Phoebe really pampered me. I think it was her way of making up for losing her own child. She was taking care of family."
"I'm glad you're close to her." Danny closed his eyes allowing the breeze to kiss his face. "I love you, Lacey. That's never changed."
"Danny, come sit down." Lacey patted the swing next to her. "Let's talk."
Thomas immediately stood up and ran to be next to Lacey. Lacey smiled weakly. "No, Thomas. Let daddy sit."
Thomas embraced Lacey's neck tightly. He pulled up to her lap.
"Thomas…" Lacey whispered. It was hard to refuse his affection when he was willing to give it. Even it was just jealousy.
"His room is almost done. I could've have sped through it by hiring someone but I didn't. Because your dad seems to want to feel needed." Danny sat down on the steps. "I know how that feels."
"Where did you go last night, Danny?" Lacey questioned as she embraced Thomas. "I came looking for you."
"I was in New York City. Bruce had some papers that needed signed. According to him, they couldn't wait. I just stayed at my condo and slept until this morning." Danny tapped his foot on the step. "Why is it so difficult?"
"What?" Lacey pushed the swing back and forth. "What is so difficult?"
"Life." Danny sighed. "I can take over companies with ease. But I can't fit into my family. What good am I if I can't be a father to my own son?"
Lacey pushed Thomas from her lap gently. She didn't allow him to follow.
"No, Sweetie. Stay here." She ordered Thomas to stay on the swing.
Danny needed her. She wanted Danny to need her so bad. She needed Danny to need her.
"You have no idea how much I need you." Lacey bent down behind Danny. She ran her hands through his dark hair. "Every second of every day. I wonder why I let you leave. I wonder why I didn't beg you to stay. Thomas would be used to this. Us. I'd be less controlling with him. I know I am. I just don't know how to feel about relinquishing some power over my…OUR son."
"I'm sorry for being so stubborn. For not understanding that it has been you and him. NO me. It just won't click into place like I hoped I would." Danny exhaled. "Do me a favor."
Lacey kissed the back of Danny's neck. "What favor?"
"Bring Thomas to bed. Have him lay between us. Show me photos. Photos of him from birth until now. Tell me all about the pain...the happiness…even the heartache. Make me feel involved. Don't leave out any detail. Let me pretend I was there for it all." Danny pleaded as he glanced sideways at Lacey.
Thomas still didn't like Danny in bed with them. But when he tried to kick Danny off. Danny held his ground. That confused Thomas. With any one else, he could move them because no one ever stayed where Thomas didn't want them. How could he not move this guy? The effort paid off for Danny and Lacey though. Thomas was soon asleep from exhaustion of pushing his small feet into Danny's ribs. He kicked so harsh and hard. Lacey nor Danny ordered Thomas to stop. It was a war of wills. Who'd give up first? Thomas didn't really give up. But his feet ached. His brow sweated. His legs gave out. He fell asleep.
Lacey wiped her finger over Thomas's sweaty forehead. She then opened the first album. "These were actually made for you. I made a set just for daddy."
"Really?" Danny grinned. "Show me." Awww. There it was. That Desai smile.
"This is immediately after he was born. He's still bloody." Lacey grinned as she pressed her finger against the photo.
"He was big. How much did he weigh?" Danny ran his finger over the photo. He imagined he could touch the skin on Thomas's leg.
"Eight pounds 12 ounces. HUGE." Lacey giggled. "Here this one is special."
Lacey pulled out a photo she had wrapped in a little blue card with a ribbon. "No other is like it. Only two copies were made of this."
Danny breathed in and out when he held the photo in his hands. "Clara and Thomas."
"That would be Clara and Daniel." Lacey pushed Thomas over a little so she could lie on Danny's shoulder. "She never would call him Thomas. I think she needed to have that little piece of you. You were so close to her before the wreck. She loved when you came to visit the house. Mom did too."
"Where is the other copy?" Danny traced his son's face in the photo. Then he traced Clara's.
"I buried it with Clara. Daniel was Clara's world at the end. She died when he was only four months old. But he cried for Clara constantly when she was alive. Even I couldn't calm him. Clara had this way about her. She wasn't muddled down with the troubles of life. She knew her time was short. So Thomas could feel her calm. Her endurance. Her love. Without feeling her worry." Lacey ran her hand over Danny's bicep. "You really are bigger."
"Seriously, Lace. Don't tempt me by touching me. I want to see more photos." Danny pulled Thomas closer to him. At least in the kid's sleep, he could hold him.
"Fine." Lacey pretended to be angry. "Just remember that at about midnight when Thomas is trying to sneak out of the bed you're going to make for him in the other room."
"Noted." Danny flipped through the album. His heart slammed against his chest. Was Lacey hinting at Danny sleeping in her bed with her?
Each photo told a story. Lacey had meticulously written notes at the bottom of each. It gave her enough information to recant in detail each photograph. Danny listened intently taking in every word.
He kissed Lacey's forehead as she yawned. "It's late. We'll look again tomorrow."
"Are you sure?" Lacey wiggled closer to Danny.
It seems she was the one trying to get between him and Thomas. She wanted her Danny pillow back. Danny pulled sleeping Thomas to the other side of him. He wedged himself in the middle of Lacey and his child. Both slept curled up close to his body. For once since his return, Danny felt needed.
"Stop it." Danny didn't raise his voice. He just woke up to Thomas kicking him harshly in the side.
Thomas could see this was one man that he couldn't get his way with. Therefore, he was putting his all into trying to force his dad off the bed away from his mother. Change wasn't something that Thomas liked. It was partly due to his autism. Partly it was due to his stubborn streak. This was his was his bed. This was his house. But mostly, this was his mommy!
This time Thomas didn't cower away. Some things were worth fighting for. No matter how afraid you were of the circumstances. And Thomas was very afraid of the big man he was kicking . But his possessive nature out weighed that fear.
"Thomas!" Lacey tried to pull him back. But her strength was nothing in comparison to the stubborn four year old. "Thomas! I said…"
"Don't, Lacey." Danny grabbed Thomas's feet. "Please. Let me handle this."
"But…"
"Please. He has to know I'm not going anywhere." Danny scooted off the bed.
Thomas giggled in victory as he glanced at the ceiling. Danny gave Lacey a look as if to say 'Trust me.' Lacey tried to relinquish control. She had to let Danny be a father to Thomas. Even though, it would be difficult not only for Thomas but her as well. Lacey nodded nervously as she bit her nails. Danny jerked Thomas up
in his arms. Thomas kicked and screamed reaching back to Lacey pleading. Lacey had to fight all her will power not to take her baby boy.
"He has to learn. Trust me." Danny pleaded. "Stay here."
Lacey nodded again as a tear slid down her face. Danny hated to see both the love of his life and son in such turmoil. But this was a war of wills. And Thomas had to see he wasn't the one to win this particular battle. Danny walked down stairs with Thomas hanging at his side lack a sack of potatoes. Thomas screamed and kicked. Lacey jumped up when she heard him yell "Mama!"
Thomas had actually voiced what he wanted. Lacey didn't let Thomas see her but she had to just observe. It was her baby boy yelling her name. She was his world as well as he was hers. However, Danny was back into the their world. Lacey wasn't about to give Danny up again. Thomas had to accept his dad was there to stay.
Danny sat Thomas down in a chair at the kitchen table. Thomas stood up. Danny gently picked him back up and sat him back in the chair. Thomas stood up again. Danny sat him down again. Thomas stood up again. Only this time, Thomas had a mischievous grin on his face as he stared at the ceiling. He darted off using all the speed his little legs could muster. If it had been Lacey, Phoebe, or Samuel ; Thomas would have easily got away with these actions with them. However, Danny was there before Thomas knew what happened. Once again, Thomas was placed in the chair.
"You are going to eat breakfast." Danny lay all the picture cards out in front of Thomas that had various breakfast items.
Phoebe and Samuel had heard the commotion. Lacey grabbed Phoebe's arm as she started to head down stairs. Both Phoebe and Samuel understood as they sat at the top of the stairs observing right beside Lacey.
Thomas didn't look at the cards. Instead, he shoved them off the table angrily. Danny bent down and picked them up putting them in place.
"Tell me what you want, Thomas." Danny stood up to make eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, and even waffles.
Thomas sat there. He didn't dare move from the chair. He knew the big guy would catch him. Danny sat all the food on the table. Thomas looked at the food and started to grab some.
"NO." Danny stated as he pointed to the cards. "Show me what you want."
Thomas again knocked the cards off the table. Once again, Danny picked them back up. Danny then preceded to fill his own plate with food. Danny ate the food making sounds of their great taste.
"MMmm. Thomas, this is good." Danny stated. "Show me what you want."
Danny picked up a card and placed in Thomas's hand. Thomas jerked his hand away. He then reached into Danny's plate to grab a handful of eggs. Danny grabbed his hand refusing to allow Thomas to have any.
"Tell me." Danny shook Thomas's hand until the eggs plopped back down. Danny placed a card with the picture of eggs on it.
Thomas balled up his fists. He then grabbed another handful of eggs. Danny grabbed his hand again. Thomas acted as if he was going to put the eggs down. When Danny let loose of his hand, Thomas threw the eggs in Danny's face. Lacey gasped as she placed her hand over her mouth. Phoebe had to fight not to go clean up the mess. Samuel stifled a chuckle. Danny ignored the eggs that were now sticking in his hair. He took a bite of his food. Thomas rocked back and forth. He started to hit his wrist against his forehead. Danny stopped him.
"NO!" Danny's voice was very stern.
Thomas dropped his hand. He stared sideways beyond Danny. However, every one including Danny could see that the child was thinking very hard. Thomas reached for Danny's glass of milk and threw it all over Danny's shirt. Danny ignored him again. He poured another glass of milk. He took a drink.
Danny continued to eat. Thomas continued to rock back and forth. "Are you hungry, Thomas?"
Thomas never focused on Danny. However, his eyes told he was thinking. A few more grabs at food. A few more sloshes of items. The three on the stairs were just exhausted watching the hour long battle. But none left as they wanted to see which male would give in first. Father or son. Eggs stuck to the floor, the ceiling, and in both mops of dark curly hair. Orange juice soaked Thomas's shirt due to Danny trying to pull the juice from him. Both looked a mess. Both still playing the who would win game. Danny had to force himself to swallow the now cold eggs. He poured strawberries on the now cold waffles. Thomas swallowed. He licked his lips. Thomas's fingers slowly edged to the one card. He looked at it. Then he picked up the card with eggs on it. He handed it to his father.
Danny looked up shocked. His eyes caught Lacey's . Both hers and Danny's had tears in them. Danny quickly heated Thomas's eggs by microwaving them. He sat the eggs in front of the boy. Thomas then picked a card with milk on it.
"Uh..Uh.." He pointed to the card then to the milk carton on the table.
"Do you want some milk?" Danny was having a hard time not crying.
"Mill..Mill..Milk." Thomas pointed at the card hitting it with his finger harshly.
To someone besides those in the house, this was nothing. But to everyone in that room staring at the child covered in eggs and orange juice, this was the most wonderful moment to witness. Thomas slowly ate his eggs. He seemed to enjoy them more than any breakfast he had.
Thomas giggled as he took a sip of his milk. "Milk."
"That's right, Buddy. You can have as much milk as you want." Danny's voice cracked as he ate his own breakfast.
Soon, Lacey, Phoebe, and Samuel were at the table eating. No one cared that they had to step in eggs or slide through spilled milk to get there. They only wanted to enjoy the breakfast as a family.
"Milk..Mama..Milk." Thomas took a hold of the carton. He held it towards Lacey.
Lacey wiped away a tear as she held out her glass. "I'd love some milk,Thomas."
The rest of the day was difficult in it's own right. Phoebe had already relinquished her duty of making breakfast for Thomas to Danny. Now Samuel had to stand back and watch Danny give Thomas a bath. Thomas had clung to Samuel's leg. But Danny pulled him off. Thomas didn't protest that this big guy bathed him. After all, he played more in the bubbles than grandpa. Thomas could splash more. So that part was kind of fun.
Bedtime was the most difficult experience. Thomas cried for his mom. Danny scratched his head.
"Maybe too much change isn't that good." Danny sat on the edge of the bed. "He's exhausted. I'm exhausted. One more night away from you isn't
going to be the death of me."
"I'll let you do what you want with Thomas." Lacey rubbed Danny's bare back.
Danny looked back over his shoulder. "I know. Thanks for trusting me."
Danny tussled Thomas's wet hair. Thomas didn't jerk away. But he still clung to Lacey.
"I think he needs to be held by his mommy now. He has school tomorrow. Maybe we'll try the weekend to make him realize mommy and daddy will be sleeping in their own bed together." Danny winked. "Do you think Jo would let you have off tomorrow?"
"Probably. Why?" Lacey pulled Thomas close to her.
"Daddy needs held by Mommy sometimes too."