Chapter Thirty Four
All Over the Place
"Oh you'd best explain to me what the hell was so god awful important you woke me at 6 on a Saturday." Original Cindy said rubbing her hands over her eyes.
"It was 6:50" Max said sitting on Cindy's bed after letting herself into their apartment, good thing she didn't need keys or Original Cindy would have been a hell of a lot crankier. Max had called her just before going into Logan's room and told her to call her cell in 45 minutes so she'd have a reason to escape the house without talking to Logan. She told him she'd be back by noon so she had until then to think of something to say that wouldn't cause any massive blowouts between them.
"Max do not start with the…" she waved her hand in the air unable to think of the word, she was pretty sure she hadn't sobered up all the way from last night thanks to Max's early wake up call.
"I think I had the equivalent of almost having sex with Logan." she said almost calmly, but unable to wait for her friend to continue with what she was saying.
Original Cindy's eyes widened and she pushed herself up.
"Can you say something?"
"What exactly does that mean?"
"I am not giving you the details…Just that it happened."
"How was it?"
"How do you think it was?" she snapped and stood.
"Either really good or really bad. Both would have you this upset. You waited too damn long for it not to be any good."
"It can't happen again" Max sighed and sat down.
"You know I have never met anyone more all over the place than you about Logan."
"I love him; we've had that part down for over a year." Max looked over with sad eyes.
"Yea the you love him, the virus is going to be cured, the you're going to kill him, you've got break his heart, the you love him again and are all over him, then boom you've decided no cure is coming and you run away again, next thing I know you two are all lovey dovey again, you're raising a kid together, still saying you're not together, and now you're telling me you had the equivalent of almost banging that gong, which I'm still not sure what that means…"
"It means that Zen came home early and the only thing we can do got interrupted."
"You or him? Who am I kidding," she waved a hand, "this is Logan definitely you. That boy's too damn nice for his own good." she said shaking her head.
"You know that part really isn't necessary to the story. And yesterday we ran into Logan's cousin, who heard me call Cale, "Cale" and yea….Guess what I apparently had a baby 19 months ago."
Original Cindy just looked up at Max stunned.
"That's actually the only part of last night that made sense."
"I need coffee" Original Cindy said pushing back the covers.
Max followed her out and continued as OC started the coffee, "So what am I supposed to do?"
"What do you want to have happen Max?"
"I want to be with Logan."
"Well there ya go."
"But I can't"
OC dumped an extra spoonful of coffee into the pot, she needed it with the way her girl was rambling on, "Explain."
"If we start this, we won't be able to stop, if we can manage to it'll destroy everything we have. I still have a shot right now of surviving without him, of being able to see him with someone else. I can't handle losing him again and we're so close right now. We're happy without the other stuff."
"So then how do you explain last night?"
"We let things get out of hand."
"And you didn't tell Logan you think that?"
"I don't know how."
"Max this is Logan, your Logan. You should try the truth, it may be rare in your relationship, but whenever you use it, it seems to work out pretty well."
Max sighed, she knew OC was right, just like she'd been right a year ago when she told her to step to the real. She moved on to other things before her friend killed her, "Have you seen what he did to that house?"
"Oooh I know" Cindy said relieved to be moving on.
"I cannot picture Logan being such a…" Max searched for the world.
"Handy man?" Cindy offered, "I don't know, boy fixed this sink…A hell of a lot better than you I might add."
Max looked over at the kitchen sink, which she'd used to have to repair every month, she hadn't touched it in the whole time she'd been home; " Logan fixed the sink?"
"Didn't know who else to call."
Max thought for a moment, she always tried to avoid thinking of that summer, hearing Logan telling her how he'd just sat for days after she 'died' had been almost too much for her to bear. "I didn't even realize…"
"That I spent time with Logan?" OC shook her head, "Boo, I barely knew the guy before you left."
Max realized Original Cindy was right, they'd spent some time together before, but not much, they had seemed a lot more familiar with each other when she thought about it.
"I saw him a few times when you were gone." Original Cindy shrugged, suddenly remembering that summer without Max.
Max suddenly swallowed hard, thinking about Logan's words…
"I wouldn't wish losing the person you love on anyone, not even White…I didn't think I would ever get over losing you…I probably never would have."
"Come on Sug" Cindy said calling her out of her daze, "That's all over…You're home. No more grieving."
"I know" Max said shaking her head and letting out a small smile.
-o-o-o-o-o-
She pulled up in the clunker of a car that Logan had found to replace Bessie for the time being. Logan was on the porch with Cale and Alec blowing bubbles.
"Okay first you guys in the pool together and now bubbles?" Max said climbing the stairs to them.
"You know that's your word over ours Max" Alec said blowing bubbles over the boy's head.
Max shook her head, not even bothering to fight back with him.
"What's new with Original Cindy?" Logan asked holding out the wand for Cale to blow, well blow/spit at.
"Nothing, she knew I was out and wanted some girl time."
"Really? I saw her last night….Didn't think she was going to be up before noon." Alec said
Trust Alec, she cursed, "Well she was…Why are you here?"
" Logan's trying to set me up with a new job. Came by to see how he's doing with that."
"Ugh" she made a face thinking of trying to find a new job, "Let's not mention that word yet. You finally get tired stealing from Seattle's underbelly?"
"I was only doing that to repay Logan, didn't think the poor guy should go broke feeding us. Anyway, you helped on more than a few occasions."
Max laughed, she and Alec had certainly helped the cops bring down the crime level in the city.
"When you guys are done, I'll be inside getting a drink." Logan said
They both turned their heads upwards to see Logan standing with Cale.
"I could use a drink" they both said at the same time and then glared at each other.
Logan shook his head and walked inside.
-o-o-o-o-o-
Alec of course stayed for lunch, despite all of Max's none too subtle hints that he should really be heading back to Terminal City.
Logan walked back downstairs after putting Cale down to find Max pacing the floor, the same floor where last night…He shook his head to get that memory out of his head.
" Logan" she began and didn't know where to go from there, her well planned words forgotten.
"Let me guess…That" he said dropping his eyes to the floor, "Can't happen again." he said calmly. Max frowned and made Logan wonder if he'd gotten it all wrong, "Max? Is that not what you were going to say?"
"No" she said shaking her head, "It was."
"So why are you looking at me like that?"
"I had a speech." she smiled like an idiot, "I even thought I knew where you'd interrupt."
"Yea I think I had that talk with myself last night."
"It's just that once we…"
"We wouldn't be able to stop" he nodded.
"So I left this house before 8am to go talk to OC for no reason?"
Logan smiled, "Sorry"
"Everything's okay between us?"
"It's more than okay Max."
"You"
He shook his head, "Max" he gave her a look to drop it, that everything really was fine.
"What kind of job are you trying to find Alec?" she asked, moving on as he asked.
"Construction for him and Zen, I almost have all the documents they need."
"If you feel like making a few more…."
"I did yours months ago. You don't need to rush out and find a job; I'd" He was stopped by a look, "Or if you want some help looking…"
Max smiled, "I think I'm just going to try a witnessing job, if you can get me a sector pass."
Logan suddenly had visions of Max purposely dumping people's food and drinks on them.
"Money's better than any other job if you can survive the comments and leers, luckily I'm quick enough to avoid the hands…Being a messenger is better, more freedom, less people, but seriously lackin the green"
"You know if you really want to be a waitress, I think Eyes Only may have a job for you…"
-o-o-o-o-o-
She headed up to her room to change once she'd gotten back to TC. Once again in clean clothes she went to unpack her bag and took out the single picture she'd printed off of Logan's computer this morning, right after she'd gone through his files and saw that he had no new information leading to a cure on his computer, leaving her hope still dead and her decision to make that much clearer. She'd taken the picture standing over Logan as Cale rested on his chest after lunch; she loved how they looked together. Better than any dream she'd had of them physically having a child together.
She sat down next to Cale on the floor and scooped the little boy into her lap, he giggled a bit, "I love you" she whispered as she tickled him slightly. She meant the words, she'd said them to him hundreds of times before, she could say the words easily to him, like she could say them to OC or Josh. It was different with him though, almost reminding her of what she felt for Logan, different though, but not any less powerful. "I'm gonna try really hard not to screw this up, I'm always gonna keep you safe, I promise you." she said kissing the blonde hair.
She shifted him in her arms so she could show him the picture, "Do you know who that is?" she pointed at Logan, "It's your Daddy" she said further trying to acclimate him to the word. They'd agreed not to push Cale, to let him change over naturally, but Max couldn't help herself.
"Lo?" he said looking up at her.
"Yea, Lo's your daddy and I'm your mommy." Mommy, god she loved how that sounded.
His attention returned to the picture, his hands grabbed at it, "Lo."
Max laughed at herself, reminding herself that he was still only around 19 months. "We need to pick you a birthday" she said kissing the top of his head and allowed him to crawl off her lap and return to his toys.
She stood and wondered who that man was in the picture, the man she had just left. That wasn't the guy who had walked into Crash looking for her, wasn't the guy that continuously pushed her away, he wasn't the guy she came home to. It was like Logan Cale had finally been set free of his demons. Every single thing that had happened between them since coming to Terminal City played out like a romance novel or a cheesy movie; his words always supported and loved her. She was meanwhile still running away like normal….She thought about it for a few and wondered when she had become such a female. Logan was the total stereotypical man in this situation….She thought about it for a bit longer, trying to place when exactly Logan had started running her life…Or when her life had started revolving around him.
Her life revolving around him had definitely started awhile ago…God that's pathetic, she thought to herself. She started thinking back to when exactly she'd started being a girl in all of the bad ways.
Maybe it was after Zack, not that choosing Logan over Zack had been in any way a bad decision, it had been the only one to be made, the only one to keep them both safe. Logan though had been the one to contact Syl afterwards and tell her what had happened; Max could have never told her sibs what she had done. Then somewhere in the first few days of the siege she'd realized that Zack would figure out what he was and most likely come to town again. Logan had calmly explained that once White exposed them in DC that he and Krit had decided that Zack needed to be watched and Zane instead of Krit or Syl had gone to further limit any chance of Zack remembering her and that they had been off the farm for weeks traveling.
He had been the one to find their major suppliers, then found the safe route in for all of their supplies and as Alec had pointed out, he'd also paid for them until they had repaid him, which he had never even asked. He helped come up with the mission to modify the heat sensors on the hoverdrones and then hid the truth from her until she stumbled on it herself. She allowed him to get away with it even though she knew it was a completely foolish idea, they could have screwed up everything. And now to top it all off after he first offered to give her money to live, he then hand picked a job for her. Sure he'd said it was an Eyes Only thing, he needed someone in 'Tony's' for a few months to get info on the players there, but the point was he picked her job and he had everything all waiting for her to start a new life. She was in charge of none of it, she just willingly went along.
She was the pathetic female, she realized fuming even angrier because she was heading out her door with Cale in her arms to be dropped off at Joshua's before she went to Gem and Dalton's room. God he'd driven her to two girl talks today…She'd already talked more today than she would have in a week.
-o-o-o-o-o-
"So wait let me get this straight….You're mad because he agreed with you and found you a job?" Gem said putting the baby down in the stroller.
Max paused, Okay well when it's put like that…"It's more than that, I used to run my own life."
Alec laughed from the doorway where he'd just listened to Max's totally out of the ordinary rant, "Max no one's running your life, but you."
"Alec" she said glaring
He smiled, this was great it was like being in one of those high school tv dramas, first Max and Logan hook up, then Max runs to Cindy confesses all, the truth was pried out of Logan by him, then Logan and Max talk, Max apparently didn't like what she heard, ran to Gem and now he got to clear it all up. Oh jesus I need to get out of Terminal Cityhe thought shaking his head… "He helped out Max….Everyone helped out. He got me and Zen jobs too and you don't hear us complaining. It's who he is Max." he'd almost come to terms with what a stand up guy Logan was, still made him slightly nauseous, but he accepted the fact that it wasn't going to change. "Why the hell are you so mad at him?"
"I'm not mad at Logan."
"You sure about that?" Gem asked
Max frowned.
"Max, you made up the rules between you and Logan, stop being mad when he follows them."
Max frowned again, she hadn't told Gem what had happened, just that something had happened and when she'd tried to talk to him today and all he did was yes her to death, "Logan told you."
"In his defense, I'm very observant. That and Zen was still there when I arrived. Logan kept muttering something about a slippery slope. Max, you want the boy to die, he'll die and trust me he'd go out with a smile on his face."
She froze once more remembering Logan's words, 'I wouldn't wish losing the person you love on anyone.' "Alec, you're disgusting." she said half-heartedly.
"Yea Max and I'm also one of two in Terminal City who knows what it's like to have the person you love die, add Logan to the mix and it's three. Me, Josh and Logan, we're the only ones who know that there's barely a reason to go on afterwards."
Max swallowed hard, remembering Bling's voice, that long ride back to the city before she'd even realized she loved Logan mostly because she didn't know what love was, remembered seeing him lying there, being told that Sam was sorry and to basically say goodbye, the pain that coursed through her, slow and agonizing. "Trust me" she said with a small smile, "I've been close enough before."
"He doesn't want to do that to you again Max, you guys have too much now to lose." He envied them, he knew more than a few others did too and was pretty sure given time to forget everything they'd be taught most of the others would.
Max nodded, they were even more of a family now than all the other times they'd almost been torn apart, if anything happened to Logan now, she wouldn't be the only one who would be lost.
"So did Gem tell you she's moving in with Normal?" Alec said, unable to stand the mood that had engulfed the room.
"You're kidding?"
"It's not like that." Gem said shaking her head, "He has a basement apartment."
"Gem's also taking over our old jobs and Ronnie's gonna be babysat by Unckie Normie."
"Come on Ray is just trying to help out; you guys could cut him some slack you know."
"Ray?" Max said turning to Alec, "What the hell has been going on here when he comes over to visit?"
"I don't know; think we should get a little chastity belt for our little girl here?" Alec said draping his arm over Gem, "I don't know if I'm ready for a little Normal."
"We're just friends" she honestly defended shaking her head, "He's even getting along with Dalton."
"Eww you and Normal" Max said shaking her head, someone should have mentioned that last night, would have stopped her and Logan right in their tracks.
"It's not like that!" Gem defended once more.