iCarly (c) Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon

Chapter Five: iPlay Games

Sam clicked her heels together as she waited for Freddie to move up the stairs. She didn't understand why, but she was sweating nervously. Why here? she thought. They could have gone anywhere after school. The Groovie Smoothie, Gallini's pie shop, anywhere would have been better than there. She had even texted to tell her mom that she was going out with Freddie and didn't need to be picked up. In the past, Sam would have insisted they go back. She hated having people at her house, even if it was just for a little while to pick her up.

"Sorry," Freddie said, coming up behind her. "My mom was on the phone."

Sam turned to him, putting her hand on his chest. "Hey Frednuts, I'm really hungry. You wanna go somewhere that's...not here."

Freddie cocked an eyebrow. "Why? Because Melanie's here?"

"No beca- You know about Melanie?"

"Of course. We've met tons of times. I even went on a date with her once."

Sam brushed it off. Why was she even surprised? "Okay, yeah. I don't want to deal with Melanie, okay? So can we please just go?"

"I don't really have time to go anywhere. We only have an hour before I have to be at Carly's."

"But-"

He placed his hands on her shoulder. "Stop. Worrying." He got the spare key from under the mat and opened the door.

"Uh...Freddie..." Sam said. She bit her lip as she went in with him. "Look, my mom doesn't know about the whole...me being electrocuted thing yet. So she thinks I'm just-"

"Sam? Are you home?" a voice called from the kitchen. She's always in the kitchen now, Sam thought, incredulously.

"Please don't tell her!" She begged. "I don't wanna worry her," she lied through her teeth.

"Alright fine. But you owe me."

It wasn't long before Pam peeked her head out from behind the wall. "There's my little trouble maker and her partner in crime." She chortled at her joke.

"Hey Pam," Freddie said with a wave. Sam had to take a double take. Freddie and her mom were on a first name basis?

"If I knew you guys were just coming back here, I would have picked you up," Pam said. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to walk, that's all," Sam lied again. "We were gonna go somewhere, but Freddly has to do iCarly in an hour."

"That early, huh? Well, I made cookies, if you guys are hungry."

Freddie perked up, curiously. "Are they glutton free with artificial sweetener?" he asked.

Pam grinned. "No, they are not."

"I will be back!" he said, bounding towards the kitchen excitedly.

Sam rolled her eyes playfully, although food of any kind was always a plus in her mind. She and Pam followed him through the living room, the scent of fresh baked cookies wafted in the air. Melanie sat at the table, dipping her cookie in a glass of milk.

"Look who it is!" Freddie said, entering the room. "Melanie Puckett looking as ravishing as ever."

Melanie jumped up, excitedly. "Freddie!" She ran up to him, giving him a delicate hug.

"How's my second favorite Puckett twin doing?"

Melanie pouted playfully. "Second favorite?"

"Yeah, I have to say that because, well, girlfriend." He winked. "Contractional obligations and all that."

"You're sweet," She said with a giggle. "I'm doing well. I had a long weekend so I thought I would come up and visit the family." She pulled him in close. "Watch out for Sam. She's been a bit cuckoo today."

"You have no idea," he whispered.

"Should I leave the room and just let you two make out?" Sam announced, crossing her arms. Melanie giggled again and let go of Freddie, her cheeks a rosy red.

Freddie gave his girlfriend a knowing smirk. "Please. You know you're my favorite." He went over to her and held her hands. Sam rolled her eyes, her cheeks now the ones turning pink. He rested his forehead on hers.

"Oh, get a room, you two!" Pam jeered. "Three years and you're still acting like you just had your first date."

"I dunno," Sam replied. "Everything feels brand new to me."

"It's never boring, that's for sure," Freddie added. He felt a buzz from his phone and pulled it out of his pocket. The time read 4:15. "Hey, can I use your room for a sec? I need to check on something."

"Sure."

"Thanks!" Freddie said, making his out the door.

"Oh Freddie!" Pam called, running after him. "Hold on, I want to ask you about something." The two disappeared from sight, leaving Sam and Melanie alone.

Melanie giggled girlishly as she started to exit the kitchen. "He's so cute," she said, stopping right by Sam. "You better watch your back, Sam. I might just steal him from you."

Sam's eyes narrowed. "If you try, you're going to end up in the gutter." Melanie simply grinned at this and made her way to the living room. Sam shook her head. Three years? They had made it work that long in this universe? They didn't even survive a month back home. She walked over to the kitchen table, taking as many cookies as she could before heading upstairs. Three years. She couldn't get over it. And he doesn't even hate me yet.

"What's that?" Sam asked, peering over Freddie's shoulder. His eyes were glued to his laptop computer screen.

"It's a contract," Freddie explained. "For iCarly."

"Are you demanding more money?"

"No," he said. "I just want to make sure we have a stable agreement." Sam rested her head on his shoulder, reading the contract. Freddie set the laptop down next to her so she could finish reading. "You mind if I change my shirt?"

"Do whatever you want," Sam said. She looked over the words, reading them aloud. "Employer is not required to adhere to requests such as live appearances on camera, external outings that aren't part of company schedule and the removal of articles of clothing..." Sam looked up. "What does that mean?"

"It means," Freddie said, unbuttoning his shirt. "That I don't have to do everything that Carly says just because it's her show."

Sam looked back down, reading over the contract again. "You think Carly's going to make you take off your clothes?"

"It's happened before."

"Why?"

"Because..." Freddie elucidated. "The majority of our viewers are...young women. And it's very lucrative to have a guy on the show to kind of..." he groaned. "You know what I mean."

Sam smirked. "You're a boy toy."

"Not anymore," he demanded. "Hence the contract."

"Oh, come on Fredward," Sam joked, shutting the laptop. "You really think you're that ho-" She felt her jaw hang open as Freddie's blue polo slipped off of his shoulders. His muscles curved around the small of his back, making his shoulder blades pronounced. He reached his hand over his shoulder to scratch the back of his neck.

"I'm that what?" he asked, honestly curious. His muscles flexed as he turned back around. That's not fair, Sam thought.

"Just that..." She tried to find the words to say. "You know, maybe you should rethink your contract."

Freddie lifted an eyebrow, his lips curving into a tiny smirk. "Oh really?"

"You should go on air just like that," she continued. "Every night. Forever."

"You'd be cool with me never wearing a shirt on iCarly?" he asked, sarcastically.

"I'd be cool if you never wore a shirt again," she replied bluntly.

Freddie just laughed. "I don't think so."

"Why?" she moaned.

He walked over to her. "This kind of objectification is exactly the kind of thing I'm trying to avoid." He rested his thumb under Sam's chin, pressing upwards and closing her jaw which she then realized was still loose. "And besides, I don't feel comfortable giving girls the wrong idea." Sam couldn't stop staring at his chest. How long had it been like that? Was it always like that and she just never bothered to see it? She was grateful Carly never noticed, or else she'd be screwed. Freddie grabbed Sam's pillow and shoved it in her face. "Stop staring!"

"I'm not staring!"

"You were so staring!"

Sam covered her eyes. "No! See? I'm not looking!"

Freddie rolled his eyes and took her hands away from her eyes. "Sam...I don't care if you look." Sam's eyes caught his and hovered there for a moment.

"You know what? I changed my mind," she said standing up. "That contract is a great idea. It'll keep you from getting too big for your..." She threaded her fingers around his belt loops and pulled him into her. "Pants."

"We wouldn't want that." He moved his hands to her waste as she unlaced her fingers and moved them up to his neck.

"Luckily, you have me to help shut up that ego."

"I think you're just bad at sharing," Freddie proposed.

Sam nodded in agreement. "Okay, you caught me. I am really bad at sharing." The boy smiled, his eyes sparkling with a kind of joy that Sam hadn't seen in a long time. His lips brushed hers, lightly warming them before they dove in. They kissed until Sam could feel Freddie's pants buzzing again. He groaned, looking at the message.

"Ugh," he complained. It was as though his whole body had collapsed.

"What?"

"It's Carly," he said with an unpleasant drone. "She's having some kind of problem with the new software I set up." He ran to his backpack, yanking out a white button-up shirt. He fiddled with the buttons, trying to get them all done in a hurry. "I gotta go. I'll just do the rest when I get there."

"You're leaving now?" Sam asked as Freddie bolted over to her bed, snatching his laptop.

"I'm sorry." He kissed her on the cheek. "I'll make it up to you, I promise!" He looked around frantically. "Did I have a jacket? Aw man! She better not have crashed the system again!" He bit his lip. "You think I have time to print this out before...no. Probably not." He slung his backpack over his shoulder. "I'll text you!" he called as he sprinted out the door.

Sam waited a few seconds before deciding to run after him. "Yo! Fredchester! Hold on!" She finally caught up to him half way down the stairs. "Slow your butt down a sec!"

He stopped running. "What?"

Sam breathed in, her chest rising to its full capacity. "I'm coming with you."

Freddie let out a hard laugh. "No."

"Come on!"

"Why would you want to come see Carly Shay's stupid web show?"

Sam pouted. "It's not stupid, and I think it would be...interesting."

"I'm gonna clear up your suspicions..." Freddie said. "It is not."

Sam didn't let up. "But what if she doesn't agree to the contract? Don't you want some muscle behind you? In case-"

"Sam, it's not a good idea."

"I don't care," she proclaimed. "I'm going and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

"But..." Freddie began to protest, but the stern, determined look on Sam's face told him this was one battle he wasn't going to win. "Ugh. Fine."

"Yes!" Sam shouted, excitedly. She bounded down the stairs and ran to get her backpack.

Freddie sighed. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Sam tapped her foot along the wall, waiting outside of Freddie's apartment. She couldn't stop staring across the hall. Carly Shay, the girl who saved her from a life of crime and destitution, her best friend in the whole world, couldn't even remember her name. Could Briarwood really change a person that much? Sam wasn't convinced. No, she thought. Carly is still Carly. She has to be. Someone that good natured, kind, selfless, loyal...she rubbed her nose. She couldn't become a heartless priss like Missy. Could she? Sam crossed her arms. Even if she did change, nothing was to say that she couldn't change back, right?

Freddie's door opened as he walked out wearing a sleek, black tux. He grumbled to himself, trying to fix his bow-tie. "Stupid...why won't you just..." He threw his arms in the air in surrender. "Chuta!"

Sam chuckled. "Having issues?"

"I can't get this stupid thing on!"

She made her way over to him, fiddling with the tie herself. "Hm..." She thought, pursing her lips. "I say you scrap the tie." She slid it out from behind his neck. "Unbutton that one." Freddie rolled his eyes playfully as Sam loosened the top button of his tuxedo. She paused for a moment. "Maybe the next one too..." He let her take out the second, but she still wasn't convinced. "Okay one more-" But this time, he put his hands up to stop her, lowering them down before she got too excited.

"Sam..."

The girl beamed. "You're right. Two's enough."

"Thank you."

"Now all you need to do is put a fish on your head, and the look will be complete!" Sam said, quite seriously.

"Why would I wear a fish on my head?"

She swayed back and forth on her toes, placing her hands behind her back. "Cause it'd be funny."

Freddie shook his head, unable to hide his smile. "You're so weird."

She looked down at her stomach. "And hungry."

"Oh!" he suddenly remembered. "Wait here..." Freddie ran back into his apartment and came out in seconds with a plastic tub and a spoon. He handed it to Sam. "Here you go."

"What is it?"

"Mashed Potatoes."

Sam looked at them skeptically. "Real mashed potatoes?"

"Yes. Real mashed potatoes. My aunt Jennifer was over a last weekend and made it for us. My mom won't let me eat them because she thinks I'm allergic to starch. I put some together for you but I left them at home."

"Aww," Sam smiled. "My stomach thanks you."

"Right," Freddie said, making his way towards Carly's door. "So you can eat your mashed potatoes and sit on the couch...or something..."

"Dude," Sam said. "I'll be fine." She grabbed his ears lightly and pulled his face in towards hers. "Stop. Worrying," she said in the tone he used earlier. With a wink she pounded on the door.

In an instant, the wooden door flung open as a hand yanked Freddie inside. "I'm freaking out, Freddie! Freaking. Out!" Carly said as she paced around the apartment.

"Okay, calm down. What happened?" He asked.

"I was trying to download a video to splashface and all of the sudden the screen just went black and scary, so I asked Spencer to come in to help but he couldn't stop it from beeping and Terrine just called and she can't make it on the show anymore and I don't know what to- what is she doing here?" Carly said in an automatic tonal shift.

Sam waved at her with her spoon, grinning from ear to ear. "Hey Carls!" she greeted.

"Sam wanted to come watch," he said nonchalantly.

"Nice place," She said, looking around the apartment. It looked almost the same, except there was something different about it. She couldn't quite place what it was. "I like the window."

"Freddie," Carly said, sternly pulling him to the side. "We have a strict no audience policy."

"That has never been a rule, Carly," he contradicted. "You never established any official-"

"I got it!" Sam shouted, not realizing that she caught the attention of the other two. "No sculptures! That's what's different!"

Carly turned to her, puzzled. "Why would you expect there to be sculptures in my apartment?"

Sam mentally slapped herself. This isn't your world, Sam! You have to be more subtle than that! "Isn't your brother an artist?"

Carly let out an exasperated sigh. "Spencer's sculptures are in the basement and in his room. Where they belong."

"Why?" Sam asked, confused. "They're super cool and you have plenty of room."

"Because when I have people over I don't want them to think that I'm being babysat by a twenty seven year old child, alright?" she snapped. "I'm sorry. That was rude of me. I'm just so stressed." She rested her head on Freddie's shoulder, who groaned in response.

Sam sneered. "Okay, I get it. You're stressed. Go..." she made a shooing gesture. "Wipe your stress juice somewhere else."

Carly removed her head from Freddie's shoulder. "Will you come up and look at the computer?" she begged.

"Sure," he replied. "Sam, we're going upstairs."

He looked around for his girlfriend, only to find she had already made her way into the kitchen. "Cool!" she called back. "Hey Carly, can I use your microwave?"

"Um...sure?"

"Kay thanks!"

Carly turned back to Freddie, her annoyance shining through her smile. "So...you're dating her?"

Freddie looked back at Sam, hammering her mashed potatoes with the spoon. He smiled. "Yep."

Carly's face flattened. "Really?"

He raised his eyebrows proudly. "Really."

When Carly and Freddie were upstairs, Sam looked over towards the fridge. She peeked around the corner, making sure no one was looking. Gleefully, she slid in front of the giant refrigerator, opening it.

"Hello, Baby..." she said, sticking her head inside. "Did you miss Mama?"

Everything seemed to be there. The normal groceries, Carly's cans of Peppy cola, it was almost as though nothing had changed at all. Sam smiled. There were some things in life she could always count on, she supposed.

"What are you doing?" a voice behind her called. She slowly turned around to see Carly standing there, staring at her with a befuddled expression.

"I was just..." Sam thought of a lie as she shut the fridge door. "Comparing refrigerators. Yeah, yours is so much nicer than mine...a lot...bigger." She walked up to Carly, starting to put her hand on her shoulder. "Refrigerators are a passion of mine."

Carly gave her a fake smile. "Great." She moved away. "Don't touch me."

Sam let her arm swing down to her side, embarrassed. "Kay."

Freddie looked closely at the computer, running the program over and over again. "Everything seems to be working."

Carly shook her head. "That is so strange. I swear it was broken a few minutes ago."

"Well, I doubt it was ever broken, Carly," Freddie explained. "I think the hard drive just got tired and it decided to crash in order to reboot itself. It happens all the time when you don't turn off your computer."

She nodded, pretending to lean in close to the computer screen. She rested her hand on Freddie's arm, rubbing it gently. "Your muscles are so large."

Freddie stopped, awkwardly taking in the compliment. "Uh, thanks." He shook it off. "Anyway it looks like the software is functioning fine so-"

"How did they get so large?" she asked, flirtatiously.

Freddie sighed. "I fence," he stated. "The program will also run easier if you shut down other applications so if you..." he stopped, noticing Carly rub her hands down his arm. "If you..." he tried again. He inhaled, trying not to lose his calm. "Carly."

"Yes?"

"Remember when we had that talk about personal space?"

"Oh, Freddie," she said, clutching his arm. "You don't have to worry about that with me." She slid her hand down and grabbed onto his tightly. "I completely respect you."

"Great," he responded, shrugging her off. "Because I have a few requests I'd like to make."

"Requests?"

"Here," he said. He pulled out a piece of paper from under the cart where his computer sat. "I drew up a contract so that-"

"Contract?" Carly laughed. "Freddie, you don't need a contract."

"No, I do need a contract," he insisted. "I don't really feel comfortable with the way I'm being used on the show."

"What do you mean? The fans love you!"

"Right but..."

"Freddie," she looked at him with a determined stare. "If this is about what happened last week-"

"Yeah! Kinda!" he snapped.

"I didn't know that would happen! Freddie, believe me. I never want you to feel uncomfortable doing anything on the show."

Freddie nodded. "Good. Then I'm not taking off my shirt anymore."

Carly gasped. "Why?!"

"Because! I don't like being used...that way."

"Do you know how many more viewers we've had since you started being on the show? Huh?" Carly asked forcibly. "A lot more!"

"I'll still be on the show, Carly. I just won't go out there and flaunt for a bunch of teenage girls. I already have a girlfriend!"

Carly frowned. "You mean fridge girl?"

"Look," he said. "I like Sam. A lot. And I don't think it's fair of you to-"

The door to the iCarly studio opened as Sam waltzed inside. "What goes on, people?" she sang.

"Where were you?" Freddie asked, elated that she was there to relieve the tension. "Does it really take that long to heat up mashed potatoes?"

"Uh...yeah. You have to take it out every few seconds and mash it around so it stays mushy. I mean, I guess I could have just heated it up all at once, but then it would have just been one big potato thing. Which is cool, but not nearly as fun." She grinned. "What were you guys doing?"

"We were just about to start the show," Carly said. "Freddie, where is your bow-tie?"

Sam dug her spoon into the mashed potatoes. "I took it off."

Carly fumed. "Why?"

Sam grinned. "Cause now he doesn't look like a gameshow host." She walked over to the corner of the studio. It was completely different. There were curtains and a runway stage with hanging lights everywhere. Everything looked far more professional than it actually was.

"How are you going to start the show without Terrine?"

Carly whined. "I don't know. I guess we could do something last minute with Missy but we've already done that before!"

Sam nearly choked on her spoon. "Missy Robinson?" she asked in disgust.

"Yes. She and the other girls are downstairs," Carly said. "Oh! This isn't good! Where am I going to find a girl who would be willing to-" Suddenly, something in her brain clicked. She smiled sweetly, peering at Sam who was licking her spoon. "Hey Sam..."

Freddie noticed what was happening immediately. "No."

"Oh come on, Freddie. We're desperate," Carly begged. She turned back to Sam who looked up from her tub. "Sam, how would you like to be on iCarly?"

Sam grinned. "Really?"

"Sam!" Freddie warned. He made slicing gestures at his throat mouthing 'no'.

"I would love to!" she said jovially. "But...can I keep eating my potatoes?"

Carly smirked. "You can do whatever you want." She turned to Freddie who wore a defeated look on his face. She smiled walking past him. "I'm going to tell the girls that we have a change in schedule."

"Carly wait! Car-" Freddie was unable to get her attention before she was out the door. He turned back to Sam, who was sucking on the spoon. "Sam."

She spat out the spoon and waved it around as she spoke. "Freddling," she said using his tone to mimic his expression.

"What are you thinking?" He walked up to her. "You can't be on the show!"

"Why not?"

"I don't trust Carly," he said. "Not for one second. Not with you."

"Relax," she assured him. "Mama's got this."

Carly re-entered the room, followed by Missy and three other girls Sam had never seen before. When Sam's face locked onto Missy's, her eyes narrowed. If Carly was still friends with Missy, it made a lot of sense why she was acting the way she was. I just have to get her away from those barbie dolls, she thought. Suddenly, a glorious idea popped into her head. If she was going to be on iCarly...she was going to do it right.

"Okay are we ready?" she asked Freddie. He grunted in response. "Good! Sam, we're going to do an introduction and then you just hang tight and do what we tell you."

Sam shrugged. "Easy enough."

"Camera A, set to go," Freddie announced. "Camera B, on standby."

"Oh my god," Sam said, scooping a large chunk of potatoes onto her spoon. "Freddie these potatoes are magic." She struck her tongue towards the metal of the spoon, slowly licking off every ounce of the creamy side dish.

Carly recoiled, entirely disgusted. "Samantha?" Sam looked at her, her tongue still stuck to the spoon in a half-lick motion. "We're about to go live...on the air..." she tried to explain delicately. "Could you eat that some...other way?"

Sam removed the spoon from her mouth, gazing down at her tub. "Oh my god, Carly. You are so right..." She smiled sincerely and handed Carly her spoon. "What was I thinking?" She reached in with her bare hands and grabbed a handful of spuds. With glee, she shoved them into her mouth, licking the residue off of her fingers. "Mm. The salt from the fingers gives it that extra kick!"

Carly turned to Freddie who stood behind his laptop, amused. "Why?" she asked.

"Oh!" Sam said, swallowing the food that was in her mouth. "Did you want some, Carls?"

"No!" She said, backing away. "No, I'm good. They're all yours." She turned to Freddie again, who was trying desperately not to laugh. "Freddie!" she demanded. "Manage your girlfriend."

"Why? She's not hurting anyone."

"She's a pig!" Carly exclaimed.

Sam wiped her mouth. "We gonna do the show or what?"

"You have horrible taste in women!" Carly snapped as she hustled over to the front of the room.

"Okay, we're rolling in 5...4...3...2..." He announced, pointing as a signal to go.

"Hello wonderful viewers!" Carly said into the camera. "I'm Carly!"

Sam quickly jumped into the picture. "And I'm Sam!"

Carly turned to her, shocked and annoyed. "Sh!"

"Sorry."

"And this is the show that I like to call: iCarly!"

"The only web show that supplies you with meat jerky and a free service for putting holes in your socks!" Sam said with a grin.

"Except..." Carly said, trying to recover from the strangeness of that sentence. "Nothing like that." She smiled, looking back at the camera. "As you all know, today we were going to have a girl named Terrine on the show. But as you can see, Terrine couldn't make it this evening. Luckily, Freddie's girlfriend, Samantha, agreed to appear on the show instead."

Sam moved toward the camera, the movement so natural to her now. "I like fried chicken."

"Yes, we know," Carly said, moving her away from the lens. "Samantha, have you seen this show before?"

"It's Sam and no, but I bet it would be better with more mashed potatoes!"

Carly rolled her eyes. "Would you stop it with the mashed potatoes?" she whispered.

"You said I could have them."

Carly turned back to the camera. "Sam enjoys food."

"I love it more than most things," Sam agreed.

"And as tradition on this show, we're going to give Sam a makeover!" She gestured in the other girls.

Sam hesitated. "Uh...we could do that..." she said. "Or we could take Missy's hair extensions and play jump rope with them!" She leaned in, lifting her eyebrows. "Don't you think that sounds a lot more interesting?"

"But all jokes aside," Carly tried to cover. "Things are going to be a little different tonight on the show." She moved closer to Sam, putting her arm around her. "You see, Sam doesn't want just a normal makeover. So she asked if we would dress her up as an animal instead."

Sam blinked. "I...I did?"

Freddie turned the camera to face him. "That never happened," he said quietly.

"Yes!" Carly ensured as she turned the camera back to face her. "Now the makeover girls are going to take Sam into the makeover room and when she comes back, she'll be completely transformed!"

"Carly!" Freddie gripped the camera nervously.

"Sh! Freddie if you're not going to be on the show you have to be quiet!" Carly said, demandingly.

Sam followed the girls into the back room, giving Freddie a wink of reassurance. She wasn't quite sure what Carly was planning, but if dressing like an animal was her way of 'humiliating' her, then she was just as horrible at pranking here than she was back home. Or maybe, Sam thought, Carly's web show wasn't as dull or predictable as she might have suspected.

Carly had chosen to dress Sam up as a piglet, to which Sam was actually quite relieved. It was better than other animal costumes she could have made her wear. When she came out, Missy tried to hold her hand, but she slapped it away.

"Aww!" Carly said. "Doesn't she look adorable!"

Sam spun around and gave the camera her usual mugging grin. "I'm a piggy." She turned around, shaking her bottom. "Hey Freddie, you like my tail?" she asked.

Freddie zoomed in on it, unable to keep in his amusement. "It's a nice tail," he added.

Sam spun back around and lifted the camera to her face. "That's right. You boys can look, but you can't touch!"

"Okay!" Carly tried to get the attention back onto her. "Now that we've granted Sam's request it's time for a word from our sponsors."

Sam suddenly realized she was still holding her mashed potatoes. She dug for the rest of them, quickly finishing off the tub. "I don't care as long as the sponsors are these potatoes!" she said, showing her tub to the camera. "I want to take a bath in these potatoes. With warm butter and gravy...with big heaping pounds of-" Sam wasn't able to finish before she felt a wet sticky substance pour all over her head, dripping down to the floor. Her entire body stiffened, as the liquid was fairly warm. Her left nostril flared, picking up on the scent. "Bacon grease," she identified. So this is her plan.

"This week's greased pig is brought to you by midwest farming," Carly said into the camera. "Because if you eat like a pig...you may as well be one."

Freddie switched cameras immediately, setting his down to go help Sam. But when he looked at her, she gestured him away. "But..." he protested, but Sam simply smiled.

She immediately began to snivel, before bursting out into an infectious laugh. Carly turned, stunned, at the girl she had just humiliated. "Carly Shay. Can you believe this girl? This wonderful wonderful girl!" Sam shook her head. Looking at the second camera, she wiped a fake tear from her eye. "Here I thought iCarly was going to make only one of my dreams come true."

Carly's eyes bulged. "Excuse me?"

"Carly knows it's always been my lifelong dream to be bacon..." she turned to her, holding out her arms. "And now that dream is a reality." She moved towards her, arms widening with every step before locking her into a huge embrace. "Come here!"

"Oh..." Carly said trying to squirm away. "No...that's...ew...please get..."

"And now Carly is going to make yet another dream of mine a reality!" Sam said, folding her hands in front of her like a little girl waiting for an ice cream cone.

"I am?"

"Of course you are! You see, folks, it's always been my dream to wrestle on the live internet covered in bacon grease!"

"What?" Carly said, looking at Freddie. His jaw had dropped to the floor.

"Let's go, Missy! You and me!" Sam announced, running as fast as she could and tackling the girl to the ground.

"Ahhhh!" Missy screamed. She waved her arms around trying to block Sam's attack, feebly.

"Come on, Missy! Show me what your mama gave you!" Sam shouted, pushing her to the ground.

Carly whipped around to Freddie. "Freddie! Do something!"

"Aw, but it's her dream, Carly," he said, sarcastically.

Carly groaned, getting in front of camera B. "We're going to end the show early tonight. So all of you people out there who-"

"Say uncle!" Sam screamed

"Uncle!" Missy whined.

"Say it again!"

"Uncle!"

"Now say You're a pretty princess!"

"I'm a pretty princess!"

Carly frowned looking back into the lens. "I'm Carly Shay and this has been iCarly."

As soon as the show was over, and Freddie announced that they were clear, Sam released Missy. Missy and the other girls ran out screaming and crying while Carly simply stood and stared.

"Sam!" Freddie ran to her, helping her to her feet. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said. "Sticky, but in all the right ways." She blushed. "Did I do good?"

"You were amazing."

"You..." Carly snapped, moving towards them. "You are never allowed in this studio ever again!"

Sam looked at her friend, sincerely. "You didn't think tonight was fun at all?"

"No! I did not think tonight was fun!"

Sam scrunched her eyebrows. This wasn't right. None of it was right. Sam's plan to remind Carly about how much fun insanity can be had fallen through. There was nothing left now but anger and disappointment. "Look, I don't know who you think you are with your fancy shoes and your mini skirt and your bad attitude, but when you see Carly Shay, tell her that she needs to get her act together. And when she does, she can call me!" Sam picked up her empty tub and began to walk to the door. She spotted Freddie, and stopped, pulling lightly on his collar. "You can stay here and finish working..." she said, feeling the material between her fingers. "But if you ever want to have some real fun..." She leaned in. He stiffened as he felt her breath on his face. "You know where to find me." She released him and started walking out the door. "Bye, Losers. I'm gonna go play putt-putt golf with a meatball..."

Freddie stood there for a moment as she left the room. "That is so hot." He grabbed his laptop and fled, leaving Carly with a more than puzzled look on her face.

"So," Freddie inquired as they walked down the stairs. "How do you play mini golf with a meatball?"

"Oh my god, Benson! You seriously need to get out more."

The made it down the flight of stairs as the door crept open. "Hey! I'm home!" a familiar voice called into the room. "Carly?"

"Spencer!" Sam called, running to him. "There you are!"

"Yes...here I am..." he said, looking at Sam closely. "And you are who?"

"Hey, Spence," Freddie greeted, walking casually to them.

"Hey! Freddo!" Spencer ran to Freddie giving him a hyperbolized fist-bump. "Yeah that's how we do it." He looked back at Sam. "Is this one yours?"

"Oh yeah, sorry." Freddie put his arm around his girlfriend. "This is Sam."

"Sup?" Sam said with a nod.

Spencer's face brightened. "Not the Sam."

"The one and only."

Spencer held out his hand to her, "It's very nice to finally meet you," he said. Sam smiled and took it, shaking it firmly. Spencer tried to ignore the pain from the handshake. He leaned over to Freddie. "She's strong...and sticky. Why is she sticky?"

"It's bacon grease," he informed him.

Spencer nodded with approval. "My kind of woman."

"Actually," Freddie explained. "We had a bit of an issue with iCarly. Your sister kind of doused her in it."

Spencer stopped. "Carly doused your girlfriend in bacon grease?"

"Yeah."

"How much bacon grease?"

"About a tub full," Freddie estimated.

Spencer fumed, letting go of Sam's hand. "Carly! Carly Shay! Get down here right now!"

"We should probably go," Freddie warned, leading Sam out the door.

Carly appeared at the top of the stairs. "What?"

"Did you use my bacon grease on iCarly?" Spencer asked, angrily.

"So what if I did?"

"Carly! I was going to use that for a sculpture I was working on!" he explained. "Do you know how much bacon I had to cook to get that grease?"

"What kind of sculpture could you possibly make that would use that much bacon grease?"

"Uh, a bacon sculpture?!"

"A bacon sculpture." Carly repeated with contempt. "You're so juvenile!" She groaned. "You know, maybe if you were normal-"

"Oh, here we go."

"I wouldn't have to be embarrassed to tell people that, yes, those are giant tubs of grease in my oven! Thank you for noticing!" She groaned. "It's humiliating!"

"You can't just use other people's stuff without asking! It isn't cool!"

"What would you know about cool?"

Freddie grabbed Sam's arm, pulling her out of the room as Carly and Spencer continued to argue. "Let's go, Sam."

"I hate you!" She heard Carly scream before the door swung shut.

Sam felt like she needed to catch her breath. What had just happened? Could going to a different school really change someone that much? As much as she wanted to believe that deep down Carly was the same person, it was getting harder and harder to do with every interaction. How was she supposed to enjoy anything in this world if she knew that both Carly and Spencer had to suffer for it? She began to feel nauseous. iCarly was dead. Carly was dead. There was nothing she could do, and it made her sick.