iAm

by RedDauntless

"It doesn't matter what you've done. Who you are comes from your history, sure. Your background, your parents, your relationships...But who you are is much bigger than just that. Maybe you should stop thinking about who you're not, and start asking yourself who you are. I think you might like what you see. I know I do." Description in my profile. *Rated for Violence*

6. iDon't Dance

iCarly (c) Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon

Chapter Six: iDon't Dance

The next day at school, Sam didn't feel any better. She had left her backpack in Carly's apartment, a place she didn't feel like returning to any time soon. She went through three new classes, sitting in the back so no one would notice her. Carly...her Carly...the nicest person she had ever known, had forgotten who she was. Everything was wrong. Sam tried desperately to find a through line, something that connected all of these events together. What changed? What event triggered this catastrophic shift in time and space? She couldn't even enjoy being with Freddie, her guilt was so heavy. Was it her fault that Carly was this way? Was it because she wished her own life was normal and therefore her relationship with her suffered? Sam leaned against her locker, watching the people pass. All of them, she thought. All of those people's lives are different now. Were they better? Who could say? But what sickened her the most, was that even though Carly was her best friend in the whole world, she loved this new life she had been given and wanted to stay. Sam clutched her arm and sighed. I really am a selfish person.

"Hey!" Sam looked up to see Freddie moving in towards her. "Check out what I found!" He dug through his backpack and pulled out a pack of gum. "They have fat cake gum now! With twice as much fat and twice as much cake!"

Sam tried to smile, but couldn't bring herself to do it. "That's great."

Freddie sighed. "Aw, come on. Fat cakes are your passion!" He slipped his backpack back over his shoulder. "I thought this would make you happy."

"I'm fine," Sam lied. She was getting worse and worse at that the longer she stayed in this world.

"Sam."

"Really!" she shook her head. "I'm just confused."

Freddie nodded. "About Carly?"

"About everything," she said. She turned so her body was facing him, leaning on the locker. "I know Carly! Carly would never do something like that! She would never...ugh! Everything is just backwards! iCarly isn't supposed to be about...prissy girls giving each other makeovers! It's about making people laugh and having a good time!"

"Just because it's on the internet doesn't mean it has to be funny."

"You don't..." Sam groaned. "Never mind. It's too difficult to explain." She sulked back away from him.

"Hey," he said, trying to perk her up. "I was looking over some of the comments from last nights webcast." He pulled out his computer, opening it to reveal the new . "Everyone really liked you. Here. Listen to some of the comments." He cleared his throat and scrolled down to one he liked. "Freddie. Your girlfriend is totally hot. But the way she stood up for herself was even hotter. Nice score."

"I guess but-"

"And here. This one says: Sam, my name is Natalie and I also love fried chicken." Sam chuckled as Freddie continued to read. "I feel like there is a stigma for girls that feel they need to look or act a certain way in order to be accepted. When I was in school I was always teased because I brought huge lunches and was a little overweight. My solution to this was to stop eating altogether. I lost the weight, but gained a problem. I'm just now starting to recover from that. Tonight you proved to the world that we don't have to hate the things we love. I want to thank you for being strong and loving food. Food is awesome and so are you. Keep it up." Freddie shut the laptop. "And there are hundreds like it."

Sam shrugged. "So?"

"So..." he smiled. "You're amazing. What else is there to say?" Sam didn't look up. "I know you're upset because you think Carly is better than this. I don't know what made you think something like that but..." he rested his hand on hers. "Maybe after this she'll finally turn around." The bell rang as Freddie kissed Sam on the cheek. "I gotta go. I'll see you tonight."

"Tonight?" Sam asked curiously.

"Yeah! Don't tell me you-" And then he remembered. "Oh. Well, I'll pick you up at seven. Just wear something pretty."

What could he-? Sam suddenly remembered as well. The dance. "You're picking me up? In what? You can't drive!"

"You'll see!" Freddie called as he evaporated into the crowd. Sam sighed, making her way down to the bus stop.

Sam stepped into the house only to find Melanie staring at her. Sam looked around, wondering if she had done something. "Uh...hi?"

"Where were you?" she asked sternly.

"School." Melanie wasn't nearly this stupid. What was going on?

"Sam." She narrowed her eyes. "I'm so disappointed in you."

"That's a shocker," she said. "What did I do this time?"

Melanie stood up. "You're going to a dance tonight and you have absolutely nothing to wear!"

Sam lifted her eyebrow. "Seriously? That's what you're upset about?"

Melanie grinned. "Come on!" she said, grabbing Sam's hand. "I'm taking you shopping."

Sam groaned. "Why?"

"Because it's a dance, Sam! Don't you want to get something new? You know, for Freddie?"

"I could wear a paper bag to the dance and Freddie would think it was cute," she said.

And it was true. This world's Freddie loved everything she did, no matter what it was. She probably could treat him the way she used to before she fell in love with him and he would still be head-over-heels for her. But then again, Sam thought. That might just be my perspective. After all, this Sam didn't have the same history that she and Freddie had before the shift. Everything was like a fresh start with him. He wasn't even that different, she noted. Not really that different at all.

"No!" Mel insisted. "No paper bags! Sam, we're going to make you a princess!"

Sam groaned again. "Melanie..."

"Trust me," Melanie said with an addictive grin. "When we're done here, you'll be a new woman." With that, she dragged Sam back outside and to the bus stop. Sam couldn't help but be slightly amused by her excitement. Her relationship with Mel was certainly less tense in this universe. Maybe shopping with her wouldn't be that bad. A new woman, huh? Sam thought. Try a whole new world.

---

Melanie dragged Sam all around the mall, shopping for hours. Every time Sam decided on something, Mel would second guess herself. It was always a little odd having a twin sister, but shopping with one was even stranger. They got twice as much done in half the time. Mel would put on an outfit Sam liked, and Sam wouldn't even have to change in and out of her clothes at all. They finally agreed on a dress and shoes, with accessories to match and were back home far sooner than Sam had suspected. She dare could say that the experience was...nice, in a way. Not that she would ever admit to it.

When seven o'clock was drawing near, Sam had locked herself in her room staring at the dress she had chosen. It was almost like a bad teen-flick. If she wore the perfect dress to the perfect dance with the perfect guy...she stuck out her tongue in disgust. Sam was never concerned with perfection based solely on the fact that she had always found it unobtainable from her position. Perfect was never on the agenda, not when Carly was around. Sam felt her stomach twist...Carly.

She shook her head. For once in her life, she didn't want to think about Carly. Tonight was about her. She showed her side to the mirror, allowing her blonde hair to flow over her back. The dress was simpler than her usual outfits, and not as tight fitting. Melanie had insisted that Sam be able to dance in her dress. It was a purple dress that held up by a single thick strap and snugly fit on top but flowed out, cutting off at her knee. What she really liked about it, though, was the pattern that formed feather-like designs from the side of the dress. Just enough to give it a 'wow' factor, but not too much to be tacky.

"It's simple, it's exotic...it's perfect Sam," Melanie had said while they were in the dressing room.

Sam took her word for it, just to get out of the store. But now that she had it on, it was starting to grow on her. Sam bunched up her hair and clipped the fascinator she had bought in it. It was a peacock feather. Sam looked in the mirror again and sighed. It wasn't going to get any better than that, she supposed. She slipped on the purple strappy heels she had bought for the dress and headed down the stairs.

Meow! A small cat appeared from behind Sam's door. Sam stared at it, frozen. That wasn't her cat, but it certainly looked like it. She felt her hair practically frizz at the sight of it. Swallowing hard, she knelt down and held out her hand, cautiously.

"N-nice kitty," she said, moving further towards the tiny animal. It didn't look dangerous. "Good kitty. That's a good kitty." the cat arrived at her hand, sniffing it. Sam pulled away slightly, unsure of what to make of the creature. But the cat simply caught up to her hand, ramming his face into her palm as though insisting to be petted. Sam felt the soft fur, scratching under its neck as it purred. She went to pick him up when she heard a shout from downstairs.

"Sam!" It was Melanie. "Hurry up! Get down here!"

Sam stood up, letting the cat run away. As her heels clacked down the wooden steps, she could hear her mother gasp.

"You're ready? Let me see!" Sam held out her arms, giving her mother a 'this is it' face. Pam went to her daughter. "Oh...Sam...let me look at you."

"I look like a bird, right?" Sam stated.

"No," Pam contradicted. "You look like a woman."

Sam's face fell. "I..." she couldn't process this. Her mother never gave her compliments, she never said anything nice to her. "I don't look bad?"

"Sammy..." Her mother brushed her hair to the side. "You look great."

"I helped!" Melanie chimed in. "But it was Sam's dress. She picked it out."

Sam felt her chest tighten. Her nose started to twitch as she gazed into Pam's eyes. They were filled with something she had never seen before: Pride. "You think I'm beautiful?" she said, embarrassed by how awkward and cheesy that sounded aloud. But she couldn't help it. It was just the dress, right? Or maybe she wasn't feeling well or-

"Of course you're beautiful, Sam," came her response. "You're my daughter, after all."

"Nope!" another voice called from the living room. Sam stiffened. "I won't allow it. No daughter of mine is going to a dance with a boy looking that good."

"Oh stop," Pam said, smacking him in the stomach. "Don't you dare embarrass her in front of Freddie."

The man chuckled. "I won't..."

Sam couldn't stop staring as the two put their arms around each other and looked back at her. "Two beautiful daughters," her mother said. "Could we ask for a better blessing?"

That was it. Sam couldn't take it anymore. She needed to get out of the house before she lost herself to the moment. "I'm..." she said, making her way to the door. "I'm going to wait for Freddie outside." She opened the door and started to walk out, only to run into Freddie who was on his way up the stairs.

"Hey there he is," Pam announced. "Five minutes early, as usual."

Freddie's color of choice that evening was black. From his black suit, his black tie and shiny black shoes, Sam couldn't tell where one article of clothing stopped and the other began. His face, however, was a bright red. "Wow...and here I thought you didn't remember." He scratched the back of his neck. "Shoot. I kind of feel like I underdressed."

Sam shrugged. "It was Melanie's idea."

"Thank you, Melanie," he said, half to himself. He offered her his arm. "Ready to go?"

Sam nodded, taking it. "I am so ready," she said. It was the truth. She couldn't stand to be in that house any longer than she needed to be.

"Wait!" a gruff voice came from behind. Sam slammed her eyes shut. "Before you go. We need to go over the rules."

Freddie sighed playfully. "Again, Mr. Puckett?"

"Hon, you've told him the rules so many times that he could recite them to you," Pam teased. "Right, Freddie?"

Freddie puffed out his chest, crossed his arms and looked straight forward. "Benson, I like you," he began, lowering his voice to a deep, growling tone. "So I'm only gonna say this once. Don't do anything illegal, be back before the sun's up and you better show her a good time 'cause she could dump you in a second. Remember that and you'll be alright."

Pam laughed hysterically. "He's got you down!"

Mr. Puckett rolled his eyes. "Alright, you better leave before I start telling you a fishing story."

Sam pulled Freddie down the stairs. "Goodnight!" she shouted.

"Goodnight honey! Make good choices!"

Sam turned around for a moment as the door to her house shut. Make good choices? These parents actually trusted her to do that?

"So," Freddie said. "I don't have a limo or anything but-"

"Hey Sam!" Gibby ran up to the two, his pink tux noticeable ten blocks down, at least. "You look hot."

"Oh my god, Gibby," Sam said trying not to wet herself. "What are you wearing?" She looked at Freddie, who was silently laughing to himself. "Did you actually beat all those levels of Cake Cruncher?"

"Not even close. But he saw what happened on iCarly so he-"

"I decided I would be your escort," he said. "Freddie and I made a deal. He said, if I take you and him to the dance, he would go with me to see the new Dragons of Yore movie."

"It's a sacrifice, because the last one was terrible," Freddie explained.

"Why the pink tux, then?" Sam inquired.

Gibby shrugged. "Cause I like to be fancy!" He did a little dance in the middle of the street to prove his point. "Gibbeh!" Sam chuckled. Good ol' Gibby. "Okay! Let's go to the dance! Whoo!" Freddie took Sam's arm and followed Gibby down the street. All expectations soon left as Sam found herself forgetting everything. For once she wasn't thinking about this world or that world. Tonight was a moment, just like any other. One that she wanted to preserve.

Gibby's car wasn't the most spectacular ride Sam had imagined. However, it was nice not needing parents around the escort them for once in their lives. Typically, Sam hated dances. It was nothing more than an excuse for people in relationships to flaunt the attractiveness of their significant other to the rest of the class without looking like a show off. For girls, the whole 'formal' element was a game. She didn't know why Freddie wanted to go so badly. I guess he was into going to that girl's choice dance, she remembered. That felt like ages ago. Maybe this world's Sam was into that kind of thing. As they walked in the entrance, everything was exactly the way Sam imagined it would be. The too loud music blazed over everyone's voices, making conversation impossible. The food was cheap, which was the worst part. But she could handle the loud noise and cheap food. Carly had strange parties with loud music all of the time. What she couldn't stand were the girls biting tooth and nail to get to the center of the dance-floor, showing off moves that five year olds knew how to do. Skimpy, low-cut dresses she could barely move in- seemed counter-productive for a dance.

Freddie attempted to shout over the crowd. "I have to go take care of something!" He squeezed Sam's hand before disappearing into the mass. "I'll be back!" she heard faintly.

Sam knew exactly what she was going to do. She took Gibby as they made their way to the only worthwhile attraction in the whole place: the snack table. Sam took a good look at the spread. Chips, salsa, mini hot dogs and burgers. It didn't seem too awful this time around. She smiled with content as she piled a toothpick up with mini hot dogs. Sam was in the middle of trying to stuff them all in her mouth when a dainty finger tapped her on the shoulder.

"You goshta wait in-" Sam said as she turned around to see Carly's smiling face. She nearly choked on the food.

"Hello, Samantha. Lovely party," she said gingerly. It put a chill down Sam's spine to hear her speak that way. It was as though she were playing a role, a clever depiction of a stereotype that only existed sketch comedy bits and sitcoms. There was nothing believable about any of this.

Sam grimaced. "Whater u doin' here?" she spat, her cheeks still stuffed with weenies.

"Oh, don't worry. I'm not here to spoil your evening," Carly assured, taking a toothpick and stabbing one of the mini hot dogs for herself. "I just wanted to watch the crowning ceremony. Freddie promised to film the whole thing. Isn't that sweet of him?"

Sam swallowed the meat. "Freddie's working? Tonight?"

Carly pretended to act surprised. "He didn't tell you? I'm sorry."

Sam grit her teeth. Now it all made sense. "Why would you make him do that?"

Carly scoffed. "I didn't make him do anything. He offered." She leaned in, smiling. Sam's eyes narrowed. "Oh, don't give me that. After that little incident last night I'm sure he thought you wouldn't want to show your face in public ever again."

Sam went to make a comeback, but was stopped by a large, pink barricade. Gibby stood between Carly and Sam, his eyes raging in fire. "You leave her alone," he spat.

"Oh, good. It's the human tuna," Carly said sarcastically. "Nice outfit. Are you going to keep it on this time or will I have to call the cops again?" She smirked as she saw Gibby's face puff up. "How long do you think you can last wearing a shirt? Two? Three minutes?"

"I don't do that anymore," he said, trying to remain cool.

"Oh, don't you?" Carly said, condescendingly. "How disappointing."

"That's it!" Gibby said, making his way towards her. "Listen you little pixie! You better-"

Sam gripped him tightly. "Gib, dude. Chillax."

"But-" he protested.

"Breathe," Sam patted him on the stomach. Gibby backed away as Freddie reappeared inside the crowd. Sam turned back to Carly. "He doesn't do that anymore."

"Aw, look. The freak and the freakier," Carly replied. Her patronizing tone got Sam's blood going. She wanted to punch her, shake her out of it, do something. This never ending sketch was getting too difficult to keep going. "Between the two of you, how many kids of yours do you think will wind up in a mental hospital?"

"Hey!" Gibby shouted, before pausing. "Just to be clear, who is the freakier one?"

"Gibby!"

"Cause I'm totally okay if it's me!" he announced.

"You know what?" Sam finally said after a few minutes of arguing. "Fine. You can say what you want. It doesn't mean anything."

"Okay," Freddie said, coming up behind them. "I think that'll do it for now." He froze as soon as he saw the two. "Carly? What are you doing here?"

"Carly's lost," Sam explained. "She couldn't find her way back to the barn."

Carly's face flamed. "Excuse me?"

"I just assumed you came from your attitude that that's where you lived," Sam said sarcastically. She went to the punch bowl, taking the ladle and pouring herself a glass of punch. "Because let's face it." With a half-grin she lifted the glass over Carly's head, dumping the liquid all over her hair. Carly stood there in shock. "If you act like a cow, you may as well be one." She dropped the glass and backed away from Carly, disguising her hurt through triumphant eyes.

"Sam!" Freddie called after her.

"Sam?" Carly repeated in disbelief. "That's who you're worried about here? My hair is ruined!"

"You provoked her!" Freddie looked over at Gibby. "Will you watch my camera?"

"That's why I'm here!" he said. As Freddie ran through the crowd, Gibby walked up to Carly, getting in her face. "Gibbeh."

Carly scrunched her eyebrows. "Yes, I'm aware." She looked down at her dress, which was now soaked with punch. "Oh..." she groaned.

Freddie finally located Sam at the other edge of the dance floor. Her mind was buzzing. She couldn't believe what she had done. Granted, she deserved it for how she treated Gibby. But Carly Shay was never the type to criticize others. Sam hugged herself as Freddie walked over to her. She couldn't look at him.

"Sam. There you are. I've been looking all over for you."

"I didn't realize you had to work tonight," Sam said bitterly. "You could have said something."

Freddie sighed. "All I did was set up the camera for the crowning of the Spring Junior High Miss...whatever it is." Sam didn't look up. "Are you mad?"

"Kinda." She was quiet again. "Is it for iCarly?"

"In a sense," he admitted.

"...it's for Carly."

Freddie sighed. "Sam-"

"It's okay. I just..." She grit her teeth harder. "I don't see why I had to come to this princess fest just so you could make a few extra bucks. I mean...do you remember me liking this crud? Really? Because I don't think I do!"

Freddie scratched the back of his neck. "It was...easier to get you here than it would have been."

Sam was actually quite relieved to hear him say that. "So why'd you bring me here?"

Freddie smirked. "Oh, no reason in particular."

Sam wasn't buying it. "You just enjoy my suffering?"

"Yes, your screams of agony are music to my ears," he said sardonically. He took her hand. "But we're here and Gibby promised to watch the camera so..." He pulled her into him, grinning maliciously. "No excuses."

Sam growled. "I hate you."

"I know."

Sam thankfully didn't have to spend that much time on the dance floor with the other people before the party was put on hold for the special "crowning" ceremony. Freddie had made sure that they were precariously placed so he could keep an eye on his camera the entire time. Figures, Sam thought. She hated how much of a chore iCarly was becoming. Not only was the fun and randomness completely gone, but the amount of work almost seemed doubled.

"Ugh," Sam complained. "Why do we have to film the stupid crowning ceremony?"

"Oh stop," Freddie stated. "At least you're not on the stage. Remember the-" and then he remembered. "There was one year where you got elected to be up there," he chuckled. "You were so mad."

"Who in the world would elect me to be a queen of anything?"

"Don't ask me, I find it just as ridiculous as you do."

Principal Franklin arrived on the stage, along with Mr. Howard, Ms. Briggs and three girls who all wore the same skimpy style dresses. Sam cringed as she looked at who was standing in the middle. "Missy Robinson?"

"I know."

"Gross!"

"I know, I know," Freddie said, patting Sam on the shoulder. "Just bite your lip and get through it."

"If I could have your attention please," Principal Franklin began. "It is now the time of the night for us to crown our Spring Fling Queen." Sam cringed at the name. Rhyming should be disqualified from life, she thought with distain. Principal Franklin continued to make his speech, thanking everyone for taking the time out of their busy schedules to yadda yadda yadda. Sam couldn't care less. She checked out until he finally announced: "This year's Spring Fling Queen is..." He pulled out an envelope, almost as though they were watching the oscars. "Missy Robinson!"

"Ah what? Come on!" Sam shouted under the uproar of the crowd.

Missy? Why? Because her dad was in the military? She was rotten to the core and not pretty enough to justify said rotten behavior. Although, part of Sam wasn't surprised that someone like her rose to the top of this medieval food chain.

"Oh my gosh!" Missy exclaimed, pretending she didn't know the thing had to be rigged or something. There was no way this was legit. They placed the crown on her head. "I can't believe this is happening!"

Sam was too busy staring angrily at Missy to notice Freddie turn to Gibby. He held out his hand revealing five fingers. Four fingers. Three fingers. Two fingers...boom. The lights turned out. Gasps were heard about the space as the strobes began to flicker. An ambient voice came from nowhere, encircling the room. It said nothing, but laughed maniacally. Sam felt her body rush with excitement. She had no idea what was going on, but it certainly wasn't boring.

"Would somebody please turn on a light!" Ms. Briggs shouted.

Suddenly, a projection behind the stage was displayed, showing the form of the Double Joker, laughing as the room filled with fog. Briggs screamed, jumping into Howard's arms for protection.

"It's him!" She screamed.

Images of the Joker soon appeared on all of the walls surrounding the gym. They all laughed. Soon the laughter was replaced with the wail of an electric guitar. Something light floated onto Sam's head. When she looked up, she could see the papers flying from the top of the ceiling. Thousands of individual pieces of paper rained down as the students of ridgeway reached up for them. They stretched their hands out, almost in prayer as they clasped their hands over the paper. Sam squinted her eyes. She recognized them right away. Voting ballets.

The images projected then transformed to say things like THIS IS AMERICA and DOWN WITH THE MONARCH. Sam couldn't stand it. She started laughing hysterically. Missy Robinson stood on the stage, unable to project her scream over the metal song screaming "REVOLUTION!" Sam watched as a spotlight came on her, the entire crowd focusing back on the Queen. In an instant, almost out of nowhere, a spray of white powder hit her in the face, then red, and finally, blue. She screamed and ran off the stage, mortified.

"Hey, yeah!" One kid projected over the crowd. "Revolution!"

It wasn't long before the students of Ridgeway were rallied in a hectic rave dance, tossing the ballets into the air and stopping on them with their high heeled shoes. Girls released their hair out of their restricted buns, boys loosened their ties. The sight almost brought Sam to tears. Freddie pulled her in close to him, feeling the last of the ballets fall behind him. She didn't say anything, but leaned in and kissed him.

"Come on," he whispered millimeters away from her lips. "Let's blow this place." He took Sam's hand and ran with her through the maze of now-revolutionaries. She felt like Bonnie with Clyde, making their great escape. She only hoped their ending would be less unfortunate.

---

Freddie and Sam ran to the field. Sam was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. When they got to the middle of the grassy plane, they stopped to catch their breath. Sam felt her chest tighten, her stomach twist. Every attempt to speak was just another opportunity for her to experience hysterical laughter.

"Okay..." she finally was able to say. "That was good."

"Yeah," Freddie said, failing just as miserably to quit his guffaw. "Not bad for my first solo prank, ya think?"

"Wait..." Sam calmed herself. "I didn't help you with that one?"

"It was supposed to be a surprise," Freddie admitted. "Although now I guess it wouldn't matter either way. You still didn't know it was coming."

Sam nodded. "It was a good move." She spun around, looking back at the school. By now it was so dark, the only thing she could make out were the lights inside. "That was a lot of smoke. Will your camera be okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine. I asked Gibby to take care of it," he assured her. "That was part two of our deal. He really wanted to see Missy get covered with baby powder. I think that's the real reason he agreed to help." He grinned at Sam. "But the tux was for you."

"Aww." Sam kicked the dirt. "You let powder explode all over Missy, just for me?" She reached out and grabbed his hands.

"Only for you."

Sam leaned in, brushing her nose against his. "You...are the best boyfriend ever."

"Oh stop," he said. He paused a moment. "No never mind you can keep going. How awesome am I?"

"Don't push it."

He grinned sheepishly. "I know." He grabbed her hand as they began to walk further away from the school. "I'm just sorry Carly had to show up," he said. "The cow thing was pretty funny, though." Sam grew quiet. "What?"

"You and Carly are...neighbors," Sam said. She had to find an interesting way to approach her feelings. "Weren't you ever friends?"

Freddie stiffened. "Well...I mean, yeah once. A long time ago."

"What happened?" Sam immediately wished she took that back. She knew what happened. "Oh yeah, Briarwood."

But Freddie shook his head. "Not really. Sure, it didn't help matters but...Briarwood wasn't really that big of an issue, ya know? It's just a school."

"So what was it?"

"I-" he cleared his throat. "It got to the point where I just couldn't handle it. She wanted a lot from me and most of it I just...couldn't give anymore."

"And you never..." Sam continued testing the waters. "Liked her?"

Freddie shrugged. "Sure, I liked her. She was my only friend for a really long time and-"

"Dude," Sam stopped again.

"Oh. You mean like...that," he confirmed. Sam nodded. "Not really."

"You're lying," Sam said. "Don't do that. It doesn't work for you." She slipped her hand out of his, folding her arms in front of her. "Did you?"

Freddie looked down at his feet. "Yes."

"I knew it!" Sam exclaimed. "There isn't a timeline in this universe where you aren't-" Monkey-brains! She cursed to herself. You gotta quit doing that, Sam! "I thought something was up." She swallowed hard. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Anything."

"Did you..." she tried to find the right words. "In the three years, I guess it's been," Sam still couldn't wrap her brain around that part. "That we've been together. Did you still...I mean did you ever consider...her?"

Freddie shook his head in astonishment. "What do you mean?"

"Did you ever think you might be...happier? With her, I mean? Did you ever think of asking her out or giving her a chance or anything?"

"No."

"And when we met. Did you ever, like, think you would rather be with Carly?"

"Of course not," Freddie replied with a certainty that terrified Sam.

"...not ever?"

"Not ever."

"Not even a little bit?"

"Not really, no."

Sam couldn't believe what she was hearing. She huffed, her entire body starting to lose composure. "Why?"

Freddie looked at her as though she had asked him to name the color of grass. "Because, I was in love with you."

Sam felt her heart drop to the floor. "...what?" No. This couldn't be. Freddie was in love with Carly. Freddie was always in love with Carly. If Carly wanted him, there he would be. That was the reality that Sam knew to be true. Suddenly, a steak stabbed itself through her heart. That is the reality, she told herself. What was she doing? Freddie wasn't hers, he never was. Even when they had dated, he was never truly hers. This was a lie. A dream. A set up. A mirage. It couldn't be real.

"Why would I date Carly?" he continued. "Why would I date anyone else?"

"...because you hate me," Sam whispered. She prayed he didn't hear her.

But he did. "What?"

"If you could have the option right now," she looked up, determined. "And Carly came running through that field and told you she had changed and that she wanted to be with you, would you take it?"

"No! Why on earth would I-"

"Given the choice. Me or her. You would choose me?"

"Of cou-"

"Every time? Without question?"

"Yes!"

Sam couldn't feel her toes. "You would...choose me...over Carly..."

"Sam," Freddie said. He looked sternly into her eyes. His chest rose. Sam gazed back, frightened. "This isn't a hypothetical situation," he stated. "I say what I say with absolute certainty because, well, yeah, okay. Carly has been flirting with me and that's what's been bothering me about work. That's why I made the contract. And I know. You're not stupid. You can see that." He reached for her arms, pulling her closer to him. "But every day I make this choice. And every day it's the same. I choose you. Today, tomorrow, as long as you'll have me. Okay?"

Sam couldn't tear herself away from him. "Okay," she said breathlessly.

Her nose started to twitch again. It was a pesky habit that made her emotions want to be seen. This time, however, she didn't think she'd be able to hold them in. She held onto him as tightly as she could, for fear that he would slip away. Now she knew. This was a dream. It had to have been. A reality where Freddie chose her not only over Carly, but over anyone else in the world? A reality where they were together and happy, with not a single hateful argument made? Such a reality couldn't exist. This was the work of fantasy, of blistered memories and wishful thinking. A family together? A mother who gave her love and affection? Who made her feel worthy of that love? A life filled with hope and promise for a future that didn't end in prison? None of these things were possible.

"Freddie," she said. Now that I know it's a dream, she thought. I can let go. She looked up at him, his eyes soft and warm just like they always had been. "I..." She felt her chest tighten, a pain lurked in stronger than anything she had felt before. She couldn't have him, not really. But she could pretend. Just for that night. She smiled. "I love you."

"I love you t-" his words were stopped as Sam yanked him into a tight hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck, digging her face into his shoulder.

She shook her head, moving her face so her cheek was now resting where her eyes used to be. "I love you," she said again, this time with more confidence. She wasn't convincing herself, rather affirming. "I love you..." she bit her lip to prevent tears from coming to her eyes. "And I'm sorry."

Freddie blinked. "Why are you sorry?" There was no response. "Sam?" He moved his hand toward her arm, gently tugging at it. "Sam, Please talk to me." But Sam shook her head. How could she explain it? He would never believe her even if she tried. The real Freddie hated her, no matter what she did. She would never redeem herself in his eyes or Carly's. Finally, the boy in her arms inhaled, dropping his arm from hers. "Okay," he said in a hushed tone. "We can go grab something to eat. Would that help?"

He tried to pull away, but Sam didn't move. "Let's stay."

"Out here?" Freddie looked up at the sky. "I don't know, Sam. I think it might rain. Wouldn't you rather-" But the look on Sam's face told him he should stop there. "Okay, let's stay." He placed his hands on her waist. "We never did get our slow dance."

Sam moved her hands to his shoulders, pushing away slightly, but not enough to break his grasp on her hips. "With no music?"

Freddie shrugged. "Eh, we don't need music. Just the wind and the grass and the cars rushing by." He smiled. "Silence is better than a bad pop song any day."

Sam gave him a small smile as she rested her head on his shoulder. They began to move to the mood of the night, nothing but motion of life to count their steps. Sam felt at peace.

"Freddie?"

"Yeah?"

Sam smiled. "How did we meet?"

The boy chuckled. "We won a contest," he half joked. "No, really. We entered a contest to see who could guess how many fat cakes were in this huge tube. Whoever won, won locker 239. I was so certain I was going to win. I must have calculated the circumference of that thing five times or something. On the day of the drawing was the first day I saw you. I mean, I had seen you at school before and I knew you were...different. You were so enthusiastic, not really about the locker, but about the fat cakes. I thought that was so weird."

"But I was right."

"Yeah," Freddie looked down, amused. "But the contest was a tie. I remember looking at you and praying 'Please God, please. I'll do whatever you want. Just please don't make me share a locker with that girl'. But you know what He said to that? 'Freddie,' He said. 'I think I know you a little bit better than you know yourself.' And He was right."

"Did you ask me out, then?"

"I did," Freddie said. "It was terrifying."

"And...did you kiss me first or did I have to kick you into gear a little bit?" Sam joked.

Freddie's red face could be seen even through the shroud of the night sky. "No...I kissed you first. I was good." He laughed to himself. "Actually, it's funny. I asked your sister out, thinking she was you and then when I found out she wasn't you, you didn't talk to me for like a week. You were so jealous. It was cute."

Sam shrunk. "I'm not...normally the jealous type."

"No, I know. But I'm glad because Melanie wasn't really that great of a first date. I mean she's a nice girl and everything but, jeez she giggles a lot." Freddie shook his head at the memory. "So I spent the entire time thinking that was you and I was thinking 'Aw man! She completely changes when you date her. That sucks!' But we got it all straightened out. I finally tracked you down and you were able to tell me about Mel. I always felt kind of bad, but she was okay when she saw us together."

"And that's when you kissed me?"

Freddie nodded. "When I found out you weren't Melanie I was so relieved that I kissed you right there."

Sam shook her head. "You're a dork."

"I know," he admitted with a blush. "I just really liked you. You were the first person to ever, you know, change the way I thought about stuff."

"You mean like liking fat cakes?"

He laughed. "Something like that."

Sam couldn't stop smiling. Even if it was a dream, she would make every moment of it count. Here, she had no past, no parole officer, no assigned seat in detention. She could change everything she was, become anyone she wanted to be. But right now, that didn't really matter. She had what she had wanted for years: Freddie Benson's attention.