A/N: This is just a warning, I guess...it's probably one of the darker chapters in the story. Just want to make sure you'll all prepared or something...
Bella:
And we couldn't care
If we die out here, die out here
And we couldn't care
If they flick the switch and took the rest of this
For the rest of the school week Riley ignores me, and I throw up each morning. The secret is eating me alive, and I know I need to tell someone what's going on. Each time Dad hits me I have to protect my stomach, for fear I'd miscarry.
Why am I thinking like this?
It's hardly as if I want a child. A child would just make my life even worse, give my parent's another thing to abuse me for.
"Are you ok, Iz, you've been down all week?" Jessica asks, putting an arm around me patronizingly.
"I'm fine," I tell her, shuffling away from her a bit.
"Is it Riley?" Jessica pushes, studying my face for my reaction.
"No. Riley can fuck himself for all I care," I inform her in a bored tone.
"Pleasant as always, I see," Riley says from behind me.
"Behind me, as always, I see," I reply, smirking despite the fact he can't see me.
I hear him sighing loudly and then nothing more, so I assume he's left. I leave to go and get lunch, when I'm stopped by a hand on my arm.
"Aren't you going for a smoke?" Mike asks.
"No. Anyway, why do you give a shit?" I turn around to face him.
"No? You're not having a fag? Why, you quit?" Mike asks, looking shocked at my admission.
Truthfully, I hadn't smoked since Riley reminded me about getting the pill. Not that I'd tell him this, however.
"My parents took away all my cigarettes," I lie easily, wanting to walk away.
"You want one?" Mike offers.
"Nah, I'm alright," Just let me go already!
"Really?" Mike asks, frowning.
I just nod and walk away, fed up with everyone asking me so many questions.
I'll tell my parents tonight. Maybe Mum will finally snap out of it and her maternal instinct will return. This could all work out well. Possibly…
Who am I kidding? They'll kill me.
I eat lunch; I've been eating more for about a week now, and then go outside to chill in my car.
When I'm walking out to my car I see Riley approaching me, looking like he's on some kind of mission. I consider just pulling out of the parking lot and driving off, but Dad would beat me so bad if I skipped school, so I stick around to see what he wants. It's a good way to kill some time, too.
"Mike said you didn't have your usual smoke," Riley announces as he walks over.
"You and Mike gossip worse than girls. Are you sure he isn't your boyfriend?" I snicker at the look of horror on Riley's face.
"You jealous?" Riley asks, smirking. I just laugh harder.
"You wish," I tell him with a smirk.
"Anyway, I've been thinking…" Riley trails off.
"A dangerous habit," I quip, laughing some more.
"You're not smoking any more. You haven't drunk all week, even though you're not grounded anymore." Where's he going with this? "And you freaked when I mentioned getting the pill the other day," Riley adds, raising an eyebrow at me.
Oh shit.
"What do you want?" I try to sound calm, neutral, when I'm freaking out inside. How did Riley figure this out?
"Are you pregnant?" Riley asks bluntly.
"What? No! I haven't even…" I mutter, not knowing what to say to him.
He's most likely correct, after all.
I haven't actually taken a pregnancy test, but a broken condom followed by a week of vomiting is pretty conclusive evidence. Not that I'll tell Riley this.
"Look, Iz, you've been complaining about throwing up to Jess and Lauren. I know you're pregnant, alright? Even if you don't want to admit it," Riley states, looking at me coldly.
"If you're finished, I'll be getting back to reading." I start to roll up the window – which, like everything else in this piece of junk – breaks midway.
"There's one more thing," Riley says, moving closer. "Don't even fucking think about telling anyone I could be the father. Actually, do you even know who the father is? You're the school slut, there could be up to ten possible father's," Riley hisses coldly, stalking off.
I'm not going to let him have the last word. What he said doesn't hurt me; it's only what my father says to me on a daily basis.
"You know what, Riley Biers? It's ironic that you're a dickhead when your own dick is pathetic. The longest you ever lasted during sex was five minutes, and not once did you make me come," I shout to him across the parking lot to Riley, in which many people overhear us and begin to listen in. "I faked every single time," I add, smiling falsely at him.
Let's see how he and his ego like that.
"You fuc-" Riley's offensive words are cut off by shouting.
"Isabella Swan and Riley Biers! Get yourself into my office right now!" Principal Taylor shouts, glaring at both of us.
"Don't mention the pregnancy and I'll tell Taylor it was a misunderstanding," I whisper to Riley as we make our way to the Principal's office.
"Let's see…no," Riley smiles evilly at me.
"I'll do anything," I plead. If this gets back to my father…
"Anything, eh? Ok, you've got yourself a deal," Riley nods, standing a little taller.
"What do you want me to do?" I ask, already regretting my words.
Riley doesn't have time to reply as we reach the Principal's office, where we're instructed to sit down.
"Now, will one of you explain why you felt the need to shout such crude words at each other across the parking lot?" Principal Taylor demands, looking between the two of us.
"I'm really sorry, sir, it was all a big misunderstanding. I, uh, was mad at Riley," I half-heartedly explain.
"She thought I was breaking up with her. But I wasn't," Riley says, looking down and smiling at me.
I want to vomit.
"This still doesn't excuse your language. You both will be put in detention," Principal Taylor announces.
"Please, sir, don't call my parents. I'll do the detention – I'll do more than one, even – just please don't call my parents," I beg feebly.
"I'm afraid I have to for an incident such as this," Principal Taylor declares. "You both may leave now," he adds.
Riley gets up, as do I, but I wait for him to leave first. I'll try my appeal again.
"Sir, please, don't call my parents," I beg, hoping he'll take pity on me.
"Why not? Is there something you want to tell me?" he asks, his eyes looking worried.
"No…I just…it's nothing," I sigh dejectedly, leaving the office and any hopes of appeasing my parents.
I just hope Dad doesn't hit my stomach. Don't ask me why, I just feel the need to protect my stomach, to protect the unwanted baby.
Foetus.
Not baby. Foetus.
"Iz! Come on," Riley insists, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.
"What?" I frown. I thought he hated me.
"You said you'd do anything. That starts now," Riley says, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from school.
"What about last two lessons?" I ask, wondering what my parent's reaction to that will be.
"We're skipping," Riley simply says, leading me out to his car.
I let him, already knowing my parents are going to be pissed. Why not add more to that?
Riley instructs me to sit in the back seat, which I do in a daze, and let him drive us out of school. Halfway through the journey I realise we're heading to his house, and everything suddenly becomes clear. Why did I have to be so stupid and say I'd do anything?
My parent's will still be mad at me, so begging Riley not to tell the whole truth hasn't achieved anything. Now, he's just going to use me for sex since he holds all the power due to knowing about the pregnancy.
I have to tell me parents. Before Riley does.
When we reach his house, Riley takes us straight to his room and rolls a spliff. After he lights it he hands it to me, but I decline.
"I can't," I tell him, as if he needs reminding.
"You're not actually keeping the thing, are you?" Riley asks, his eyes wide. For some reason, his words hurt.
"No," I mutter, taking the spliff and inhaling just to prove it.
Inside, in my gut, I get a bad feeling about doing this. So I inhale some more to get high and forget. Forget about being pregnant. Forget about Riley. Forget, most of all, about Dad.
I'm vaguely aware of Riley's hands removing my clothes, undressing me. I look up and find he's already naked and hard, and he pushes me onto the bed. His eyes roam my body, clearly more turned on than I am.
"Drink this," he instructs, handing me a glass.
Vodka.
I shouldn't be drinking alcohol in my condition.
The harsh liquid is forced down my throat, burning a pathway down to my stomach. To my baby…
"We don't have to bother with a condom, do we?" Riley grins, stroking himself.
Everything after that is a blur. I finish the spliff while he fucks me, trying to block everything out. I hate Riley, I realise as he's pleasuring myself. I see so many girls in our year throw themselves at him, want him, but really he's a pig. Why would I ever want to be with him?
His hands touch me, the feeling making me want to shudder in disgust, not lust. I take another drag, throwing it down when I realise I've smoked it all.
I want to leave. This room, this house, this town, this life. No one here really cares for me. If I were to leave, who would be sad? My parents would be relieved, Jessica, Lauren and Mike would get over it in a week, and Riley probably already has his next easy lay lined up.
Riley grunts, pushing in rougher, his hands gripping me tightly. It hurts. No drugs and alcohol can block out this pain. It's not physical, it's emotional.
Who would really care if I died?
My baby…
No. I don't want a baby. How can I look after a baby when I can hardly look after myself?
Finally, Riley stills inside me and pulls out once he's come. He lies down on the bed, happily sated. I stay where I am, lying on his bed, wanting nothing more than to curl up into a ball and just stop existing.
A/N: Yeah, I hate Riley just as much as you all do!
Review please? :)
Lyrics: Pala by Friendly Fires