Chapter Forty-Seven

A Loss of Words

Later that same week (Max's apartment):

Logan looked distracted as he put Cale down in the living room.

"Okay spill" She said as she stored the milk in the fridge having just come from shopping, she'd run into Logan outside of her building bringing over Cale and he'd barely said two words the entire way in.

He turned to Max's abrupt words, "I found a doctor Max."

She saw the disbelief in his eyes and realized he was telling the truth, her eyes mirrored his and her lip quivered, "Are you serious?"

He nodded, "I mean it isn't a cure. But…" He was still in shock; he had been for three hours now. Hearing the words, 'I think I might be able to help you.' He hadn't been prepared for them, he was so used to calling and tracking down the person for weeks before either being hung up on or being told 'I'm sorry I can't help you.' He'd expected that this time, even though it had been the first lead he'd gotten in months, he'd expected it, but those words I think I might be able to help you.

Max laughed as the tears welled up in her eyes, "It's more than we've had in..." she shook her head, "I mean we might…"

"I know" he gave a shaky nod and sat down. "We shouldn't get our hopes up."

"Yea I know you're right, it'll probably just be another whack job like the last one. Even then I did most of the work."

"Yea and that was just twelve hours…" He still couldn't get his mind around this.

Max gave a shaky laugh as she moved around the kitchen looking for something to do besides look at Logan, "Yea imagine how screwed up we'd be if we ended up with another one of those."

"Yea" he said dropping his head down.

"Chances are we won't even end up with that." Max's voice betrayed her and the heartache slipped through.

"Hey, you never know." He said standing, needing to get out of the suddenly cramped apartment.

"Maybe we should just try to forget about this. You know not get our hopes up." Max swallowed hard

"Yea that would probably be for the best. Go about our normal lives." he nodded, "I really gotta be going." He looked down at their son, happily distracted by the Lincoln Logs, "Hey Cale" he looked up and smiled, "I'll see you later."

"Bye" his son returned, his attention already back on his building.

"I'll see you later Max" Logan said opening the door.

Max just silently nodded. She allowed a tremor to course through her body once the door shut and a shaky breath was released...

She set about cleaning up the dishes from breakfast, trying to force her mind off of the subject at hand.

A year and five weeks, five weeks and three days.

Months since she'd had any type of hope, hope that she had thought had died.

Judging from her inability to swallow now it hadn't. Not to mention the tears that were threatening to once more well up in her eyes.

'I found a doctor, Max.' Funny how similar that suddenly seemed to 'I love you, Max.'

She let out an unsteady laugh as her emotions and mind struggled with how to deal with this. Then came the startled stillness as she remembered the pain of sitting in that car hearing those words. That blinding, incredible pain…She hadn't wanted to go on, she was frozen there by her pain, by his pain, the enormity of it all.

She'd forgotten along with hope came pain. The pain that she'd lived with for so long until she let go of the hope. There wasn't any letting go of the hope now. Just prayers, she'd already gotten so many miracles, she felt guilty for asking for anything more. Someone out there had kept Logan in this world even though she'd been so sure his time had come. They'd given her a child, someone to heal all of the old pains, someone to love as she had always wanted to be loved. Just one more…

One more miracle that's all she was asking for. She didn't know if she would classify this as a miracle though, Logan surviving and Cale coming into her life, those were true miracles, she didn't doubt that. This was science, intelligence, there was never going to be a miracle for the cure, no suddenly touching him and it would be gone…

She set about finishing the dishes and straightening the apartment up, the constant cleanup that came with Cale was incredible. How someone who didn't even weigh thirty pounds could cause so much destruction was incredible. She took him in her arms as his naptime approached and settled back with him on the couch, easing him into sleep. She stretched out, suddenly needing a moment to rest herself.

Her eyes started to flutter as she felt a kiss on her forehead and her hair being brushed back.

"You're going to get a crimp in your neck." The green eyes said into hers as she felt his hands lifting the weight of their son off of her chest. "Shhh Buddy," he whispered to their stirring son, "it's okay it's just me, let's go to your bed."

She pushed herself up as she watched Logan disappear out of the living room; she started to follow him, but paused in his office. "He stay asleep?" She asked hearing Logan approach behind her.

"Yea" he nodded as she turned. "I need you to take a look at this video and tell me if anything strikes you as odd." He said walking past her to his keyboard.

"You woke me up for Eyes Only stuff?" She asked incredulously.

"No I woke you because you're cranky when you're not comfortable."

"I am not."

His eyes lowered and focused on hers before slightly shaking his head letting it go, "You gonna look at this or not Max?"

She laughed as she sat down, "What am I looking at?"

The movement startled her, her son trying to escape her viselike grip with no success, just a lot of squirming. She loosened her arms and allowed him to slide off of her and onto the floor, she shook her head sitting up and sure enough there was a crimp in her neck. She smiled as she absentmindedly rubbed it watching her son digging through his toys for entertainment. Then she laughed at herself for her dream, only she would have a dream about doing work. She hadn't even gotten a real kiss, she didn't care about that though, she could easily give up sex for the rest of her life if she just got to have him in it, safe and alive, not to mention hers, everyday, all day hers.

"Everything's gonna work out kiddo." She said cupping the side of her son's face as he held up a book for her. Every time she looked at him she saw Logan, his facial expressions, his gaze had all been passed along to their son, no one would ever doubt his heritage even though it wasn't true in that sense. She scooped him up and held him close to her, the tiniest remaining of scent of Logan flooding her thoughts as she opened the book. She dropped a kiss to his head, "It's gonna be okay," she whispered.

"Bob" her son cried out in indignation, annoyed that his story was being forgotten.

"Okay okay" she smiled opening the book, he might have gotten Logan's expressions, but he'd gotten her patience.

"Scoop" he cried out and hit the page on which the bulldozer appeared.