"House, why do you wear those sunglasses?" Wilson asked.
"Because they make me look good." House said. They laughed.
"No, seriously!" Wilson asked. "Why?"
"Well, my sunglasses don't actually do anything. My eye doctor said if I don't wear them, my eyes'll get cancer. And nobody likes pretty eyes with tumors in them!"
Wilson giggled. House could really make him laugh sometimes.
"Why do women like you?" House asked.
"Because I have pretty eyes. And I'm a saint. Plus, sometimes I steal your cane when you're sleeping and do what I was doing earlier with the kicks for them."
House gave Wilson a dirty look. "I thought that was just for us!"
"It is, my love. If 'us' includes Dr. Cameron."
"Good morning. Dr. Wilson, House. How are you boys today?"
"Fine, thank you. And you, Dr. Cameron?" Wilson asked.
House nudged him. "Don't ask her that!" he said. "She'll go off on a rant about having dirty wombat sex with Chase!"
Wilson scowled at House. "This is a hospital, House. Not 'Dirty Talk with Alison.' Pardon me for Greg's rudeness, Dr. Cameron."
"Uh oh, he must be uber-mad at me if he's using my first name. Gotta go, Cameron. Mommy's gonna scold me." House limped away.
"Sorry, Cameron. House can be such an insufferable ass sometimes."
"Yeah, we all get that. I dunno why you love him so much."
"Me either." Wilson shrugged. "But I do."
"Jimmy, you coming?" House asked.
"Yep, I'm on my way."
"Why do you have to be so inappropriate at the office?"
"Because I have issues with authority. Duh. Come with me to Cuddy's office. I need to ask her something."
"Business related?"
"Nope. Not pleasure either. I woke up this morning knowing it was someone's birthday, but I couldn't remember whose."
Wilson secretly smiled. The diagnostic staff had planned everything out for House's birthday, and he was the linchpin. It was crucial that he get House drunk last night so he didn't remember it was his birthday. If he knew, he'd also know they were planning a big surprise.
"Dunno, Greg. Maybe Chase?"
"Nah. Wombats don't celebrate birthdays."
"That's true, but Chase is not a wombat."
"Says you. Hey, Lisa! How're you?"
"Good, Got a case for you. 22 year old female having seizures, complaining of stomach and abdominal issues, happens to be half blind and adopted."
"What does being half blind and adopted have to do with anything? Although it makes her condition more interesting."
"You gonna talk to her this time, House?" Wilson asked.
"Maybe. You admit her?"
"Well, duh…"
"K. I'll go see her. I got a question for you. Whose birthday is it today?"
Wilson nodded discreetly.
"Uh…. Chase? Geez, Greg, you're getting forgetful in your old age!"
"And you're sagging, Thanks, Lisa." House left.
"That party better be loads of fun, James. Nobody calls me saggy for nothing." Cuddy told Wilson.
"You'll see, Lisa. Don't worry. I gotta go tell someone she's gonna die."
Cuddy rolled her eyes. People thanked and paid Wilson for telling them they were dying. There had been one time when Wilson had made a mistake in telling someone he was going to die and that had been it, so far. Cuddy had been genius in hiring him so many years ago.
"Hey, wombat! Happy birthday!" House called. "But why did you ducklings call me to wish you a happy birthday?"
"Oh, we know how much you love birthdays."
"True. Candy, cake, ice cream… Sugar rushes are fun, aren't they? So what's sex with a junior high student like?"
Chase glared at him and walked away.
"Foreman!" House called. "What's the deal with this new case?"
"Pretty much what Cuddy told you. She's 22, complaining of stomach issues, and seizing constantly. Here she is."
"What do you mean by 'constantly'?" House asked.
"Every two hours since we got her." Foreman said.
"Hmm. So they're not hiccup constant, but they are constant. Put her on acetaminophen for the pain, preferably on IV. And a depakote drip."
"Yes, Dr. House."
"Hi, Sarah, I'm Greg. I'm your doctor. Would you mind if I asked you some questions?"
"We already got a family history."
"Knowing some of the…" House paused and grimaced "issues… you've had with those, I'd better double check. Is that all right with you, Sarah?"
"Actually, it's Sister Sarah. I prefer that to my given name alone."
"Why the sister? Are you a nun?"
"No, I'm a deaconess and pastor's wife in my church."
"What's your church name?"
"Princeton Church of Fire."
"Why fire?"
"It's the Spirit's method of choice for baptism."
"What, now you need two baptisms?"
"Yes. One in fire, and one in water."
"Why the fire?"
"Because that's the baptism that enables most people to speak in tongues."
House rolled his eyes. This is gonna be fun! he thought.