Chapter 53
What Remains
A few days later:
Polite
That's the word she would use for them now. Achingly polite. The ease that had been present between them for months upon months was gone. They were in an entirely new realm of existence. It wasn't like letting go before...
Before she had come back from the dead and they had only been on the cusp of starting it all. She walked away to save his life the second time. The third time she had been letting go of a dream. That night after the living room, they had been saving themselves from this kind of pain. The pain of almost having it all and then having it ripped out of their arms…
They still smiled, they still joked, shared meals, outings, but they couldn't touch.
The presence of the glove, the weight of the hand only served to remind them of everything they didn't get to have.
Neither mentioned the temporary fix.
If it hurt like this now... Waking up from the dreams again that had remained, the dreams of happily ever after, into the reality that they would ever have it…
How it had hurt every time they had a little and had to walk away. They couldn't do it anymore. They both knew that. They had been broken apart and taped back together so many times. One more fall...
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
A few more days:
The beer had been going down easily. The night however wasn't. Jealousy, anger, pain...Heart wrenching pain...Seeing her with Jeff again...Seeing her with anyone that wasn't him. It should have been easier than it was with Alec. Somehow knowing that he was still first in her heart made it worse though. She loved him. She loved him, yet she…
The image of her sitting up on the table laughing at something the other guy had said was burned into his memory. Nothing was going on between them; he knew that. She and Jeff had been friends that had never stopped. It would happen again though; the familiarity would lead to more…
He had never been a jealous man before Max; logic ruled his heart along with his brain. The sight of her hair tumbling in front of her face as she laughed though…He'd wanted to kill the X-5. There wasn't a single logical thought involved in it.
Lanie smiled at him and he returned it, wondering if it looked as empty as it felt. Judging from that small silent chuckle that slid from her lips in a puff of breath, he was guessing it didn't. The ease that had managed to return with that first small kiss had disappeared. He couldn't get Max out of his thoughts.
Lanie had forgiven him, looked at him with sympathy, apparently she'd asked Alec why Max hadn't been to the Cellar with him at all in the past two weeks. She'd often gone with him for awhile to say hi to Zen, leaving Cale with Alec or Original Cindy. They'd stopped spending time alone like that. In crowds they were fine, but the alone car rides, the table they'd be tucked away at talking, ignoring everyone else were gone.
"I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and Max."
He nodded at the words he'd been expecting all night since Alec told him she knew. What had she thought? He wondered. He and Max were giving it another go for the sake of their son? "It happens" he replied brusquely.
She looked worried; confused she'd said the wrong words because of his tone of voice.
He felt like an ass, "I'm sorry," he quickly apologized, "just wasn't the first time it happened."
She softened, "Well I'm sorry anyway."
He studied her expression in that brief moment and realized she wasn't lying, "Thank you."
She nodded gently accepting his words, "We were almost friends once."
He nodded back, "We are friends."