Chapter 6 – Parting Ways
"This better be fucking good," Magnus padded across the kitchen floor with the receiver pressed to his ear. Alec had looked severely disgruntled when Magnus opted to have this conversation in private, but the warlock had been resolute. If it was at all possible to keep Alec out of this business, then he would do so. Having his boyfriend mad at him was preferable to putting him in danger.
"I apologize if this is an inconvenient time," Bianca droned, not sounding very apologetic at all.
"Spare me the pleasantries. What does your esteemed overlord require of me this time?"
"Joseph has been located," she said, her voice calm and clipped. "Our sources inform us that he is residing in Miami, and his situation is far more serious than we initially believed. He will require my Master's personal assistance."
"Naturally," Magnus responded impatiently, wishing Bianca would simply arrive at the point.
"But of course, my Master cannot travel during daylight hours – he is resting now, to preserve his strength – but come nightfall he will wish to travel to Miami with all possible haste."
"And he wants me to make a portal, I'm guessing? He's far too grand and important to hop on a damn plane with all the stinking human populace, I suppose."
"Warlock Bane, you will be paid handsomely for your assistance, as you know," Bianca snapped haughtily, sounding genuinely needled now. "And if you wish to withdraw your support from my Master, you may do so. But I will accept no more of your nonsense. Will you lend your aid, or not?"
"Fine, I'll help," he retorted, feeling even more irritated with Bianca than usual.
"Very well," she said prissily. "Be ready at sundown – transport shall be sent to your home."
"Yeah, yeah," Magnus replied. "Well, I guess I'll see you this evening."
"One more thing, before you go," she said, a hint of steel creeping into her voice. "This time, you are to come alone. Under no circumstances are you to bring your little Shadowhunter…friend on this errand. The last thing my Master desires is the Clave meddling in his affairs."
"Alexander was not meddling," Magnus said pointedly. Although in truth, he wouldn't put meddling entirely beyond the scope of his boyfriend's capabilities. At that moment, he checked surreptitiously behind the door to make sure Alec hadn't snuck down to listen, and was relieved to find himself alone.
"Perhaps not, but in any case, you will come alone – this is non-negotiable," she answered. "I understand that your partner wishes to keep a watchful eye over you. Given the nature of your history with my Master, I hardly blame him, but on this occasion he will simply have to trust you."
"If there's one thing I've learned over the course of my long life, it's that history does not define us," Magnus said airily. "The past is only as powerful as you want it to be."
"And yet they say history has an absurd and irritating little habit of repeating itself."
He knew what Bianca was getting at. And while he'd always found the woman particularly repellant, he also felt sorry for her in an odd sort of way – the life of a human subjugate was no life at all, really. Most of them were blank, bovine creatures with no more wit or autonomy than a piece of furniture, but occasionally you saw one with a little more spirit. Bianca had always been the most proud and possessive of Angelotti's subjugates, and as such, the most human. When Magnus looked into her pale eyes he sometimes caught a glimmer of something other than the dull, obedient devotion most of her kind exhibited towards their masters. Beneath her cold and glacial exterior, she loved Angelotti ferociously. She had always loathed Magnus, as she loathed everyone who claimed a piece of her Master's heart, however small, and only her subservience to the vampire had prevented her from showing blatant aggression towards those she perceived as her rivals. Even the fact that Angelotti had never returned Magnus' feelings didn't seem to assuage her resentment of the warlock. Perhaps she believed that no one could ever possibly love her Master the way she did – indeed, she was probably right.
"You don't have to worry, you know," Magnus said. "I've moved on, well and truly. Alexander is my life now."
"Until this evening then, warlock Bane," she replied curtly, hanging up before Magnus could say anything else.
As if on cue, he heard Alec's footsteps approaching, and immediately braced himself for his boyfriend's anger or disapproval, though he didn't brace himself quite enough. Alec came bursting through the door, his face red and twisted with anger.
"Fuck you, Magnus!" Alec screamed, seizing a dirty frying pan from the kitchen counter and hurling it across the room.
"Alexander Gideon Lightwood, have you lost your mind?" He narrowly avoided the missile by ducking swiftly out of the way.
"After everything you said to me, all the times you told me to trust you, and you were lying to me all along," Alec yelled, continuing to seize every item of cutlery or crockery he could get his hands on and launching it across the room – luckily he was so angry his aim was terrible, and Magnus didn't have too much trouble dodging them.
"All this time you've been telling me I'm just paranoid, making me feel fucking guilty for doubting you," the Shadowhunter continued, still livid with rage. "I fucking knew you were hiding something, I knew it! And you made me think I was going fucking crazy!"
"You? Crazy?" Magnus snapped, his own temper rising as he narrowly avoided being skewered by a flying fork. "Don't be ridiculous, you're the very picture of mental health!"
"Magnus, I heard you talking with that human subjugate bitch," Alec growled between gritted teeth.
"You were listening on the phone in the guest bedroom, weren't you?" Magnus said, struck by the sudden realization. "Classy, Alec – really classy."
"Don't give me that! Okay, so I didn't completely trust you, I admit it. But I was right, you were lying to me," he insisted, narrowing his eyes at the warlock. "And you know what? Maybe, just maybe, I could have overlooked the fact that you're clearly covering up some shady illegal crap for this vampire. I get it, you're a Downworlder, you don't have any loyalty to the Clave like I do. Whatever. But when it comes to the personal stuff, I refuse to tolerate your lies anymore. You always told me that you and Angelotti were always just friends, nothing more, but that's not what Bianca seemed to think. And you basically admitted it to her. So are you going to tell me the fucking truth or am I going to have to start throwing stuff at you again?"
"All right fine, you win. I lied to you," Magnus admitted, throwing his hands up in the air. For the past couple of minutes his mind had been scrambling to formulate a believable lie, before he realized how utterly ridiculous that was. Even if he could somehow convince Alec of his innocence, his dishonesty had landed him in this predicament in the first place, and it was really only a matter of time before the truth caught up with him. "Well, technically I didn't lie, but I was a little economical with the truth. And that's not really any better. We were never lovers, Angelotti and I, we never have been and we never will be; that much is true. But I wanted him once, long ago – I was in love with him, actually. He never loved me back, at least not in that way. But I got over it almost a hundred years ago, and I've barely even thought about him since. I still regard him as a friend, for what it's worth, but that's as far as it's ever going to go. So there you are, that's the truth, and you can do what you like with it."
"You make it sound like it's nothing," Alec said, his former rage now replaced with a cold, detached bitterness. "But if it really meant so little to you, then you wouldn't have lied in the first place. You wouldn't have hurt and betrayed me like this just to cover up some insignificant little detail."
"What do you want from me, Alec? Do you want me to say I'm sorry? Fine, I'm sorry. But you don't make it easy, you know," Magnus answered, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. "In fact there are times when you make it damn near impossible for me to be honest, and you know it. Calling me a whore, making snide comments, treating me like a criminal simply for having had a life before I met you. Whenever we talk about my past I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, like if I say the wrong thing you're going to explode!"
"Oh I see, it's my fault," Alec spat. "For the record, when you're trying to apologize to someone, it's probably best not to follow it up with a list of reasons why they're the ones to blame and not you."
"That's not what I meant," Magnus groaned, heaving a weary sigh. "Of course it's my fault. I should have just been honest, but I didn't want a fight, and I knew that's how it would end. And it seemed like such a small, trivial thing – so I had feelings for a guy about a century ago and then I got over it, so fucking what? And I get why you're suspicious now, I really do. It was a ludicrous thing to lie about. But if you actually listened to that whole conversation with Bianca then you'll have heard me telling her that it's all in the past, and that the past means nothing to me. You'll also have heard me saying that you are all that matters so me now. You're everything to me, Alec. Believe that, even if you don't believe anything else."
"I don't really know what to believe any more."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're just…so manipulative sometimes, Magnus," Alec said, and he didn't even sound angry any more, merely tired and sad.
"You're right," Magnus admitted. "It's something I've learned over the years. Simple self-preservation, I'm afraid. I've been on my own for a very long time, other people flitting in and out of my life, and I've only ever really had to look out for myself. I guess I've developed a few bad habits along the way, and protecting my secrets is one of them. Look, Alexander, you need to understand this – just because I'm older than you, just because I've had more experience with relationships, doesn't make me any less of a beginner at this than you. You are the love of my life, and nothing ever really prepares a person for that. This kind of love…it's overwhelming, no matter who you are. Don't think that you're the only one who's vulnerable here, the only one who feels completely out of their depth, because you're not. I just play my cards a little closer to my chest, that's all."
"I need to get out of here, Magnus," Alec responded. "I need space."
Magnus didn't quite know how to reply, so he simply stood there as Alec left the room, feeling as though the ground had fallen away from beneath his feet. After a minute of standing there feeling cold, empty and numb, he made his way to the bedroom, where he found his boyfriend shoving clothes into a suitcase.
"How about if I promised never to see Angelotti again," the warlock suggested. "It's true, he's a friend, but you are so much more to me than he could ever be. If you want me to call up Bianca right now and tell her I can't help them, and that none of them are ever to contact me again, then I'll do it. Just say the word."
"Magnus, I know you think I'm some crazy jealous freak who wants you to cut off ties with all your old friends so I'll feel less insecure, but if I act that way it's only because I know you're always hiding things. This isn't about Angelotti, and it never has been. It's about you, and me. I don't care either way if you go over there tonight to make him a damn portal, or whatever it is you're doing. I don't care about whatever seedy Downworlder crap he's got himself involved in. I only care that you lied to me again and again – you even tried to make me feel guilty for not believing you. I just can't accept that."
"Would it help if I apologized again?" Magnus asked. "Properly, this time. No excuses, no mitigations, just…I'm sorry for screwing up. Because I am sorry. I mean it, Alexander."
"Duly noted," Alec said, zipping up his case. "But no, that's not what I want."
"Okay, do you want a grand declaration of love? Some theatrics?" Magnus continued. "Because I can do that, if you like. I can rend my garments and wail, and prostrate myself on the floor and cling to your leg to stop you from leaving. Just say the word. If you want me to fight for you to stay, I'll do it."
"Please don't," Alec answered, his face blank of all emotion. "I'd much prefer it if you'd just let me leave without any fuss."
"All right," the warlock said in a small voice, sitting down on the edge of the bed and watching his boyfriend walk to the door.
"Goodbye, Magnus," Alec said, pausing at the door and turning his head for a brief second, before disappearing.
Magnus sat rooted to the spot as the sound of his boyfriend's footsteps faded into silence, and the world began to blur and waver as the tears sprung from his eyes.