The forest is dark and entirely too windy for one. Elsa doesn't feel the cold though, of course she doesn't. The sun was scorching for days. Elsa loves sun, she did always envy her little sister how she could easily get a tan. Young woman's parents leisurely stroll through the deep snow, looking for trolls, she knows. They've been doing that for years nearly every night, both their girls in tow, one pale as if dead, with icy blue eyes conveying go emotion. Second trying desperately to keep up, she can't though. Her skin is covered with frost and her steps are sloppy, nearly falling over with each one forward.
Elsa knows exactly what will happen. Girls' parents disappear in the dark, the younger of two girls falls face first into snow and moves no longer. Older child only looks at her dispassionately. Silence descends upon the world, the kind of silence that is not supposed to exist, one that makes people go mad with only their own hearts to make noise.
Ice cold eyes glance at the hall that was filled with snow and frost only few moments ago. She doesn't scream nor move for help when she looks upon unmoving figure laying in front of her. This too, is familiar for Elsa. As are many other scenarios of that moment. So many others.
The girl moves towards the unmoving body and easily, too easily for such a small creature, turns her over. Hollow eyes look directly into Elsa's. Accusing, blank stare. Dead. She reaches forward with not-hers, too small hands to close them for the girl, and doesn't flinch back as the set of uncomfortably familiar eyes keep following her hand. Then it goes wrong. In a flash instead of body, there lies but an ice statue. The blonde withdraws not-her hand as she feels a wave of nausea hitting her.
Raging blizzard in the middle of frozen lake reveals more and more statues that used to be people, her Father, Mother, maids, Rapunzel, Kristoff... others. Their stares burning her not unlike touch.
"Beautiful is it not?" She's not really sure where does her own voice come from "And you did it all too, I bet Anna agrees, don't you dear sister?" behind her, but it's not herself ash she expects, it's the princess that stands there. Hair white, lips blue and frost trailing patterns on surface of her skin. She keeps shaking and stumbling towards Elsa, step by step, pained expression marring her face.
"Why? I love you... why..." her voice is too weak to carry the words across yet Elsa hears them.
"I-I didn't, I, it-" something is wrong and she knows it. She can't put her finger on it but all of this feels wrong, the sun shines brightly but shadows creep around her.
"You didn't?" Asks little not-Elsa now holding her sister's hand. "Oh but you did, years ago, now, when will you again?"
"Never! I-I can control it now, I will never hurt you ag-" But Anna is already frozen. Elsa whimpers as her legs give out from under her. She closes her eyes as she senses not-her kneeling beside her.
"Exactly, you will never hurt her again."
Elsa opens eyes and finds herself immobile in darkness. Panic swells in her chest as she desperately attempts to free herself from whatever it is that confines her. As she thrashes around she finally frees herself from the drenched material. The blonde bolts from the surface she found herself on only to fall onto hard floor. She winces as her knees connect with it but forces herself to ignore it and scrambles away, stopping when her back hits what seems to be a wall. She freezes when she sees where she is in the pale moonlight.
A room, bare of any kind of decorations or comforts beside bed and desk. Everything covered in layer of frost. It takes couple more seconds before she remembers that it is her own. She allows herself a moment to get her breath under control and stands up, distantly noting uncomfortable clamminess of her night clothes.
Just a dream. No more than a dream. One of the new ones, a bit different than last time she had it. She needs to write it down.
There is a lamp beside her bed, or there should be one. She is never sure. Elsa bites her lip when her bruised knees protest to moving, but that's for later, she needs to find It first. She appraises her room and groans at its state. Every surface is layered in thin ice, she wonders briefly at the temperature, it must be cold. Her room is placed far away from all others, she imagines it to be the reason, it's... better thought than the others she can think of.
The window has long ago lost its ability to keep outside's air out, too extreme temperature changes, being frozen over and over, replaced only for the cycle to begin anew. Not for three years now, her parents cared, she doesn't. The cold doesn't bother her anyway.
The door is most likely completely frozen into wall too. It isn't as much of a problem as it used to be, now that she can get rid of frost. When she had nightmares as a child she would often freeze herself inside the room. When the morning came her maid would find that she couldn't enter for the door was frozen in its hinges. And would need to wait for her parents to soothe her enough for the cold to go away, and then for ice to melt off the door, enough for someone to open it anyway. Usually it took hours, sometimes, when the royal family was away or busy, she would stay trapped inside her own room for entire day. Hungry, alone, tired and scared. Oh so scared, that dad and mom were frozen like in her dreams, that what her mind had shown her was real, that they would not come.
Eventually they didn't.
She glances nervously at sharp edges that ice formed in some places, subconsciously rubbing her wrists.
Bad thoughts, where is the lamp?
There, on the wrong side of the bed but it's there nonetheless, the lamp and a box of matches. It takes her unsure hands couple tries but she manages to light it up. She moves to the desk and after putting the lamp down she tries to open the drawer, it doesn't budge, she sighs and with a sharp pull manages to break off its front, she broke it long time ago. She puts it away and draws her journal out. How many she wrote down she cares not remembering. She uses them to kindle fire in her fireplace once they are used up. She can't have them fall into wrong hands, someone could think her not... entirely... well. That won't do, besides her... dislike of touch, and sorcery of course she is perfectly normal.
She skips months of precisely written dreams and notes. Her only true companion for a long time, in which she immersed herself when it was time for her to go back to her bedroom. She spent most of her time in the room across the hallway, learning, reading, painting, singing. Writing though was reserved strictly for this place.
She picks up the pencil and begins her nightly ritual. She wrote with pen once, but as her powers got stronger the ink began freezing, it is a nuisance, she has to use pen in her royal duties, she honestly much prefers it, more elegant, less forceful.
Only three dreams tonight, she glances outside the window as she ponders on the time. Three dreams mean something around half the night, good time actually, she feels tired still, in body also, strange. But not truly unusual. The first one was... Anna drowning, she bits her lip. It was strange, no ice, no not-her, no parents. But these turn up too, sometimes. It was alike the day she had planned for this morning, which her mind couldn't resist but turn into nightmare. These are rare indeed, she makes sure of that by keeping her journal.
The second one was actually kind of nice. Just her sitting in her room, waiting for the day to end, her tutor (she never remembers her face) already left and she could only paint, since she didn't feel like anything else, painting in dreams is always fun, she just thinks things and they draw themselves, often bleeding through into her room. She drew her ice palace tonight. And then walked its halls, her double following behind her silently.
And then the third dream. She forgot she was dreaming for a moment and this is the consequence, she scratches at ice covering the desk when she finishes. Now would be a good time to undo the mess she made. She summons the picture of Anna in her head, her radiant smile, bright eyes, their snow fights and little chats over meals they've been having since the... incident. Her shivering, half naked form, pained whimpers as she asked her why did she-
No!
Stop, stop imagining, she chances a look around and notes that she managed in fact to unfreeze her room without melting the ice. Good, it's getting easier.
Elsa puts her journal back in its place and decides to reattach drawer's parts in the morning. She steps away from the desk and grabs a pillow off of bed, then moves to the window wall, she can't even remember how many times she curled herself into a ball and sat through the rest of the night, not capable of forcing herself back to sleep.
She puts the pillow down and upon sitting down begins planning her day. She has to see to Rapunzel's departure, along with Hans'. Meeting with her advisers about damage caused by winter, court cases, overall a lazy day.
Elsa turns her tired eyes to the bed.
She wants her old nightmares back.
God, I rewrote this thing three times. Completely.