The Resistance

Firefly Crossover

Summary: Follows my other fic, Spinning In The Dark. Posits a large conspiracy against mankind, the lampshading of demons and other monsters into the series, and ignores shared actors between the shows (as that would just be squicky). Spinning In The Dark gives away the twist.

Chapter 9

1.

River was decidedly not amused that Blood had beaten Simon up.

She suspected he'd pulled his punches a little bit, but he still left Simon a mass of bruises and pain.

Simon's ego was as bruised as his exterior, but he was also surprised. He hadn't realized that Blood was a bundle of neuroses and fears. He hadn't realized that Blood was tearing himself apart from the inside. He hadn't realized there was any genuine emotion there.

River knew Simon was confused now. Why was a psychotic killer so deeply involved, so terribly hurt, and so determined to get away from her now?

River wished she understood it too.

So she sought him out again.

She found Blood hiding in the galley, hovering around the table, pushing a fork around on an empty plate.

She tried to ignore her heart skipping and jumping and protesting that this man, this monster, was dearer to her than she wanted to admit. She admonished her foolish, lying heart, and approached him cautiously. "You shouldn't have hit Simon."

"That boy's too smart," muttered Blood. "Too smart and too sharp and not nearly wise enough to know when to hide it."

She moved closer, wondering at how a body with no heat could make her feel so warm when she got close enough to it. "You aren't nearly as nasty as you seem."

"I'm worse," he said, and there was despair in his voice. "I know what I ought to do, and I'm fully capable of doing it, but I don't. I know I oughtn't hit the big ponce when he says what I know's true… but then I want to, more'n breathing."

She moved close enough to touch him, standing behind him. "And you're going to run away from me now, just like he said. Why do you think that is?"

He chuckled. "Why do I think…? Why do you?"

Then he spun around, away from the table, grabbing her so fast that she almost didn't realize what he was doing before he had picked her up in his arms, holding her tightly, and pressed her against the wall, holding her still and staring into her eyes.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, grabbing desperately at his ears to try to hold him still. "What are you doing?" she asked, trying to cover for her heart, which was hammering away. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist.

There was a sadness in his eyes that she hated to see. "Memorizing," he said carefully. "Do you think it's easy for me to walk away from anything? Especially not you. Can you see that? Can you feel that?"

Her heart fluttered. "You've only known me a few days."

"I always was foolish that way," he muttered. "Foolish enough to throw away everything I have, everything I am, give it away to a woman. The first time I did it, it cost me my life. The second, it cost me everything that I thought I was. D'you hear me, you crazy little girl?"

She did. More than that, she understood what he was trying to tell her but couldn't seem to say out loud.

It wasn't quite a goodbye. But it was probably as close as he had ever come. She understood suddenly that he had never said goodbye. Never willingly left a person behind. And that as many times as his heart had been broken, and would be broken, he could never learn to guard against that, could never withhold anything.

She kissed him, trying to understand why he was so sad, and she could taste the salt of his tears. She kissed him again, because she wanted to explain to him that she understood.

She didn't have any particular reason for the kisses that came after that.

2.

When they took off they left the spy on the rocky, desolate planetoid. Mal left him almost three days worth of food—hopefully enough for him to find civilization of some level or other and survive.

He couldn't find any of his crew except Zoe. He was stuck driving, and he was afraid he knew where River was. The assassin who'd been chasing Liam and Blood was conferring with Liam in the cargo bay. They were cleaning the stockpile of weapons and returning them to Blood's luggage, and now they seemed thick as thieves.

Mal was confused. His loyalties were simple, and didn't change like water underneath his feet. For these people, that was all they ever seemed to do. He wasn't sure he could live the way they lived, and was somewhat happy of it.

So he retreated to the bridge, only to find Jayne there.

He didn't have the time or energy for any of the thug's nonsense. "What do you want, Jayne?" he asked, sitting down and pretending to examine their course.

"I need to talk about some of this go se," grumbled Jayne.

"With me?"

"Got nobody else will listen."

Mal wanted to rebuff him, but this might just be important. It might shine some light on what happened out there in the desert. It might help him understand.

So he was quiet, waiting.

Jayne took a deep breath. "Folks like us, we ain't exactly good, are we?"

Mal knew that, but he was surprised Jayne knew it. "No, we aren't."

"But we ain't exactly bad, are we?"

"No. We're as we should be, no more, no less."

"But these people—these monsters… they ain't."

Mal wasn't entirely sure what they were, but he was sure they were nothing like he and Jayne. "No, they're not."

"That thing we fought, he was worse'n Reavers. And they knew it. And they were… they were ready. They knew they might die, and they didn't care. They went out anyway. Could've run. Lots of running space. But they wouldn't."

"There's lots who would rather fight than run."

"Not the things they want to fight." Jayne was puzzled by this. "They want to go up against everything."

Mal laughed. "I suppose."

"Not everything. Everything… bad. They're damn heroes is what they are. The kind that don't exist in this or any 'Verse."

Mal ground his teeth together. "Or they're very good liars."

Jayne shook his head. "I thought they was. They seemed like it. But they ain't."

Mal knew that there wasn't a very much more cynical man in this verse than Jayne. He sometimes made Mal look as innocent as a girl scout.

It was entirely disconcerting to hear him use the word hero.

3.

River wasn't sure what woke her from her sleep. It might have been some hum in the ship's engines, or some especially awkward moment somebody else on the ship was experiencing. It might have been a noise anybody else made.

It wasn't Blood, of course, because he wasn't there.

She got up, checking the rest of the room with one sweeping glance, then gathered her clothes.

She found him talking to Liam in the kitchen. They both stopped talking and gave her baleful stares when she came in.

She crossed the room, standing behind Blood and putting her hands on his shoulders. "Making plans you don't want me to hear?" she asked sweetly.

Blood sighed, putting his hand on the one that was still bandaged, the one she'd broken trying to save his life. "Love, you don't know the half of it. Liam was just telling me how he was pretty sure he could topple world governments, and I'm arguing the point. And don't tell me the thought of toppling a few world governments doesn't send shivers down your spine."

It did, actually. She had some very long-standing grudges against some very highly placed government officials.

He smiled, tracing the line of her knuckles with one finger. "I know that look all too well. Seen it on a million different faces."

"If you really have to leave… can't I come with you?" she asked.

She knew the question itself would horrify Mal and Simon. Even Jayne. She knew it wasn't smart. She knew it would probably lead her to the same fiery death these two were courting.

But she wanted it worse than she had ever wanted anything else.

He smiled, but it was a guarded smile. "That's not the best idea I've ever heard," he demurred. She knew that tone of voice. Her mouth twisted sourly.

"For my own good?"

He shrugged. "Can you look me in the eye and tell me you really, truly understand what I am? Can you tell me that I'd be doing wrong to make you stay here while I ran away? Can you?"

She didn't like it when he played fair. It would have been much better if he had just sweet-talked her, or said soothing bits of nonsense. She tightened her grip on his shoulders. "I don't even know your real name."

"It is William," said Liam. "Always has been. He carries many other names—Slayer of Slayers, William the Bloody, Spike… but at his core, he's just William. The boy who always loved too much, with too little caution. From the very first day of his life up till now."

She glanced up at him quizzically. "Is this a new tactic in your never-ending quest to keep us apart?"

He chuckled. "When'd you pick up on that?"

"I can't read your mind; but I can read the mind of every person you plan and plot with. It wasn't a very well-kept secret."

He laughed out loud. "No, it's not another tactic. See, you saved my life earlier. Think of this as a bit of payback."

That he called it payback and not a reward was telling of the value he placed on his own life. "Oh, really?"

Liam chuckled, nodding down at Blood's stony face. "He knows what I'm going to say next is true, or else he would already be arguing the point. See, I wanted to keep you away from him because I'm stupid and selfish; I wanted him all to myself. I wasn't thinking of what was best for him. But now I am… and it's not you."

Blood swung to his feet. "Take it back, Liam."

But there was despair in his voice, because he believed it too.

4.

River found Jayne in his bunk, carefully cleaning his weapons. She sat with him for a while, just watching those strong hands work on the guns, and then she picked one up and helped for a while in silence.

He took a deep breath finally, setting Vera aside. "What is it?" he grumbled.

She shrugged. "You're simple. No complications. No little bits that explode after a while. No contradictions. Right now."

He smiled. "Simple, huh?"

She nodded fervently. "Not all thorny and complicated and—she did not mean that."

He grinned. It faded quickly. She never misspoke, and she never accidentally insulted him. "You okay?"

He was sharper than his ignorance implied. She knew that, but was still unsettled by it. Fun as it was to bicker, it was hard to hide anything from him. Brutish, thuggish, and simple, but never stupid. "I think I'm in love."

He sighed heavily. "That's just little girl feelings talkin`. Crush. Infatusomething."

"Infatuation," she said, surprised he had tried to draw on the word.

"Yeah. School-girl thoughts. Real love ain't so… so silly. Dong ma?"

She made a face at him. "If it's not real love, why does it hurt so?"

He didn't have any kind of answer at all for that. "Pain's just the way we learn how to do better," he mumbled, an aphorism he didn't really believe at all. It was something the preacher had told him.

She smiled, aware of the phrases' origins. "It'll be good to get all these extra folks off the ship, won't it?"

"It will."

"He won't take me with him." The simple words betrayed the hurt she felt at it, and she knew it confused him. He didn't much like Blood.

For a second he just thought about it, surprised. "Damn hero thing to do," he said finally.

She sighed. This was new, between them, and a little uncomfortable. It would have been better with fighting, and yelling. It would have been better with screaming and shrieking.

They'd always had that between them, and it had made sense. It had seemed right. Now he was the only person here she could talk to, the only one who listened and heard the little bits she laid between the lines.

They had nothing in common but a way of thinking, a way of walking sideways through life. Of seeing dangers, and solving them with violence. A way of seeing enemies everywhere.

She had no idea why it all worked just right between them. Why his callous way of thinking about people gelled so well with hers. He viewed people as problems. Things y ou had to deal with.

He also was all angles and walls, keeping other people out and away from him. He worked very hard to keep people from getting to the tight, closed-off part of his heart labeled 'family.'

She didn't know just why she was in there, or how. It had happened sometime after Miranda. Or perhaps it had been a long process, and Miranda had just been part of it.

For whatever reason. She was in.

And things were fragile in there. He didn't let people in lightly, because of that. Most of them, not at all.

She carefully set his gun down, trying to quantify the confusing feelings that crowded in to her tiny head. "I do love him. It's not just some fancy, some desire. It's not entirely rational, and it's messy. And it won't last, not if he won't let it."

Jayne sighed. "A thing like that, atween a man and a woman, only leads to trouble."

"I wanted to go with him. To fight with him. I really wanted it."

Jayne nodded. "An' you'd just die with him, I reckon."

"Would you come with me? If I left? Would you fight the world? Or keep on surviving like you are?"

"A man's got to know his limits."

"But we shook this world!"

"We sent a wave. That's not much against the big stuff."

"But we were heroes! I was, and you were too. And the captain was especially, but you and me, we were holding them off for him. It's how we are, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but maybe it comes all natural like to you. It don't to me, you see?"

She thought about it, then. Examining him and the way he was. "I don't expect so, no," she said, mournfully. "It wasn't altogether natural and easy for her, either."

"For me," he corrected insistently.

There was a frozen silence after that. She used the pronoun when she wanted to escape from herself, when being in too close was hard, when it bit too much. When she was feeling and experiencing too much. When she needed a filter, somehow, anyhow.

She knew that Simon didn't like it, felt like she was taking a step backwards into psychosis. But Jayne didn't hear a step into psychosis. That wasn't what felt familiar and right.

He heard his step-dad telling him he was a thing, he wasn't a real person. He heard her saying that she was just a shadow. That real people would never be like she was just now.

He heard her stop being herself, and he wanted her to know that it was all right to be herself.

"When'd you start being all Zoe to my Cap'n?" she asked, amused.

He shrugged. "Thought you were Zoe, an` I was the Cap'n. I make all the gorram bad decisions, and you pull my rutting hide out of the fire often enough."

She smiled, because the relationship swung both ways, anyway. As often as Zoe was there for the Cap'n, he was there for her. The two of them were linked by bonds like titanium. More than linked River and Jayne, for certain.

"I wouldn't leave if I had to leave all of you behind," she said solemnly. "You and Simon and the Cap'n and even Zoe. And Kaylee."

He chuckled. "Gonna drag us all into a war?"

"Cap'n wanted to do it. Nearly did it. He's going to untangle it, but if they start winning… if Blood and Liam manage to actually begin a revolution the cuts the head of state off and begins to change intergalactic politics… oh, he'll do it in a heartbeat."

Jayne grunted. "Heads roll, and he'll put his on the block? I didn't sign up for that."

"But you'll play hero. You know you will."

5.

Mal leaned his head against the cold metal of the bulkhead, trying to keep his head clear. "Are you telling me…"

Liam shrugged. "I'm telling you what she said, no more. We tried to dissuade her, but if you want to keep her, you should talk to her."

"Why're you telling me this?"

"Because I don't want her along. We've been cutting corners a lot lately, doing insane things… coming close to death. You know what kind of monsters we are. We can do that. Her? She'd be torn to shreds. I've seen William survive having his hands cuts off! I've seen things you can't imagine. I've been impaled on swords. I've been shot. That's the risks we take, the life we lead. And any one of those would finish her. That's why we do this; why we have to do this. Nobody else can do this. Nobody else could survive being shoved out an airlock."

"Wait, you can…?"

"Of course. Don't need to breath. As long as I avoid explosive decompression, should be fine. You see? Monsters."

6.

She knew Mal wanted to talk to her, make her stay. So she waited for him on the bridge, knowing he'd look there first.

He stood at the back of the cockpit for a minute, just staring. She could feel sadness in those eyes, and even a telepath doesn't always know what to say. She knew what he wanted to hear, but it was a lie. She knew what she wanted to say, but it would have hurt him so bad.

So she compromised.

"You wanted to fight, remember?"

He laughs. "Oh, yes, li'l albatross, I remember."

"For him, I would fight, if he would let me. But he makes everything so complicated."

He thought of Inara. "Yeah, complicated," he sighed, coming over and sitting in the co-pilot's seat. "Are you gonna stay, then?"

"This time." She looked at him a bit sadly. "She would leave, if he'd take her with him. And maybe someday she'll just go looking for him."

"You hardly know him."

"I know that I want to know more. I want to know who first hurt him so badly that he's so scared of love. I want to know why there's praise and scorn on his face when I hurt him. I want to know everything that I can't pick out of his mind. I want to know why he fights so hard, loves so intensely. I want it all."

Mal let out a harsh breath. "Yeah…"

"She doesn't plan to just forget him, either. She knows your mind… you're going looking for a smaller bit of this fight. You're listening, to hear if they could win. You want them to win, you're just scared to help them too closely, because they will burn up their allies with their enemies. She knows that there'll be other fights, and you'll need her too."

He chuckled nervously. "I hadn't finished thinking about that."

"But you will, and that's the way it is." She felt sad and old. Much the way he felt most of the time. "We aren't like them. They live for this fight. It's all they'll do. We're not heroes like them… but we have our own little world to defend."

"Yes, we do," said Mal fervently.

"Right now it overlaps. You and me and Serenity. Someday it won't, and that's sad. But it's not today. Okay?"

He nodded. "Little girls grow up and leave their daddy's all the time," he said, smiling. "You aren't really my kin, but you needed something like a daddy… and I did what I could."

"You were all you could be," she said seriously. "Nurture, love, protection."

He got up and made his way over to her side slowly and awkwardly, not quite sure how to go about it. She had no such reservations, springing up and hugging him fiercely. "Thank you," she said.

He nodded, patting her on the head. His voice was more happy than sad when he spoke. "No matter what happens, when or if you decide to leave, there'll always be a home for you on Serenity. Always."