Chapter 4: First Cut
"Ben?"
He could hear Dexter's voice, but he was too warm and comfortable to actually wake up and respond.
"Ben?"
Slowly, reluctantly, his mind dragged its way to consciousness.
"Benjamin Kirby Tennyson!"
"Wha?" He jerked awake at the annoyed bark, realizing they had fallen asleep on one of the sofas in the great room. Ben blinked. He hadn't remembered the room being so white. A blanket shifted off of him as he sat up and looked around.
There were stacks of paper on the coffee table and on the sofa opposite them and on the chair and a few on the floor. Ben gaped in horror as he realized they were all applications, and he winced under Dexter's steely glare.
"How many applications did you hand out?" asked the redhead with the scary sort of patience in his voice.
"Uh . . . not this many, Dex."
"So I assumed. Apparently someone gained access to a copying machine. There's got to be about two thousand here. Do we have that many people in DexLabs right now?"
Ben stared, horribly conscious of how completely his good intentions had gotten out of hand. He dared to sneak a peek at his boyfriend.
"Uh . . . Crap. What are we going to do?"
"They've been coming in all night. I've already ordered a cut off. Anything the Dexbots collect now will go straight into the trash."
The momentary relief he felt was quickly replaced by panic.
"Wait! Dex – we've got to make sure this one kid applied."
Dexter stared at him in silent disbelief.
"No, listen, this guy yesterday. I gave him the last application I had. He was really cool, he knows Nigel, and I just got a really good vibe."
"All right, Benjamin. What was his name?"
It was with the utmost pain and regret that Ben had to admit, "I . . . didn't ask."
"Why not?"
"I dunno. It didn't seem fair to give him an edge over the others, I guess."
"Ben, we're trying to find the best possible person to go out with Nigel. We're looking for someone with an edge. Impartiality on our behalf is counter-productive!"
"Oh."
The cold stared continued until finally, "How old was he?"
"My age . . . maybe?" he said, trying not to grimace as Dexter's mood darkened.
"Is he in the Kids Next Door?" asked Dexter in a perfectly bland tone.
"He said . . . sorta?"
Dexter groaned.
"The application was the very last one – I kind of mangled it. I think I'd recognize it." Ben realized exactly how badly he was compounding Dexter's life. "Sorry, Dex. I just really, really liked the look of this guy."
Dexter's blue eyes grew huge behind thick glasses as Ben realized what he'd said. Before that Irish temper could explode on him, Ben desperately squeaked,
"For Nigel! For Nigel, I mean! I thought he'd be a good match! He was way too tall and blond to be my type and if his vision was bad, he was definitely wearing contacts!"
A simmering, narrow-eyed look was cast his way. Ben changed the subject as quickly as possible in the hopes his short, bespectacled, ginger-haired boyfriend would refrain from killing him.
"Listen, I bet this kid would read and follow all the instructions. I'll pick out all the ones with blue ink and you can rip through them and we'll get this done. Okay?"
There was a long pause, and finally a twitch shook the young genius.
"Go make coffee," ordered Dexter, snatching up the nearest application. Ben held off on his smile until he reached the kitchen.
Once there, a thought struck him and he quietly activated his comm unit. "Computress?"
"What can I do for you, Ben?"
"Yesterday around lunch time I was outside the cafeteria. Can you pull up the security footage?"
Immediately the computer projected a screen before him. Ben watched himself get chewed out by Abby.
"Why is the picture so dark?"
"The lights in the hall experienced a brief interruption of service."
"Good timing," muttered Ben, immediately suspicious. Things didn't just break in DexLabs. The lack of overhead light made it a difficult to pick out fine details. "There! That guy! The blond." He pointed to the projected image. Computress froze and enhanced the picture; enlarging the figure of the young man Ben had dubbed Blondie to almost life size. "Has he been here before for training or anything?"
"Negative."
"How'd he get here?"
"Unknown."
"Well . . . how'd he leave?"
"Unknown."
"Okay, so he's got a ninja setting. Can you tell me who he is?"
There was a pause, and then, "He does not appear in any of my databases."
"Interesting," said Dexter from where he stood watching from the doorway. Pressing a gloved hand to his mouth, he stared at the image of the handsome teen before shifting his attention to Ben. Intrigue had replaced annoyance as Dexter rose to the challenge this young man presented. The Boy Genius was curious, Ben10 was happy to see, because he knew from personal experience that few things could withstand the force of Dexter's determination.
()()()()()()()()()()
One of the advantages Dexter enjoyed of being a billionaire and owning his own international corporation was the authority to give himself a day off whenever he wished. It was a power he exercised only very rarely, mostly because he loved learning and was very good at it, but he did so that morning. What was more, he managed to lasso his tutor, Kilroy Green, into helping them for a few hours in lieu of teaching Dexter astrophysics.
Mr. Green, a teacher for more than twenty years who was possessed of abnormal paper grading skills, proved to be of incalculable value to the two young men. Once Ben explained the situation and Dexter said the magic words ("Spelling counts"), the Substitute Creature set to work with enthusiasm, whipping out a red pen and unleashing on the applications.
The rest of the Utonium family awoke to two boys and a fire demon hard at work in a production line that spread through the great room of the suite. The Powerpuff Girls were amused at the results of Ben's efforts while their father only cared that there was fresh coffee made. When Dexter followed the Professor into the kitchen to talk, Blossom pressed a finger to her lips and silently slipped her application to Ben. He grinned, checking to be sure Dexter was out of sight before sneaking it into the 'yes' pile.
The girls headed out on patrol and the Professor went to work in his lab. Mr. Green, having made a sizable dent, finally left them for his research and development department. Ben and Dexter soldiered on alone, tanked up on coffee and Oreos. The stream of applications had slowed considerably, giving them hope that the worst was over and they might actually survive the challenge of setting Nigel up with someone. The day wore on. More coffee was made and consumed. Dexter ignored his cell phone. Ben gradually moved from the sofa to the floor to sprawled at Dexter's feet. For the most part they were quiet, but occasionally they came across a particularly amusing bit of weirdness they had to share.
"This guy's fluent in Klingon."
"Really? I have here a padawan who can use the Force, but only when she's alone."
"This one wants to date Number One to get closer to Number Four. She likes accents."
"Neko Kittyspaw thinks Nigel would be adorable wearing cat ears."
"Hey, Dex?" Ben said seriously, still sorting out the applications written in blue ink.
"Mmm?"
"I gotta apologize. I honestly didn't expect to reach this level of stupid with the people applying."
"I understand. It's the background radiation of my life. Why do you think I surround myself with geniuses and hide from those who aren't?"
"All doubt's been erased from my mind, kiddo," he said, realizing Dexter's whole life must have been comparable to the last few days. Small wonder he had such a short temper.
"Your intentions are noble and at least you're trying. I want to see Nigel happy as well," said Dexter with a smile, "just as I want you to succeed."
"I know. Thank you."
Dexter nodded in acknowledgement of Ben's gratitude, pleased that the lengths he was going to were appreciated and understanding the depth of his meaning. He focused on the next application in the stack on his lap and let out a little squeak of disbelief.
"Lizzie Devine?" He recoiled from the paper as if it might bite him. He gaped, reading further, his indignation mounting at each word. "Oh, and now she has no issue with being stood up for missions and battles and her idea of a perfect date is a romantic KND mission followed by an evening dancing. The nerve!"
"Pit of Hell."
He tore the document in half and tossed it behind the sofa before focusing on the next one.
"What? DeeDee?"
"Oh, come on! She's nice!"
"She's an idiot. She listed both her sex and species as 'girl.' And her affiliation is 'Pony Puff Princess.' Nigel needs someone that's intellectually stimulating." DeeDee followed Lizzie into the reject pile. "There's only one person I'd inflict her upon and that's – Mandark!"
Ben looked up to see Dexter yelling at the paper. He was surprised the application didn't spontaneously combust under that glare. "He's intellectually stimulating."
"He wears a cape with short shorts, suspenders, and a belt," growled Dexter, defiantly relegating his rival to the Pit of Hell, if only for his fashion sense.
"So he's got better legs than Nigel."
"I hadn't noticed."
"How can you miss them? Don't you guys have some weird sort of friendship . . . thing going on?"
"Perhaps, Mr. Tennyson, but my friendship thing with Nigel is considerably less weird and therefore I will not impose Mr. Susan Astronomonov on him." There was a pause. "He is intelligent, however. He did figure out that we're an item, though I'm fairly certain he won't say anything."
"Same with Nigel."
"I'm not surprised. Ah!" He held up an application approvingly. "Edd."
"Yes."
"Yes," he agreed, adding it to the scant pile on the sideboard. "Who is this . . . Fiskerton?"
"Cryptid."
"Who uses crayon," added Dexter, tossing the paper into the 'no' pile.
Ben handed over another handful of acceptable applications and grabbed the next pile and another cookie. As he flopped back to the carpet he froze, and then almost fell over in shock.
"Dex! I think . . . I think this is it!"
"Our blond mystery ninja?"
"Yeah. I . . ." He crumbled the paper slightly, recreating his original mangling of the application. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is it. And ha! Blue ink!"
Dexter joined him on the floor, bringing his coffee and stealing Ben's cookie as he settled in close against him. Grinning, Ben smoothed the paper as they eagerly leaned forward to read.
All answers must be written in blue ink. Please write clearly.
Name: Chad Dickson
Age: 18
Affiliation: KND
Sex: Male
Contact number or email: (123)456-7890 CD274*hotmail. com
What do you know about Nigel Uno? Nigel Uno is one of the finest KND operatives in the history of the organization, with unmatched loyalty and devotion. He's headed Sector V for over six years now, and under his leadership they have become the most efficient and recognized of all sector teams. On a more personal note, I've known Nigel for almost eight years; though not always close to him, I understand the burdens of leadership and the pressures he experiences every day.
Why do you want to go out with him? My respect and admiration for Nigel Uno is complete, and despite the ups and downs we've experienced, I would hope he someday feels the same. I firmly believe that being in a long-term, loving relationship with open communication would be the best, healthiest thing for him and very satisfying for us both.
Why would he want to go out with you? I'm not sure that he would.
What is your idea of a perfect date? One with non-stop action, a bit of intrigue, an explosion or two, all followed by pizza and then ice cream.
Are you familiar with the KND? Do you have any issue with being stood up because of missions? Battles? Top secret tasks that can't be divulged? I am familiar with the KND and I fully understand the need to prioritize command duties over personal wants. I would not have any issue with the Supreme Leader putting a meeting, date, or dinner on hold; in fact, I'd be disappointed and take him to task if he ever put personal preferences ahead of his duties to the KND and the ongoing war effort.
What likes and dislikes do you have? Please list all weird habits. I like football, ice cream, seeing a mission through to the end, movies, and good company. My weird habits include acting, playing the violin, trying to get off the Beyond High Society Society's enrollment and mailing lists, and part-time bass player and backup singer for the Scum Bucket Punks.
What are you? Please name your species. Homo sapiens
Do you even know who Number One is? Yes: one time leader of Sector V, presently the Supreme Leader of the KND after contact with the Moon Base was lost this past June.
Are you available this Friday night? Yes, I am.
Please list any other relevant facts we should know about you. Despite my age, I've never stopped being loyal to the KND and everything for which they stand.
"Complete sentences," breathed Dexter in worshipful awe. He seemed to be in some state between shock and ecstatic. "Ben, look! He spelt sapiens correctly! With a lower case 's'!"
"I'll take your word for it." Ben stared, never having seen his boyfriend so transported by proper grammar. Dexter reread the application, his excitement growing.
"Look! Correct use of semi-colons and wording to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition! That's it!" He slapped his hand down onto the paper. "He's the one."
"Oh, now it's okay to like him?"
"I never said it wasn't. I just approve of his command of the written word."
Ben made a mental note of this newly discovered Dexter turn-on. "So, say I wrote you a note using semi-colons. Would it get me anything?"
"Why don't you write one and find out?" Dexter asked with an inviting gleam in his eyes.
"After dinner," promised Ben. "I like his idea of a perfect date."
"Who wouldn't?"
"You don't think he sounds a bit too perfect?"
Dexter fed him an Oreo. "Some people are highly capable, my love. The point of an application is to showcase one's abilities. Accomplishments and skills should not be turned into stumbling blocks or used against a person. Would you ever say that I'm too smart?"
His meaning was reinforced by a wry look and a smirk, and Ben knew better than to fall into that trap. Instead he chewed on the cookie, grabbed Dexter for a long and chocolaty kiss, and read the application a second time.
"He seems to know Nigel pretty well. He talks about his health and food."
"Very candidly, too. Perhaps Chad is aware of the issues Nigel has in relation to eating and body image. He could be worried for Nigel just as you are."
"That would be a big help. I don't think even Edd knows that about the whole food thing."
"So," said Dexter, eying what was left of the applications. Considering how many they'd started out with, there weren't all that many left, but enough to fill another hour or two. "Do you think we have enough acceptable applications to forgo the rest?"
The Boy Genius had just about reached his limit. Now that he'd found the blond mystery ninja, Ben was more than happy to throw in the towel.
"Hell yeah."
Dexter flopped back against the sofa with a sigh. "Thank Einstein."