Chapter 5: Second Cut
Nigel, are you aware that your knuckle-headed pal Tennyson is playing matchmaker? He got it in his head that he's going to find you a date and he's causing the mother of all uproars at DexLabs. At least it's keeping him out of trouble – for the time being. Numbah Five doesn't think that state of affairs will last into Saturday morning.
He scrolled sown to the next email.
Oi, Soopreme Leader! What's this I here u and you're bird broke up? Congratulations, mate! We never liked her any way and even I new u could do better. Time two upgrade!
He made a face. Wally's bluntness would have been refreshing if he had addressed any other topic under the sun besides his breakup with Lizzie. He was still smarting from that. At least Number Four had learned to use spell check, though his grammar left a lot to be desired.
Nigel, as your best friend I have to warn you that Ben is serious about getting you a date this Friday. Really serious. Like, by Tuesday morning, applications were being circulated and the girls here (and a few guys and some of the other things running around here – I think Edd applied) were going crazy to get them. I had Blossom get me one and I've sent a copy as an attachment. Do you want me to talk to Ben? There's still time to stop him. He did say something about Dexter helping him, too, which may or may not be a good thing, given that Dexter says everything with lasers.
He opened the attachment and leaned on his hand to read the questions, trying to answer them for himself and keeping his hand poised on the mouse in case anyone came in and saw what he was looking at. It wouldn't do for his subordinates to think he was applying for a date with himself. What was his idea of a perfect date? It didn't seem as important of what he did versus whom he did it with. He was understandably curious and intrigued to find out who Ben would think was the right person for him. Ben, who somehow had ended up with the least likely of partners and was all the happier for it.
He reread Hoagie's message, sensing the concern in his friend's words and considering the offer. Did he want Ben to stop? What was the worst that could happen? The date could be a failure. On the other hand, it could be the start of something wonderful. He'd be a fool to stop now. It was comforting to know that Dexter was involved. The scientist was sensible in the extreme and would keep Ben on an even keel. Besides, Ben knew better than Hoagie the impact being in a relationship could have on him, and Nigel seriously doubted Ben would match him up with someone shallow or unsuitable. Even if he did, Dexter would be sure to nix it.
What did he want? He wasn't sure. Hoagie and Abby were clearly anxious over Ben's good intentions, but they were a bit territorial when it came to their leader. Perhaps it was a mistake, but he had never told them the role they'd played in the formation of his eating disorder. It would devastate his team and they had quite enough on their plates fighting the Fusion invasion. Bad enough he'd had his swimming trunks stolen by robotic crabs when his team had dumped him at the beach, but to have his shame photographed by the Delightful Children Down the Lane and then to be blackmailed by them had been worse. Most painful of all though was for his friends to laugh at him. He knew they had reacted to what to them was a ridiculous situation and he supposed in a way it really was, but then, they hadn't been publicly humiliated. He'd laughed along with them instead of breaking down, trying to make the best of the situation and hoping they'd forget it quickly, but the sting had lingered on until it became part of him. He grew to hate every mouthful of food he consumed for fear of their laughter and that of the Delightful Children. Ben, who'd gained his trust so quickly despite being a teen, was the only one he'd ever spoken to about that episode. Tennyson hadn't laughed, but he did tell Nigel about being bullied in grade school and how he would have loved to be in the KND at that age to get back at the kids that had made going to school a trial. Having a confidant had eased more anxiety than he had ever managed on his own.
Nigel smiled to know he had such good friends even though the KND and Ben10 approached him from completely different angles. Who was right in this case?
"Guess I'll have to wait and see," he said softly to himself, opening the next email.
Number One, did you see the new episode of Rainbow Monkeys Adventure? It was sooooooooooooo beautiful! They went to a tropical island no one's ever been to and they found more Rainbow Monkeys there that could FLY! They had sparkling rainbow wings! But the Rainbow Monkeys had to fly because there were these big, mean snakes that lived on the ground and were always trying to capture the Rainbow Monkeys and the flying Rainbow Monkeys were always sad because they wanted to pick the flowers that grew on the ground but the mean snakes wouldn't let them and the regular Rainbow Monkeys came and helped all of them to get along and it turned out the snakes really wanted the fruit in the trees and the flying Rainbow Monkeys wanted the flowers, so they traded and they were all happy. There was a new song at the end that they all sang and I cried and do you think maybe they'll come out with Flying Rainbow Monkey stuffed toys now?
Nigel chuckled, imagining Kuki's squeaky voice as he read her email. She always made him smile, and that was why he always saved her letters for last.
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"All things considered, this was a successful campaign," declared Dexter, straightening the slim stack of applications that had survived the first, ruthless cut before starting to page through them. Dexbots were cleaning up the remaining papers while Buttercup read a few of the pages, chuckling at the answers. "When Dad was trying to find me a engineering tutor he interviewed - how many people, Dad?"
"Too darned many," grumbled Utonium as he passed them, heading towards the bathroom. Half his face and his whole right side was orange and his hair was blown severely to the left as if things had not gone quite according to plan in his laboratory today. Dexter watched him walk by with professional interest. Blossom took advantage of her brother's distraction to give Ben a look of alarm. She didn't want Dexter to see her application. Her sisters simply ignored the Professor's disheveled state; labs and explosions were nothing new for them.
"Any luck, boys?" the Professor asked.
"Quite a bit, actually." Dexter displayed the fruits of their labors. "Enough to keep Benjamin occupied interviewing."
"Isn't this all a bit much for a date?" wondered Buttercup, flopping down onto the nearest sofa to read some more.
Dexter gave her a scandalized look. "We don't want a second Lizzie."
"So what do you want?" asked Bubbles.
Ben indicated his boyfriend, leaning close to pluck the applications from his hand on the pretext of checking them himself. "Dex wants someone who can spell. I want someone who will look after Nigel . . . and can spell," he added when Dexter very lovingly elbowed him in the ribs.
"You're a good friend for doing this, Ben," said the blonde, giving him her sweetest smile.
"I'm thinking I might be a bit insane, too."
"Trust me, that helps," came the Professor's voice from the bathroom where he was washing up. "I'm not cooking. Let's send out for pizza."
All the children cheered and immediately started getting in their orders.
"Can we get pepperoni?"
"I want extra cheese!"
"Onions!"
"Bacon!"
"Green peppers!"
At Ben's suggestion the entire Utonium clan froze and then shouted a final, resounding, "NO!"
"Fine," he grumbled, not really put out since he'd expected exactly the reaction he'd gotten. He wasn't going to back down completely, however. "Extra garlic."
Dexter groaned.
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"So what does Nigel think of this?"
He was sitting at the dining room table with Professor Utonium while in the great room Dexter and the girls held a rock-paper-scissors death match to decide who got to pick out the movie they'd watch once the pizza arrived. Ben had been surprised when the Professor had ordered more than a dozen pizzas, but some of them were for the security staff on duty and the Powerpuff Girls were possessed of tremendous appetites and the Professor himself had a thing for cold garden vegetable pizza for breakfast.
"Uh . . . he didn't say no."
The Professor smiled knowingly, picking up the pile of applications that Ben was doing his best to keep away from Dexter. "He trusts you."
"Yeah."
"That's quite an accomplishment, considering how the Kids Next Door feel about anyone a day over thirteen years old."
"We're both moms. We bonded."
"Moms?"
Ben shrugged. "He had a few thousand chicks - what's the word when they think you're their mom and follow you around?"
"Imprinting," provided Utonium, thoroughly amused not just at how seriously Ben was taking this matchmaking business, but at the image of Number One being swamped in peeping fluffiness.
"A few thousand chicks imprinted on him during one of their missions and he got really fond of them by the time the mission was done."
"And you?"
Ben made a wry face at the memory. "Big Chill decided to reproduce back when I was fifteen."
The Professor gave him the standard odd look most people gave him when they found out he had a small swarm of baby alien moths to call his own.
"How many kids have you got?"
"About twelve or fifteen. They were cute."
"Where are they now?"
"They took off into deep space. It's what Necrofriggians do for about thirty years. I can't help but worry about them, though. They're just babies."
The Professor nodded, rolling with the strangeness and sympathetic with a parent's concern. "I know what it's like to be mom and dad since I've been both to the girls since day one."
"Well, Nigel was the first guy I met that had a clue of what it was like to be a mom. I don't even remember how it came up, but from that point on we found a lot in common."
Utonium was paging through the applications and smiled when he came across Blossom's. He tipped the page towards Ben and softly asked, "Does Dexter know?"
"Nope."
He nodded, willing to keep his silence. "Any favorites so far?"
"This guy impressed us both," said Ben, grateful for additional input. He fished out Chad's application from the pile and watched the Professor's expression as he read. "I like the way he carried himself when he asked for an application. Dexter likes the fact that he used semi-colons."
"Sounds like my kid. Chad. Hmm. He left his definition of a perfect date open to some pretty broad interpretation."
Ben felt his jaw drop and he felt his face grow hot as he blushed. "I . . . oh, god, I hadn't thought of it that way."
Utonium chuckled, but he looked at Ben with approval. "So I see. So he's not sure Nigel would want to go out with him. Something must have happened between them, but it's telling that he wants to try. At least he's honest."
"That's what I thought."
"Do you know anything about him?"
"No, and neither does Computress."
"Really?" wondered the scientist as shouts and whines erupted when Buttercup won the right to pick the movie. "Interesting."
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A few hours later found Ben back at the dining room table with Dexter and some cold pizza to keep him company. The Boy Genius had a large sketch pad before him and he was busy designing some new armor and weapons, which was pretty typical behavior for him after seeing an action movie. Buttercup, in the mood for something classic, had picked the first Predator movie for them to watch (though for Bubbles' sake they had to skip the gory parts). He glanced at the pad and smiled to see a sketch of a helmet. Dexter's doodles often went straight into production, and he was the only kid Ben had ever heard tell of whose refrigerator art could be used as blueprints.
Confident that Dexter's Predator-inspired designs would keep him busy for a while, Ben spread out the applications to get a good look at them. For a moment he felt a little silly for going through with this whole plan and he had a pang of . . . panic was perhaps too strong a word. Concern, then. What if this was a total disaster? Nigel being ticked at him he could handle and Ben didn't really care much if he crashed and burned, but he wasn't sure he could handle Nigel's disgust or disappointment if it came to that. And he wasn't sure what to do next.
"What's wrong?" asked Dexter, not looking up from the pad.
"This was a really stupid idea, wasn't it?"
"We'll find that out, won't we?" He selected a fresh pencil from dozen or so he had lined up on the table before him. "I'd say a lot has been learned, wouldn't you?"
"Yeah – what not to do next time."
The redhead smiled. "Then we have not wasted our time. Are you stuck?"
"How'd you guess?"
"Six sighs in twenty minutes," said the genius, resuming his sketching.
"Any suggestions?"
"You know him as well as anyone, perhaps better. Ask yourself what Nigel needs. Eliminate the people that can't or won't give him that."
"What if I'm not sure?"
"Ask them, or, if you prefer, just focus on the people most familiar to you since you can judge their characters best."
That was a good idea. Ben spent a few minutes sorting the paperwork into two piles. Dexter looked up questioningly.
"Where did you put Chad?"
"In with the people I know," was his grudging confession.
Dexter smiled. "I think your mind is made up, Benjamin."
"I liked the guy. I just wish we knew more about him."
"Ask Number Two. Or I could have Computress hack into the KND computer system again and see if there's any information on him there."
"Again?"
"Mmm," said Dexter without the least hint of shame or remorse.
"I don't think Sector V is too keen on this whole plan."
"And they're doing what to safeguard Nigel's health and well being?"
That was a good question. Dropping back into his chair, Ben weighed his options, listening to the soft scratching of the pencil as Dexter shaded in some details. It was pleasant sound and comforting in its way. Finally he looked at the infinitely resourceful young man beside him.
"How long do you think it'll take Computress?"