Chapter Two – Bring Me to Life
Wake me up inside, call my name and save me from the dark . . .
Only moments passed before she appeared. Her long red hair rippled down her back like a waterfall, and her face shone like the sun. She was happy to see him, and reached for him with open arms.
"Severus," she said, "it's so good to see you."
He did not reply. He simply held her close and wept silently over her shoulder as she ran her hand up and down his back. He did not think he'd want her to see his tears, but somehow they did not embarrass him. They were tears of happiness, as all anguish seemed to have disappeared. It was peaceful here.
"You did great, Sev, so great. I'm so proud of you," she said in hushed tones, reassuring him. For several moments, they stood in an embrace, letting the emotions they felt surround them. No words were needed.
Lily pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Care to sit down and have a chat?"
He agreed, and she led him to a shady spot beneath a tree. They sat down, and Lily gently pulled his head into her lap, like old times. He was filled with so much happiness he thought his chest would burst. Could this be real? Was this what eternity held for him? He wished so, but doubted that so much goodness could be possible.
Finally, he spoke. "Is this what it's like, then?" he said as she stroked his hair.
"What what is like?" she replied.
"Death."
She stopped stroking for a minute, thinking about her answer.
"Yes, and no," she said, eventually.
"What does that mean?" he asked, slightly irritated with her answer.
"Death is complex. It's progressive, and so if you're asking if we'll stay like this forever, the answer is no. But death is peaceful and freeing, always, to those who earn it."
"Earn what?" he questioned. He didn't like where this was going.
"Peace," she replied. "You don't think Voldemort is lying in a bed of grass somewhere, enjoying the breeze, do you?"
"He's dead?" Severus asked. "They managed to kill him?"
"Well, pieces of him, yes. Dumbledore told me."
"You mean the Horcruxes?"
"Yes, those." She shuddered. "I didn't quite understand what he told me about them, but he said that they're beyond help."
Severus sighed. He had hoped that Voldemort had finally been destroyed, but now that he thought about it, it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. It wasn't that he was heartless; he was merely at peace with everything, as if nothing could bother him. It was a new sensation, one he'd never experienced before. Suddenly, what she had said dawned on him, and he sat up.
"You said that death is peaceful to those who earn it."
"Yes, I did. Now lay back down, Severus, and don't make any more sudden movements. You almost knocked me over," she said playfully.
He did as he was told. How could he not?
"But," he said, as he closed his eyes, "why do I feel so peaceful then?"
She hit his arm lightly. "Severus!" she exclaimed, "You don't seriously mean that, do you?"
He did not want to answer, but she saw it in his expressions. After all he'd been through, he sincerely didn't believe he deserved happiness.
She shook her head sadly and caressed his face. "Severus, look at me."
He didn't.
"Severus, I mean it. Open your eyes."
Reluctantly, he obeyed. "What is it?" he said.
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what? You have nothing to be sorry for."
"I didn't thank you."
"You don't need to thank me for anything—"
She cut him off. "Yes, I do. Thank you for saving my son. Thank you for protecting him all his life. Thank you for being my friend, and for being so brave."
He didn't know what to say. As he was trying to think of something, another figure slowly appeared. He couldn't tell who it was, and found himself desperately hoping it wasn't James. No amount of peace could prepare him for seeing the man Lily had chosen over him, the man who had caused him so much pain.
Thankfully, it wasn't him. The figure became clearer and Severus could see the man's long silver beard.
"Good to see you, Severus."
Severus looked up into the eyes of the man he had killed. "Dumbledore," he replied curtly. He felt a tiny bit of guilt, but it was more like an echo than the real thing. He had taken this man's life from him, but it seemed like ages had passed since then. And, of course, Dumbledore had wanted it. Now, he could finally accept that. This place, wherever he was, was helping him begin to put it behind.
"And you, too, Lily," Dumbledore said, looking at her, "I see you were the one to greet Severus here."
Lily looked slightly surprised. Apparently, she hadn't been expecting him. "Yes, I was. I wanted to."
Dumbledore smiled at her. "I'm sure you did," he said with a twinkle. "However, I came here to relay a message. Severus," he said, turning to him, "She is calling you back."
"No I'm not," said Lily. "What do you mean, calling him back?"
"I apologise. The 'she' I was referring to is someone else; someone on the other side of the veil."
Severus shook his head. "The other side? You mean, someone living? Who?"
"That," he said, "I'm afraid I can't tell you."
Severus huffed. Even in death the man was infuriatingly secretive. "Then why bring it up? I don't care if someone is, as you say, 'calling' to me. I'm not answering."
"Oh, of course, my dear boy. No one said you had to."
Severus closed his eyes in frustration. "Then why are you telling me? I'm perfectly fine here."
"Yes, I can see that," replied Dumbledore. "But why settle for perfectly fine?"
"What are you going on about?" Severus said, almost rudely. Albus was ruining his perfectly good time, and he wished he would just go away.
"I was merely pondering why someone would choose a perfectly fine existence, when a perfectly wonderful one was waiting for them… on the other side of the bridge, as they say…" He paused. "Severus, she is calling you back for a reason. You have a choice, you always do, but remember this: there is a reason the phoenix is reborn from the ashes." He looked at Severus for a moment, like a concerned parent. Then he vanished.
Lily looked at Severus, clearly perplexed. "What in Merlin's name did that mean?" She'd never been able to understand Dumbledore's analogies, as intelligent as she was. Severus, on the other hand, had spent far too much time in the man's presence and had consequentially learned how to decode them.
"He wants me to go back."
"Back? To life?"
He nodded. "Yes."
"Can you do that? Do you know how?"
"No, I don't. But I suspect it mustn't be too difficult, since he left me to figure it out on my own. Then again, this is Albus Dumbledore we're talking about."
Neither of them said anything for awhile, but then Lily gave him a sincere smile, as if she had made a decision. "Go," she said. "Go back. He obviously thinks it would be best for you."
Severus looked at her sadly. He didn't want to leave her.
"But I—"
"Sev. Think of what could be waiting for you over there."
He did, and he didn't think it could be anything nearly as wonderful as being here, with her.
"What could be waiting for me? You actually want me to go back to a place where the Dark Lord is probably rising to power every second? To where I will have to endure more hatred?"
"Maybe it won't be like that," she argued. "Maybe Voldemort doesn't have to win."
"You have no idea what you're talking about. The Dark Lord is powerful, Lily. I did what I could, but he's going to win. He probably already has."
"No, he hasn't," said a voice from behind them. "Not yet, anyways. He hasn't got to Harry yet." It was Lupin, walking toward them. And he was followed by his fellow Marauders, minus Wormtail. Severus took a deep breath. This was not going to be enjoyable.
"What are you doing here?" he sneered. He didn't like this. Not one bit.
"I could ask you the same, Severus," he replied, "but I will go as far as to venture a guess that you and I befell similar fates. I was killed at Hogwarts, not long ago."
Severus could have guessed that. What he meant, actually, was what were the three of them doing here, invading his time with Lily? He knew, of course, that Lily and James were married, though he shuddered to think about it. He had hoped, perhaps, that death had separated them somehow, though he knew it was a foolish hope.
Lily, he noticed, wasted no time in jumping up and giving Lupin a big hug, much like the one she'd given him. He scowled.
"Remus!" she said happily.
"Lily!" Lupin answered, "So wonderful to see you again."
"You, too," she answered. Her attention had left Severus, and had turned to the other three. Severus sat back and watched their interactions wistfully. They were all talking and laughing, and Lily seemed so focused on them, practically forgetting Severus was even there. It was never going to change, was it? He would never fit into their little circle, not that he'd ever wanted to, but he'd hoped things would be different here.
As he watched Lily and her friends, he thought about what Dumbledore had said, about the phoenix being reborn from the ashes. He thought he knew what Dumbledore had meant: Perhaps these were his ashes, and perhaps he needed to burn away the old, and start over again. Damn him.
He turned away from the group and gazed across the lake, weighing his options. He could stay here, and practically relive his past, or he could go back. Of course, staying wouldn't be as painful as his past had been. He did still feel that peaceful feeling, but it didn't seem complete anymore. He'd be able to see Lily, yes, but at what expense? Would he have to endure eternity with the people who had made his life hell, just to be in her presence? Was she really worth that?
A part of him said yes, she was. He had spent his entire life devoted to her, and now that he'd found her again, he wasn't about to let her go. On the other hand, another part of him said no. Spending time in her presence, rather than with her was not the kind of existence he had wanted, especially an existence spent in the presence of them.
What good would going back do, though? Who was calling him back, anyway? Nobody wanted him around. Nobody cared whether he lived or died. Not even Lily, apparently. She'd been the one to tell him to go back, after all. She didn't care if they were separated once more. He supposed he could also stay here, in this place, and go his own way. It wasn't as if he were chained to Lily. Not physically, at least. Emotionally, however, he wasn't sure he had the strength to stay away.
He needed to think about it some more, but he didn't know how much time he had before whoever this mystery woman was would stop 'calling.' He didn't even know what that meant, so how could he really make a decision? He turned to Lily once more, but when he did, he saw a strange look on her face. "Do you feel that?" she asked him.
He shook his head. "Feel what?"
"I do," said James.
"So do I," said Lupin and Black, together.
"It's like I'm being…" Lily began.
"Summoned," James finished.
"Yes, that's it. Summoned," she replied. Suddenly, her face lit up. "Oh, James, do you feel it? It's Harry! It's time. He's ready."
"I feel it!" he replied, taking her hand. "Dumbledore was right."
"He's summoning me, too," said Black.
"And me," said Lupin.
Lily looked at Severus apologetically. "I'm sorry. My son needs me. I have to go. I'll come back, I promise."
Severus opened his mouth as she disappeared suddenly. He didn't even get the chance to say goodbye.
Four figures smiled warmly as they walked toward the boy who really, was now a man. The boy they had all loved, all cared for, and who had summoned them. They stood together in the forest gazing at him with pride.
"You've been so brave," said Lily.
"You are nearly there. Very close. We are . . . so proud of you," James added.
"Does it hurt?" said the boy.
"Dying?" replied Sirius. "Not at all. Quicker and easier than falling asleep."
"And he will want it to be quick. He wants it over," Remus said softly.
They all wanted it over. Lily and James craved the presence of their son, though they wanted him to be able to live a full, happy life. However, they could not deny the fact that Voldemort was going to kill him. Dumbledore had explained everything to them when he told them about the Resurrection Stone, and how there would come a time where Harry would use it to summon them. They had come to accept it, and knew that their son had, as well. He was ready.
The boy knew what he had to do, and they were ready to stay with him until the end. Together they walked through the trees, toward Voldemort. Death was calling, but it was more than that. Peace was calling. Honor, and courage, and sacrifice were calling his name and he marched valiantly into the battle.
And when the moment came, when Voldemort cast his Avada Kedavra, and the boy fell to the ground, on the other side of the forest, Severus Snape woke up.