Happy rainy Tuesday. Ugh it's so dreary out that the very last thing I want to do is get off this couch and go to class. April showers bring May flowers, I guess. I'm just hoping this BS will let up eventually. So it seems like everyone really liked the last chapter and that surprises me because I thought it was one of the weakest? I don't know. I am my toughest critic. So basically THANK YOU for being fabulous and wonderful and still reading this. I love you guys- you rock, don't ever change (cookies for the person who can name this reference).
Today's chapter title comes from the song "Be Calm" by Fun. I'm kind of going through a Fun. phase right now, if you couldn't tell. :P Thank you, thank you, and enjoy!
i know it gets so hard sometimes, be calm
One night in early July, the humidity breaks, the sun dips lazily into the horizon and the sky meshes into a gorgeous pink and purple swirl. Toby and Spencer decide to take two-and-a-half-year-old Grace to the park to soak up the summer sky and spend the rest of the night pushing her on the swings, chasing her down the slides, and riding the merry-go-round until they realize, a bit nauseously, that they're far too old for that. They've launched into a rousing game of hide-and-seek just as a familiar couple comes strolling down the park's path. Toby stops dead, even before Grace shouts out, "Found you, daddy!" When Spencer follows his line of vision, her heart plummets to the pit of her stomach.
It's Toby's father and, on his arm, his stepmother. Daniel Cavanaugh does a double take and asks, "What are you doing here?"
"We live here," Toby states simply. "Remember? I called and told you we moved back."
"That's right, that's right," Daniel nods. "Well, it's great to see you. Both of you. And wow, little Grace has certainly grown, huh?"
"It has been a year and a half," Toby says bitterly. "You know, since you last saw her."
In an effort to ease the tension, Toby's stepmother, Heather, proposes, "Oh you three must come to our Fourth of July barbeque tomorrow! It starts at noon!"
Daniel shoots his wife a pointed look that she ignores. Toby's just about decline when Spencer says, "We'd love to. We'll be there. Is there anything we can bring?"
"I think we're all set on drinks and entrees," Heather tells her. "But if you'd like to bring a side, maybe a pasta salad or some fruit, that would be lovely!"
"Great, will do," Spencer smiles tightly. "Count us in."
On the way home, Toby's eerily silent and Spencer can't stand the pressure. She says, "I'll make my Nana's pasta salad. Everyone loves that."
He shoots her a sidelong glance. "You really want to go?"
"Toby, they invited us," Spencer tells him. "What were we supposed to do, say no?"
"Yes," Toby says as though it's the most optimal choice. "They don't want us there, Spence. The only reason they asked is because we conveniently ran into them."
"I know," She agrees. "But I think we should go anyway. It'll be good for you. Maybe you and your dad will finally bury the hatchet."
"I don't think there is a hole deep enough," Toby says bitterly. "For a hatchet that big."
She lets it go. The next morning, Spencer expertly crafts a pasta salad big enough for an army and dresses Grace in perfect red, white and blue attire for the day. She's sure they'll only be at the Cavanaughs' barbeque for a handful of hours; she highly doubts Toby will want to stay longer than he has to. Plus, she did promise the girls that they would meet up later that evening to watch the fireworks from Town Square. On the way to his parents' house, Toby is just as silent as he was the evening prior and Spencer reminds him that they need only make a polite appearance and then they can go. He nods but says nothing. She knows his family makes him incredibly tense and on edge and for a good reason, but she truly hopes that one day, they'll let bygones be bygones.
Spencer had never pictured the Cavanaughs as being particularly social, but there is a good size crowd at Toby's childhood home the moment they arrive. She can spot Jenna on the far side of the backyard once they've exited their vehicle and, if she's not mistaken, the Vanderwaals. Mona's nowhere to be seen, but her parents are there and it's just ironic, really, that they'd formed an alliance with Toby's parents, since their children absolutely loathe one another. Otherwise, Spencer's not sure she recognizes anyone else. Smoke is billowing from the grill on the deck and Daniel is flipping burgers and hot dogs, laughing at something a friend of his has just said. Out of nowhere, Heather appears and greets them so cheerfully Spencer wonders if she's being genuine.
"I'm so glad you could make it!" She announces. "Mingle, mingle, make yourselves at home."
"Thank you," Spencer says, one arm occupied by the bowl of pasta salad and the other by her daughter.
"Oh, dear, let me take that for you," Heather says, grasping the bowl and motioning towards the house. "Thank you for contributing. Let's go find a place for this in the kitchen, shall we?"
Spencer nods and murmurs to Toby just before she leaves, "Use this opportunity to talk to your father."
He's brooding like a teenager and Spencer's so focused on that she almost misses Heather's question. "So you're adjusting to Rosewood well, then?"
"I mean, I guess so," She replies. "It helps that we lived here before, so not too much adjusting."
"Right, silly me," Heather chuckles, snatching a freeze pop from the cooler and handing it to Grace. "And you're a school counselor, right?"
"Say thank you, Gracie," Spencer tells her daughter, who offers a hurried thanks before shoving the flavored ice in her mouth. "Sort of. I'm a behavioral psychologist, but a lot of my patients are kids, so I guess that's similar."
Heather nods along and spouts off a bunch of different questions that Spencer can't help but think if she and Daniel had been more present in their lives, she would have already known. But it's not her fight; if she's learned anything since her relationship with Toby first began, it's that not only does she need to learn when to let things slide, but also when to interfere and when to keep silent. It isn't something that's come easy, especially with a tongue that works faster than her brain. But she's more of a help to Toby when she's listening to him instead of fighting his battles for him. So, she takes Heather's questions in stride and hopes for the best.
Meanwhile, Toby waits for his father's coworker to leave him be before approaching. He decides to open politely in hopes that it will get him farther. "It's a great party, dad. Thanks for inviting us."
"Of course, son, of course," Daniel says, adding some barbeque sauce to a rack of ribs. "You know you're always welcome here."
His father has never made this abundantly clear and for a moment, Toby isn't sure what to say next. "Are we? All three of us?"
The question catches Daniel off-guard but he agrees, "Of course. You're family. All three of you."
"Really?" Toby implores. "Family keeps in touch, dad. You know the phone works both ways, right?"
"Things around here have been crazy," Daniel says and Toby rolls his eyes. He's heard it all before. "And I know how busy you've been, moving all about the country. I didn't know if I would reach you."
"You didn't try," Toby counters. "You've always been far more interested in Heather and Jenna than you have been in the person who's actually related to you."
"Damn it, Toby, what do you want from me, huh?" Daniel groans. "You want me to get on my hands and knees and apologize? Beg forgiveness?"
"No," Toby frowns. "I want you to accept my choices. I want you to appreciate the woman I'm spending the rest of my life with. I want you to want to be a part of Grace's life. She deserves to know both sets of her grandparents."
"Toby, I'm sure by now you've realized parents make mistakes. I've done it; I've made plenty," Daniel says. "But so have you."
Toby asks, "What the hell does that mean?"
"It means that one day, you're going to realize I've been right all along," Daniel explicates. "About your lack of ambition and that hobby you call a career. About the people you associate with. About Spencer. You'll see; you'll come to your senses. And when you do, Toby, my door's always open."
"How dare you," Toby snarls. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about."
"I'm willing to keep up the niceties until then," Daniel says, steamrolling over his son's anger. "But you should know that she wouldn't have wanted you to live your life like this."
"Mom would have wanted me to be happy," Toby argues back. "Which is more than I can say for you."
Without another reply, Toby turns hotly and steps into the house. He finds Spencer and Grace talking happily with some strangers and says shortly, "We're leaving."
"Oh, okay," Spencer replies quickly, turning her attention quickly back to those she was talking to previously. "It was very nice meeting you."
Toby's already halfway to the car. Grace wriggles excitedly from the backseat, asking about the fireworks, but Spencer's attention is on the way Toby's white-knuckling the steering wheel. When they arrive home, Spencer's about to ask the million-dollar question, but Toby can sense this and pulls the cover off of his beloved motorcycle instead. "I'm going to ride around for a while."
"Toby," Spencer pleads. "Just wait a second-"
"No, I really don't want to talk about it," He avoids her gaze and tugs on his helmet instead. "I don't want to be around you two when I'm this angry. I don't want to say something I'll regret."
Spencer pauses at the implication and then nods. "Okay. Okay, go."
And so he does. Spencer retreats inside, where Grace is bouncing off the walls because she's had nothing but sugar all day. But she crashes hard and has a good two-hour nap before dinner. When the sky grows dark and stars begin to dot the inky blanket above, Spencer pulls a sweatshirt over her daughter and the two head to Town Square. She meets up with Emily, Hanna, Aria and their respective families and, of course, has to wield the "Where's Toby?" question she was dreading. Miraculously, none of the children have a meltdown over the noise, but instead are far too mesmerized by the exploding colors in the sky. Grace falls asleep on the way home and Spencer tucks her into bed feeling incredibly lonely.
It's after midnight when he finally crawls into bed with her. Spencer tries her hardest to keep her irritation at bay. "You get it all out of your system?"
"My mom would have loved you."
It's hard to stay at mad at him when he says things like that. Spencer turns to face him and the emotion in his eyes sends fractures across her heart. "What?"
"My mom would've loved you," Toby repeats, trailing a finger down her cheek. "She would've loved Grace. She would've been so happy for us… and she would have never let my father get away with this bullshit."
Spencer swallows past the lump in her throat. "Toby, I'm really sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
"Yes, I do," She disagrees. "I'm the one that made you go to that party. If we hadn't gone…"
"If we hadn't gone, I wouldn't have gotten the truth. I had always expected my father disapproved of my lifestyle, but now…" He trails off slightly, his voice growing quieter. "Well now I just know."
"I don't understand why he can't just be happy for you," Spencer shakes her head. "He loves you; I know he does. I can see it."
"Yeah, well," Toby frowns. "That's the funny thing about love. It gives you unrealistically high expectations for the person you love. And when they can't meet those standards, they've failed."
Spencer reaches forward and curls a hand around Toby's neck, bringing him as close as she can. Her lips kiss the shell of his ear as she whispers, "You are the greatest thing that your father has ever done and you are the best thing to ever happen to me. I love you more than you'll ever know."
He responds by curling his arms around her and kissing her neck. "I love you, too. More than anything."
People always say that you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. That's not really true, though, is it? In some cases, your friends become your family. And when you've found the love of your life, when you've married and created new life, you've become a family through choice. If you're lucky, it's the best choice you'll ever make.