Alright, the penultimate chapter! Because there was hardly any drama in this little story, I had to go out with a bang. ;) Sorry, but these are two very passionate people who will go to the ends of the Earth for one another's happiness and thus, they're probably going to fight every so often. Will it be as often as it is now, on the show? Probably not, because I like to think that the lying doesn't really come into play anymore. But that doesn't mean it's not going to happen, so don't hate me for the argument, okay? Okay.
The chapter title comes from "Feels Like Home" by Chantal Kreviazuk, which I've already used, but I needed to use again because it's a spectacular song that reminds me of Spoby and I legit cannot deal. Hopefully you don't hate this chapter too much. Believe it or not, I actually enjoy writing drama more than fluff- if you read any of my short stories that I wrote for workshops, that would become abundantly clear. My mom's always like, "Why don't you ever write happy stuff?" Because happy's not realistic, mom. :P Okay bye, have a nice day.
it feels like i'm all the way back where i belong
October passes in a cool and breezy mix of leaves falling from trees and pumpkins glowing throughout each night. For her school's Halloween parade, Grace dresses up like Rosie the Riveter in a costume fabricated by her mother and she looks absolutely amazing. Spencer's entirely proud of herself; once again she's able to create a perfectly spectacular costume without a pattern. Toby, once again, is not surprised. November brings even cooler weather and the start of the holiday season as everyone gears up for Thanksgiving. Grace's kindergarten class does a presentation about the pilgrims and the Native Americans and she is told her to hold her tongue when she offers to tell her classmates the real story of the first Thanksgiving. Her parents are both proud and embarrassed.
This evening, however, Toby and Spencer are not in the best of places. They'd just gotten back from a tense dinner with his parents, something neither of them had wanted to attend anyway. But both his parents had been over the top and apologetic and Spencer and Toby had been cautious to say the very least. Finally, they dropped the bomb- Jenna's moving to L.A. and therefore they're selling the house and following her like the obnoxiously loyal puppies they are. The drive home had been in absolute silence, but now, it's anything but. It had started out just as a simple question, as it always does, and when she'd been evasive, it had only escalated from there.
"What, Spencer?" Toby says tightly. "Say what you want to say. I know you're dying to make a comment."
"I'm not," She disagrees. "I just think it's fatuous that they threw an absolute fit when we wanted to move to France, but the second Jenna wants to relocate to the other side of the country, they're already packing their bags."
"Like we wanted them to follow us."
"That's not what I'm saying," She retorts. "But the support would have been nice."
"They don't support us!" Toby shouts. "They never have. I don't know why you think that's going to change."
"Oh I don't know," She says sarcastically. "Maybe because you're their son and they should? I don't give a shit if they agree with you, but they should be able to realize that you are an adult and you can make your own decisions just like Jenna can."
"Do not compare me to her."
"I'm not comparing you to anyone!" Spencer insists. "I'm just saying they still treat you like they own you! And they act like Jenna can't handle herself on her own when she's been doing it for years. They let Jenna run the household!"
"Okay, but it's always been like that!" Toby argues. "They still pity her and still give her everything and I'm almost positive they still hate you for doing it to her."
"Well that is bullshit," Spencer frowns. "If she can find a way to forgive me, then so can they."
"I wouldn't hold my breath, if I were you," He states, still seething. "Honestly, I don't know why you're so shocked. There's always a superior sibling in the household; there's always going to be favoritism and you experienced it firsthand."
"I'm not shocked, I'm furious and there's a difference," She points out. "And how dare you! Melissa didn't run the household. She was just as terrified of my parents and of failing as I was."
"Yeah, except she never got the chance to fail, because she got to set the bar," Toby tells her. "We don't have to have this argument right now."
"We do have to have this argument right now because apparently, we aren't on the same page," Spencer crosses her arms. "I'm sorry that I want your parents to love and care for you as much as they do Jenna!"
"And I'm sorry my shitty family can't be as perfect as the Hastings'!" Toby shoots back. "We're not going to go to Sunday brunch with them or add them as new members of the country club or, I don't know, allow a pedophile to marry our daughter!"
"Oh my god, get off of the Wren train!" Spencer groans. "He's done some shitty things; we all have. Can't you just let it go?"
"No, I can't let it go, because you all might think he's changed, but he's still the same piece of shit he's always been," Toby maintains. "He's always looking out for number one; he doesn't care who he hurts in the process. I don't know why Melissa would take him back, I don't know why your parents would let her-"
"They didn't let her do anything other than make her own decisions, like an adult," Spencer debates. "Something that your parents could really use a lesson on."
"You think I don't know that they're shitty at their job? I know that, Spencer, I've known that for years."
"Then why are you screaming at me?" She shouts back. "You should be screaming at them!"
"I don't want to scream at anyone!" Toby yells. "It never makes much of a difference, does it? Everyone always does what they want and no one ever cares how it affects other people in the long run!"
"How can you say that? That's ridiculous!"
"Maybe if you looked at it objectively, you would understand," Toby growls. "Sometimes you can do everything right and life still fucks you over."
"I do understand," Spencer says, not backing down. "I do. What you went through with them is awful, but you can't let that be a justification for what they're doing to you now!"
"No, you know what, Spencer? I'm done," He shakes his head, heading for the front door and reaching for his jacket. "Sometimes things just suck and you can't fix them."
"Toby, stop. Don't leave."
"No, I can't be here right now. I can't keep having this argument," He says, halfway through the door. "They're shitty. Life is shitty and it always has been and I don't know why you or anyone else thinks it's ever going to change."
The door slams behind him and the angry tears in Spencer's eyes spill forward and cascade down her cheeks. She wipes them away just as indignantly and takes a deep, calming breath. They hadn't fought like that in a while and frankly, part of her hoped they were done with all of that drama. When she turns around, she finds Grace sitting at the top of the stairs, looking just as fearful as her parents had been angry, and Spencer's heart breaks even further at the sight. Most of the reason they hadn't fought so intensely in so long is because they refuse to fight in front of their daughter. She had been fast asleep just hours before, but now… She looks at her mother with that sheer trepidation in her eyes for just a moment more before descending the stairs and wrapping her tiny arms around her in a hug. Spencer lifts her daughter into her arms and hugs back just as tightly; she really needs this.
About an hour later, Toby returns home still pretty angry but not to the point of exploding like he had been before. He feels awful; he and Spencer had been so great about not arguing lately that some naïve part of him actually thought they were done for good. He knows he shouldn't blame her for wanting the best for him; if the situation were reversed, he knows for a fact he'd be preaching the same thing. But it isn't Spencer he's mad at; not directly, anyway. He displaces his anger, as per the usual, and they always end up at this place when he does. Toby peels off his jacket and shoes and heads upstairs. But on the way to the bedroom, he can hear muffled sobs and his heart nearly breaks in half when he realizes it's coming from his daughter's room.
He sits upon the bed beside her and she turns to look at him, eyes bloodshot. "Grace? Are you okay?"
Grace reacts as though someone's lit a match beneath her. She leaps upwards and launches herself into his arms. "Daddy, where did you go?"
"I just needed to clear my head," He offers lamely. "Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?"
"I heard you and mommy fighting," She cries. "I couldn't sleep. I saw you leave."
Toby frowns. Not only had he upset Spencer, but Grace too. He's batting a thousand this evening. "I'm sorry, Gracie."
"You were so mad, I was scared," Grace whines. "I was scared you weren't going to come back."
"Listen to me," He pulls away slightly to connect their identical eyes. "I would never leave you. Ever. I love you and your mom so, so much and there is nothing anyone could do to make me go away."
Grace's lip trembles as she asks, "Are you and mommy gonna break up?"
"What? No!" Toby exclaims. "What would make you ask that?"
"Lily McKay's mommy and daddy fought all the time," Grace provides. "And now they're broken up."
"Well, that's not going to happen," Toby promises. "Ever. Mommies and daddies fight sometimes, Grace. It's normal. But your mom and I are not breaking up, I promise you. We love each other and we love you and that's all that matters."
Grace nods and Toby pulls her back into an embrace, absolutely loathing himself for pushing Grace to the point where she had to ask such a question. He tucks her back into bed and waits until she's fast asleep to depart in search of his wife. It's late, so he's expecting her to be fast asleep, but she isn't; she's sitting on the edge of their bed and when he enters the room, she stands, her voice wavering, fresh tears in her eyes. "You can't keep doing that. Running away from an argument. You can't. Not when we have a child, Toby. You can't do that to her. You can't do that to me."
"I know," He says quietly, ashamed. "It was stupid."
"It was," She agrees. "She asked me… She asked what would happen if you never came back. Do you know what felt like? Do you know what kinds of memories that dredged up?"
Toby thinks back to all those years ago, when she'd found his doppelganger in the woods, and sighs. "Yes."
She looks away and tells him, "I can't go through that again. I can't do it… and Grace won't be able to do it. I can't, Toby."
"I know. I know. Come here," Toby gathers her in his arms and holds her tightly to his chest. "You won't ever have to. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For what I said, for leaving… I'm sorry, Spencer."
"I know," She murmurs. "Me too. I don't want to do this again."
"Neither do I," He agrees.
"Look," Spencer pulls away from him as her eyes meet his. "I was wrong too. I always go too far; I push you to the limit and I'm sorry."
"It's okay," He insists, but senses there's more. "But...?"
"But," She sighs. "If we're having an argument, I want to finish it or settle it or whatever. I don't want you to leave. You can't. You can't because... I always feel like when you do, you're only doing it to get away from me."
"That's not why," Toby assures her, his arms tightening around her. "I would never want to get away from you and I'm sorry- I'm so sorry- it feels that way. It's a habit; it's always been the way that I deal with things and it's not healthy, I know. When things get rough, I take off."
"Toby-" Spencer shakes her head, but he continues before she can.
"I'm not trying to make excuses," He tells her. "It's wrong. I'm wrong. And I won't do it again."
Spencer eyes him, her voice weary when she asks, "Promise?"
"I promise," Toby agrees and brings her body into his once more.
The two make a silent vow to let that be their last big argument. There are more important things, after all, than other people's thoughts or a bruised ego. They refuse to let that be their undoing.