AN: STOP FLAMING, OKAY! I WILL CALL THE MOTHERFUCKING WIZARD COPS. btw, stupid poser preps, you suck like no one. Every time one of you posers flame me, I'll...SLIT MY WRISTS! Do you hear me? Are you happy with yourselves? Well, you should be, 'cause maybe I'll die! Haha, thanks bby Raven for helping! Kklolzbai.
"Ebony, Ebony!" shouted Drako sadly. "No, please come back!"
But I was too mad. Because who the heck even does that thing that I had totally forgotten about, but still needed to teach Drako a lesson for?
"Whatever! Now you can go have sex with Harry! BECAUSE I KNOW THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, BI GUY," I shouted. I stormed into my room not like a tornado, but a motherfucking tsunami that would destroy the entire city of Tokyo, and closed my door with my blood red key. Have I not mentioned how weird it is that I'm the only student in Hogwarts history to have my own private bedroom? No. Oh, okay. Well, I totally do, because it fits my plot, okay losers? The key had a picture of Marilyn Manson on it. (You still don't know who that is? Well, you know what TO DO!) He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Drako and Harry. I started to cry and weep, which basically just means that I was weeping, but I had to make myself look retarded and say both! I took a razor and slit my wrists. (That steak thing totally wasn't working out.) I drank my own blood all depressed. Then I looked at my GC watch and realized (hold on, because the suddenness of this make shock you) it was time for Biology!
I'm going to skip over some more boring details about my outfits that you could really live you life without knowing, and I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed, as usual. I did sums (what did I tell you about how DANGEROUS they are?) and some Advanced Biology work, which seemed an awful lot like Tranfiguration to me, because we were turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned into...Dra...wait for it...ko! (I bet you're so fucking surprised, right?!)
"Enoby, I love you!" he shouted sadly, although I was wondering why loving me would make someone sad because come on, I'M AWESOME. I don't care what those stupid preps and posers fink! Which I think means they hold us in discontempt! Ur da most hawtest gurl in da world, baby! Before I met you, I used to want to commit suicide all the time, and well, I still do because you're terrible, but it doesn't matter because now I just want to fucking be with you! I fucking love you!" Then he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" which I was confused who that was by, maybe Little Wayne? I only knew a song called THE Chronicles of Life and Death, which we considered our song now because we fell in love when Joel was singing it. He voice...ehrmaguhd it was goffik and sexxxy and and and so amazing like Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre, and Marilyn had an awful lovechild of some sorts! (AN: Don't you think those guys are soooo sexxxy? If you don't know who they are, do some motherfucking sums!)
"OMFG." I said after he finished. Some fucking preps stared at us like they usually do, but I jut stuck up my middle finger at them. "Oh my Satan, I love you!" I said and then we kissed just like Hilary Duff (h8 that bitch, even though I apparently watch her movies) and CMM in A Cinderella Story. Then we skipped off into the sunset. Loopin, whoever that poor fucker was, shouted at us, but then he stopped because well, let's face it, if I haven't gotten expelled already, when is it going to happen? Then I saw a convenient poster announcing MCR would have a concert in Hogsmeade RIGHT NOW. We looked at each other and went together.
Chapter questions: Would Tara really call the MOTHERFUCKING WIZARD COPS on us? Why hasn't anyone more deserving had their own private bedroom at Hogwarts? Will someone make Tara do sums already so this fanfiction will end? Why does Ebony watch Hilary Duff films if she hates her so much? Will Ebony ever get killed, or worse, expelled?
Chapter 16
AN: You know what letter u? SHUT UP, OKAY. Prove to me you guys aren't prepz! Raven you fucking bitch, you suck a big no one, give me back my fucking sweets! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WRITE THIS CRAP. Raven, what the fuck, you bitch, once again, you're supposed to fucking WRITE THIS! BTW lots of goffik fangs to britney5655 for teaching me Japanese! Let's hope it doesn't show up in this! Okay? Okay.
We ran happily (I know, I'm just as shocked as you.) to Hogsmeade. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happily, because apparently music was the cure all along to get me to stop acting like a bitch for five seconds! MCR was there playing 'Helena'. I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THIS FUCKING FANFICTION. Gerard looked even sexxxier than he did in the pictures. Even Drako thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection in his boy thingie, but I decided I was too fucking happy for once to let the fucker spoil it for now. And also, I knew we were the only true ones for each other while he was still under my enchantress spell. We were wearing outfits, that I thought made us look gothic, that's all you need to know. Anyways, we started moshing. We frenched. Which is to say we ate baguettes and Brie with berets. We ran up to the front to stage dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. Wait, what the Satan was going on here? So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was...Volsemort and the Death Dealers! Those stupid poser fucks that ruined everything!
"Wtf Drako! I'm not going to a concert with you! Not after what happened last time!" And I blinked and looked around all confused, because I thought we were already at the fucking concert. "Even if it is MCR, and you know how much I like them because I bring them up every five fucking seconds!"
"What? 'Cause we...you know...?" he gadgeted around uncomfortably with some electronics, because he had no clue what they were. Oh, and also because Drako is apparently the only guy in history you doesn't like to talk about you-know-what, and neither do I.
"Yeah, 'cause we you know!" I yielded his shenanigans.
"We won't do that again." Drako promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."
"OMFG WTF DO YOU LIKE NOT WANT TO HAVE YOU-KNOW-WHAT WITH ME NOW? Are you giving into mainstream to become a Christina or something, because you know I don't like that shit!"
"No," he muttered loudly. "I'm not having a SEX CHANGE, God."
"Are you becoming a prep or what!" I shot my wand angrily.
"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'The World is Black' by GC to me.
I was flattened like a pancake, because that's not even a single, and he memorized those lyrics just for me! I felt like a motherfucking princess! Except not, because you know, princesses are for preps.
"Okay...I guess I will have to," I said, because I was like Bella Swan and could not be alone in my life and be fine with it. Then we frenched some more by having some cafe au laits and crepes for a while and I went up to my room.
Hermione was standing there. "Hajimemashite, gurl!" she said happily, because I had also but her under my evil sorcery ways. (She speaks Japanese and so do I. I know you're all excited for the crappy multicultural elements now! That means "How do you do?" in Japanese, which I frankly think is bullshit britney5655 'cause its actually a bunch of characters.)
"Btw, Willow that fucking poser prep got thrown out of school just because she refused to be a part of this suicide story." (AN: RAVEN FUCK YOU! YOU SUCK!)
"It serves that fucking bitch right," I laughed angrily. Well, anyway we were feeling all depressed. Me, because I always am, and Hermione because I made her be with my enchantress skills. We watched a German goffic movie called Das NiteMARE Beforen Xmas. (Not to be confused with Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas.) "Maybe Willow will die, too," I said randomly.
"Kawaii." Hermione shook her head energetically and lethargically at the same time, and for a second I got scared she was coming out of her trance, but instead she said, "Oh yeah, I have a confession. After she got expelled, I murdered her and in the den Loopin did it with her because he's a necrophliac."
Now, normally, when once childhood fictional characters are totally OC like this, you would discontinue the fanfiction, but I apparently never cared for them at all! "Kawaii," I commented happily, because I liked death and I liked my minions killing my friends. We talked to each other in silence (a real accomplishment, I know) for the rest of the movie.
"OH, HEY BTw, I'm going to a concert with Drako tonight in Hogsmeade to see MCR. I need to wear like the HOTTEST outfit ever, because let's be honest, even though I said I didn't want to have sex, we probably totally will.
Hermione nodded energetically. "Omg totally, let's go shopping!"
"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, because obviously that was the only answer. I was already getting out my special goffik loyalty card.
"No." My head Snaped up. Which is to see, I wore a Snape expression on my face with utter contempt for Hermione right now.
"WHAT?" My head spun, and I could feel a bitchfit coming on. I could not believe it. "Hermione, ARE YOU A prep?"
"NOOOOO! NOOOOO!" she laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts, that's all."
"Who told you about them?" I asked sure it would be Drako or Ron or Harry (Don't even SAY that name to me, even though I said it myself!) Or me, even though I had no idea what she was talking about.
"Dumblydore," she said, "let me just call our brooms." Because one of the things I made sure I did with my trance was make sure no one was allowed a wand, only a cell phone.
"OMFFG (Oh my frilly fucking God) DUMBLYDORE?" I asked not quietly at all.
"Yeah, I saw the map for Hogwarts on his desk," she told me. "Come on, let's go."
We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade, because apparently wizards now catered to teenagers who went to Muggle concerts. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT BECAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. Oh, and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for the real goffs."
"The real goffs?" Hermione and I asked.
"Ah, chyah, you wouldn't believe how many posers are in this town, man! Yesterday, Loopin and Snap tried to buy a goffik camera pouch." He shook his head. "I didn't even know they had a camera."
"OMFG NO, THEY'RE GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, once again jumping to the worst conclusions. Maybe they wanted to take pictures of the Giant Squid or something. I ran out of the changing room wearing a leather and red tulle little number which was very low cut and had a huge slit.
"Oh my Satan, you have to buy that outfit," the salesperson said.
"Yeah, it looks totally hot," said Hermione.
"You know what? I'm going to give you the dress for free, even though my manager will probably kill me for giving away stuff, because you look so hot in it. Hey, are you going to be at the concert tonight?" he asked.
"Yeah, I am, actually." I looked back at him. "Hey, BTW my name's Ebondy Dark'ness Dementia TARA Way, what's yours?" Like anyone cared about all my names, ever.
"Tom Rid," he said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "Maybe I'll see you there tonight."
"Yeah, I DON'T THINK SO, 'cause I am going there with my bf, you SICK PERV!" I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, because all guys in this fanfiction think when I'm a total bitch to them it's hot, Hargrid flew in on his black broom, looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY, YOU NEED TO GET BACK TO THE CASTLE NOW!"
Chapter questions: Will we see anymore of Volsemort and the Death Dealers? Will Ebondy and Drako have you-know-what...again? Will our beloved fictional character ever come back to their senses? Do Tom Rid, Loopin, and Snap really want to be sick pervs on Ebondy or are they just trying to take nice nature picture and be friendly? What's going on at the castle? What is a goff?
Chapter 17
AN: I sev stop flaming the story! If you're a prep, then don't read it! You can tell whether you're a prep or not by my quiz on my homepage, titled "Are you a fucking poserprep?" If you're not, then you rock. If you are, then FOOOOOOOOK UFFFFFFF! P.S. Willow isn't really a prep. I didn't mean all those mean bitchy things like killing her off and then having Loopin do her body. Raven, please do this, I'll promise to give you back your poster!
Tom Rid gave us some clothes n stuff for free. He said he would help us with makeup if he wanted to because he was really into fashion stuff. (He's bisexual, obviously, because he likes fashion and makeup, even though that has nothing to do with sexuality.) Hargrid kept shooting at us so we would go back to Hogwarts. "WTF, Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off, you fjucking bastard! Who cares if there's an emergency at the castle, Hermione and I are trying to fucking shop!" Well, anyways, Willow was miraculously resurrected and came. Hargrid went away angrily, probably because someone was dying or something, and I was too selfish to listen.
"Hey, bitch, you look kawaii," Willow said.
"Yeah, but not as kawaii as you," I answered sadly, 'cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She had a really nice body with big boobs and everything. She was thin enough to be anorexic, which she should probably get checked out because that's a serious medical condition.
"So, are you going to the concert with Drako?" she asked.
"Yeah," I said happily.
"I'm going with Ron," she answered happily. Well, anyway Drako and Ron came. They were both looking extremely hot and sexxxy, and you could tell that thought we were both hot too. Hermione was going to the concert with Neville. That's another thing I did with my enchantress spell, is make sure Hermione and Ron weren't allowed to like each other. Neville converted to Satanism and went goffik. He was a Slytherin now. Well, anyways, we went to Drako's black Mercy-Bens (geddit 'cause we're goffik, even though that makes no sense at all) that his dad gave him. We did pot, coke, and crack. Drako and I made out. We made fun of some stupid poser preps. We soon got there...I gasped.
Gerard was the sexxxiest guy ever! He looked even sexxxier than he did in pictures! (skipping past the part I already wrote) It turned out MCR was really...Volsemort and the Death Dealers!
"You moronic idiots!" he shot his gun off all angstily. "Enoby, I told you to kill Harry Potter! You have failed! And now...I shall kill you and Drako!"
"No, no, please!" we begged saddly, but he threw away his gun and took out his knife.
Suddenly, a goffik old man flew in on a broomstick. He had black lungs in his hair and black bread. He was wearing a black robe that had Avril Lavigne on it. He shot a spell at the imposter, and Volsemort ran away. It was...Dumblydore!
Chapter questions: What did Ebony neglect at the castle? How did Willow get resurrected? Will Willow get some help for her anorexia? When will the poser prep version of Voldemort stop being annoying? And why is Dumbledore dressed like that?