RunwithscissorsXXXbattlescars: Ah, sewer. You have always been my bestest freeind.
(The night before Drako and I had gone back to the skull (geddit it, skull because I'm awful at spelling?)
I do get it! I get it indeed.
Only one flaw- you're a bit TOO consistent in what you call Volsemort. Crap it up a bit more.
I totally didn't expect that Enoby would gasp.
Me: Thank you so much again for being an avid follower of my story! It means a lot :) Thank you for the constructive criticism, more people could give it if they want, I can handle it, promise! All authors need it to improve. And I know, Enoby is SO unpredictable, right? :p
Jesse Marshall: Absolutely epic! I love this a million times over!
Me: Thank you incredibly much, author of one of my favorite stories right now! Seriously, you guys should go check out The Guards of Azkaban, really great read, you won't be sorry you did :D
Chapter 21
AN: FOK YOU OKAY! U, you fucking suck. It's not the nut's fault if its spelled incorrectly, okay, 'cause that bitch Raven 'cause it FUCK YOU PREPS! Whoopsies! *giggles* Sorry, Raven, gurl! So, thanks for the help. BTW Transylvania ROCKED HARDCORE! I even got to go to the castle where Dracula was filmed!
Later we all went into the skull of a dead giant. Drako was crying in the common room. "Drako, are you okay?" I asked in a goffik voice.
"No, I'm not, you fucking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He started to run out of the place in a suicidal way. But I was confused whether this new temper tantrum was because he saw me kissing another guy, or if he found out about my enchantress spell. I mean, it could really go either way. I was starting to cry bloody tears that I still had not gotten checked out, afraid he might commit suicide.
"It's okay, Enoby," said Harry comfortably, "I'll make him feel better."
And because I was so pissed off..."YOU MEAN YOU'LL GO FUCK HIM, WON'T YOU!?" I shouted angrily. Then I ran to get Drako. Harry came too.
"Drako, please cum for me!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his face into a pail at his feet. I was so turned on because I love sensitive bi guys. (If you're a homophone, which means words that are sound the same but are spelled different, then fuck off!)
And then...we heard the sum's footsteps! Fuck, they were coming back to get us for doing them! I told you sums were dangerous! Harry pulled out his black invisibilty coke. We both got under the coke can. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.
"WHO'S THERE?" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda the sea and started to meow loudly. You see, part of this spell, was I reversed Mrs. Norris and Filch's names around, and then changed them up a bit to sound original.
"IS ANYONE THERE?" yelled Mr. Norris.
"No, fuck you, you little preppy little poser SUN, fucking bitch!" Harry said under his breasts he only grew for this occasion in a disgusted way.
"EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME, WHO SAID THAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Then he heard Filch meow. "Filth, is there anyone unda the sea!" he asked, even though he had no idea invisible coke cans existed. Filth nodded. And then...Harry kissed me! He did it just as...Mr. Norris was taking of the cloak!1
"WHAT THE-" he yelled, but it was too late now, because we were ruining everything away from them. And then we saw Drako crying and busting into tears and slitting his wrist outside of the school.
"Drako!" I cried, "Are you okay?"
"I guess, though, I don't know," Drako weeped, because he knew I was about to place the trance over him again, which I did. We went back to our coffins, kissing each other. Drako and I decided to watch Lake Placid (C, isn't that a depressing letter?) on the goffik red bed together. As I was about to put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knock on the door and Fug and the Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1
Chapter Question: Why are so many people shouting angrily? Why were we so close to a cure, but then Enoby ruined it again? Who is Fug and the Mystery of Magic? Are they some kind of poser preps too?
Chapter 22
AN: Stfu! Preps, stop flaming, okay, if you don't like it fuck off I know it's Mr. Norris, obviously, because I made it so, it's Raven's fault okay! You suck! No, just kidding Raven gurlfriend, you fucking rock, prepz suck!
All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. Well anyways, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin, and fucking hated being concussed, so I opened the lid. Then I gasped.
Standing in front of me were...Hermione, Harry, Ron, Drako, Neville, and Willow! Were they here to mutiny?
I opened my crimson eyes, which was weird, because then how the fuck did I see them?
"OMFG," I yeilded them as I got up. "Why the fuck are you all here?" We all know I'm not nice to my friends.
"Enoby, something is really fucked up," Drako said. And I crossed my fingers in hope it wasn't me.
"Okay, but I need to put my fucking clothes on first!" I shouted angrily.
"It's alright, we have to go now. You look kawaii anyways. You're so fucking beautiful," Drako said in a seductive voice. Then I calmed down, because I realized this wasn't about the trance.
"Oh, alright," I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why you're being all erective. Seriously, I could see that boner in his pants.
"I will, I will," he said.
I came. We all went outside the Great Hall and looked in a window they had apparently installed overnight. A fucking prep called Britney for Gryffindor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt, so we put up our middle fingers at her, because how dare she just stand there and do nothing to us at all? Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledore. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there, too.
"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"
"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.
"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE HEADMASTER ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD, AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"
"Very well," Dumbledore said angrily. "But, we cannot do this. We cannot close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and they are in the school. And their name is..."
Harry stepped up importantly, but Dumbledore frowned. "Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."
We all looked at each other...I gasped.
Chapter Questions: Is anyone else sobbing at the unfairness of it all? Why are there so many pauses? Can I continue this atrocity? It's only getting worse. I don't know if I can handle this. Why is Harry no longer the Chosen One? And can Enoby make it through a chapter without gasping? The world may never know.
Chapter 23
AN: Shut da fuck up, bitches!1 You're just jealous, 'cause I got 10,000 reviews! and no, they're not flames. Fangz to Raven for the help, and telling me about the books, even though it took her 23 chapters where people wanted to blow their brains out! Gurl, you rock! Let's like totally go shopping together!
The door opened and Professor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledore and Rumbridge sawed us in half. After we recovered...
"MR. WAY, WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!?" Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore glared at her.
"Oops, she made a mistake!" he corrected her. "She means, 'Hi, everybody, come in!'"
We all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between the darkness and Drako and opposite Hermione. Crabbe and Goyle started to make some morbid jokes. I ate 8 pieces of bacon and drank some pumpkin juice from cup. Then I heard someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me. It was...Harry! He and Drako were shooting at each other.
"Harry, Drako, WTF?" I asked.
"You fucking bastard!" yelled Drako at Harry. "I want to shit next to her!"
"No, I do!" shouted.
"No, she doesn't fucking like you, you son of a bitch!" yelled Drako.
"No, fuck you, motherfucker, she laves me not you!" shouted Harry. "SHE WASHES YOU! WHAT THE HELL!" Drako shouted. And then...Harry jumped on Drako! (No, not in that way, you perv) They started to fight and beat each other up.
Dumbledore yelled at them, but they didn't stop. All of a sudden...a terrible man with red eyes and no nose erupted from the Dumbledore disguise! He was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the windows fell apart. Britney, that fucking prep, started to cry. Harry and Drako stopped fighting...I stopped eating...everyone gasped. The room fell silent...Volzxemort!
"Eboby...Ebony..." Darth Valer said evily in his raspy voice, and then he took off his second rate mask to reveal Volefmort's face again. "Thou have failed your mission, I witnessed it with my own eyes as Dumbledore. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Harry as well. If thou does not kill him before then, I shall kill Drako, too!"
"Please don't make me kill him, please! I begged.
"No!" he laughed cruelly, "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling.
I burst into tears. Drako and Harry came to contort me into positions. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all freaky and gross. I had a vision where I saw some lightning flash, and then Voldremort coming to kill Drako while Drako slit his wrists in a depressed way.
"No!" I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.
"Ebony, Ebony, are you alright?" asked Drako in a worried voice.
"Yeah, yeah," I said sadly as I got up.
"Everything's alright, Enoby," said Harry all sensitively.
"No, it's not!" I shouted angrily. Tears of blood went down my face. "OMFG, what if I'm getting possessed like in The Ring 2!"
"It's okay, gurl," said Hermione. "Maybe you should ask Professor Sinister about what the visions mean though."
"Okay, bitch," I said sadly and then we went.
Chapter Question: How does one that writes such horrible fanfiction get 10,000 reviews? Are you happy that at least the OC Dumbledore problem was explained? Will Enoby ever control her temper?