AN: And again, neither My Immortal nor Harry Potter belongs to me! :D Also, I got placed into the community of Reportable Offense! Can any of you shed some light as to why it is in there? Because I checked back through the rules and came up with nothing. Do they realize it's a parody? Aaaaaannnnd, I'm looking for a lovely beta reader! Any volunteers? 3
RunwithscissorsXXXbattlescars: The fact that Harry stepped up made the chapter.
(OC means "original character," by the way. OOC is "out-of-character.") Sawed us in half... Mr. Way...Aw yeah ;) Question: If Enoby is so freaking dumb as she really is, how the hell is she able to be an enchantress? Another question: if Voldemint was able to kill Dacko all this time himself, why didn't he just do it already?
"I want to shit next to her!"
"No, I do!" shouted.
I remember this as being my favorite line. And it always will
be.
Me: Thanks again, for the love! :p I'm glad Harry stepping up made the chapter! And I know OOC is out-of-character, I just blanked out there xD Unfortunately, Merlin is merciful, and resurrected Enoby and the gang so Rumbridge could continue to yell at them, damn Merlin. Enoby is a manipulating person, even if she is dumb. It is the only logical explanation I could think of as to why all these plots points and characters do her bidding, you know? Because Volexmort, Volsemort,
whatever variation BESIDES Voldemort, is the poser prep imposter and he is more bark than bite. As much as we wish Drako would just get killed or better yet Enoby killed for not killing him, just so this freaking story could be over with, it won't happen because he is only an imposter Voldemort. HAHA! I'm glad that was your favorite line ;D
Jst anthr kiljoy: This is one of the best things i have ever read. But i read it in a very full restaurant and i have a loud laugh so i know i must have annoyed everyone
Me: Awwww, thank you so much! I'm sure they are all in love with your laugh, they just didn't tell you so. I'm sure it is a lovely one! :D
Chapter 24
AN: Prepz stahp flamin' da story, u r just jealous of my fabulous goffik-ness. So fug u, k? Go 2 hell lolkrofl! RAVEN, thanks for de help, gurlfriend! (except ew, not in that way)
Well, we had deviation next, because where else were we going to learn how to drink and do drugs on Hogwarts grounds? I got to ask Professor Trevvolry about these stupid fucking visions in my head. Obviously, it wasn't a sign that I was crazy. No way.
"Konnichiwa everybody come in," (BTW, GUISE, she is a Deviation teacher, SO YEAH. She can totally use sentences with no proper commas or anything!) said Professor Sinister, the goffik form and identical twin of the Deviation teacher, in Japanese. She smelled me with her blackest black lipstick. She's da , like siriusly. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. Actually, now that I think about it, she was probably a fucking demon. She and Hermione like to get along in the grates around school. Favorite mode of travel. 2day, she was wearing some stupid outfit that you aren't even going to remember the details of five minutes from now, and we went inside the classroom with some pastors and Emily Strong. (i don't even no who the fuck they r, but i can't get the fuck outta here!) I raced my hand to the ceiling before that Hermione Granger, because I can't have her remembering she was a know-it-all.
"What is it Enoby?" she asked. "Btw, love that super cool nail polish! Hot Topic?"
"Yeah," I answered all depressed like. All the weird poser preps that didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. In typical Enoby fashion, I taught them a lesson and gave them the middle finger. "Well, I have to talk to you about some fangs. When can you have it due?"
"Ho about now?" she asked. (Geddit, because I'm a ho?)
"Okay," I said.
"Okay, class is fucking dismissed everyone!" Professor Trevlovry said and let everyone go. "Except for you Britney Spears." She pointed at Britney and some other preps, "Please do exorcize (geddit?) 1 on page 3."
"Okay, I'm having lots of visions of the stupid poser prep versions of these people-" I pointed at everyone in the room "-screaming at me to stop them being entranced." I'm so worried Drako is going to die and only leave the stupid Draco.
Well, she gave me a black crystal ball to lock in. I looked at it.
"What do you see? The letter c?" she asked.
"I SAID I see a black goffik skull and a pentagram."
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Drako. He was wearing Congress shoes with the Capitol building painted on them.
"Okay, you can go now, see ya cunt!" said Professor Sinister. And for a moment, I thought she wasn't entranced but expressing her opinion at me for ruining Harry Potter, but I shook my head at that fucking crazy thought.
"Bye, bitch," I said, waving.
I went to Drako, and Harry was sitting next to him. We both followed Drako together and I felt so exhibited like a museum display.
Chapter Questions: Why does Hogwarts have a Deviation class? Why are there two teachers? How can use the grates as modes of travel? Discuss!
Chapter 25
AN: Stop flaming, okay! If u doughnut flame then I'll tell Justin to beat you up!11111 'N all tell all da nerdz in my candy box to put a vrtuz (whatever that is) on your computer! 111111111111111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for the help! Mwah!
I was so excited. I fellowed Drako, wandering if we were going to have sex badly again. We went outside and then we went onto Drako's black broom.
"Evony, what the fuck did Trevolry say," whispered Drako potting his hand onto mine in some soil.
"She said she would tell me what the visions mean tomorrow," I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out an entire heroin cabinet and spiked it, and gave it to me to use with a spork. He started to fly the broom into a tree, probably a side effect from the drugs. We went to the top of it. Drako put on some MCR.
We started tiling each other's cloves off. Which seemed like a lot of work when you could just take them off. Why go through the stupid poser way of grouting and everything? He took off my black thong. I took off his black boxers. Then...we had even more awful sex.
"OMFG Drako, Drako!" I screamed, having an orgism, because it's unnatural to have an orgasm so quickly. We started frenching passively. Suddenly...I fell asleep because it was so boring. I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.
"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded, but he just kept shooting them. He ran away.
"No! Oh my fucking God!11" I shouted in a scared voice.
"Ebony, what's wrong? Did you have another orgism?" Drako asked me as I woke up.
I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Drako to call Harry. Butt, the worst thing was who the people who were shot in the dream were...LUCIUS AND SIRIUS!111
Chapter Questions: How do you plant hands? How do you tile cloves? I thought they were a spice? Who falls asleep during really boring sex?
Chapter 26
AN: PREPZ STAHP FLAMING SDA STORY, OKAY!1 If you doughnut like the story, den go fuck yourself, you fucking prep! U SUK!111 Oh, why was I being racist, okay!11
A few mutations later, Harry came to the tree.
"Hi, Harry," I said flirtily, as I started to sob. Drako hugged me try not to comfort me. I started to cry tears of blood and tell them what happened.
"Oh, fuck it!" Harry shouted angrily. He started to cry sadly, which was weird, because even though Harry went through some really depressing times, he didn't cry over a random death. "What fucking dick did that!"
"I don't know," I said. "Now, come on, we have to tell Dumbledore."
We ran out of the tree, breaking many bones, but those were fixed in a jiff, and into the castle. Dumblydore was sitting in his office.
"Sire, our dads have been shot!" Drako said while we whipped some tear from his face and put them in a bowl for a cake. "Enoby had a vision in a dream."
Dumbledore started to cockle (geddit, 'cause he has a you-know-what?) "Hahahahaha! And how due you aspect me to know Ebony is not divisible by 3?"
I glared a Dumbledore. I was not a fucking math problem.
"Look, motherfucker," he said angrily as Dumbledore gasped (c is that too out of crackers?) "You know very well, that I'm not decisional. Now get some fucking people out there to look for Sirius and Lucius-pornto!"
"Okay," he said. "Where are they?"
I fought with myself about it. If all the characters were together at the same time, the trance would be broken. Then, all of a sudden..."Longdon," I said, I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes, he came back and said people were going out to look for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Drako, Harry, and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Drako to wait in the nurse's office, even though I clearly said our rooms, while Harry went to slit his wrists in his room. We looked at each other's goffik, depressed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly, Sirius and Lucius came in on stretchers...and Professor Sinister was behind them!1
Chapter Questions: Who was doing a few mutations? Why did Dumbledore confuse Evony for a math problem? Who did he calland what stuff did he do? What is Professor Sinister up to?