It had been five days since I found out about my Grammy nomination. I get to perform there too and I'm pumped, but also a little nervous. But what's a performance without adrenaline?
"Hey, Ally," Kira said, sitting down in front of me. I grinned at her. Kira and I had mended the edges around our relationship with one another and we were friends now. The whole Austin thing never stayed between us, she was over him, as was I. Now, we were friends.
"Hey, Kira," I echoed, taking the smoothie she had put in front of me. "Thanks," I said and she nodded. We'd been connecting while I was in L.A., with phone calls, texting, Skype. Jimmy even let her come down to L.A to see me once, although she was also there because Jimmy had to meet with a client that he was interested in signing.
"How've you been?" she asked me.
"Decent, how about you?" I replied.
"Pretty good, but I know you're better than decent. Your Grammy nomination!" she smacked my arm and I laughed. We started talking excitedly about the nomination and what I wanted to perform while I was there. She told me she voted for me, which I was thrilled to hear considering she loves Katy Perry so much and chose me over her.
She started to ask me about other things and I found myself having a conversation with her about Dallas. I only told her about how great he was and how much I liked him. I hadn't even realized how annoying I could have sounded because I just loved to talk about him. She suddenly looked nervous and pursed her lips.
"Is there something wrong?" I questioned her.
"It's just...Ally, there's something you should know," she said. I looked at her, cocking my head slightly with confusion. "I saw Dallas a while back, I know I should have told you sooner, it was maybe a month ago...I'm not sure, he was at a party and he was surrounded by a lot of girls and drinking. He kissed a few of them, not one, but a few. I didn't want you to know so I didn't say anything, but I feel guilty for not telling you."
I digested slowly what she just told me, before I shook my head. "No...No, you must've seen somebody else because Dallas told me he loves me, he wouldn't do that."
"Did he tell you that?" she questioned.
"Well, yeah. He told me he loved me. I didn't say it back though, but I'm starting to reconsider. I think I do love him," I smiled slightly. She nodded. "Don't worry, Kira, I know Dallas and he wouldn't do that."
"Right," she said, "I must've seen somebody else," she shook her head, running a hand through her dark hair. I nodded in agreement. She looked like she still wanted to say more so I gave her a look. She sighed, "It wasn't the only time, Ally."
"Kira," I let out, "it's fine."
"Ally, you know I go to all the parties," she said, "he's always there and he's never alone. He's always got a girl on his side and they always look a little more than friendly."
I took in what she said, but I didn't want to come into agreement so I shrugged, "If it was him, he would tell me that it wasn't working out. Plus, he hasn't been acting like something was up. He's been really close to me and always making sure I know he loves me and that I'm alright. He tells me how proud he is of me. He's too good to do something like that, Kira."
"You're right," she said but I know she still thinks what she saw was accurate. "How's the album coming along?" she finally changes the subject. I followed suit.
. . . . .
"What's with you?" Dallas asked, joining me on his couch while handing me a cup of coffee. I hate coffee. I shifted before setting the beverage down on the coffee table.
"Just thinking about what to perform," I told him, forcing my lips to lift into a smile. I didn't know what to do about Dallas. I liked this boy, a lot, and I was totally sure of it. But when he said he loved me, I knew I didn't love him. Maybe I just need to calm down, I do love Dallas, I do, I'm just not ready to say it yet. I even talked to Kira and when I was talking to her, I felt like I do love him! It's just a hard thing for me to say right now. Right, yeah, that's it. See, problem solved!
He hadn't even seemed to mind that I didn't say it back. Well, I guess it was the fact that to avoid his questioning about my speechlessness I gave him a kiss on the cheek and a wide smile. It seemed to distract him from my lack of words. But I also couldn't stop thinking about Austin. Trish was acting differently too, always mentioning Austin here and there. It's actually starting to frustrate me because she's making it hard not to think about him. I'm trying not-
"Ally!" Dallas laughed.
I looked at him, arching my eye brows. "What?" I said.
"You keep zoning out. Stop worrying about your performance. Just relax and watch Twilight with me," he said.
I gaped at him, "T-Twilight?" I hated this movie.
"Yeah, I know," he gave me a smile and shifted in his seat, "I'm a sweet guy who likes deeply romantic movies." More like cliché ones.
I managed to laugh as I nodded, "Alright, okay." I wasn't sure how I was going to get through this movie. I usually always have to stifle a laugh every time Bella and Edward exchange a ridiculously long, unnecessary kiss.
Half way through the movie, my eyes were starting to droop. When I looked over at Dallas, about to ask him if he wanted to go to the mall instead, I saw he was fast asleep. He drooled slightly and I giggled. He was really cute. I was lucky to have him. I should reconsider this love thing, maybe I do love him, I'm just afraid to admit it. I'm sure of it now; I love Dallas Smith.
I heard a gentle buzz from on the coffee table, mistaking it for my own phone, I grabbed it. I then realized my phone was still in my lap. I glanced at Dallas. Well, it's not like he'll care if I read his messages. He reads mine all the time! And plus, it's most likely his mom.
I unlocked the screen on his phone and went to the green bubble at the bottom of his screen. It immediately opened to a contact with the name Lila. My eyes fell upon her message and I felt my eye brows pull together.
I had a great time last night. P.S. You're a great kisser :P
I looked over at Dallas before quickly locking his phone and setting it back on the table. I looked back at the screen of Edward and Bella, playing with my fingers. I pretended to have never seen what I saw.
. . . .
"That was great, Ally," Austin said, grinning over at me. We'd finished another song and I'll admit it, I was proud of it, but I just wasn't feeling anything tonight. I felt numb, which was odd. I never felt that way when writing music.
I nodded, "Yeah, it was."
Austin leaned over a little more, as if trying to read my face better. I turned away a little more, pretending to do it subconsciously, but I actually didn't want him reading any of the expressions on my face because I had a feeling he'd figure me out.
"Is something wrong, Ally?" he asked.
I looked at him and smiled, "No, why?"
"I don't know," he shrugged, "For a moment there, you seemed a little lost. But you seem okay now," he said. I nodded, keeping the grin on my lips.
"To be honest, I'm really nervous about performing at the Grammy's," I admitted to him. Maybe that was why I felt distant from my music: anxiety.
He smiled over at me, laughing slightly, "Why? You literally have nothing to be afraid of. You have so many people voting for you, you're a wonderful musician and you have an amazing talent. Somebody like you should never be nervous. You're good at what you do."
I felt my lips curl into a grin, "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," Austin smiled, but I ruined our moment when I blurted, "Actually Dallas said the nicest thing to me."
Austin's expression seem to contort for some reason, "Really? What'd he say?"
"He told me he loved me," I said. The thought of it seemed to put a smile on my lips. I forgot about everything that happened yesterday with the text and what Kira had said.
"Oh," Austin said. He waited a moment before asking, "Do you love him, too?"
"I think so," I replied, my smile widening. Austin avoided eye contact and nodded, taking a deep breath.
"That's awesome. Um," he glanced at his phone, "my Mom made pancakes tonight so I've really gotta get going, I'm starving."
He wouldn't look at me. "Oh, right, yeah. Save me one?" I winked.
"Don't count on it," he replied, jokingly, but his tone was lower than normal. I still giggled and waved goodbye until he was out of the practice room. I sat down on the bench and bit the inside of my cheek. That was really weird.
...
Two weeks had gone by and the Grammy's were next week. I still hadn't picked a song. I posted on Tweeter for requests but none of them satisfied me. Austin attempted to help me pick one, as did Trish and Dez, Dallas too, but nothing. I wasn't feeling any of them. And to make it worse, Dallas had been disappearing a lot lately. Randomly leaving on me or not calling me. More suspicions about him sneaking around with other girls had been thrown in my face again by Kira, twice by Trish, and a million times by some of the fans sending me messages through Tweeter and facebook. I ignored them all, but the suspicions were rising in myself; but I wouldn't accept it.
"That sounds really good, Als," Dallas said. I turned around on the piano bench and laughed.
"Hey, I didn't even know you came in," I told him. He nodded before his smile broadened. He sat down beside me.
"Teach me to play," he said. I looked at him surprised.
"You want to learn how to play?" I asked him.
"Well, yeah. It's something you enjoy and you always look...the most beautiful when you play the piano," I fought a blush, "I want to see what it is that you enjoy."
"Well, ok," I caved making him laugh. I showed him where to set his hands and I could feel his eyes on me as I did so. "Pay attention," I said without glancing at him. He laughed his beautiful laugh. I gave him a lesson on something simple, but he definitely sucked for a good ten minutes which caused a lot of laughter up here in the Practice Room until finally he hit a decent note. "See! There you go!"
"I'll never be like you," he said, grinning. "You play piano like it's nobody's business."
"I've been playing since I was five and you've been playing for ten minutes. There's a huge difference," I giggled.
"Show me how you write a song," he said.
"Well," I began, "I start with a melody." My fingers met the keys until I felt a good melody, "then the words come in," I said, "and I could tell you / his favourite colors green / he loves to argue / born on the seventeenth / his sister's beautiful / he has his father's eyes / and if you asked me if i loved him / i'd lie."
"Was that one about me?" he questioned and I realized that our faces were inches apart.
"Maybe," I smirked at him, before his lips met mine but the text on his phone flashed into my mind. I pulled away. He raised his eye brows. "Don't you want to learn more piano?" I pushed that negative thought about him to the back of my mind. He laughed. I showed him more notes.
About an hour later his phone vibrated and he looked at it."Ah, I'm sorry, Ally, I've got to go. My mom needs help selling her paintings." I nodded.
"Oh, yeah, go ahead," I told him. He nodded, kissing my forehead.
"I love you, Ally and I don't lie," he flashed a grin. I laughed, pointing at him in appraisal because I caught his pun that referenced to my song. He took off out the store and I felt a sense of loneliness set in. I didn't want to deal with it or my thoughts that kept sweeping in about that text from yesterday, so I focused on some songwriting instead.
It was nearly an hour and a half later when my phone began to ring, "Hello?"
"Ally, hey," Anne's voice rang into my ears. I looked up from my songbook and stared at the wall in confusion.
"Anne?" I said.
"Yes, expecting someone else?" she laughed. I laughed slightly, too.
"Are you and Dallas done with selling already? It's only been a little over an hour," I said, looking at the watch that was wrapped around my left wrist.
"Selling? What are you talking about?" she questioned. Now she was the confused one.
"Well, Dallas said you texted him and he needed to help you sell paintings...?" I frowned.
"Uh...Not that I remember," she replied and I felt my heart sink.
"Oh," I said quietly.
"I was actually calling because I needed to know if he was with you," she said, "He told me he was taking you out to that party down by the beach."
"...No...I, uh, I guess I wasn't invited," I replied.
"Hm, maybe he decided to stay at home. I'll call you another time, Ally. Take care!" she said, hanging up. I stayed on the line for a few extra seconds before pulling the phone away from my ear before pressing the END CALL button. The pieces of my heart were slowly breaking off, bit by bit.
I wondered if everything people were saying about Dallas was true. Maybe he was sneaking around with other girls. But how? He still tells me he loves me and I always still believe him. He's convincing. Nobody sneaking around can be as convincing as him, can they? But if it was true, what was taking him so long? Just break my heart already, because I don't want it to happen slowly although it already is.
I found myself dialing a number. "YO!"
I was surprised. "Dallas?"
"ALLY, HEY!" he was yelling over the music, "UM, WHAT'S UP?"
"You didn't sell paintings with your mom," I said, picking at the edge of my songbook. I heard his surroundings get quieter until I could only hear the light hum of a bass. He must've gone somewhere private.
"Yeah, she didn't need my help after all," he said.
"I talked to her. She had no clue what I was saying." I said.
"You called my mom on me?" he questioned, sounding angry.
"No, she called me wanting to know where you were," I said, standing up and running my fingers through my hair. "Where are you?"
"I, uh, I'm at the beach. There's a concert. From that new band...um, 5 Seconds of Summer?" he said. I nodded slowly.
"You didn't want me to join you? It would have been fun," I managed to pull my lips up into a smile.
"It's just, uh, no, I thought you needed your own time with music," he said.
"Dallas," a voice in the back ground. Actually, double that, there was two voices in the background. Both light and higher, they were girls. I took a deep breath.
"Lila, Beth, I'm on the phone with Ally," he said. My eyes started to burn when I heard the name of Lila. I caught a few other texts from her a few days ago as well. They hadn't stopped talking it seemed.
"This doesn't make sense," I said, shaking my head, "You left and told me you had to help your mom sell her paintings and now you're telling me you're at a concert on the beach and didn't invite me because you thought I had to work. Why didn't you just tell me you were going to the concert?"
"I didn't want to hurt your feelings," he said. "I'm sorry, Als."
"It's alright," but it wasn't. Because now I knew. I knew everything; the truth. Kira was right, Trish was, the fans were, my gut was right. He didn't love me. He was a fame-hungry boy who only wanted the spotlight. "I've got to go."
"Wait, Are you mad?" he questioned.
Yes. "No."
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, Als." he said. I nodded and he was the first to hang up. I took a deep breath and hung up the phone.
. . . . . . .
I opened the front door to Trish's and let myself inside. Dez and Trish were arguing from across the table and Austin was holding his head, massaging his temples. I looked over and saw their monopoly game. Typical.
I was still biting my lip, forcing it not to quiver. I couldn't believe it. I knew I didn't love Dallas and I forced myself to fall for him. With all of that forcing, I ended up actually falling for him truly and now my heart was broken.
"Ally! You're back!" Trish shrieked, "You would not believe what Dez did!"
"I bet I won't," I replied, pleased when my voice came back strong. She glared over at Dez and he glared back. Austin rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna go to bed," I pointed towards my room, my lips pressed together.
Dez looked at the clock and then back at me, "It's 7:30, Ally. You can't possibly be tired."
"I am. I've been thinking about the Grammy's lots," I replied and they all nodded understandingly. I couldn't believe I snuck that lie in there. All I knew was that I needed to get to my guitar, because there was a song that needed to be put to music.
I got to my room, shutting the door. I placed my palm on my forehead and shut my eyes. I sniffled and realized the tears that pooled on my cheeks. I'm the stupidest person to ever walk this planet. I shake my head and wiped the tears.
I grabbed my guitar and sat on my bed. Dez and Trish kept arguing while I strummed a few notes. Suddenly, my heart took over my hands and I was playing a beautiful melody and I couldn't hear their arguing anymore; it wasn't just the music, they had completely stopped. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the notepaper that had words scribbled all over it. I began to sing.
I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky
I was believing in you
Was I mistaken, do you mean
Do you mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever
(Chorus)
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth than have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
I like the way you'd hold me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you'd sing to me
Every time things got rocky
I was believing in you
Was I mistaken do you say
Do you say what you mean
When you say our love could last forever
(Chorus)
Cause I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
(Bridge)
You would run around and lead me on forever
While I stay at home still thinking we're together
I wanted our love to last forever
(Chorus)
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
Baby don't you break my heart slow
[ Austin ]
I watched Ally walk into her room. There was something different about her tonight. She wasn't giggly and smiley. She looked down. Dez and Trish were too far into the argument to notice.
Dez and Trish dived back into the argument, ignoring the small notes that Ally was strumming inside her room until finally it become a loud chord and the melody broke through. I smiled slightly. Trish and Dez stopped arguing because the sound of Ally's guitar was distracting.
"Can we please get back to the game?" I questioned, arching my eye brows. Trish grumbled under her breath, taking her seat again and we started to play. I was about to shake the dice when Ally began to sing. It was slow and sad and it made us all listen.
"She knows," Trish whispered, a trace of tears in her eyes by the time the chorus rolled around for the third time.
"Knows what?" I asked, curiously and worriedly.
"Dallas was sneaking around with other girls. Everyone's been telling her and she hasn't believed anyone. Well, until now," she said sadly. I could see the look of sorrow on her face for her best friend. My heart hurt for Ally. I was angry at Dallas now, but we shut up and listened to the rest of the song. It was beautiful.
She strummed the chord one last time and then it was silent. There was the muffled sound of a sob that couldn't be held in anymore and with that, Trish was bolting to Ally's room. I wanted to go too, but I knew Ally only needed her best friend right now.
"Poor Ally," Dez murmured. I was surprised that it came from Dez, but I nodded anyways.
"I knew he was going to do this," I growled, flicking my game player across the table. The sobbing got a little bit louder, I figured Trish was hugging her now. I grimaced. Ally crying always upset me.
I found myself shuffling towards her door. It was open half way and I spotted Trish's arms wrapped around my Ally. She murmured soothing things to her best friend, stroking her back comfortingly. My jaw clenched as I thought of what Dallas did.
I was about to knock on the door frame, but I stopped when Ally began to talk. "But the worst part is," she blubbered, "We're not even broken up yet." My heart sank into my stomach, where the acids of my belly churned and ate through it.
"What?!" Trish shrieked, "What do you mean you two haven't broken up yet?"
"I mean, we're still together, but," sniffle, "it's not going to last long obviously. I'll have to break it off sometime."
I felt guilty when that made me feel better, but Ally doesn't deserve to be hurt like this. She's got a warm, fuzzy personality - despite our recent conflicts. She's smart, sweet, talented, kind, funny when she doesn't try, stoic, loving, warm, etc. She's so many things.
"Well, you better, Ally!" Trish replies, scowling down at her best friend, "He's doesn't deserve you. If he loved you, he wouldn't sneak around with other girls and lie to you!" I glared at Trish because that was the wrong thing to say to Ally. She started to sob again, clutching Trish tighter. Trish grimaced. "I'm sorry, Ally, I just mean...I don't want you to hurt like this ever again and all he has ever done is hurt you. You need to get rid of him."
Ally nodded, "I know," she pulls away, running the back of her hand under her nose and then rubbing away her tears with her palms. I stepped back so she wouldn't see me eavesdropping. They started talking to each other softly, Trish encouraging her through her rough time and Ally crying softly. Finally, I stepped forward, knocking on the door frame.
Ally and Trish both turned to look at me. Ally immediately looked away from me, letting her hair drop in front of her face. I frowned. She should know she didn't have to be embarrassed. Trish smiled softly at me, like she was glad I was there. "I'll make you hot chocolate with a side of pickles," Ally managed a soft laugh while Trish walked past me, nudging me as she did so.
Ally took a deep breath but it drew in shaky. I stepped inside a little further. "Is everything okay?" I asked her. She looked at me with a sarcastic yet embarrassed smile as she gestured to her face. I sighed. "What happened?"
Ally shook her head, "Nothing."
"I heard the song," I retorted.
She stared at her feet, not saying anything else. I opened my arms, offering comfort. I expected her to decline my offer but she didn't hesitate before letting her body fall towards me as I wrapped my arms around her. She fit perfectly.
"I'm really stupid," she mumbled into my chest.
"No, you're not. You're the smartest girl I know," I replied. She shook her head.
"Not when it comes to real life," she said, "I'm like a wide-eyed dreamer and that's it."
"Makes for good songs, doesn't it?" I teased her. I sucked in a breath, hoping it didn't come out mocking, but I relaxed when I heard her laugh gently.
She sighed sadly, "I really am stupid. I went for somebody like Dallas when I already knew it was because he wanted my spotlight, but I still fell for him anyways. I let you go, I moved away instead of dealing with it," I felt my breath catch in my throat as I listened to her. "I kept blaming you for everything that happened between you and I, when the truth is, it was all my fault."
"It wasn't, Ally," I assured her, "We were both wrong."
"But I moved away-"
"-Your record deal caused you to move to L.A.," I reminded her. She sighed, maybe realizing I was right. "I'm sorry, Ally. For everything."
Ally looked at me and I mean really looked at me. We've been face to face, but finally, it was like we were eye to eye. "I'm sorry, too." I think my heart skipped a beat. "But things will never be the way they used to," she lowered her eyes and focused on my chest.
I didn't let my heart drop into my stomach, not this time. "They can be."
"How?" she questioned, "it's not like we can pick up where we left off. I live in L.A., you're in Miami. We can't be partners. And you have Craig."
"Maybe we can't pick up to where we left off, but we can start new. New and better. We know now, Ally," I said, holding my breath. "We don't have to be partners, Ally. We can just be friends," I chewed on that word. Friends, right. That's it, Austin. That's all you will ever be, for the rest of your life: Friends.
Her lips curled into a crooked grin, "Friends?" she held out her hand when I went in for a hug. It wasn't awkward like it was years ago, it was funny and we laughed. I lifted my hand, agreeing to shake hers at the same time she opened her arms. She looked at me. She grabbed my hands and opened them, then wrapped her small arms around my torso. I obliged, hugging her back.
"But what's Austin and Ally without a partnership?" she questioned, looking up at me. I looked down at her. That was something we'd have to work past. Because it didn't matter how long it was that we weren't friends, Craig's name still didn't feel like it fit in those lyric booklets, because that's where Ally's name was supposed to be written in.
"I don't know," I murmured, "We'll figure it out." I promised her. She nodded. That's when I realized her eyes were dry. She wasn't crying anymore. Because of me. One half of her heart was still broken, but the other half was repaired.
That's when we jumped apart, hearing the sound of Trish shrieking in joy and Dez telling her to calm down, although there was a sound of joy in his voice as well. They'd eavesdropped on us. Ally and I laughed.
Austin and Ally were back.
. . . . .
I don't know if Ally and Dallas's relationship ended too fast, but I sorta wanted to get rid of Dallas. So...Boom. He's almost out of the story; Almost.