Chapter 3

"LUCKY!" Bonkers cried upon catching sight of his old partner inside of Grating's office, Grating himself having been forgotten. Bonkers immediately jumped in Lucky's arms and began showering him with effusive kisses on the forehead.

"Bonkers! I – it's good to – "

"Oh I missed ya, partner – "

" – listen, could you stop – "

"Didja get all my letters? Postcards? Emails? Carrier pigeons?" Bonkers adoringly clasped Lucky's head firmly in his grasp. "Oh I know how busy ya musta been – "

"Yeah, look, sorry about that – "

" – but two partners can never be torn apart! Not by distance! Or decades! Or the fickle nature of avian messengers!" Bonkers continued to rant, now patting Lucky's head frantically. Lucky gripped Bonkers' by the back of his uniform and pried him off, setting him gently on the floor.

"It's good to see you again too, Bonkers," Lucky said with a hint of affection in his voice, ruffling the fur on Bonkers' head. "Your…eh, unique brand of enthusiasm hasn't changed a bit."

Bonkers cut him off, hopping from foot to foot excitedly. "So what's up, Special Agent Lucky? Busting up organized crime? International espionage? Let me guess – you have definitive proof that the governor is an extra-terrestrial? I knew it!"

"Special Agent Piquel was sent to investigate a case of a very sensitive nature," Grating said, easing down into his chair. Bonkers watched him carefully and tsked.

"An epidemic of hemorrhoids, I see. No doubt of extra-terrestrial origin, thanks to our Governor. Don't worry, Captain Grating, they sell this cream down at the pharmacy – "

"Not like that!" Grating burst. He crossed his arms across his chest with a hint of a pout. "And I know they sell that cream, but dammit, it just doesn't work on my sensitive skin – "

Lucky cleared his throat loudly, sensing the conversation steering in a direction that was perhaps too much information. "Sit down, Bonkers. I guess this concerns you too, in a way."

Bonkers sat obediently, beaming up admiringly at his old partner. Lucky cleared his throat again and clasped his hands behind his back, hoping he imparted some of that 'important-FBI-agent' aura he'd tried so hard to cultivate over the years.

"I'll cut right to the chase. About two weeks ago, Toontown's registrar found some discrepancies in the city's accounting. When she investigated further, she found that Toontown is essentially broke – its coffers are more or less empty, and have been for months. Apparently Toontown has been paying its workers on loans from the banks – loans which were never repaid. It's fraud on a massive scale."

"Oh, it's all true! I filed as head of household when Toots is clearly the more responsible one!" Bonkers exploded, wringing his hands. "He even picks up my dry cleaning!"

"Bonkers, this has nothing to do with your tax returns!" Lucky shouted, suddenly remembering why he'd taken a job thousands of miles away from Bonkers. "The tax money is coming in, and the bank loans are coming in, but the money – no one knows where the money is! Made all the more complicated for the fact that the only one in Toontown to really know exactly what's going on – the mayor – has been missing for the past week. The FBI was brought in to not only investigate the fraud but also to find a missing person – Mayor Gimblebee himself."

Bonkers immediately began shaking Lucky's hand so hard he felt it might come off. "Good luck to you Lucky! Of course you'll find him – luck is in your name!"

"Well, that's not all Bonkers. Here, sit down. Look…I need a partner on this case – a temporary partner – one who knows Toontown inside and out. So, I was thinking…eh…"

"Yessss?" Bonkers asked, leaning expectantly forward in his seat.

Lucky sighed. "Bonkers, I can't believe I'd ever say it, but…you're the only one who can help me." He looked thoughtful. "Literally the only one. Like no one else wanted to touch this case with a ten foot pole, I even asked the parking attendant – "

"It'll be just like the old days!" Bonkers cried, once again latching onto Lucky's head. "Oh sure, partner, anything for you! This is just what I need, a big case!"

"I don't see why the FBI is wasting its resources on this," Grating grumped. "I bet you my next paycheck he's already gallivanted off across the globe somewhere with Toontown's money. Why Toontown ever thought a toon mayor would be a good idea is beyond me. All you really need to do is alert border patrols in nearby countries to keep a sharp lookout for the guy, and you'll have him – and the money – back in a few days."

"Sure," Lucky said slowly, rolling his eyes. "Except we've done that for a week, with no leads at all." His expression turned darker as his brow furrowed. "No, I think this guy is still in the country – maybe even still in Toontown – and he's hiding out, waiting for something…but waiting for what, I don't know. That's what worries me." He began to pace. "It isn't an inconsequential amount of money, Grating. Throwing that sort of money around on luxuries would get him noticed pretty quick." He turned to Bonkers. "That's why I need a toon on this with me, Bonkers. I need a toon who knows everyone, who knows what's going on in Toontown, who can predict what a toon might do next."

"I know exactly what a toon would do next," Bonkers said somberly, rising to his feet.

"What's that?" Lucky asked hopefully.

Bonkers took a deep breath, somewhat dramatically. "A toon…would get some lunch."

...

...

"I have to say, my confidence in your detecting skills hasn't improved much over the last half hour," Lucky declared, swirling his straw around in his drink as he and Bonkers said in a sticky booth at a local hot dog restaurant in Toontown, surrounded by other toons scarfing down Big Louie's famous hot dogs like they were the last meat by-products on earth. "Why would Gimblebee come here?"

"Who said anything about Gimblebee coming here? I just like Big Louie's, and I was hungry," Bonkers explained. "Fall Apart Rabbit works here, and he always gives me extra relish on my hot dogs."

"Great," Lucky muttered. "So while we sit here having lunch, Gimblebee's out there somewhere evading capture!"

"You really shouldn't get so down on toons, Lucky," Bonkers said sagely as he took a big gulp of the milkshake in front of him, smearing some on his upper lip. "If I hadn't decided not be a writer twenty minutes ago, I might have an eloquent argument in defense of toons to give you."

Lucky grimaced sourly. "Any advice on how not to think of toons as a bunch of lunatics running amok would be helpful."

"Hey, you're right!" Bonkers' face brightened. "Advice! Isn't that what everyone needs? That's it! I'll be an advice columnist! An agony aunt! A lone voice of reason in a swampish morass of heated emotion!"

Lucky leaned back into his seat with a tense look; Bonkers was a lot of things, but a lone voice of reason had never been one of them. Meanwhile, Bonkers had already inserted himself into the conversation going in at the table next to them, where a female toon sat weeping while an irritated-looking male toon handed her napkins to dry her face.

"Excuse me, but I'm an aspiring advice columnist, and I couldn't help but notice your lady friend looking a little worse for the wear," Bonkers whispered to the male toon. "It just so happens I happen to be an expert in matters of love." He pursed his lips, deep in thought for a moment. "I think I'll adopt the pen name 'Love Guru' for my advice column. What do you think? Too pretentious?"

"Can't you see we're trying to have a private conversation here?" the toon hissed at him. "You can't just butt in – "

"But the tears of a forlorn lover are like a magnet to the Love Guru!" Bonkers protested, turning his attention to the female toon. "What's the matter? Did he break yer heart? Make you cry? Things just ain't the same since he said goodbye?"

The male toon stood up in the booth and hauled Bonkers up to his eye level, with an expression that could melt steel if he'd deemed in necessary. "I said it's none of your business!" he roared.

Bonkers tsked, unperturbed by the fact that his feet were no longer touching the ground, and shook his head disapprovingly. "It seems to me that your conflict resolution skills are in need of some fine tuning, my friend."

While that may very well have been the case, five seconds later saw Bonkers with a rather nasty bruise forming around his eye and the realization that a job as an advice columnist might very well not be for him. "Can't blame a guy for trying," he mumbled, clutching his head as the toons behind him made a swift exit.

Lucky chuckled. "An expert in matters of love, eh?"

"Oh yeah," Bonkers said debonairly, settling back into the seat and throwing his arm across the back. "It isn't all hand-holding and anvils on the head, Lucky ol' boy. If you catch my drift."

Lucky chuckled again a little uneasily, trying to read the look on Bonkers' face. He ran a hand nervously through his hair. "Oh. Uh. I always thought – I didn't think toons did stuff like that, you know?"

"Oh all the time!" Bonkers cried enthusiastically. "You remember Fawn Deer, dontcha?"

"Yeah, but – but really, I don't need to know – "

"Well!" Bonkers leaned in with a conspiratorial air, whispering as though he was imparting some sacred secret, "I kissed her." He leaned back again, self-satisfied. "Twice."

Lucky exhaled in relief and threw him an annoyed look. "Tell me about this Gimblebee guy, and for cripes sake, focus."

"Focus! Right!" Bonkers rubbed his chin for a moment, face scrunched in concentration, and then scratched his head with a shrug. "I got nothin'."

Lucky looked incredulous. "Whaddya mean, 'you got nothin''? He's the mayor in the city you live in, right? You must know something about the guy!"

"I voted for Mickey," Bonkers said pointedly, taking a dainty sip of his milkshake.

Lucky gritted his teeth. "Have there been any scandals – scandals that were weird enough for even Toontown to take notice?"

"Now that you mention it…" Bonkers paused, then shrugged again. "Nope. Nothing."

"Well, glad to know Toontown takes such an interest in civics," Lucky muttered. "Great. So we've got no leads, nothing to go on!"

"Tut tut, partner dear. Nil desperandum. Policework can't run on an empty stomach and leads always come from the unlikeliest of places." Bonkers' grinned just as Fall Apart Rabbit placed two enormous hot dogs, slathered in relish, in front of him and immediately began to drool. "Looks great, Fall Apart!"

"Lucky!" Fall Apart cried happily upon catching sight of an irritated Lucky Piquel. "Have you come to prove the governor is an alien?"

Lucky scoffed. "What is it with you guys? You think the FBI has nothing better to do than chase down aliens?"

"Granted, it is a pretty important part of what you guys do – "

"Bonkers, we don't – "

"But Fall Apart, something's up in Toontown," Bonkers whispered to his old friend, who immediately looked awe-struck. "Something that may have something to do with al – "

"Leave aliens out of it!"

"Fine. That may or may not have anything to do with aliens. Mayor Gimblebee is missing. You haven't heard anything, have you?"

"So now we're chasing down leads by asking a guy who works in a hot dog joint?" Lucky shouted, nearly apoplectic. "Why the hell would he know anything – "

"Welllll," Fall Apart interrupted, "A few months ago I did see Gimblebee auditioning at Sugarfoot Studios."

Bonkers frowned. "Why would the mayor be auditioning for cartoons?"

"Exactly. If that happened, everyone would know about it. Come on, Bonkers, we're wasting our time – " Lucky said, rising from his seat to leave.

"Hold your horses, Mr. Impatient Patty," Bonkers broke in. He turned back to Fall Apart. "You saw it, with your own eyes?"

"I think they were my own…but I misplace them so often," Fall Apart said as his eyeballs popped out, which he immediately put back in. "Occupational hazards being what they are, I mean. I was working as a prop assistant at Sugarfoot Studios at the time, until I accidentally left the tiger cages open one night and they mauled the 3rd assistant director – "

"Ho boy, I know allllll about that," Bonkers chimed in sympathetically.

"My God! Was he all right?" Lucky interjected.

Fall Apart shrugged. "Who can say whether it was a tiger or a 3 week old kitten? Anyway, I was on the soundstage late one night a few months ago, when I hear someone doing a monologue in a loud voice. Did you guys know soylent green is people? This guy seemed pretty sure of it. I peeked around the set and saw Gimblebee on stage with none other than Sugarfoot and Ott, that assistant of his, standing there listening. Afterwards they got in a big argument – "

"About what?" Lucky interrupted feverishly.

"I dunno. Something about it was a deal, and you can't go back on a deal, and I'll break you for this, and where are we having dinner because I hate sushi, and – "

"Wait, wait. Sugarfoot was arguing with Gimblebee?"

"Well, until he got to the part about the sushi, that was with Ott, which is odd, because they're both cats – "

"Fall Apart, focus!"

"Right! Gimblebee kept saying that it was a deal, and Sugarfoot was real mad, and if you've ever seen Sugarfoot mad, well it's – " Fall Apart shivered. "It's bad, whatever it is. Gimblebee left pretty quick, and I ain't heard nothin' since then." His eyes widened. "You're not going to take me in, are you? Lucky, I swear I ain't an alien informant – "

"Fall Apart, you just gave us our first lead!" Bonkers crowed happily, patting him on the shoulder. "And it's all thanks to you and your inability to hold steady employment!"

"Gee, never thought I'd be recognized for such a thing," Fall Apart said dreamily as he curled his Big Louie's hat in his hand bashfully. "Think I should make a speech?"

"Later, old buddy," Bonkers said as he threw a few dollars down on the table and began to follow Lucky, who had already raced to the car outside and was waiting. "If you think of anything else, call Toots, because I can never remember to check my voicemail. Just last week I was called to judge the annual Beauty Pageant for Forgetful Toons, and I forgot to – "

"Bonkers, are you coming?" Lucky bellowed out the window of the car. Bonkers threw Fall Apart a last sheepish grin and slipped into the car through the window, clapping his hands excitedly. "Oh boy, out with Lucky on a case! It really is like old times!"

Lucky sighed and put the car back in park, giving Bonkers a hesitant expression. "Yeah, look, about that – Bonkers, this is important. More important than most of the cases you and I ever worked on. So we've got to cut out the wacky toon stuff, all right?"

Bonkers looked confused. "But I am a wacky toon."

"Yeah, I know." Lucky ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I have to admit something to you. I – I didn't want this case. I didn't want to come back to Toontown. But since I was the only one in the department with any experience working with toons in Toontown, it was assigned to me. Did you ever stop to think about why it was handed over to the FBI?"

"Because the FBI is a federal bureau created specifically to investigate and prosecute fraud?"

"No, it's – "

"Because the FBI is often called in when an elected official is suspected of perpetuating fraud and related crimes, because the local police department is seen as being too close to the case in question, and thus a federal bureau acts as an impartial party?"

"Well, yeah, but – "

"Is it because you missed me?" Bonkers said, batting his eyes.

Lucky snorted. "No, listen. It's because the Toon Division doesn't have a very good track record. You guys are mostly seen as incompetent ninnies incapable of solving even the most benign cases. The LAPD called us in because – because they don't think you guys were good enough to get the job done."

Bonkers seemed to deflate somehow. "Well! The FBI will certainly get a strongly-worded comment through their website from me." He shook his head. "Aw Lucky, it isn't because of the toon officers. Honest it isn't. The best officers in the Toon Division are toons, but the big guys never give us a chance! Guys in charge – guys like Barney – don't think we're worth our weight in ink and don't want us doing anything on a case!"

Lucky sighed again, touching his hand to his chin. "Well, be that as it may, I'm here now whether I like it or not, and so are you." He grinned. "Let's show guys like Barney what we're capable of, eh?"

Bonkers' face lit up instantly and he grinned back. "Righto, partner! Next stop, Sugarfoot Studios!"