The Stars
When we were children Eren's mother would tell us stories about the stars. She was a wonderful storyteller and would often tell us the story of how the stars came to be because it was my favorite. She said that the stars were actually great and brave warriors who died in battle and the gods would take mercy on them for fighting so valiantly and would hang them in the sky to shine and be adored by all. Eren's father would always scoff at that and tell us the stars were some scientific phenomena that I didn't care to remember because I loved the stories of the brave warriors instead.
After we finished our food and the fire died down, the four of us went and lay on our backs to gaze at the stars. These stars seem different though. They're incredibly big and brighter than normal. I must not have been the only one to notice it because moments later Eren remarks, "These stars look different."
"It's because they aren't real," Connie explains. "Everything in this arena is built by the Capitol, even the sky. How else would you explain why we can see the pictures in the sky at night? It's like, one big screen." We all look at him astonished and he just shrugs. "I told you guys that I am a genius after all."
As if to prove his point, the stars start to dim and the Capitols anthem starts to play. Christa's picture shines in the sky. Next the girl from Four appears in the sky and then the anthem is done and it becomes dark once again, not even the stars come back out.
"Dammit," Eren cries. "Even once I'm outside of the Walls I still don't know what the outside world is really like."
And Eren's words stick with me for the rest of the night and I clench the red scarf around my neck and bury my face in it.
The next morning comes and Eren and I leave Sasha and Connie. To be honest I am a little sad to be leaving them. They were good company and I was almost able to forget that we were in the Games. We don't get very far though when we hear Sasha scream.
Eren halts and looks back from where we came. Sasha screams again and Eren runs back towards the valley. I follow him. We get back to their camp but quickly hide behind some boulders because it's Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt. Reiner has a strong arm wrapped around Connie's neck almost cutting off his air supply. Sasha is on her knees, clutching her bleeding head and sobbing. Reiner's right shoulder is tightly bandaged from where Christa's knife had stabbed him but the wound doesn't seem to bother him at all.
"Where are they?" Annie demands. "I know they were here with you so tell me where they went."
For a terrified moment I think that they will tell them but neither Sasha nor Connie says anything. Annie sighs and nods at Bertholdt. He goes to stand behind Sasha and hauls her to her feet by grabbing her ponytail. Tears start streaming harder out of Sasha's eyes. "I don't know! I don't know!" she cries hysterically.
"We have to help them!" Eren whispers.
But I firmly grasp his arm. "Eren, we can't. It's us they want and they'll kill us the moment they see us."
Annie pulls out a knife and walks towards Connie. "If you don't tell me, I'll gut him right here."
"Please no! I don't know!" Sasha screams.
Annie slashes at Connie and blood starts soaking the front of his shirt. But it's not a deep wound and Connie only grunts. "The next one will be a little deeper. And if you don't answer me again I'll go a little deeper. And I'll keep doing that until you answer me. It will be a slow and agonizing death for him," Annie promises.
Still, Sasha only cries so Annie is about to make another cut. "All right! All right! I'll tell you! But you have to promise not to kill Connie!" Sasha pleads.
Annie lowers the knife. "I promise I won't kill him. Which way did they go?"
"They… went… that way," she says between sniffling. And she points in the opposite direction that we went and I let out a relieved breath.
Bertholdt let's go of her hair and goes to stand by Annie. She then nods at Reiner and with an impressive display of strength and a quick flex of his biceps he snaps Connie's neck and he crumples to ground and a cannon blast goes off. Sasha shrieks and sinks down to her knees.
"You promised!" she screams.
"I said I wouldn't kill him. I said nothing about Reiner killing him. Your information has been most helpful and we'll let you live, for now." Annie regards her coldly and the three of them turn to go in the false direction. And leave Sasha to cry alone.
We are about to go to her but she gets up with a fierce determination and runs off into the forest. Life is full of surprises but I believe the biggest surprise you find is in death. When you witness someone close to you die is the deciding moment of what kind of person you are. You either give up or you overcome. And I believe that Sasha has overcome.
I remember when Eren's mother died. Eren got into a fight with his mother and ran out of the house and naturally, I followed. That was when the raiders showed up. No one knows where they came from but they came into our village and started burning everything in their path and stealing everything else. We ran as fast as we could to see if our house was okay but we rounded the corner and saw it ablaze. Eren's mother had tried to escape but a beam had collapsed and fallen on top of her legs, trapping her. We both rushed into the burning house and did everything we could to try and help her but the fire was growing and the raiders were coming closer. Our friend Hannes showed up and tried to help but it was useless, there was no moving the beam. Eren's mother begged Hannes to take us and run before the house collapsed on everyone and to leave her. With a heavy heart, Hannes obeyed, and carried us away.
Eren screamed and cried and beat on Hannes back as hard as he could but Hannes didn't stop. And we both watched as the whole house finally collapsed, killing Eren's mother. Finally Eren hit Hannes on the head so hard that Hannes threw him down. "We could have saved her! Why didn't you let me save her?" Eren wailed.
"Eren," Hannes cried. "You couldn't save your mother because you were too weak. And I was too much of a coward." It was in that moment that decided if Eren would give up or overcome. And he overcame and promised to become stronger.
Eren now takes my hand and I look up to meet his sad eyes. I know he's thinking the same thing I am. And I know he is angry that he still doesn't feel strong enough to save the people he cares about. But I know someday he will be, because he has already saved me in all the ways a person can be saved.
"Come on," he says and leads me back up the valley and away from my memories.
That night Eren and I set up camp on the ground. We decide that it's safe to make a fire since our biggest threats went searching the wrong way for us. Eren says he'll collect branches for the fire and try to get it started and I should go hunt for something to eat. He makes a joke about how much better at everything I am than him and I could probably get food, collect branches, start a fire and cook the food faster than he can even get a flame going and I laugh. Because no matter how terrible our situation is, Eren can always make me smile. And I love him for that.
I really wish I had Sasha's bow but Reiner had grabbed it. I'm able to get close enough to a rabbit without startling it and with my fast reflexes I grab it and break its neck. I decide that this should be good enough for now and head back towards our camp.
I remember it was like this for us after Eren's mother was killed. We had nowhere to go, nowhere to live. Both Hannes and Armin had offered us to live with them but Eren was in such a raging fit, he lashed out at everyone besides me and refused.
For a while we lived in the remains of our burnt down house. Our chimney still stood so I was able to cook us meals, whether it was some watery stew or a pigeon that I was able to catch on the street. It got really difficult when winter came. We almost froze to death and Hannes would always come and bring us blankets and food when he could but Eren was still distraught with anger and refused his offer to stay at his place. We survived that first winter and finally Eren's rage had calmed and he allowed Hannes to rebuild our house. It got easier then, we both got small jobs and we were able to buy our food and when winter came again we had an actual house to stay in.
I'm about forty yards away from our camp and I can see Eren standing by a pile of branches that he's gathered. I call out to him and he looks up and smiles at me. I will always remember that smile because it is the last smile of his that I will ever see. Because neither of us notices Ymir crawling out of the darkness until it's too late and she grabs Eren's new knife from his belt and stabs him in the back.
The cannon blast is drown out by my horrified screams. I didn't even realize I was screaming until my throat feels raw and like it's splitting open. I can't move and I drop to my knees because Eren is gone. My whole purpose in life is gone forever and there's nothing I can do to bring him back. I see Ymir yank Eren's knife out of his back and he crumples to the ground in a disturbing heap. She then starts to walk over to me but I don't even resist because I'm already dead. My only reason for surviving is gone so I might as well let Ymir kill me now because I don't want to be here any longer. I'm sorry, Armin, I think, it looks like neither of us is coming back to you.
Ymir's probably twenty yards away from me now and I wait. But suddenly a figure charges out of the woods and plows right into Ymir. He has a sword and is fighting Ymir off but Ymir is a strong fighter and she can almost easily overpower him.
"Run, Mikasa!" the boy yells and I realize that it's Jean and he keeps screaming at me to run and I'm slightly woken from my trance because his voice is starting to sound strangely like my mother's when she tried to fight off the murderers who broke into our house and told me to run. I didn't run then and she ended up getting killed trying to save me. But it was for nothing because I got captured by them. It was Eren who finally saved me.
Jean is still yelling at me to run but I didn't run then and I'm not going to run now. There is no point. "FIGHT!" Jean suddenly screams and keeps screaming and I snap out of my daze because his voice starts to sound like Eren's. And now it's Eren yelling at me to fight back when he saved me and when he told me to live.
Ymir hits Jean on the head with the handle of the blade and he falls, unconscious. She starts towards me again but I've already grasped my swords and I'm slowing standing. I'm so sorry; I think to Eren, I won't give up anymore! I'll never give up again! If I die I won't even be able to remember you. So I'll win, no matter what. I'll live, no matter what!
Ymir is right on top of me now and swings the knife down at me like it's an ax. But I cross my blades in front of me and metal connects with metal. I twist and shove the knife away and Ymir loses her balance. It's almost a repeat of our fight at the cornucopia but this time I will not make the same mistake I did before. This time I will show no mercy. I uncross my swords and bring them together so they are perfectly parallel with each other, I'm able to see Ymir's terrified eyes and with a quick spin, my swords go right through her neck and I hear the small thump of her head falling to the ground and then the louder thump of her body following.
I stare at her body separated from her head expressionless and it takes a moment until the cannon blast goes off and I bend down to take back Eren's dagger and I place it inside of my boot. I step over Ymir's dead body and walk to where Jean lies unconscious. I know I can't stay here. Not where there's so much blood. But I can't leave Jean here defenseless. So I sling him over my back to find a safer place to camp for the night.
I'm about to walk away but I look over and see Eren's lifeless body. They haven't taken it yet and I gently place Jean back down so I can go kneel next to my friend. I move him so that he's lying on his back. I try to tell myself that he's just sleeping and my hands hover just above his face and for just a second I'm hoping his eyes will flutter open but I know they won't. So I go ahead and let my fingers gently trace his beautiful features. I've always known Eren to be handsome, and I allow my thumbs to trace along his strong jaw bone and full lips and my fingers along his straight nose and eyebrows. I only wish I could see his beautiful teal-green eyes one more time, but I dare not open them. I push his messy, dark hair off of his forehead and I lean down to kiss it.
"Goodbye, Eren." I go grab Jean again and without a second glance back, I walk away from Eren's body for the last time. I'm too numb to feel anything right now. I don't even feel like crying. This must be what shock feels like. I realize I have to be in shock but I'm still able to move and my head is clear. I only know that I have to get out of here. I have to get away from all this blood. There is just so much blood and I need to go somewhere safer. I need to. I need to go. But why can't I cry?
It's gotten darker and I'm finally too exhausted to keep walking so I place Jean down and I lean against a tree trunk. The Capitol's anthem starts to play and I look up because I have lost track on who's all died today. Ymir's face is the first to appear, followed by Connie's, and finally Eren's face. I look up at the sky and touch my scarf and realize that Eren is now a warrior in the sky and among the rest of the stars; just like in the stories we were told.